The poster child for needless remakes

THE STEPFATHER (2009)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Hollywood is so remake-happy nowadays that they'll even remake slasher/horror movies that were box-office failures. 1987's "The Stepfather" was a hell of a Hitchcockian suspense thriller yet, outside of L.A. and New York, it didn't perform well and only received an audience when it debuted on cable. Lead actor Terry O'Quinn (who is now known for TV's "Lost") was so terrifyingly maniacal in it, complete with a "Leave it to Beaver" complex about family life, that his stepfather remains one of the best psychopaths ever seen on the silver screen. O'Quinn returned for the first sequel (which wasn't bad) and the series ended with an abominable TV-movie sequel which did not feature O'Quinn. Twenty-years-later we get a remake that is neither as good nor as bad as other slasher flicks, but just as silly, undernourished and flavorless.

Murderous stepdaddy is now played by Dylan Walsh, who calmly walks out of his home after killing his entire family. He moves to a new town, becomes David Harris, has a meet-cute to end all meet-cutes in a supermarket where he runs into Susan Harding (played by Sela Ward), falls for her, moves in with her, and gets a job through Susan's sister (played winningly and smartly by Paige Turco). Of course, David has no social security card, no work history under the assumed name, and naturally Susan's sister gets suspicious. Then David's neighbor gets suspicious after seeing someone bearing the same facial features on America's Most Wanted (thank you John Walsh - no relation to Dylan). Of course, David stupidly checks online for his notoriety on America's Most Wanted website (O'Quinn's stepdaddy would never have done that). Plus, there is the new stepson who just go back from military school and whom David tries to get along with (stepdad has a problem with his boy's skimpily-dressed girlfriend). Yeah, David wants family so badly, he'll kill them and move on if they disappoint him (or if they find out who he really is). I want to say bring back the delightful Jill Schoelen, who played O'Quinn's stepdaughter in the original, but I hate to be too obvious. She could've played Sela Ward's part since Sela is wasted in the role.

Red herring after red herring, "The Stepfather" has too many characters and too many set-ups without any real payoffs. This is essentially an overstuffed, undercooked bore of a movie. The PG-13 rating may have a lot to do with it since the ads suggest a "Disturbia" comparison. Comparing one mediocre movie to another doesn't help. The performances are adequate and yet too facile, too unpenetrating. Nothing in this movie seems to evolve like the thriller counterpart of the 1987 original. It is more like an over-the-top TV-movie about a stepdad who happens to be evil, but with little visual investment in the overall feel of the community with its tree-lined avenues, picket fences and so on - we never get a full picture of suburbia the way the original cinematic shocker managed.

Competently made with the usual array of false scares and a sillier ending to boot than in most thrillers of this type, "The Stepfather" might bring the occasional shock to the system but it is far too nondescript to succeed wholly. Only Paige Turco brings an element of surprise and a small measure of depth (she is a lesbian hooked on Sherry Stringfield, the latter of whom you might know from TV's "E.R."). This Turco character would have enraged O'Quinn's character two decades ago. In the 21st century, the stepdad just wants her to stay out of his forged work history. That's progress, I suppose.

God of Thunder likes beer

THOR (2011)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Back in 1996, Kenneth Branagh made the exasperating, overlong, stupendously amazing and richly layered and highly melodramatic "Hamlet." Branagh took the source material, adapted it to the 19th century, and took almost every word for word from the original text and made it breathe in a stunning 70mm format. Laurence Olivier would've been proud. So what is my point? My point is that I was not the least bit surprised that Branagh took on the comic-book "Thor." He has created an exasperating, stupendously amazing and richly detailed film that is not the least bit overlong or too melodramatic. Branagh occasionally thinks big and, when he does, he creates dazzling entertainment. And the Shakespearean allusion to the comic-book is there in full-force.

"Thor" is the God of Thunder, majestically played by Chris Hemsworth, a brash, arrogant, prideful warrior who longs to be King of Asgard. Thor's father, Odin (Anthony Hopkins), sees how brash Thor is and before Thor is inducted in a ceremony, the Frost Giants crash the party. The Frost Giants are eight or nine-foot creatures who have the ability to turn anyone into ice. They are after the sacred Casket of Ancient Winters - it is their lifeforce that was taken from them by Odin during a past war. When Thor learns that Asgard's security has been breached, he takes his motley crew of warriors (The Warriors Three) to Jotenheim, the ice planet where the Frost Giants reside. A big battle ensues, with Thor wielding his powerful hammer with great velocity. Odin, who wished to settle peacefully with the Frosties, feels that Thor has betrayed him and banishes him to the planet Earth, in addition to sending the hammer there as well, firmly placed on a rock like Excalibur. When Thor learns humility and a sense of worth, he just might get his powerful weapon back.

