Don't piss on Troll 2

BEST WORST MOVIE (2009)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Never before has a movie gone directly to video (with only the barest of theatrical showings), get slammed by critics and then get revitalized as some sort of cult film. In addition, it is a sequel and in-name only. That is the story of "Troll 2," a movie championed by comedians Patton Oswalt and Conan O'Brien and once you see it, you can't forget it. It is ashamedly awful but not purposely, and that is part of its charm. And now a documentary on this film pops up, "Best Worst Movie," and it shows how "Troll 2" had in fact changed the lives of everyone involved in it.

George Hardy ("A rich man's Craig T. Nelson") is an Alabaman dentist, a good-natured, jolly fellow who can tell when you have gingivitis. He played the family man in "Troll 2" who tried to rescue the family from goblins, not trolls, who want to eat them and turn them into vegetables! Hardy admits he was a bad actor giving a bad performance, but he always had that dream of acting. He gave it up out of respect to his father and became a dentist with a string of patients, and helps poor kids for free. He is loved in the community and dresses up as a tooth fairy annually but he is not loved for being in "Troll 2." Eventually, a fundraiser screening is held in town. Hardy's past as a jolly male cheerleader, however, may lead to some chuckles.

Director Michael Paul Stephenson (who played the young Joshua in "Troll 2") spends most of the film focusing on George Hardy. We also get tidbits on a sage actor who played the grandfather specter and feels he has wasted most of his life; Margo, who played the mother in the family, is now a delusional woman taking care of her sickly mother, and claims that the film's quality is closest to "Casablanca" (!); and there is the actor who played the shopkeeper in the film, who suffers from mental illness and has no recollection of what he did in the film.

Claudio Fragasso comes off the worst. He is the Italian director who helmed "Troll 2" and thought he was making a masterpiece, a film that is allegedly anti-vegetarian. Yet he scoffs and berates his cast at Q & A's, telling them that they have a poor memory about the film's production. Truthfully, at the time of production, he couldn't speak a lick of English and neither could do the crew. Claudio is amazed and angered that people laugh at the film - is he kidding?

"Best Worst Movie" takes us through sold-out U.S. screenings of "Troll 2" and the legions of fans who declare it the best movie ever. We also see the reality of an unintentionally funny horror flick that can barely muster enthusiasm at U.K. conventions. When there is a Q & A, few people are in attendance. The horror fans rather see the Nightmare on Elm Street ensemble. This documentary is mostly bittersweet about a film that was a failure and somehow found an audience, but it did change the lives of those involved. The actors who thought they would never work again after making "Troll 2," found work after the film got a cult following (and one actress would still rather keep it off her resume). At least we can say that the cast is now in one film that is a good/bad movie and another that is actually quite good.

Not quite a scream, baby

SCREAM 4 (2011)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

When I first saw the original "Scream" in 1996, I was floored by its first half and felt underwhelmed by the second half. It was good for what it was but it needed that injection of Wes Craven's postmodernist deconstruction take that he laid on with "New Nightmare" two years earlier. "Scream 4" begins with a nifty prologue-within-the-prologue, gets mired with characters I could not give a lick about and then, something happens. By the second half, "Scream 4" picks up the pace and tempo and has a gripping finale. Is that enough to save it? Not sure.

We are back in Woodsboro for the return of the survivor of the bloody rampage of the first three "Scream" films, Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell), now the author of a self-help book. Her last stop on her book tour is Woodsboro, a place I would not think of stopping by considering her past, bloody traumatic experiences there. Of course, Mr. Ghostface, that iconic Edward Munch-face from the iconic painting, "The Scream," is back killing teenagers from Woodsboro High. It is the anniversary of those bloody murders from eons ago and now, horror of horrors, a dead body is found in Sidney's car! Who is this new Ghostface who can run faster than the Road Runner and materialize almost anywhere with phantom-like precision?

