Toxie don't mean a thing if he ain't got that swing

THE TOXIC AVENGER PART II (1989)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I remember years ago canvassing for a Princeton, NJ environmental agency. The idea was to promote the negative effects of air pollution around certain neighborhoods door-to-door. One neighbor told us, "There is nothing but toxic waste everywhere." When I think of New Jersey, having lived there for a good ten years, I think of toxic waste (I also lived in New Mexico, not terribly far from Los Alamos where certain nuclear bomb tests were conducted years earlier). When it comes to toxic waste in a comic-book style, nothing beats "The Toxic Avenger," a cult classic from Troma productions that became a big enough hit to feature their own mascot for their company, Toxie himself. "Toxic Avenger Part II" is not nearly as much gory, clever fun as the original but it has enough toxicity in its humor and horror to give it a pass.

For the uninitiated, Toxie (Toxic Avenger) was originally Melvin (Ron Fazio), a 98-pound weakling who got thrown into a vat of toxic waste and emerged as a muscular crime fighter with a deformed head. His job was to keep Tromaville safe from bad guys. Any time a villain was within a few yards of his path, Toxie started to have convulsions and knew it was time to kick butt. As this sequel opens, Tromaville's residents are happily dancing on the streets, manufacturing orange juice and watching presumably "Troma" films. The Center for the Blind is where Toxie works (huh?) and he is in charge of the croquet games (double huh?). Meanwhile, Toxie's blonde blind girlfriend (Phoebe Legere) has the occasional romp in the hay with Toxie. Now Toxie is consistently drinking Drano and emits toxic ooze from his body so what kind of fluids are being exchanged between the sheets? Villainy doesn't stay away for long in Tromaville when Apocalypse, Inc. wants to turn the Center for the Blind into a toxic dump. Toxie won't allow it but his presence in this town doesn't allow for the bad guys to complete their dastardly plans so they have Toxie's psychiatrist fool him into going to Japan to find his long-lost father named, are you ready kids, Big Mac. Ha!

"Toxic Avenger Part II" loses some steam in the Tokyo, Japan scenes, involving slapstick gags that incorporate smelly fish used as swords, nunchakus and everything else you can imagine. Sumo wrestlers also figure into the plot, including ninjas, but not really much inspiration. The Japanese folk react with horror to Toxie walking the streets with a broom as if he was Godzilla, but most of the shenanigans get a little tired (Toxie has a habit of literally cooking the bad guys into sushi specialties). Those who love watching full-frontal naked women, though, will not be disappointed.

But when the film returns to New Jersey in the climax, it feels revved up and actually comes closest to the manic inspiration of its opening thirty minutes. The villain who stands out is Lisa Gaye as Malfaire, who wears glittery costumes and hats that would be welcomed at Buckingham Palace! Her plans to destroy Tromaville and Toxie are delivered with ample malice and a hint of sexual tension (Gaye returned in "Toxic Avenger Part III," which was essentially left over footage from this sequel). Also worth noting is Rick Collins as the Apocalypse Inc. chairman who seethes with just enough comic timing to make one wish the film gave these actors more screen time.

"Toxic Avenger Part II" is average fare for Troma pictures and fittingly funny enough where it doesn't greatly disappoint (the David Mamet line is a howler). As they say in the film, if Tromaville had been destroyed, there would be no "Toxic Avenger Part 3." I say leave Toxie in New Jersey, our toxic waste capital where he belongs. It just doesn't have the same sting without that New Jersey swing.

Nuclear Leakage

CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH PART II - SUBHUMANOID MELTDOWN

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Some horror comedies get confused with tone. John Landis' "An American Werewolf in London" and "Innocent Blood" focused more on blood and gore than humor, and took the gore seriously which is a death knell in horror-comedies. "Class of Nuke 'Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown" isn't confused at all - it is equal parts tongue-in-cheek gory horror mixed with subversive humor. A good film of its type (and not nearly as horrendous as other critics have found it) - it is what it is, and either you are with it or you'll hate yourself afterwards.

After a brief recap of the original "Class of Nuke 'Em High" and a flashforward to a squirrel monster that must be seven stories high, we flashback to the start of this sequel set in a college (formerly Tromaville High) that is adjacent to a nuclear power plant. This is no ordinary campus since women run around in lacy underwear or wearing nothing at all, there are gang members who harass each and every student, and every single scene contains said students running around or beating each other to a pulp (oh, and it is next to a nuclear power plant that screams for the TV crew from "The China Syndrome" to be on sight). Roger (Brick Bronsky) is a buff and nerdy student with bad B.O. who works for the college newspaper, the kind that wants to report rumors, not truth. Something odd is happening on campus when selective students and faculty start projectile vomiting green mucus and then turn into a green pile of mush (sometimes a severed head that looks like Sesame Streets' Oscar the Grouch is all that remains). Meanwhile, Roger participates in a sexual experiment that unknowingly involves a subhumanoid woman named Victoria (Leesa Rowland) who has a second mouth in place of her belly button! We also have Professor Holt (Lisa Gaye, who relishes this role with aplomb) who runs the sexual experiments in addition to helping build these malfunctioning subhumanoids. Most pressing question: are all the students, including the unruly gang members, subhumanoids or is Roger the sole human, aside from Professor Holt?