When the film is earthbound, we learn that an astrophysicist, Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), is awestruck in the New Mexico desert by wormholes in the nightly sky. Little does she know that the wormholes bring Thor to Earth. Jane is smitten by Thor and can't comprehend his Norse-like method of dispatching doctors and policemen by flinging them with Hulk-like precision. Thor is a mortal on Earth and tries to get Jane, her mentor Dr. Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgård), and Jane's i-Pad-prone and bored tech-savvy assistant, Darcy (Kat Dennings), to release his precious hammer so he can get back to Asgard. Only problem is that Thor's deceitful brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston, who looks like Iago, Othello's betrayer), craves Odin's throne and has some evil deeds up his sleeve. If the familial problems of the gods of other planets isn't in some way related to Shakespeare (and Branagh freely admits it is intended to), then I do not know what is.

"Thor" could have been a CGI fest of explosions and a lot of grunts and bells and whistles, sort of like the tepid "Conan the Barbarian" remake. Thanks to director Branagh and the ideally cast Chris Hemsworth, I breathed a sigh of relief when I did not see a single explosion within the first five minutes. Okay, that was a little sarcastic. I actually said, thank you Mr. Hemsworth who makes Thor a jolly, passionate, arrogant, funny God of Thunder. He does not look ridiculous in his armor or when he wields the hammer (unlike that especially campy version of Thor from "The Incredible Hulk Returns" TV movie). This is not a Thor that lands with a thud - he lands with humor, panache and a larger-than-life charisma. And when he is banished by his father, I can't say I wasn't more than a little moved by Hemsworth's nuanced, humanistic Thor.

The movie also has a great pair of villains, including Loki who will figure in the plot of the upcoming "The Avengers" movie; a tremendously exciting sequence with the Destroyer, which is a metal giant that can demolish a New Mexico town with his heat-emitting visor; superb special-effects of the planets of Asgard and Joteheim and those flashy rainbow bridges and a rotating sphere known as the Bifrost that offers passage between planets (the Bifrost is such a believable piece of machinery that I was ready to duck when it rotated at great speeds); Anthony Hopkins' opening narration of the times of war that will remind some of his similar tone of voice-over in Coppola's "Dracula"; and Stellan Skarsgård who is a hoot and a half as the doctor, who loved reading stories about Thor as a child but can't bring himself to believe he is sharing a beer with the God of Thunder.

If I have a gripe, it is Natalie Portman. She is an empty vessel of love in this movie, and it shows how times have changed when she delivered far more depth in her career-making roles in "The Professional" and "Beautiful Girls" than here. I suppose if the role had been played by current "2 Broke Girls" sitcom star, Kat Dennings, this movie might have been perfect popcorn fare. Added to that is the fleeting appearance by Rene Russo as Thor's mother - an easy paycheck and a bit of a waste of an actress who has not been used well in a long time.

Still, one slight miss in an otherwise brightly shaped and colored comic-book fantasy like "Thor" is like saying there is a floating pin in the universe headed for Asgard. Yeah, not that big a deal.

Rallying for Reilly

THE LIFE OF REILLY (2006)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

The foppish, bespectacled Charles Nelson Reilly is mostly known for being an active game show panelist on 1970's "Match Game." But, lo and behold, his game shown stint is minuscule when compared to his creative output as an actor in on/off-Broadway plays and small roles in everything from "The Love Boat" to "The X-Files." "The Life of Reilly" is a bold attempt, creatively and visually, to understand the man whose life couldn't possibly be adapted by Eugene O'Neill.

The filmed one-man show, "Save it for the Stage," has Charles Nelson Reilly waxing on about his upbringing in the Bronx in New York. His mother wouldn't hear of any complaints of any kind - she would tell her son, "Save it for the stage!" Charles had problems with his eyesight in school, was teased relentlessly by bullies, yet he had a passion for acting on the stage. Problems still emerged in the Reilly household. Charles's father did watercolor ads and was offered a job by Walt Disney to come to California. Charles's mother insisted on staying in the East Coast, and Papa Charles became depressed and was eventually institutionalized. But it is the young and eager Charles, who despite having to move with his mother to Connecticut to stay with Swedish relatives ("Imagine being the odd one in an Ingmar Bergman household"), got the urge to go to NYC and study acting with Uta Hagen at HB Studio. He made it, studied with other future actor luminaries such as Hal Holbrook, Harvey Korman, Jason Robards and Steve McQueen to name a few, and got the enviable position of being an understudy for Paul Lynde and Dick Van Dyke. If my younger readers don't know they are, now is the time to look them up.

