Dirty, messy, unfocused "Mad Max" rip-off are the first words that occurred to me while watching "Neon City." I still gave it a shot, even when we learn that some woman in a desolate, wintry landscape sells dog meat (yuck!) in some wooden shack. When you have a cast that includes the lovely Vanity, the tough-as-rusty-nails Michael Ironside and the late NFL defense lineman for the Cleveland Browns, Lyle Alzado, I wanted to be on board. After a practically worthless opening, the movie picks up a little speed and I sorta, kinda enjoyed it.
It is the year 2053 and the world's climate has deteriorated due to the ozone layer thinning out completely. A scientist had screwed up with some scientific experiment and so a mutated group known as the Skins have become marauders who have seen "The Road Warrior" one too many times. A rough, no-holds-barred bounty hunter named Stark (convincingly played by Michael Ironside with a ponytail) has a prisoner with a red star tattoo in tow named Reno (Vanity) who torched her parents. He will turn her in and get his "credits" but unfortunately, he has take her to the safe haven of Neon City! This means getting on board a mobile transport with a motley crew of characters. They include a murderous doctor; a comedian who performs magic tricks; the aforementioned scientist who is trying to keep a low profile; Stark's ex who is getting married in Neon City and a socialite of sorts (Juliet Landau) who has presumably never been outside Neon City...except she has since she is in this vast wasteland. A few stops along the way to a bar/restaurant, a clinic littered with corpses, and deadly climate obstructions (Xander Clouds and Brights) eventually lead to that city!
"Neon City" has a grungy, low-tech, micro-budget feel that is completely appropriate to this oft-old tale but it is nothing special or particularly memorable. You'll come away wishing there was more intimacy between Vanity and Michael Ironside (a most unlikely pair who have sex in a series of Hallmark dissolves) and some measure of camaraderie between all the other characters. It has been described as a futuristic variation on "Stagecoach" and, though it is not close to the same cinematic level, you will not feel like you wasted your time.
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