Drabformers are back

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (2009)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Michael Bay has a problem with staging action scenes without using a hand-held camera. By the end of this exceedingly overlong "Transformers" sequel, the action is so monotonous and ambiguous that it is only an action film by definition of explosions and much chaos per second, and not by any discernible weight.

Shia LaBeouf is back as Sam Witwicky, the hero of sorts of the last Transformers movie who holds a shard of the Allspark, the almighty Rubik's Cube that does something though I am not clear of what. An energy field for these transformers? Their life source? Anyways, after his parents' house is nearly burned to the ground, Sam readies himself to attend Princeton University where his roommate (Ramon Rodriguez) has some sort of command central Internet alien conspiracy database hook-up! The art direction is interesting because it looks like a command center that extends to two dormitories...like a "Real Genius" advancement except "Real Genius" had a better clue as to how freshmen really act. Then there is a hot blonde that has the hots for Sam and his Camaro, which is of course a transformer. Lo and behold, the blonde is also a transformer, one of the evil Decepticons. So that means a transformer can shape shift into a human being? I thought their disguise was only trucks and cars. Actually, she is a Decepticon Pretender, sort of like a Terminator. I am no Transformers expert - I simply looked it up.

Okay, let's get this straight so I understand it. The Decepticons want to destroy humanity by destroying the sun so they need a key, that only Sam has, to unlock the weapon that is inside an Egyptian pyramid. Okay, but if you destroy the sun, you destroy Earth because the sun is essentially 10 million nuclear bombs in one, so there will be no reason to stay on Earth and look for their precious Energon, their life source. So the story makes no sense but that would've been okay by me had it introduced even a third of the enjoyment I had from the original. No sale.

For humor, there is the curious case of the Witwicky parents who embarrass Sam at the university and it is saddled with the kind of humor that would've felt awkward in the cancelled Bill Engvall Show. Then there is the dog-sized transformer who loves to hump Megan Fox's leg and returnee John Turturro as the comic relief, an ex-CIA agent who we get to see in his underwear! And poor Shia makes a fool of himself as he writes all sorts of mathematical formulas that angers the professor so much that Shia is thrown out of the class! I guess nobody cares enough to find the next Good Will Hunting.

By the end of "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," the exact purpose of this sequel, outside of revenge and bringing back Optimus Prime, a prime Autobot who can destroy the Decepticons, is superficial and transparent. It is virtually a rehash of the original film, with more explosions and more high-octane action but little joy or diversion from it all. All you get in this movie is robots destroying and beating other robots mercilessly in migraine and yawn-inducing hand-held shots with multiple nanosecond cuts, Megan Fox looking positively beautiful from three or four different camera angles at once, and Shia as the one-dimensional Sam who can be thrown thirty feet up in the air and land on a concrete slab without back injury. The last hour of the film is one big and mightier explosion after another to the point of truly Bay outdoing Bay action porn of the worst kind. For some that might be fitting entertainment, but for myself, the original "Transformers" offered more diversion than this scrappy metal concoction of a movie.

Armed and noisy giant robots

TRANSFORMERS (2007)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Transformers" is a bloated, excessively overdone, special-effected to the nth degree mess of a movie, or more appropriately an ad for great special effects that lose their appeal the fiftieth or sixtieth time we see them. This review could easily describe Michael Bay's own "Armageddon" (a guilty pleasure of mine) or the insanely stupid, falsely patriotic bent of "Pearl Harbor." Yes, this movie is excessive but it does manage to entertain and work overtime on pleasuring thrill-seekers. Still, despite liking some of what I saw, one wishes enough that someone told Bay to dial it down a few notches.

Shia LaBeouf is Sam Witwicky, a high-school teen nerd who is looking for a date with the hot, luscious Mikaela (Megan Fox) and hopes to seduce her with the yellow Camaro his father bought him. Problem is that the Camaro tends to break down and also play love songs when least expected, not to mention drive away from him! That's right, the Camaro is a transformer, an alien robot from the planet Cybertron! Mikaela understands Sam's nervous chatter since she sees that this Camaro is not your usual custom-made car. Before you know it, several other transformers, including Optimus Prime, have descended on Earth looking for Sam since his great-grandfather had been in the Arctic Circle once, witnessed a transformer, and there is something about his glasses that hold a secret to the discovery of the Allspark, a huge Rubik's Cube of sorts that can shift in size to the palm of your hand. So we have the good transformers, the Autobots, and the evil transformers, the Decepticons.