Interestingly, no mention is made of the "Match Game" years (originally, Charles's play ran for three hours). Charles Nelson Reilly is more interested in divulging the hard times, especially his childhood years. One riveting moment out of many is when a 13-year-old Charles decides to sneak away to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus in town, is caught leaving by his mother who wishes for the circus to burn to the ground and, in a moment that will make your jaw-drop, he tells the story of how the circus tent did in fact burn to the ground. A child runs away with her face burnt. It is a momentous tragedy (168 people were killed), gravely told by Reilly as the observer and survivor. In less grave episodes of his life, Reilly also details the Florida years where he was given a beach house to live in by his friend of 50 years, Burt Reynolds, so that he could teach acting. He also humorously points out that actors like Hume Cronyn and Shirley Booth personified his parents. And his first movie screening were he is taken by his mother is a moment that can stop time. Reilly has that special gift in hooking his audience in.

"The Life of Reilly" is from a filmed performance in late 2004 when Reilly apparently fell ill from lifelong asthma (he passed away in 2007). This film by Frank Anderson and Barry Poltermann is rich with detail and sharp wit, thanks to Reilly who is a skilled raconteur and brilliant actor. The stage itself has a podium, a desk with mementos and ruffled papers, and a few movie theater seats. It all makes for a very intimate show with a very intimate man who tells his stories as if you are his friend. Many will probably not notice the resemblance to the "Match Show" panelist (Reilly was in fact bald most of his life) as he wrings laughs, humanity and tears in equal doses. He shakes us with his affecting look at his life, his love and passion for acting, his camaraderie with his fellow actors, and the tumultuous life of his parents and his unfortunate aunt (let us say that her lifelong body pain was resolved in a most unnatural manner). Anyone who loves acting and theater should not pass up on this most miraculous, bittersweet, delectable stage.

Vampire Baby Boom

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 1

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Although this new "Twilight" chapter falls short behind "Eclipse" (the best entry in the series by far),  "Breaking Dawn: Part 1" is stunning and simply heartbreakingly intense but it is also beset by a problem that plagues any film divided into two chapters - the second chapter might have all the goodies that this chapter only hints at.

The lovestruck couple, Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), are finally getting hitched. They also have their honeymoon in Rio de Janeiro in a private island that would be home to Robinson Crusoe. Apparently, this island has a cleaning staff that caters to what seems to be the only house in the island! Edward and Bella have their one rapturous night of ecstasy that involves a broken bed frame and a tossing of sheets and bed pillows all over the room. The cleaning staff will have a field day with this couple - one night and already the beautifully decorated home with windows facing the sea is already in shambles. This honeymoon looks like it was ripped from the Harlequin romance novels. I was almost ready to give up with this series, thinking that "Twilight" should not have romance and sex swathed with sepia-tones and slightly unintentional hilarity. After all, it could become campy when you consider this is a romance between a 103-year-old vampire and a 17-year-old girl.

Things improve quickly when Bella discovers she is pregnant! This baby is kicking her bony ass rather quickly since vampire babies are not regular babies. Bella becomes a ghostly figure of her past self, experiencing pain, slightly weak bones, and the possibility of death if she gives birth to the vampire child. Abortion is hinted at and super wolfie kid, Jacob (Taylor Lautner), is mad and jealous as hell. Still, Jacob wants to be at Bella's side and ultimatums between the Cullen family and Jacob's super wolf pack are raised. Will Bella give birth and die? Will Jacob and Edward fight to the death for Bella's love? Should a union occur between a human and a vampire when the human is still only human? Will the Cullens ever consider buying curtains for their glass encased house where every room is visible to wandering eyes?

"Breaking Dawn: Part 1" spends far too much time in Rio and too little time with the interactions between the Cullens and the Jacob wolf pack. That is not to say that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson do not have chemistry - they do - but this whole Brazilian episode swallows up too much running time and is superfluous at best. I mean, we know they love each other (it took three films to prove that) so why not get on with the central notion of the birth of a baby who may not be human.

There are surprises in store for the die hard fans, which I will not reveal here for the uninitiated. Suffice to say, the movie is still quite a trip and we feel the insular pain that Bella is going through. A bloody birth scene is *tastefully* directed. There is also a neat flashback to Edward Cullen's past. Oh, and there are those blood bags. And Kristen Stewart simply gets better and better with each installment - she is the heart and soul of the "Twilight" saga."Breaking Dawn: Part 1" is uneven yet it still delivers in its own hypnotic and absorbing manner, thanks to solid direction by Bill Condon ("Gods and Monsters"). But it is more of a pretext and/or setup to part 2 than a unifying whole.