"Class of Nuke 'E High Part II" is manic, unruly, unquestionably incoherent fun. Watching Lisa Gaye's Marge Simpson hairdo adds to the picture's anything-goes mentality (the film often reminds us directly it is a sequel - talk about postmodernist). Tromie, the giant squirrel, appears in the climax and gives the finger to the guards who attempt to take it down. Toxie, Troma films' own mascot, also appears. It is a messy, overindulgent, outrageous oddity, and it has its tongue firmly placed in all of its orifices.

The 'Deathly Hallows Part 1' is Harry Potter's best yet

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 1

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 I have had the occasional lukewarm reaction to the Harry Potter film series. After the triumphant "Prisoner of Azkaban" and the swiftness of "Goblet of Fire," "Order of the Phoenix" did not engage me as much, though it had flair. I also felt that "Half-Blood Prince" was one of the weakest of the series, curiously cold and remote with the darkest blue hues to be seen, making it a bit of an eye strain (even "Chamber of Secrets" was a superior sequel in terms of look and attitude). But the first chapter of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" is an exuberant, imaginative and outstandingly entertaining film that combines a lot of what does work in a Harry Potter film and brings it to the surface, brimming with dark pleasures, superb performances, excellent, thrilling special-effects, and a story that would make J.R.R. Tolkien proud (yes, it is that good).

Based on the J.K.Rowling novels, Harry and his magical pals are at their homes at the start of the movie, ready not to return to Hogwarts school but to run from the Death Eaters. This is essentially a chase picture and it starts with a fantastic chase through the skies, as bespectacled Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), the smart and alert Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) and the easily bemused Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint) use their magical powers to fly their cars and motorcycles to escape from those swirling clouds of black smoke (Death Eaters, of course). The trio and their colleagues end up in the countryside, far away from civilization (some of their families are safely tucked away elsewhere, and some have their memories erased). This all leads to the discovery and secret of the Deathly Hallows, which is presented in an astounding animation style that recalls Tim Burton mixed with Guillermo Del Toro. It is such an amazing piece of footage that I'd be remiss in saying it deserves anything less than accolades.

In the meantime, the pale villain of this series, Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) with his creepy snake-like slit nostrils, wishes to destroy Harry. He asks his minions to find him but it gets complicated when Harry has doubles who are his own willing colleagues, trying to help Harry escape. The whipper snapper, Bellatrix (Helena Bonham Carter), is also back, and meaner than ever. There is also talk of the Sword of Gryffindor, something that Dumbledore (Michael Gambon, appearing in flashes since he was killed by Severus Snape, once again played with slithering menace by Alan Rickman) had left to Harry as part of a will. Naturally, Harry can't receive it since Minister Rufus Scrimgeour (Bill Nighy) states that it is of historical importance. Added to this are the Death Eaters making their way through all of London seeking the youthful wizard trio who are slowly becoming adults; dark visions swirling inside Harry and Ron's heads; a giant deadly cobra; goblins, including the return of Dobby; and the quest to find the four Horcruxes (dark magic objects) that contain Voldemort's soul.

"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I" is only an indicator of what's to come, which I imagine will be an apocalyptic fight between Harry and Voldemort. The tension also mounts between Harry, Hermione and Ron (at one point, Ron departs for a length of time), adding some layers of complexity and an awakening sexual maturity to their mutual relationship. It may be too soon to say this since, as of this writing, Part 2 is yet to be released in theatres but "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1" (don't wave your wands in protest) is the best Harry Potter film of the series - scary, lightning-paced and frequently a demonic and clever ride through the emotional landscape of J.K. Rowling's world.

An Interview with Fred Sorenson: "Raiders" pilot still shows some backbone

AN INTERVIEW WITH FRED SORENSON:
 'RAIDERS' PILOT STILL SHOWS BACKBONE

By Jerry Saravia

 

When I first saw "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in 1981, I never did forget the pilot, Jock (sporting a New York Yankees cap), who helped rescue Indiana Jones from the perils of the Peruvian jungle in the famous opening sequence. Of course, most of you probably know this little exchange that Jock and Indy had in that plane:

Indiana Jones: "There is a big snake in the plane, Jock!"