Yeah, this material is pure comic-book silliness yet director Michael Bay has made it fun and engaging in a poppy, humorous manner, thanks to writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. The humor continues along with the inspired casting of John Turturro as a federal agent, Sector Seven Agent Simmons actually, who wants answers from Sam and knows everything about Mikaela's juvenile record. These scenes, along with the lunacy of Sam's parents who have no idea that these giant robots are in their backyard, give this movie a lift. But once the kinetic robots go into action, the movie loses its sense of humor and decides that the audience needs its action overload set on super overdrive.

I am all for an action movie that is excessive, but Bay's rhythmic explosion and swooshing sounds and clanging metal robots thrashing and hurling and destroying everything in their path (all filmed with a hand-held camera) grows wearisome. Since these giant transformers are indistinguishable from each other, it is hard to know who to root for. Poor Shia and Megan Fox are relegated to the background rather than the foreground. Mostly, you'll pine for those early scenes of domesticity and high-school humor of the John Hughes variety. For some, "Transformers" is an action epic that gets the job done. Yes, it does and it is a marvelous sight to see these transformers in action, though they are at their best when they threaten or speak in Dolby-ized tremors that may shatter your eardrums. But once the movie is over, ask yourself the following: what worked best? The special-effects and explosions in the climax or the humor mixed with action in the first hour?

Totally Rad 1980's!

PING PONG SUMMER (2014)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

There has been a stunning retro need of late for any and everything related to the 1980's - a decade I would soon like to forget. I was a teenager then and, despite some occasional fun times during the summers, there is precious little I cling to from that decade aside from pop culture. "Ping Pong Summer" is yet another coming-of-age film about those awkward teen years in the 1980's, only the setting here is Ocean City, Maryland. The film itself only feels like half the story is being told.

Marcello Conte is Rad Miracle, the awkward teen who loves hip-hop, ping-pong and breakdancing. He and his family travel to Ocean City for the summer but all the kid can do is play ping pong inside of an arcade. His best new friend (actually Rad's only friend) is the Jericurled Teddy (Myles Massey) whom he plays ping pong with. There is also the object of some mere affection for Rad, Stacy (Emmi Shockley), who is slowly OD'ing on Funk Punch, an extremely sugary, non-alcoholic concoction that provides the euphoric brain freeze. Lyle (Joseph McCaughtry) is Stacy's rich ex-boyfriend who taunts and ridicules Rad, claiming to be the superior ping pong player. Rad loses one game with Lyle and insists on a big rematch, under the tutelage of the town pariah, Randi Jammer (Susan Sarandon).

For 1980's references galore, "Ping Pong Summer" is chock full of them but it has too little story and too many sidelined characters with fascinating eccentricities. John Hannah is the patriarch of the Miracle family, a State Police officer whose main character trait is that he is terminally annoyed by his daughter, a Goth Chick of sorts who could use an infusion of Vitamin D. Lea Thompson is the mother who mistakes her son's hip-hop mimicking in the shower for...masturbation! I would have loved to learn more about them or even Susan Sarandon's beer swilling Randi, easily the most interesting character in the whole film. There is also Rad's offbeat aunt and uncle (played by the energetic Amy Sedaris and Robert Longstreet) who sleep out in the beach, but they are also given minimum exposure.

Ultimately the film revisits "The Karate Kid" for its climax (and final freeze frame) but "Ping Pong Summer" is not nearly as involving or as entertaining as that 1984 sleeper. In fact, it is not half as colorful or as fun as 2013's "The Way Way Back," a similar coming-of-age that dealt with teenage awkwardness during a summer vacation getaway. Still, "Ping Pong Summer" has its heart in the right place and contains sincere performances. It only leaves us wanting more.

Here comes the sphere! DUCK!

PHANTASM (1979)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

At its core, "Phantasm" may be considered a junky, low-rent horror flick about cemeteries, mausoleums and a supernatural figure dressed in a black suit who screams "BOY!" Yet Don Coscarelli's film is not a throwaway exploitation picture - it is a unique film with a certain kind of dread and dreamlike power that should not be dismissed.