It's an Elm Street Boy!

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: THE DREAM CHILD (1989)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 

 

Just when Alice, the female protagonist of "Nightmare 4," thought that she had destroyed Freddy Krueger forever (in one of his best screen deaths ever), Mr. Pizza Face comes back with a vengeance. "Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child" is a weak, patched-together effort by director Stephen Hopkins (who was given only four weeks to shoot and four weeks to edit), but it is also the most interesting of the Elm Street efforts.

The powerful protagonist who gave Freddy a good fight in "The Dream Master," Alice (played by Lisa Wilcox), is now graduating from high school. She is dealing with a typical reality in any teenage girl's life: she's pregnant by her boyfriend, Danny (Danny Hassel). Of course, she doesn't realize this until she unsuspectingly resurrects Freddy by dreaming of his mother, Amanda Krueger (Beatrice Boepple), raped by a thousand mental patients (including one played by Robert Englund!) In one heart stopping moment, we see the burned Freddy fetus emerging from his mother's bloody womb, racing like a rat across an abandoned cathedral, becoming fully formed as Freddy proclaiming in typical jokey fashion, "It's a boy!"

The rest of the movie consists of Alice fending off Freddy's invasion of her unborn baby, and there are some brief, hilarious nightmares involving three of Alice's friends, including Yvonne (Kelly Jo Minter), a nurse and fantastic swimmer; Greta (Erika Anderson), a supermodel who has to lose weight thanks to her domineering mother; and Mark (Joe Seely), a talented comic-book artist who despises real-life blood and guts. The best nightmare sequence involves Mark who enters one of his own comic book worlds, where he fights Super Freddy! The mixture of black-and-white and color makes the nightmare sequence inspired and, frankly, a little silly. Some of the nightmare sequences however, were severely truncated. I had seen the uncut VHS version and the Greta death scene where she is forced to eat her own innards by Freddy is as gruesome as it gets. Dan's motorcycle bit where the bike thrusts wires into him is also quite graphic. Consider the fact that the film almost got the X-rating (a defunct rating since 1989) whereas if it was released today, it would be considered sanitized gore compared to any "Saw" installment or a "CSI" episode.

Despite its flaws and its apparent rushed, disorganized rhythm (and a far too abrupt ending), "A Nightmare on Elm Street 5" does concern itself with certain teenage problems such as pregnancy and abortion - unusual for what's essentially a slasher film. Alice deals with the birth of her baby and her beau's parents try to take her baby away ("The courts might see it differently"). I understand the parents to a degree - this teenager is telling her friends that Freddy Krueger wants her baby! Get it together, girl! Nevertheless, the Elm Street saga has always focused on teenagers and their central issues, which become the focus of their nightmares. It is also nice to see a little more of Amanda Krueger, thanks to Beatrice Beopple who gives the character a saintly, peaceful demeanor. The late Nan Martin gave the character a more haunted, aged look in "Nightmare 3."

There is also a lot less of the jocose Freddy in this film, and more of a nicely modulated performance by Lisa Wilcox; she restores whatever dignity the series warrants. Also, it is great fun watching Kelly Jo Minter as Yvonne, a nurse who has her own nightmare in a swimming pool. "A Nightmare on Elm Street 5" is far more Gothic in its look (Freddy is steeped in deeper shadows and deeper eyeliner makeup than ever before) - obviously, the filmmakers aimed to create something darker and more disturbing but it still has some fun and thrilling moments. There are some bizarre, Lynchian special-effects (the tubes emerging from Freddy's birth platform, the canted angles inside staircases that would make Salvador Dali proud, the cavernous interior design of the mental hospital). Not a complete success but I'll give it points for being anything but an anonymous sequel.

Footnote: The film's advertising originally had Freddy holding a sphere with a baby in it. It was changed to him holding a carriage in the sphere.

Wiig Wigs out as only Wiig can

BRIDESMAIDS (2011)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Bridesmaids" has been compared to "The Hangover," and I think it is an erroneously oversimplified comparison. "The Hangover" is a frenetic, male-bonding crude fantasy wrapped with quite a few laughs but no real insights into human behavior (maybe it wasn't meant to have any). "Bridesmaids" is a female-bonding comedy of manners and errors, but it is wrapped with some real insights and lots of laughs. Also, whereas "The Hangover" veered into the Vegas spotlight where everything goes wrong, "Bridesmaids" veers into complicated relationships and it is fraught with deliciously crude comic possibilities.