Jock: "Oh that's just my pet snake, Reggie!"

Indiana Jones: "I hate snakes, Jock! I hate them!"

Jock: "Show a little backbone, will yah?"

As of June 12th, "Raiders" will mark its 30th anniversary and it is only fitting that I had the great pleasure of interviewing Fred Sorenson, a currently active pilot for Southwest Airlines, who played the pivotal role of Jock in the classic action-adventure film. Definitely a man with a passion for flying, Fred briefly discusses how he got the role of "Raiders" and what he has been up to since. I'd feel safer in a plane knowing he is the pilot.


1.) Naturally, I must ask: what was it like filming those scenes in "Raiders of the Lost Ark"? How many days were you filming, and did you pilot the plane during the takeoff and such? 


Fred Sorenson: "Our entire project was about 10 days on Island. We started by working with Hank 
Strauch, to lease his Waco UBF. This included flying the airplane from Oregon to LAX where the 
airplane was disassembled and loaded on, what was then Flying Tigers DC8 (Later became FEDEX.) 
The floats were trucked to LAX to meet up with the airplane for shipping. 
Once in Hawaii the airplane was reassembled, in Honolulu and then painted from it’s beautiful red and white paint job to the silver “Air Pirates” color. OB-CPO was the registration added. We all know where that came from ("Star Wars" reference to the rest of you who don't know. Look it up). 
We flew the airplane to Kauai and then prepared for the actual shooting. A camera was originally mounted on the left wing, which proved to be a problem on the first take, resulting in damage to the airplane. Over the next 4 days we worked to repair the airplane. 
During the filming I did actually do the flying of the airplane and the scenes were actually filmed with a camera on the plane, in the air over the south side of Kauai. The takeoff scenes were filmed on a small river next to the Menehune Fish Ponds near Lihue." 

1.5) How did you initially get the part of Jock the pilot in Raiders? 

"I was the only pilot that was flying seaplanes in Hawaii, at the time. We had a Lake Amphibian and the film crew initially asked if we could use it to do the scenes. Too modern, so we used the Waco. I had flown FRANK MARSHALL ("Raiders" producer) and HOWARD KAZANJIAN (executive producer of "Raiders") around the islands, in a Beech 18, looking for places to film. We went out to the Cattleman’s Steakhouse for dinner and they asked me if I could put together the airplane project and also asked if I wanted to play the pilot in the movie. “What was the name of the movie', I asked. 'Sure, sounds like fun'."

2.) I understand that you had helped fly the crew off the island of Kauai when a hurricane hit during the filming of Jurassic Park in 1993. How did you happen to be in the area to rescue them?


"I was a DC-8 Captain for Hawaiian Air Lines. I was also instructing in a Super DC-3 for a freight operation, just starting up in Hawaii. The morning after the hurricane, we offered our DC-3 and crew to fly to Kauai for the Salvation Army. We took in a load of blankets and water. We got hooked up with Kathleen Kennedy as she was trying to get the film crew off the island. 
I worked with Hawaiian Airlines and set up a charter flight, using the DC8. I flew the DC3 back to Honolulu and we loaded up the DC-8 with 30000 pounds of water, donated by Safeway. I flew the DC-8 back to Kauai, picked up the film crew, flew back to Honolulu, dropped part of the crew off there and took the rest of the crew to LAX. I went on vacation after that, retired from Hawaiian Airlines and went to work for Southwest in October of 1992." 

3.) I hear you are a pilot for Southwest Airlines now. How long have you been a pilot? Always a dream of yours? 


"I grew up around old airplanes. My father was a Navy pilot. His hobby was rebuilding old airplanes. While other kids in my school were working on cars, I was learning how to work on airplanes, in the garage and backyard. I soloed at 16, in San Jose, California. I became a flight instructor and went to Japan and ran a flying club for the Naval Air Station in Atsugi, Japan. I went to work for Hawaiian in 1973 and retired from Hawaiian in 1992. I have been with Southwest since then. 
While based in Hawaii, I flew tours, cargo, film work, photomapping and started a long range charter operation with 2 Lockheed Learstars. We did search missions, parts drops, research flights and a couple of notable rescue missions, throughout the South Pacific. 
In 1974, I started an aircraft delivery (ferry) company. We deliver all types of small and large aircraft, all over the world. This also led to many other variations of long range flight operations, in the Pacific. 
While working for Southwest Airlines, I also served as the Director of Operations and Chief Pilot for a VIP 737 operations out of Las Vegas. We specialized in domestic and worldwide charter-type operations. We flew many entertainment groups including the Jimmy Buffett tour for 3 years. We flew many different groups all over the world. One trip, I took Bruce and Patti Springsteen to the wrong island in Greece, because our faxed itinerary didn’t come through very clear and the name of the island ran so we thought we were going to another island 90 miles south of Cofu. They got a little extra tour of the Greek Isles." 