A teenage kid in a motorbike named Michael (A. Michael Baldwin) arrives at Morningside Cemetery during a funeral.  The kid is fascinated by the cemetery and the marble walls of the mausoleum (let's face it - such places do invite curiosity). One day Michael witnesses a man carrying a coffin into a hearse with no assistance, prompting the kid to mouth the words: "What the F&*%?" WTF indeed, as we discover that the cemetery's undertaker, known as the Tall Man (Angus Scrimm), has been stealing corpses from marked graves and compressing their bodies into hooded zombie dwarves. It seems that in a planet or alternate existence or something maybe resembling Hell, the reanimated dead are slaves though I can't say for sure what their enslavement entails.

"Phantasm" doesn't make much sense nor do I fully understand the Tall Man's singular purpose in this cemetery. One shot reveals that this dark Satanic figure has been around for more than a century. A couple of scenes show him shape-shifting (through abrupt cuts) into a hot number called the Lady in Lavender, who picks up men at the local tavern and lures them to a cemetery where they are knifed! I can imagine a rendezvous with such a woman, but not if she is the Tall Man!

"Phantasm" has an evocative dreamlike power that keeps you in a bit of a trance. The film is not the digestible kind of clear-cut horror film where gore and mutilations take precedence over everything else, nor is it your average haunted mansion type of picture - the film holds your interest in its odd clues and even odder, murkier environments. The marble walls and floors of the mansion itself looks too pristine, as if something bad is about to happen. The cemeteries look just as uninviting. Director Don Coscarelli keeps us on the edge of our seat, throwing logic to the winds and silver spheres at our eyes (I am glad nobody converted to this 3-D because the sphere makes you duck already in two dimensions). I can't say what it all adds up to (and I have seen this twice more since it was on TV in the 1980's) but I will say the film is creepy, has a combative young hero at its center, and the most sinister villain since the days of Count Dracula. 

The ball of fear is back!

PHANTASM II (1988)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

The original "Phantasm" film was original, messy and a little disorganized yet it felt like a half-remembered nightmare dealing with cemeteries and mortuaries. "Phantasm II" is more clever, wittier, gorier yet never oversteps its own nightmare logic. I do not know what it all means, and I can't say that we are meant to, but it is entrancing and unforgettable and completely original.

The 13-year-old Mike from the original was last seen awakened from a nightmare involving the creepy cemetery worker, alien from another world or something preternatural known as the Tall Man (Angus Scrimm). Of course, once Mike wakes up and has a tender talk with Reggie (Reggie Bannister), the nightmare begins all over again as psychically-inclined Mike faces the grim being from another world. Reggie rescues Mike from their house before it explodes, killing all those dwarf-zombies who are the Tall Man's minions. Before long, another house explodes, making this film one of the few I have seen in recent memory where two houses are destroyed in a fireball just after ten minutes of screen time. Fortunately, the movie is not a Jerry Bruckheimer action picture as it evolves into a subterranean horror flick with the elder Mike (now played by James Le Gros) still digging graveyards and finding empty coffins. Mike has been let out of a mental institution and pairs up with Reggie to find and destroy the Tall Man. You know this is an 80's movie when guns and flamethrowers are assembled so they can, as Reggie so succinctly puts it, "kick ass!" Meanwhile, there is an innocent blonde psychic teenager (Paula Irvine) who senses the Tall Man's whereabouts and seeks Mike's help. In addition, we get an alcoholic priest (Kenneth Tigar) who wants to stop the white-haired, yellow-blooded maniac's dastardly experiments, and some hitchhiking girl (Samantha Phillips) who only appears to be a sweet, beatific angel.

"Phantasm II" is directed with flair and a cool energy by Don Coscarelli, who helmed the original "Phantasm." This film works on your nerves, accentuating an acute use of silence and whispers before seguing to heavy murmurs in the soundtrack. The music score envelops you and never lets go. Though the film has more choice moments of gore than the original, it is not leaden or gratuitous (the flying sphere with multiple blades is thankfully not overused). Some of the gore is downright chilling to the bone, such as a bloodied, puppet-sized Tall Man that emerges from a girl's backside (watching this visual might make your spine hurt).

But what makes "Phantasm II" so much more than an average horror film sequel is its disquieting atmosphere inside those marbled mausoleums and forbidden cemeteries, or that netherworld of red skies and dwarf-zombies hidden in between two beams inside a deadly white room. The film doesn't pass up on the humor quotient either, especially a hilarious lovemaking session with Samantha and Reggie that just might have inspired a similar scene in "Hot Shots! Part Deux." It is Reggie and Le Gros, though, who keep us interested in this nightmare while the Tall Man and director Coscarelli fill us with dread...about the dead.