The incomparable Kristen Wiig is Annie, a woman of lost dreams and inarticulate men whom crave sex. Annie once owned her own bakery shop and continues baking in her home. She works at a jewelry shop where she is crass to customers (her verbal riffs with a teenage girl will have you squirming with laughter). Annie is lost but can she find her way back? She is the maid of honor for her best friend's wedding, Lillian (played by the sassy, sprightly Maya Rudolph). However, tension flares when Lillian's other friend, Helen (Rose Byrne), is spoiled rich and wants to run the whole wedding, including having Lillian get a fitting for her wedding gown in Paris. How can that compare to Annie's gift box that has a Wilson Phillips CD and other knickknacks from their early days of friendship. This leads to a mental breakdown that is hilarious, saddening, provocative and very truthful, with an added touch of slapstick that would make Jerry Lewis or the Queen of Slapstick, Lucille Ball, go "Huh? Why didn't I ever think of that?"

"Bridesmaids" is chock full of laughter from start to finish. Annie's conversations with her mother (played by the late Jill Clayburgh) are priceless. Less priceless are Annie's British roomates who seem to have drifted from a British sitcom or the British version of "Shameless" (well, that is stretching it and their inclusion is a minor quibble). Also priceless is Jon Hamm as Annie's bed buddy who consistently tells her night after night, "Alright, get the hell out of my house." Score one for Hamm's irresistible knack for playing rotten men (Don Draper might be shocked by this guy). And there is the equally irresistible Melissa McCarthy as Megan, who says what she thinks and does what she does unapologetically. There are so many great comic scenes with these women that I have a tough time naming my favorite. I guess it would be the stupendous airplane sequence. It involves a supposed air marshal, Annie having one too many drinks, Megan thrusting her leg and, well, I can't give away any more.

I've always said that modern comedies often shortchange themselves - when they contain a great idea, they don't fully exploit it. "Bridesmaids" takes the initiative and exploits every angle for what it is worth. It is my kind of comedy, teasingly chaotic and gross but aims higher with aspirations that rival most romantic comedies. It is all thanks to Kristen Wiig, who brings Annie a real dose of humanity, compassion, regret, charm and sensitivity. Annie is the saddest woman I've seen in any film in a while, and it is Wiig's nuanced, subtle work that makes it real. You come away rooting for her to get ahead, meet the right man (maybe it will be a certain sensitive policeman) and not fall in that cutesy trap where a certain Wilson Phillips song plays, ah shucks.

No pain, no gain

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM ST. 4: THE DREAM MASTER

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

The Freddy Krueger craze in the late 1980's grew to astronomical proportions, and "Nightmare on Elm Street 4" proved to be no exception in continuing the popularity of that talon-gloved fella. It was, up until 2003's "Freddy vs. Jason," the biggest hit of the series. There were more spectacular deaths, more Freddy one-liners, and there was Sinead O'Connor's hit song "I Want Your (Hands on Me)" (not to mention a subtle use of Blondie's "Rip Her to Shreds"). "Nightmare 4" is also the second best of the series and definitely the most imaginative.

The film starts with the three surviving Elm Street kids brought together into a nightmare thanks to the concerned Kristen (played this time by singer Tuesday Knight, replacing Patricia Arquette from "Nightmare 3"). Comedian Ken Sagoes (reprising his role as Kincaid from Part 3) inadvertently resurrects Freddy in a car lot with the help of his dog Jason and some flaming urine (!) Now Freddy (Robert Englund) kills the remaining Elm Street kids and is after some fresh blood, or else the movie would be over. Enter the Carrie-like Alice (Lisa Wilcox) who has premonitions and walks around in a trance. She's the only one who can destroy Freddy, and since he kills most of her friends, she acquires their strengths and becomes a formidable opponent for the big showdown in an abandoned church.

It is obvious that the series began to have less and less of the dark atmosphere of the Wes Craven original, and more of Freddy's demented criminal acting as a jokester. Still, this one is creatively designed and imaginatively directed by Renny Harlin ("Die Hard 2"). Check out the best scene in the film: Alice walks into a theatre showing "Reefer Madness" and dreams that she floats into the movie-within-the-movie, "Purple Rose of Cairo"-style. There she finds a nearly-abandoned diner where Freddy serves "Soul Pizza". It is crude and gross but tempered with enough humor and horror to make it scary. Added to that are a weightlifter who transforms into a cockroach; Freddy sucking face with an asthmatic student; a proper "Jaws" parody; an incredible junkyard sequence where the camera pulls back to reveal a planet full of junkyards, and so much more.