4.) Were you ever considered to do a reprise of the Jock role in the subsequent Indiana Jones sequels?


"Well I don’t know if I was considered, but they never did ask me." 


5.) Out of curiosity, what kind of planes do you like to fly?

"Right now, the Boeing 737 is my bank’s favorite, as it makes the most money, and flying for Southwest has been a DREAM JOB. The VIP 737 was my favorite, due to the places we went and the people we took and the things we did. 

My own collection of airplanes includes a 1942 Beechcraft Staggerwing, 1937 Ryan SCW, 1946 Piper Cub and a 1948 Luscombe Sedan 11A. 

My favorite airplane of all times, was the Lockheed Learstar. This was a 1942 Navy transport that was converted by the designs of Bill Lear to be a very long range, fast corporate business aircraft. It is the only airplane I know that could fly 1250 miles, land on a 2500 foot long dirt runway and have enough fuel to come home. We used it for several years in the Pacific.

I have had the opportunity to fly over 100 different types of airplanes, through the delivery business. There is still no comparison to the Learstar. Thank you for your interest."

 "A picture of the 1942 Lockheed Learstar N350A on Palmyra Island. We were there to rescue this shipwrecked family from Canada." - Courtesy of Fred Sorenson

PRAY YOU DON'T VISIT THIS GATE

THE GATE (1987)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Two boys dig through a hole in the lawn. It is a portal into a world of demons. They don't know that yet, however, one boy has the answers in the liner notes of a heavy metal band album. The band had died for revealing the secrets of the...Gate. Why didn't the album perish into oblivion so that nobody would ever know how to fight the demons? I can't say. "The Gate" is the brainchild of Canadian director Tibor Takacs, and it is a fairly rudimentary and nonsensical horror film for the teens. Only problem is that for 80's scare flicks aimed at a teen audience, there are a half dozen better than this one, starting with "The Lost Boys." "The Gate" never gels or gets its motor running.

The kids are not given much color or variety, save for the angry and scared looks of a very young Stephen Dorff. It would have made more sense for the kids to stay indoors or get sucked into the vortex of the gate. Instead, we get tedious scenes of the kids either tip-toeing outside the front door or lurking around the smoky vapors emitted from the hole in the ground. They also hide in closets and stare at a mothlight that buzzes uncontrollably (all Dorff has to do in one scene is unplug it). Eventually, we get a climactic showdown of several pint-sized, black-eyed demons running around along with a giant, snake-like demon who can be vaporized with a burst of light, though I won't reveal what is used. Oh, and an eye appears on Dorff's hand. Lest I forget the most unholy use of the Holy Bible I've seen until Leo DiCaprio threw it into a river in "Gangs of New York" - instead of reading incantations to rid the evil forces, Dorff's best friend (the expert on demonology) simply throws the holy book into the hole! (And to think that a year later, crowds protested at the showings of "Last Temptation of Christ") Somehow, all this was handled with more imagination in Sam Raimi's early "Evil Dead" pictures than here, especially 1987's "Evil Dead II" (pretty much the textbook example on geeky, goofy, frightful horror). An appearance by Bruce Campbell might have redeemed this garbage.

Even by 1987 standards, "The Gate" is fairly substandard horror and runs an interminable 85 minutes. I like these type of chill-to-the-bone horror stories but no real atmosphere is generated, no real thrills and there are the barest minimum of scares (the stop-motion demons, also accomplished with actors through forced perspective, are fun to watch though). "This "Gate" is a stone best left unturned.

Fun, wobbly, stoned Jedi mind tricks

RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983) 

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

A sequel hated by most Star Wars fans and considered to be humdrum, silly, nearly self-parodic, and overwrought. Yes, all of those things are true, and "Return of the Jedi" is also great fun.

"Return of the Jedi" (originally titled "Revenge of the Jedi") follows and tidies up the events left open at the end of The Empire Strikes Back. Luke and Leia rescue Han Solo (and thaw him out of his frozen carbonated stage) from the throes of the evil Jabba the Hutt. Luke, the Jedi apprentice, goes back to the Dagobah system to see the dying Yoda who has nothing left to teach him except, go face Darth Vader all over again (still haven't figured out Yoda's dying words and neither did the audience I saw it with in 1983). Meanwhile, the evil Empire has built an incomplete Death Star and the Emperor's strength has only gotten stronger. Will the Rebels, including a newly appointed General Solo (!), be able to defeat the Empire and destroy the new Death Star? If you are new to "Star Wars" and have no idea what I am talking about, don't read further.
  