Going where Trek has already gone before

STAR TREK (2009)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

One of the joys of "Star Trek" throughout the years were the philosophical musings and logically sound statements made by Spock and his linguistic quarrels with Captain Kirk and Dr. Bones. This is what made "Star Trek" a notch above a space opera B movie like "Star Wars" (though that did have discussions on the Force, it was really an updated version of a Flash Gordon serial). The last few "Star Trek" films have not held my attention and practically seem recycled out of antique spare parts from "The Next Generation" TV series. If you want me to distinguish between "First Contact" and "Generations" (which was not half-bad), all I could tell you was that Kirk appeared briefly in one and not the other. J.J. Abrams has brought back a level of fun to "Star Trek" - he has also beamed back our favorite Enterprise team which includes a younger Spock, a younger Kirk and a far more alluring Uhura than we remembered. Is it a total success? Not quite since it dispenses with the philosophy and ups the ante on the fun factor with razzle-dazzle special-effects and various action scenes. Not a bad decision overall, but this movie resembles a souped-up "Star Wars" flick than a genuine entry in the Trek universe.

J.J. and his writers also dispense with some signature characteristics of Trek lore. For one, Jim Kirk (Chris Pine) is now a drunk hothead who likes to get into bar fights and quarrels with Spock over command posts in the Enterprise ship. At another point, a mad-as-hell Spock nearly chokes Kirk! This seems uncharacteristic of Kirk and Spock from back in the day (though forgive me if I cannot recall such an episode). Another odd change is seeing Spock and Uhura in a romance - I know Spock is half-human and half-Vulcan but he is supposed to keep his emotions in check, yes? The introductory flashback showing Spock as the victim of Vulcan bullies had me gagging a bit. And what is it with the very young Kirk racing his stepfather's car and crashing it near the site of the construction of the Enterprise ship? And did we really need a scene of Kirk in bed with a green-skinned woman while Uhura, the green chick's roomate, almost walks in on them? We all remember Kirk and his green-skinned girlfriend from back in the day but it seems J.J. just wants to cavort in nostalgia waters for the hell of it.

The villain in this revamped Trek universe is a Romulan commander named Nero from the future (Eric Bana) who is searching for Spock Prime (Leonard Nimoy), who has been banished to some ice planet. This has something to do with Nero's family and his birth planet, Romulus, getting destroyed by a supernova that Spock failed to save in time. A red matter substance can form black holes that can also be injected into a planet and cause it to implode. But I am confused by Nero - he does not (SPOILER ALERT) kill Spock Prime yet he wants to vanquish the younger Spock when in fact, if he can time travel through this black hole, Nero could save his family from destruction. That would sound logical, yes? Or maybe I should have studied astronomy more closely when it came to sci-fi film narrative.

For the most part, despite narrative inconsistencies and plot holes big enough to fit through J.J. Abrams' nebulous imagination, "Star Trek" is often a blast to watch. It looks and sounds like a supernova ready to thrill you at every second, and it succeeds. Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana (a knockout in more ways than one) fill the iconic roles with ease and panache, though part of me still misses the delicious wit of William Shatner's Kirk and the pronouncements of logic by Nimoy's Spock. Simon Pegg's Scotty and Anton Yelchin's Chekov verge on the surface of self-parody, while John Cho's Sulu injects his own personality. I love the scenes with Nimoy's Spock, the thrilling fight on top of a drilling platform, the moments of tension between Kirk and Spock, and the final supernova climax which is awesomely staged. "Star Trek" is a big-budget Republic serial with tons of cliffhangers, but little emotional resonance. I also venture to guess that Trekkies will not accept anyone else filling these iconic roles. 

The Demons from Hell at James Franco's house

THIS IS THE END (2013)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

If "This is the End" had been released in the 1980's, I would have thought "Geez, Dude, this is like totally rad!" Actually, no, I did not use that kind of language in the 80's but I would have been impressed by it. Nowadays, in light of superior, over-the-top supernatural concepts with no boundaries like the "Bill and Ted" films or Kevin Smith's own "Dogma," nothing here will seem new. "This is the End" is fitfully enjoyable and frenetic and zany but, like rheumatic fever, you also want it to end.