The movie is strictly by-the-numbers and, although not as creepy as Number 3, it is still the most visually enthralling of the entire series. Lisa Wilcox, who reprised her role in "Nightmare 5," brings us a vulnerable, timid strong-willed heroine who has her eye on a jock ("One major hunk") and on saving her friends from this demonic dream stalker. She refuses to forget the friends she lost (in a touching scene, she views a videotape of them goofing off), and it is emotional scenes of that nature that make us care. These are real teenage victims whom we are asked to identify with, hardly the anonymous variety that are featured in most slasher pictures. "A Nightmare on Elm Street 4" also boasts an ending that should have ended the series for good. Freddy kept coming back because you can't keep a child-murdering janitor down for too long.

Jesse's Homoerotic Inclinations

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE (1985)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Let's get something straight: I am big fan of Freddy Krueger. I know it is politically incorrect to like a talon-gloved, burn-scarred child murderer but at least he has some wit (unlike the robotic Jason Voorhees). Of all the "Nightmare on Elm Street" films, "Part 2: Freddy's Revenge" is the most abominable. Sure, it is dark and contains some clever moments, but it misses the mark on developing any empathetic characters or any real story sense.

This time, a family moves into the old Elm Street house where our heroine, Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp), last defeated Freddy Krueger in her dreamworld. Jesse (Mark Patton) is the new kid on the block - little does he know that a boiler room is in his house! His father (Clu Culager) orders his son to clean his room of all moving boxes - he better or else he won't be able to hang out with major babelicious student, Lisa (Kim Myers), whom he knows from the local high school. One night, however, Jesse confronts Freddy, who merely takes over Jesse's body so he can kill more high-school teenagers on Elm Street. Jesse slowly loses his mind, sleeping in class and inadvertently showing his bum during gym practice. A huge barbecue/pool party at Lisa's house results in mayhem, including a boiling hot swimming pool! Jesse even attends an S&M bar where his leather-clad gym coach (Marshall Bell) is seen (no Amazon.com gift cards to anyone who guesses that the coach will get his just desserts). A nearly naked Jesse is later returned to his parents by the police! And there are strange goings-on at the house on 1428 Elm Street including exploding parakeets, unplugged toaster ovens that shoot flames, and Jesse's dad making accusations that his son is taking drugs!

"Nightmare 2" is fairly rudimentary horror, traveling the same path as the classic original minus a worthwhile protagonist. In the original, Nancy was a real, three-dimensional human being who was confronting detached parents, a peeping tom for a boyfriend, as well as evil dreams with Freddy. Here, Jesse is nothing more than a troubled kid with baleful eyes - I would not want to see this guy in a dark alley. Thus, it is hard to care for Jesse and his plight. Kim Myers is cute as the typical girlfriend, though her one inventive characteristic is that she assumes Jesse has clairvoyant capabilities. Clu Culager steals the show as Jesse's father, though why anyone would think that their own son would place a firecracker in a parakeet's mouth is beyond comprehension.

As always, Robert Englund makes for an intense Freddy Krueger, devoid of much of the humor of later entries. Fire seems to be the major special-effect, and homoeroticism runs rampant throughout. Yet with an unsympathetic protagonist and unbelievable lapses in dream logic, "Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2" is simply an unscary run-of-the-mill slasher picture.

Raging Bull 2? Say it ain't so, Jake

Raging Bull II? Say it ain't so, Jake

By Jerry Saravia

For what it is worth, "Raging Bull" is not just a masterpiece, it is one of the great cinematic wonders of the 20th century. It is also one of the four or five most perfect Martin Scorsese films ever made (the others being "Taxi Driver," "GoodFellas," "The Age of Innocence" and, possible shocker to some, "Hugo.") "Raging Bull" dares to show not only the unflinching brutality of the sport of boxing, it also conveys the brutal, masochistic and macho-istic nature of the real-life boxer Jake LaMotta (Robert De Niro). The film is the opposite of the glory, uplifting appeal of "Rocky" - it criticizes and empathizes with a man who not only fought his inner demons in the boxing ring but also at home, physically and emotionally abusing his wife and accusing her of infidelity. It also contains Robert De Niro's finest performance ever, a shattering, emotional, violent animal of a powerhouse of a performance (let me say that not even the late Marlon Brando or any actor could've mined this kind of titanic work).

  A combination prequel and sequel that explores "before the rage" and "after the rage" of world middleweight boxing champ Jake LaMotta's tumultuous life and times. 