After seeing the Special Edition version years ago, "Return of the Jedi" seemed to be the one that suffered the most from the changes, and it is also the weakest of the three. Firstly, there's an embarrassing sequence redone with CGI effects (and a new song!) in Jabba the Hutt's palace, which looks more like an outtake from a Disney musical. Secondly, I noticed a bizarre trimming of the Ewok celebration at the end - Luke's close-ups in recognition of the spirits of Vader, Kenobi and Yoda seemed to have been cut, and the new Ewok song is less joyful and more of a distraction than anything else (And don't get me started on the unnecessary addition of Hayden Christensen appearing in ghostly form in the 2004 Special Edition version).

Needless to say, the effects in "Jedi" are the best of the three, including the battle on the barge in Tatooine, and the battle on Endor with the flying bikes. Harrison Ford, however, seems stoned out of his mind and less heroic than usual. Ironically, it is Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher who give the better performances. Luke is more mature and has progressed into a full-fledged Jedi; Leia finally seems to know how to use her laser gun and has one tender scene with Luke; and Chewbacca, C3PO and R2D2 are more annoying than ever. Revelations are aplenty and we finally get to see what Darth Vader really looks like under that mask. The writing suffers when there are brief scenes between Han and Leia: their relationship is undeveloped and mostly results in minor bickering and simple declarations such as Solo having to say "I love you" to Leia when he gave a more appropriate line for a scoundrel in "Empire" that Leia now has to say: "I know." Come on, Lucas - where's the tension? 

"Jedi" is a fun movie and a worthy successor but it is not even half as great as "Empire" and it could have shimmered with improvements in the script department (And why did Lucas approve of those characterless Ewoks who resemble nothing more than teddy bears!) I had hoped that The Phantom Menace would approach the level of the first two Star Wars flicks, but this was not to be. "Phantom Menace" is another guilty pleasure of mine, considering how it is ranked by Star Wars fans below "Jedi." Say it ain't so, Lucas. 

Blair Witch still has the power to frighten

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT An introspective analysis of one of the scariest horror films since THE EXORCIST By Jerry Saravia

WARNING: There are major *spoilers* in here about the film. This page is solely intended for those who have seen the film.