The cast of TV's cancelled "Freaks and Geeks" and "Undeclared" and various other Judd Apatow productions are all here, playing alternate versions of themselves. James Franco has a bitchin' party at his house where Rihanna doesn't like getting her butt smacked, and Michael Cera is a coke-sniffing douchebag who gets oral pleasure and likes to smack Rihanna's butt. The thinnest plot this side of James Franco's bearded follicles has Jay Baruchel picked up at an L.A. airport by Seth Rogen - both friends have been on the outs for a while. Baruchel hates L.A. and James Franco, and senses Seth Rogen bought into the L.A. lifestyle by always partying and smoking copious amounts of pot. Baruchel only likes to play video games and has no interest in art and, in one of the most sidesplittingly funny scenes, Franco explains that art is everything, including Baruchel's birth into this world! Before long, a calamity strikes L.A.! Fires erupt in the Hollywood Hills, people are being beamed up into Heaven by some ethereal blue light, cars crash into buildings, the earth shakes, and winged demons sprout everywhere! It is the Rapture I tell yah and, as Jonah Hill exclaims, the actors will be saved first...and then Jay Baruchel!

The entire movie has the survivors, including Franco, Rogen, Baruchel, Craig Robinson and Jonah Hill, holed up in Franco's house, trying to get by on bottled water, booze and a Milky Way bar! Meanwhile, Danny McBride eats almost all the food, blissfully unaware of the fiery apocalypse! If you can stand all these guys cursing, discussing a sexual run-in with Emma Watson, and referencing their own movies and comparing their sexual prowess by imagining jerkin' their own chains to a Playboy magazine, then "This is the End" is the movie for you. Sometimes, the movie drags a little, even at 1 hour and forty minutes, and some of it will ring familiar memories of Kevin Smith's own oeuvre. Only Smith knew when to take a time out and pause for some reflection. "This is the End" has no limits and throws away nuance and comic timing for the sake of some nifty special-effects and an endless barrage of insults, screaming matches and cliched movie parodies (an Exorcist parody is merely tired). Not that I object to foul language and rampant raunchiness, and it is fun watching these actors whom I do admire playing alternate versions of themselves (Baruchel and Rogen at least provide an emotional center), but after a while I just wanted them to quit.  

Captain Jerry's Log: Wrath is super sequel

STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN (1982)

An Appreciation by Jerry Saravia

Watching "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" in theaters back in 1982 filled with me dread. After all, I had seen the atrocious, sleep-inducing "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" in theaters three years earlier and it just about destroyed any love I had for the television series, almost but not quite. The surprise was seeing just how damn good "Star Trek II" was and how it beats most other sequels in developing its characters and featuring a solid, menacing villain resurrected from an old TV episode. Trekkies rejoiced, and I found myself loving our favorite Enterprise crew all over again.

The story could have used more depth. Essentially, a ship called the USS Reliant is traveling through the galaxy to find dead planets and instill them with the Genesis device, a device that breathes life and creates a whole environment in a planet (this is a rather amazing invention that no past or present scientist could have ever envisioned). One dead planet still vibrates with some life forms and when former Enterprise member Chekov (Walter Koenig) and Captain Terrell (Paul Winfield) investigate, they find the villainous, resentful Khan (Ricardo Montalban), a man of super strength who wants revenge on former Captain Kirk who banished Khan to the deserted, barren planet. Khan wants Kirk's whereabouts and the line of questioning involves icky eels inserted into our heroes' human ears - a scene that was quite shocking and violent by 1982 standards.

Meanwhile, middle-aged Kirk (William Shatner) has retired and oversees computer simulations of attacks on the Enterprise. When false word leaks that Genesis' research materials are to be transferred to Reliant by Kirk, while Chekov and Terrell are used as spies by Khan, a war begins with Kirk resuming his old duty of guiding the Enterprise. Half-human and half-Vulcan Spock (Leonard Nimoy) is also on board, along with Uhura, Scotty, heck, you know them all. There are also newbies to the Enterprise, and we also get wind of Kirk's former girlfriend, Dr. Carol Marcus (Bibi Besch), who developed the Genesis device, and Kirk's son, Dr. David Marcus (Merritt Butrick) who looks like he is ready to go surfing.