- Raging Bull II

An announcement was recently made that a sequel was in the works, which is iffy at best even if Scorsese and De Niro were involved. They are, however, not involved in any capacity.  Instead Argentinian director Martin Guigui (who helmed "National Lampoon's Cattle Call") is directing and co-writing this, based on the 1986 book of the same name by Chris Anderson, Sharon McGehee and Jake LaMotta, and tough-as-nails actor William Forsythe has been cast as the titular pugilist. I still got to ask: what is the point? The original film was criticized by some at the time (Pauline Kael for one) for not providing any insights into Jake's childhood (something which this pre-sequel will cover) but no insights were really necessary (the sequel book also deals with Jake's other abusive marriages and domestic violence rages). Jake's background was clear enough with his surroundings, the people he consorted with, the tumultuous relationship to his equally volatile brother Joey (Joe Pesci), and the way Jake treated his wife, Vicky (Catherine Moriarty). And when his boxing days were over, Jake became a nightclub act, owned his own Miami club before getting busted for allowing underage girls in his club, performed in bad, cheap venues in N.Y.C, and eventually played at ritzier clubs with skits that involved the writings of Tennessee Williams. Jake divorced from Vicky yet managed to reconcile with his brother. The result was a film that was a relentless and vivid biographic tale of a man who fought hard on and off the ring, and also fought hard to punish himself for his sins. He is not quite redeemed, but how many Scorsese protagonists ever are? 

I can give credit where it is due in continuing the story of Jake LaMotta. At least it is better than attempting yet another foolhardy sequel in the "National Lampoon Vacation" series (or God forbid, a remake of the original Chevy Chase classic). Scorsese himself has turned down sequels in the past to his own works (though he did helm "Color of Money", which was the inferior yet flashy and entertaining sequel to Robert Rossen's "The Hustler"). He had refused any involvement in a "Cape Fear" sequel, claiming that he did his best to show that Max Cady, the film's villain, was dead. There were also rumors for a long time of a "Taxi Driver" sequel to be co-directed or co-written with the insane director Lars Von Trier (!), and a continuation of "GoodFellas" (this is actually happening as it has been picked as a TV series for AMC and will be penned by "GoodFellas" author Nicholas Pileggi. Scorsese's involvement, though, is probably zilch). But the original "Raging Bull" had fully encapsulated Jake LaMotta, so the only place you can go from there is where Jake almost fell himself - downhill.

I am the King of the world

TITANIC (1997)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Titanic" is back in cinema screens due to the 100th anniversary of the real-life tragic event of 1912, and it is now in 3-D. Why in 3-D? I can't say except that it is almost like depicting "Schindler's List" in 3-D. Again, I said almost because "Titanic" represents both the best and the worst of Hollywood filmmaking. At its best, "Titanic" is a lavish, thrilling account of one of the biggest disasters of the 20th century. At its worst, the movie is flawed in the screenwriting department, and presents numerous cliches and particularly bad acting with a dash of silly escapist moments that should have zero association with that sinking disaster. In other words, it is nothing like "Schindler's List" but it should have been. 

"Titanic" tells its tragic tale via the only survivor of the actual sinking of the ship - a 102-year-old woman (the late Oscar-nominated Gloria Stuart) who recounts the vivid tale to a group of research scientists led by a marine scavenger (Bill Paxton). This scavenger is looking for a jewel aboard the Titanic's ruins, but instead he finds a sketch of a nude girl wearing the long-lost jewel. The nude girl is, of course, the elder woman, Rose Dewitt Bukater, who is played as a 17-year-old girl by the stellar actress Kate Winslet (who went on to roles more suited to her dramatic range).

In luminous photography and sweeping visuals, "Titanic" quickly takes us back to that fateful day in April, 1912 when the first of the Titanic's 2,207 passengers began boarding the ship in Southampton, England. We are introduced to the major characters such as the itinerant-artist Jack Dawson (Leonard DiCaprio, who has had a more varied career than expected) who wins a steerage-class ticket in a poker game, the aforementioned Rose, along with her assertive mother (Frances Fisher), and Rose's snobbish fiancee, Cal Hockley (Billy Zane). We also meet the shrewd, unsinkable Molly Brown (Kathy Bates).

Director James Cameron spares us no expense in showing us the elaborate decks of the ship, the ballrooms, the pretentious bedrooms, the tiny steerage compartments and the hot and heavy boiler room. We also see the differences in the lifestyles and treatment of the haves and the have-nots (a sort of twist on the "Upstairs, Downstairs" scenario). These differences are further exemplified by the forbidden teenage romance between the near-suicidal, potentially wealthy Rose and the clever, destitute Jack who awakens a new sensibility in her by teaching her how to spit, and sketches her in the nude. This causes problems between Rose and the violent, spiteful Cal who orders his thuggish partner (David Warner, a waste of a great actor) to keep an eye on Jack. Before you can say romantic soap opera, the ship hits a big iceberg. According to the ship's builder Thomas Andrews (Victor Garber), this will cause the ship to sink within an hour. The lower levels of the ship gradually start to sink, including the boiler room, forcing the stewards to shut off the boilers and begin evacuation. Unfortunately, there are only a limited number of lifeboats available for the thousands of panicked passengers.