In the thick black forests of the Black Hills in Maryland, it is what you don't see that can kill you. Heather Donahue as herself in THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT Heather: "We will look back on all this and laugh heartily. Believe me." Michael: "We are making a film about a witch, not about us getting lost." Josh: "What's your take on the Blair Witch at this point? Do you think she exists?" Heather (smiling): "I don't know. I don't know." The first line uttered at the beginning of "The Blair Witch Project" is "It is a little blurry." This is Joshua Leonard's line as he focuses the video camera and zooms out on the instigator of this whole messy enterprise through the woods, Heather Donahue. That line can also apply to the experience of watching "The Blair Witch Project," one of the most original, creative and truly horrific horror films since "The Exorcist." It is the first horror film in quite some time that also manages to blur the lines between reality and fiction in crudely imaginative ways. Its fertile grounds actually share more of a kinship with the landscapes of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Hills Have Eyes," both films that begin and end as nightmarish trips through Dante's Infernal Circles of Hell. Those films left the horror to the imagination and there was some blood and gore, though minimal compared to the slasher flicks of today. The difference is that "Blair Witch Project" has more in common with the horror films of the 30's and 40's in its entirely implicit nature. Basically, there is no gore or blood at all (save for one revealingly graphic moment), no visible monsters or witches, no special-effects or digital manipulation of images. Instead, we are told this story from the point-of-view of the filmmakers and their experiences of finding the Blair Witch. We get noises, shrieks, screams, altercations, and sheer desperation from the characters, aiming to find their way home from the desolate woods where an inescapable evil exists.  "The Blair Witch Project" begins with Heather Donahue addressing the camera as she gets ready to go on a two-day trip through the Black Hills Forest outside of the town of Burkittsville, Maryland. Joshua Leonard is at her side with the video camera and a CP-16mm black-and-white film camera, and we get a view of Heather's domicile. They already begin shooting as they leave the house, and the film quickly establishes their points-of-view - we are seeing this story as told through the eyes of the protagonists. This is after all existing footage found of the filmmakers after they had disappeared in the woods. Later, they pick up the jocose Michael Williams, the sound recordist, who thanks Heather for the opportunity before saying goodbye to his mother. "Can we see your mom?" asks Heather as she records on her HI-8 camera. They leave hastily.  The trio begin their day by interviewing the locals in the town of Burkittsville about the Blair Witch. One 20-year-old talks about how his parents used the Blair Witch as a scare tactic against being rowdy in the household. One woman with an irate baby daughter speaks of the Blair Witch while the daughter tries to shut her up, and mentions that she saw a documentary special on the Discovery channel. They find an older resident at a grocery store who speaks of the town's famous 1940's case where a man named Rustin Parr killed several kids in the neighborhood and claimed that the Blair Witch made him do it. Then there is a lunatic woman named Mary Brown (very witch-like in appearance) who claims to have seen the witch at Tappy Creek and remembers how the "black hair on her arms and chest" looked like animal fur, but is unable to come up with any other adjective besides "strange." Afterwards, they visit the town cemetery where many kids were buried, and Heather ominously explains, "There are an unusually high number of children laid to rest here. Most of whom passed in the 1940's yet nobody seems to recall anything unusual at this time, to us anyway. Yet legend tells a different story, which is all around us. Etched in stone."  After a brief hiatus at a hotel room where they drink scotch and test equipment, the trio begin as they drive to the Black Hills Forest area. Already, the film involves us with some humor to offset the horror to come. As Joshua drives his car, he admits he does not know how to operate the 16mm camera ("It's measured in meters and feet." Heather: "But isn't this an American camera?" Josh: "I've only used it once.") They arrive at the site as Heather tries to carry her heavy backpack (Mike: "I would help you but I would rather record with the camera.") They begin their trek through the woods, leaving Josh's car in an abandoned road. So far, so good. "Wow!" says Josh as he anticipates the long hike ahead. They begin hiking, crossing streams and walking on logs. The first night, they set up their tents and camp. Joshua relays how he feels like the "Captain" of the ship from Gilligan's Island. Mike corrects him as he says, "It is the skipper you illiterate TV people." This is by far the only self-reflective pop culture moment in the entire film.  The next day, the desperation begins to settle in slowly. Joshua claims he did hear some noise during the night, a kind of cackling. Heather mentions that she slept like a rock, and Michael says he heard nothing and if he did, he would have "shit in his pants." The day begins complete with some off-trail hiking. Heather has the trusty map and the compass, and basically leads the group (Her preparation rests on a couple of hiking books and a text of witch lore seen at the beginning of the film). Mike and Joshua begin to have doubts as they find themselves practically hiking through brushes and twigs and vines.  Heather (noticing Joshua looking at the map): "It is not necessary to look at the map now. Since I know where we are going. We are going straight through here." Mike: "If you knew where we were going, we wouldn't be hiking out here-" Josh: "We're in the middle of the f**in' woods." Heather: "Some of it...some of it is off-trail hiking." Joshua: "We are here (pointing to the map). So we should be more or less going this way" (motioning his hand upwards). Mike (referring to the map): "This looks like Greek to me. It is completely useless." The three continue on their journey, and it begins to rain. Heather tries to convince them that it will take "two, three hours max" to arrive at their destination. Mike concludes that she made that statement two or three hours earlier. They find an offering of rocks and twigs in a nest settled between two branches. Heather looks at her watch (approximately 4:52pm) and suggests setting up camp since it is getting dark. Everyone is tired and exhausted. That night, noises and shrieks are heard again, and they become louder. Mike gets scared and denies hearing anything, though he records it on DAT tape. Heather asks Joshua to record her investigation on 16mm film. She steps out of the tent looking and yelling, "Hello?" More screams are heard and there is a definite rustling of branches and someone or something stomping on the ground, but we never see anything.  