I would loved to learn more about Genesis overall, and why Khan is wanting to possess the device - what does he hope to gain from possessing it except to make Kirk mad? Still, for a special-effects space opera, "Trek II" offers just a few action scenes - the story takes hold and offers enough drama, just like the TV series. There are some wonderful passages of dialogue where Dr. Bones (DeForest Kelley) argues with Spock over the morality of creating life on a planet, or when Bones tries to cheer up Kirk on his birthday. The last sequence is a strong emotional conclusion that involves Spock risking everything to save the Enterprise during a nebula storm. It reaffirms our own attachment to these characters, thanks to solid direction by Nicholas Meyer and writers Jack B. Sowards and Harve Bennett.

Montalban steals the show as the fierce Khan, showing just as much presence and volatility as he did in that old "Space Seed" episode - he is the most fascinating villain in the Trek universe. Shatner and company do their roles justice and play them straight with just a touch of humor, never veering into self-parody. "Star Trek II" is no doubt the best Trek movie of all time, though it had strong contenders in "Trek III" and "Trek IV" where they saved the whales. After part IV, I kinda lost interest in that universe when Kirk and company sang "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" and faced even more Klingons in the Undiscovered Country. "Star Trek II" is proof positive that when Hollywood uses its imagination, it can crank out superior entertainment.

Who's Afraid of Liz and Burton?

LIZ AND DICK (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I can't say I am knowledgeable of Elizabeth Taylor's marital woes with Richard Burton, or whether Burton was insanely jealous of Liz's Oscar wins or how fed up he really was of never winning the coveted Oscar. Critics excoriated this Lifetime movie biography "Liz and Dick" and, though I am hardly a stringent contrarian, I hardly agree with the bashing and wonder what the critics saw. That is not to say that "Liz and Dick" is an awesome achievement in the Hollywood biography genre, it is not, but it is entertaining and fluffy and often fun to watch despite the marital woes.

Many Taylor fans probably skipped viewing this film in light of Lindsay Lohan's casting but that would be a shame...because she is terrific. Lohan is the Liz of the 1960's, at the height of "Cleopatra" fame where she meets the hard-drinking Richard Burton (Grant Bowler) who admires her beauty. They don't get along, then they do, and then they start banging each other at her trailer every chance they get. Burton's own wife divorces him as a result, not to mention Liz's own divorce with Eddie Fisher (another love affair resulting in a scandalous marriage that could use its own Lifetime treatment), and thus begins a torrid love affair and two marriages that results in more drinking, popping pills, extravagant spending on yachts and parties, etc. Liz works on certain films only if Burton is cast and we get a sneak peek at "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" - a triumphant film in its own right that could have used more insight. I mean, do I really care to see the behind-the-scenes drama of "The V.I.P's"?

"Liz and Dick" is largely episodic and has many abrupt transitions - sometimes a line of dialogue is leading to a punchline or a bigger truth only to be obliterated by an abrupt cut to the next scene. The last half-hour fast-forwards through their lives so rapidly that you are left with nothing to chew on. Despite some poor editing and odd casting choices (Brian Howe as film director Joseph Mankiewicz without a shred of sarcasm?), the movie lives and breathes by the empathy that Lindsay Lohan imbues Liz Taylor with - that is a plus. Grant Bowler might lack the hard-edginess of the real Richard Burton but he is a watchable enough screen presence. I also liked how the film shows the birth of the paparazzi (mostly thanks to Fellini) and how they followed Liz and Taylor everywhere. "Liz and Dick" is trashy television dramatics, yet Lohan and Bowler give it a lift.

Flat-Out Funny Disaster at Cannes

MR. BEAN'S HOLIDAY (2007)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Mr. Bean is certainly an acquired taste, and so is Rowan Atkinson who plays him. I can't imagine American audiences warming up to a man-child like Mr. Bean, who mugs for the camera mercilessly (of course, only in France is Jerry Lewis admired as a genius). 1997's "Mr. Bean" did not find its core audience in America and this mindless yet quite engaging comedy sequel, "Mr. Bean's Holiday," found even less of an audience. It is a shame because Atkinson has crafted a character whose simple-mindedness can serve as a reminder of Charlie Chaplin.