"Titanic" is at its best during the last hour and a half where we see the destructive nature of the sinking of this massive ship. At this point, Cameron's main theme comes forth - man's technological advancement (and arrogance) spells death for humanity itself. Thousands of lives are lost, and we see how the stewards lead the first-class passengers into safety first. There's also a terrifying scene where one of the stewards threatens and kills a couple of eager passengers. We also see Rose trying to rescue Jack who's locked away in one of the lower levels by Cal's partner. This whole section is so stirring and emotional that you're not likely to leave the theater with dry eyes.

Cameron's weakness is in his writing. The romance between Rose and Jack certainly evokes a passion and sense of love that is not unlike most other tragic love stories. Cameron's main fault, however, lies with some of the supporting characters. Billy Zane as the cocky, snobbish Cal is laughably oafish emitting numerous cliched line readings - he seems to have drifted in from a bad Harlequin romance novel. The same can be said for the predictably cold character of Rose's mother who does not approve of Jack because she wants her daughter to marry Cal for the security he can provide. There's also too little of the boisterous Kathy Bates as Molly Brown who brightens the screen whenever she shows up, and too much of Cal's gun-toting partner who seems to have drifted in from an Indiana Jones adventure.

Other bland characters include Titanic luminaries such as the worrisome Captain Smith (Bernard Hill, who appeared in the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy); the Whites Star Lines executive (Jonathan Hyde) who insists that the ship travel at full speed so they can arrive in New York a day early; and a couple of other forgettable wealthy passengers. Another lesser weakness is the movie's obligatory framing device of having the elder Rose tell us her story of that fateful night - it's interesting yet unnecessary in its own way because the power of the film is the compelling story itself that we need no guidance in following.

Still, this is among Cameron's best technical work by far, and it is a tribute to him that we don't actually notice any of the special-effects. In a sense, he makes us feel we are aboard the ship, before and after it sinks. "Titanic" is an awesome spectacle and perversely entertaining, but its narrative style and characters are less than stimulating. From director James Cameron, I'd prefer his "Terminator" films and the spectacular "The Abyss" over this sinking behemoth. The notion of it being released in 3-D feels like a bad joke and it is bad taste (the movie is already visually three-dimensional with two-dimensional characters). Then again, on the night of the Academy Awards in 1998 where "Titanic" won an undeserved slew of Oscars, James Cameron told the crowd to stand in silence to remember the victims of that disaster. Then he abruptly told them, "Let's party!" Not a subtle bone in his body. 

Irwin Allen-type Disaster Flick scores a 7 on the Richter scale

EARTHQUAKE (1974)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Irwin Allen disaster-type pictures were a dime a dozen back in the 1970's. "Earthquake" is no exception - a loud, gargantuan-size disaster picture which is nothing less than about an earthquake on the 7.0 Richter scale that nearly decimates the entire Los Angeles area. Buildings collapse, a dam begins to crack open, high voltage wires snap - sheer chaos on a catastrophic level.

This is one of those movies where a group of heroic characters, including a honest-to-the-bone cop (George Kennedy) and an office worker ready for a promotion (Charlton Heston), always seem to run into each other by coincidence. You've also got Ava Gardner as Heston's manipulative wife; an early performance by Victoria Principal sporting an Afro; Richard Roundtree as an ambitious daredevil motorcyclist; Genevieve Bujold as an out-of-work actress (one of the most sensual voices in movie history, thank you "Choose Me"); Lorne Greene as a company president who has the improbable role of being Ava Gardner's father(!); Marjoe Gortner in the weirdest casting in the film as a psychotic grocery store manager who is also a National Guard rifleman, and finally Walter Matthau who brings a drunkenly clownish bit of humor to the proceedings.

"Earthquake" is insanely silly, rough around the edges (there is the occasional Jackson Pollock-edited flash of blood color that will leave you with a smile on your face), and crudely entertaining. This was the first film to have a Sensurround effect, with sounds mimicking a major rumble. I did not have the pleasure of witnessing this film in theaters then but I am sure it worked since it won an Oscar for Sound. Worth seeing on a Saturday afternoon - you could do worse.