The next morning, piles of rock formations are found outside their tent - three of them surrounding the area. Heather: "How could we have set up camp between these rocks just by coincidence?" Heather films everything, and the others suggest going back home. Joshua: "We are obviously not wanted here. So let's go. Heather! Stop recording!" They pack up, and then Heather realizes that she lost the map. She accuses Joshua of taking it and he records her on video in a canted angle. He argues that all she wants to do is stick around and film rocks. Mike asks with bemusement: "Did you really lose the map?" Heather tries to be confident when she adds that it is hard to get lost in America nowadays. They begin walking south, but Josh and Mike do not speak to Heather. Finally, after crossing another stream and getting their feet wet, Mike jokingly admits that he threw the map in a creek. Heather and Joshua start pushing him and yelling. "You betrayed us all," shouts Heather. This trip has come to an end and has spurred all kinds of mixed feelings within the group.  Another night of camping is suggested by Heather despite the rumblings from the others. That night, more noises and shrieks are heard as the trio hides inside the tent. It could be cackling from children, and a baby is heard (possibly the witch's manifestation of such sounds). This culminates in someone or something trying to reach or punch through the tent causing it to shake. Heather and the others escape from the tent and she yells: "What the f*** is that? Oh, my God!" They continue running from the tent, though Heather's shoelaces are untied. They stay up all night, and they never see anything nor do we. In the early morning hours, they discover ominous tree branch formations in the form of a creature with its arms spread out - the twig men. They film everything they see...and slime is found on Josh's belongings. "Josh! Come here! Quick!" cries Heather as she films all the branch-like offerings and symbols, and the others yell at her to continue on hiking south. They wearily continue their trek until they find they are back at the same stream they crossed the previous day. Heather cries, and the others angrily shout "HELP US!" Joshua teaches Heather a lesson in her obsessive filming methods after filming her in close-up and badgering her with the line: "I am out in the middle of the woods. What's my motivation?" Mike calms down everyone. Heather bites and tugs Mike who tries to take the camera away from her. There are the requisite apologies. They decide to sleep in the same tent and calm each other down.  The next day, Joshua is missing and they try to locate him but he is nowhere to be found.  Mike: "Maybe he is at the pond." Heather: No, if he was there, he would've heard me." After some futile searching, Mike and Heather continue their journey back home. "Where was the Wicked Witch from? East or West"? asks Mike. Heather replies that she was indeed from the west and Mike decides that the best way back is east rather than west.  That night more sounds are heard...and they do hear Joshua screaming. It is indecipherable but perhaps he is yelling, "Heather! Heather! Help!" (Again, possibly another manifestation of the witch mimicking Josh's voice). They can't find him anywhere in the pitch-black darkness that surrounds them. The next day, she awakens to find Mike is still around, soundly sleeping in the tent. Heather finds an offering of twigs and branches tied together outside the tent. She places them aside and eventually untangles them revealing severed body parts (some say it is actually his teeth or it might be his tongue or a bloody fingernail! Who knows). She screams and the camera turns away. Heather seems to be suffering a mental breakdown, and gets some consolation from Mike. They set up camp again, and Mike asks Heather what she used to do on weekends. "I used to go hiking, but I think those days are over" says the smiling Heather, desperately trying to regain her composure. They continue to travel through the woods and find an abandoned shack where screams are heard, including Josh's. They continue walking through the decrepit shack finding scribblings and children's hand prints on the walls. More screams are heard as they go upstairs and downstairs through the shack, looking and searching. Mike's video camera is knocked over as it falls and focuses on a slimy substance. Where is Mike? The sobbing Heather continues to move through the shack with her 16mm camera...and finally reveals Mike standing on the corner facing the wall. The camera pans quickly and falls...and is left rattling until it runs out of film. Cut to BLACK.  REVIEW OF THE FILM (Written in 1999) I first heard about "The Blair Witch Project" back in late 1997 on the show "Split Screen," hosted by guru of independent film, John Pierson. The program showed excerpts from the film, and some outtakes not shown in the final product. Producers from Haxan Films talked about the film and how the footage was found by an anthropology class at Montgomery College in Maryland. The footage is the film we see of the disappearance of three filmmakers who went out into the woods looking for the coveted, enigmatic legend of the Blair Witch. Naturally, the producers spoke about the film as if it really happened. The footage they showed seemed real enough to convince anyone (including "fake" footage of a news channel commenting on their disappearance). Of course, I looked everywhere for some knowledge or facts about the investigation and/or the case and found nothing. I don't believe in witches or goblins or any supernatural beings but it is plausible that three people could have disappeared in the woods without a trace. No records were found anywhere in the Internet or in any news files, but what Haxan did brilliantly was to stir up interest in the film itself. Mr. Pierson may or may not have known at the time if the film was a hoax, but he did pose the question and I have been riveted by the footage and the story ever since.  