The movie can easily be described as Mr. Bean goes on a holiday to Cannes, thanks to a winning ticket. Disaster strikes from the beginning after arriving in Paris, he marches across streets and everything in between according to the lines of a map, including walking over any obstacle in his path (this is similar to a Levi's commercial from a year ago). At a French restaurant, he orders lobster and has no idea of how to eat it (some of the gags will remind one of Daryl Hannah's mermaid eating a lobster dinner in "Splash"). Before boarding a train, he asks a passenger to take pictures of him with his Sony mini-DV camera as he is approaching the train (there is one take after another). Naturally, the passenger's son ends up leaving the train without him thanks to Mr. Bean.

The rest of the movie follows Mr. Bean and his adventures with the passenger's son, Stepan (Max Baldry). Stepan is headed to Cannes as well since his father, the passenger who missed the train, is a member of the jury at the Cannes Film Festival. In the midst of one mishap after another, Bean loses his passport, his money and his train ticket. He tries to steal a motorbike, and fails. He wanders into a movie set where an arrogant, egocentric director (Willem Dafoe, who plays the part with perfect comic pitch) is making some sort of pretentious thriller (accent on the pretentious). There Mr. Bean dresses up as a Nazi extra, and meets the lovely Sabine (Emma de Caunes), an actress who is also on her way to Cannes to see the world premiere of Dafoe's film.

"Mr. Bean's Holiday" does drag slightly in the mid section, but it picks up at the Cannes Film Festival climax which features some of the movie's best comic setpieces. Mr. Bean may be too much to bear for some, but I enjoyed his incessant mugging and his inability to be anything but clumsy and a poster child for Murphy's Law. The movie is fun in all the pratfalls and comical blunders the character commits, though nothing is as funny as when he performs Puccini's famous "O mio babbino caro" on the streets for money, using nothing more than a caftan and a boom box!

As I said before, either you're with "Mr. Bean's Holiday" or you are not. I was and I saw a joy in Rowan Atkinson's performance that can be described as inspired and flat-out funny - he is like a silent comedian, especially when he never says anything and mostly grunts. And any movie that features the "Hawaii-5-0" theme and Puccini has got to be a little bit special.

The mutants strike back

X2 (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Original review from 2003)

Comic books are such a hot property now that it was only a matter of time before someone decided on a sequel to "X-Men." The original "X-Men" made comic-book movies a hot property and since then we have been saddled with "Spider-Man," "Daredevil" and a "Blade" sequel, not to mention a full-scale "Hulk" film. "X-Men" had the advantage of looking and feeling like a comic-book come to life, thanks to the extravagant superpowers of its mutant supermen. "X2" is more of the same, but falls short of whatever real value the original film had.

As you recall from the original film, the mutants are discriminated in a society that dislikes anything different. Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) has blades in his knuckles, curious to find his roots of which he has no memory of. There's Professor X (Patrick Stewart), the leader of the X-Men who has virtually god-like powers. We have the return of the supervillain Magneto (Ian McKellen), who is being kept in a highly secure glass prison with every intention of escaping. And for those keeping score, there is the telepathic Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), her loving beau, the laser-eyed Cyclops (James Marsden), the teenaged Rogue (Anna Paquin), who has the ability to kill by merely touching someone, the weather-permitting Storm (Halle Berry) and so on. Magneto's trusty sidekick is Mystique (Rebecca Romjin-Stamos), a blue-scaled shapeshifter who has a key line of dialogue relating to mutants that may sum up both movies. There is also some nonsense involving General William Stryker (Brian Cox), a man who dislikes mutants and intends on destroying all of them by brainwashing Professor X (Patrick Stewart), who can communicate and control all of them.

"X2" has enough fireworks and special-effects on display to please every comic-book fan. We see Mystique shape-shifting into any human being (most witty example is when she changes into Stryker); Storm's weather-controlling tactics, usually involving rainstorms and tornado-like effects; Wolverine's climactic fight with Deathstrike, another talon-bearing mutant; the inside of Professor X's mindscapes; and a new mutant named Nightcrawler (Alan Cumming), who can teleport from one area to another and fight anyone in his path, includes scores of Secret Service agents.

For pure special-effects and mindless escapism, "X2" works but it falters when introducing too many characters and too many gimmicks. Unless you are an ardent fan of "X-Men" comics and can recollect the original film without hesitation, most of this sequel will come as a mystery to anyone who doesn't know the original characters. Even the tragically wasted Patrick Stewart's X-Man, a hugely titanic presence, is short-shrifted in favor of action galore. Most of these characters possess the most rudimentary exposition so that you may lose track of who they are and what they stand for. Halle Berry's Storm is also left in the rain without benefit of any personality except for those glowing eyes. At least the grand, awesome Ian McKellen transcends his Magneto role through his shrewd wit and expressive gestures - aside from Sean Connery, no other actor makes scenes of incredulity so incredible. Brian Cox, one of the best, most prolific character actors, also transcends his villainous role through his quiet charisma.

"X2" is entertaining and colorful, but it is also overlong and fraught with too much of everything. It is the newest example of sheer overkill in sequels where one presumes more of the same equals a better movie. In this case, it just means more is more of the same.

Mutants want inclusion in society

X-MEN (2000)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 2000)

I find that the trick to superhero movies is to let the audience in on the joke, otherwise you wind up with disasters like "Batman and Robin," which turned the Batman franchise into such a sex-plagued travesty that all of its noir origins dissipated as a result. On the other hand, there are superhero movies that make you gasp in wonder at all the wondrous sights, and also make you identify with the protagonists, namely the superheroes. Superman and Batman are two classic examples. "X-Men" is a close second - the first comic-book movie since Tim Burton's "Batman" that not only feels like a comic book yarn, it looks like one too. While watching it, I got the feeling that every sequence, every shot, was unspooling before your eyes like the dynamic sights of color and information that often leap from comic books. Stan Lee should be proud.

The X-Men, for those who have not read the comic books, are essentially powerful mutants - men and women with extraordinary powers that they seemed to have been born with. There is Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), who has metal claws that elongate from his hands when he gets mad; Cyclops (James Marsden), who has deadly laser vision protected by a visor; Storm (Halle Berry), who can conjure rainy weather when necessary; and Rogue (Anna Paquin), who can turn people to stone if she touches them (she is not popular on the dating scene). These are the good mutants, presided by Professor Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart), who has the ability to read minds.

The evil mutants are presided over by Magneto (Ian McKellen), a former Holocaust survivor who wants the world population to be converted into mutants so they can be accepted into society. His minions include the tongue-lashing Toad (Ray Park), a human frog-of-sorts; the shape-shifting Mystique (Rebecca Romijn-Stamos), covered in blue-colored scaly skin; and finally Sabretooth (Tyler Mane), a growling animal, not unlike Wolvering though not as beastly.

The plot concerns an anti-mutant revolt started by a senator (Bruce Davison), who feels mutants present a danger to society. One can't quarrel with his view when witnessing the deadly emotions of Wolverine, seen at the beginning to be a bare-knuckled fighting champion for some kind of fight club, or the tragic, existential Rogue whose lips and mere touch warrant a coma-like paralysis or even death. Naturally, Magneto is at odds with the senator, as is Professor Xavier, though Magneto's plans are more dastardly - at least the kind-hearted professor is a believer in hope for his race.

"X-Men" rivals other recent comic book extravaganzas in its character-driven story - these mutants are suffering because of their condition and unfortunate deviance from society. I tend to quarrel with people when they say entertainment is just sheer entertainment - even in something as hackneyed as "The Matrix," there is the sense that the filmmakers are sharing their thoughts about the world of today and how it is envisioned in these trying times. The best character in "X-Men" is Wolverine - an almost half-werewolf mutant with the ability to heal himself. He has a great line (that could sum up most of the mutant characters) when asked if the retraction of the blades from his knuckles hurt: "Every time," he says.

My main quibble with "X-Men" is that it is simply an introduction to these characters - they come across as more than character types but they only seem defined by their powers. I know that it is too much to ask a blockbuster for some insight but consider what might have been. Wolverine is the most full-bodied character, but where does that leave Rogue and her emotional connection to him? What about Cyclops, Storm, the Professor or Jean Gray (Famke Janseen), the smart doctor who may have a thing for Wolverine? They are fun characters to watch, but who are they? And what about Magneto and his plans? He somehow does not seem to be such a major threat after all the sound and fury of the special-effects on display here.

Still, "X-Men" is sheer fun to watch, and every moment gives us something to look at. The fights, the battles, and the characters (particularly the titanic Ian McKellen) contribute highly to the sense of fun it instills. And if this is what it takes to get the rumored "Spider-Man" movie rolling, then I am all for the "X-Men."