Then I heard that the film was screened at the Sundance Film Festival and the Cannes Film Festival and I saw the clever websites, which were receiving as much as 2 million hits a day. I've seen the film twice, once at the Angelika Film Center in New York and at a theatre in New Jersey. What are my feelings now that I've seen one of the most anticipated films of the year? Very positive. "The Blair Witch Project" is one of the best horror films in many howling moons. What is particularly effective about "The Blair Witch Project" is how realistic and authentic the whole film is. It really seems like actual footage found of three people who were to anxious to discover a spooky legend. The fact that most of it is shot on Hi-8 video and on 16mm black-and-white film adds enormously to the authenticity - we believe these people are in jeopardy and thus we become enraptured by their experiences. Video is real enough (operating at 30 frames per second) to make anyone believe that whatever transpires behind the camera is really happening. It is a medium omnipresent on television, from shows like COPS to The Real E.R to most "reality" programming. Video is as close an approximation of reality as we are likely to get from any other medium.  What is doubly remarkable about "Blair Witch Project" is not only that the story is involving but that we see how the victims, the protagonists of the story, are affected by the unseen evil every step of the way. There isn't a single scene that is not shared by any of the three principal characters. Most horror and slasher films since "Halloween" (1978) centered on the killer and seeing everything from the killer's point-of-view. Michael Myers became a hero for many gore fans, and thus sprang Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and so on. It became a phenomenon that the reason that the targeted audience (mostly teenagers) went to see these films was to see the latest mutilations and creatively bloody executions of the victims, who remained characterless ciphers; for example, the stereotypical naked girls who have sex will die whereas virgins will survive a killer's wrath. There are some exceptions such as "Scream" and its sequels, which did not aim for the same psycho perspective and its characters were at least given some depth. But "Blair Witch" never shows us a witch or anything evil in any physical form. This story is about its victims, pure and simple - the ones trying to survive in the labyrinth they were placed in. And we do care about Heather, Mike and Josh enough to hope they make it out of their surroundings alive. They argue, they are naive, they are unprepared, they fight senselessly, but if we did not care about them or their plight, the horror would never materialize or truly scare or titillate us. That is the cardinal rule of all horror films - to empathize, to identify. Another rule is that the situation or environment has to be credible or plausible to some degree. Many of us may have found ourselves in similar situations as Heather, Josh and Mike have, particularly those of us who've hiked through the woods and been lost or almost lost.  The performances by the three lead actors are so good that it is impossible to believe that the events are not really happening. Heather Donahue is the controlling leading figure of the film - she guides the group through the woods and gives a brief background of the history of the Blair Witch ("The story is unsettling enough.") She is also too insistent on recording every bit of information she can get a handle on, and at the most inopportune moments. Her obsessive character is very much like Winona Ryder's character Lelaina in "Reality Bites" and Henry Jaglom's directorial alter-ego in "Someone to Love." She changes from controlling and spiteful to shaken and deeply scared by the end of the film Interesting that she switches roles with Mike in terms of leadership). Her final confession to the camera where she apologizes to her parents and to the parents of Josh and Mike is unsettling, emotionally powerful and as humanistic as any horror film ever gets. It is destined to become one of the most memorable and indelible images of human terror ever to be seen in the annals of horror.  CLOSE-UP of teary-eyed Heather as she peers into the video camera: "I am so...so sorry for everything that's happened. In spite of what Mike says, it is my fault because it is my project. Everything had to be my way. I said we had to go south...and this is where we ended up. It is all because of me that we are hungry, cold...and hunted. (She looks up as she hears noises again) What is that? I am...so scared." Josh Leonard is the long-haired hippie type whose primary intent at the onset is to have a good time. He does not take anything seriously, until he realizes they are lost and without food or cigarettes. His fear settles in on the third day of their journey when he realizes he will miss work and will be unable to return the camera equipment on time. When Mike complains and cries out for help, Josh can be seen marching past him ready to cry. Everyone suffers a mental breakdown at some point, and he often wanders off by himself and cries trying to regain some composure.  Mike Williams is the merry prankster, the court jester of the group, who in the end turns out to have the most faith in Heather - they are left to their own wits to get out alive. Mike is skeptical and always in fear and causes the group to lose the path back home when he throws the "useless" map in a creek. In the end, though, he is the most sensible character and grows closer to Heather - she puts her arm around him at one point hoping for relief from the endless terror.  Contrary to popular belief, "The Blair Witch Project" is not meant to be professionally edited or filmed, and it isn't. If it was polished or if there were smooth transitions, the reality of the horror would not have been so unshakable or disturbing. Remember what the opening titles read: "In 1994, three Montgomery film students went out into the Black Hills woods near Burkittsville, Maryland. A year later, their footage was found." This immediately sets up everything that transpires on screen and it sets forth our identification with the protagonists - we believe every event as it happens to them. Adding to that identification is the fact that the three actors use their own names as the names of the characters. The lines of reality and fiction really start to blur.  Another complaint about the film is that the hand-held camerawork is often too shaky and disorganized. The same can be said of the Rodney King video - when events are captured in real time and with spontaneity, it is likely to be very shaky particularly on video. Having said that, the hand-held camerawork did not cause me to have motion sickness but it seems to have caused major audience walk-outs.  With no instrumental music score, special-effects or gimmicks of any kind, "The Blair Witch Project" is as good a horror film as we are likely to see for sometime. It leaves the horror to the imagination, and the tense, nail-biting finale will give you goose bumps for days. Ominous, disturbing, thought-provoking and often scary in retrospect, this film will not exactly entice anyone to go hiking any time soon.