Let's not forget that Deputy Dewey (David Arquette) is now the sheriff and married to bored Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox). Dewey is in charge of the case of the growing number of murdered teens. Numbed and shocked Sidney stays with her cousin, Jill (Emma Roberts), and is referred to as the Angel of Death. But is Sidney really responsible for the resurrection of Ghostface, or is it the shy film geek (Rory Culkin) who declares that horror remakes have upped the ante on gore and invented new rules? Actually, I take issue with his mantra of horror facts because horror remakes are simply gorier but they are hardly inventive (Zombie's "Halloween," anyone?) Or could the killer be Sidney's overzealous publicist (Alison Brie from TV's "Community"), or is it the canny party girl (Hayden Panettiere)?

As I had mentioned earlier, "Scream 4" goes off the rails after a truly riveting and meta (yeah, that word for the box-within-the-box) opening sequence that shows clips from "Stab" films with two girls watching one scene, and then we learn that scene is being watched by two other girls! It is the most original and witty sequence in the entire film. Once the film shifts to the real world of "Scream 4," things go downhill. Dewey and Gale have a fight over Gale's insatiable desire to return to the media world. Sidney Prescott looks only slightly befuddled by the murderous, blood-on-the-walls events around her. I started getting bored wondering if there was any fuel left to rev up this screamified engine. Alas, a little bit of fuel.

After a slow start, "Scream 4" turns up the blood-splattered dial to 11, and there is a welcome burst of comic energy thanks to the terrific Courteney Cox. Her character, Gayle, wants to keep an eye on the "Stabathon" all-night party at a local farm (All seven Stab films are played annually at this event). The audience of teens relish the kills with glee (eeek!), and Gale sets up cameras on haystacks to track the real killer. Meanwhile, Ghostface slices and dices past Jill's friends and family and eventually confronts Sidney, but who is the killer and are there two of them? Will the cops watching Jill's home survive this ordeal?

"Scream 4" is full of the requisite postmodernist winks that the series built itself on. 71-year-old horrormeister Wes Craven ups the bloodletting but not the focus on character, though that is largely writer Kevin Williamson's fault. The stabbings become repetitious and frankly dull - don't want to sound like a prude but there is far too much violence and not much of it carries any sting or surprise. Neve Campbell, a fierce, animated actress who brought so much humanity and sensitivity to Sidney Prescott, is on autopilot here - she walks through the movie. But the last half of the film does in fact work, and there is a devilish surprise that kept me on the edge of my seat. I do like the remarks from these modern horror-savvy teens about horror remakes but they still haven't figured out how to outsmart the killer. This could've been Craven's attempt to really revitalize the genre by truly deconstructing it and making something new out of it. Four Ghostface movies and he has still only scratched the surface.

A Whisky-Soaked Ace of Spades

LEMMY (2010)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

If there was ever a nuclear war, all that's gonna be left afterwards are a load of cockroaches and Lemmy

I have only listened to a couple of Motorhead songs recently (I am not a heavy metal listener, only a beginner). I liked what I heard - the rickety rhythms, the gravelly voice of Lemmy himself - it does sound more like rock than metal. So I guess I was not surprised to hear that Lemmy himself doesn't consider Motorhead to be metal. Such are the surprises in store for a humane portrait of the cult singer outlaw icon, Lemmy, in this fascinating if slightly long-winded documentary.

The Staffordshire-born Lemmy the Lurch was actually named Ian Fraser Kilmister. Before possessing his Richenbacher bass guitar and receiving the success of Motorhead, he was part of the Beatles-type group, the Rockin' Vickers. Lemmy also knew a world when rock and roll did not exist - it was inevitable that it would exist and he would be part of it. He was once a roadie for Jimi Hendrix, had been a band member of Hawkwind from which he was fired for using speed, and made his way into Motorhead which Ozzy Osbourne claims was truly the first metal band (though Black Sabbath technically preceded them).  

What is fascinating about this rock legend is that he is practically superheroic. At the age of 62, he still drinks a jack and coke everyday (and has for thirty years) and lives near L.A.'s Rainbow Room, a bar for rockers and heavy metal musicians. He still sings and rocks like nobody's business. He still tours, plays video games, watches "Family Guy," collects World War I and II memorabilia and plenty of knives for their aesthetic value (he has a vast knowledge of military history), and talks to only one of his sons. Lemmy is unapologetic about his alcohol intake ("He is a lion," quips one rock and roller) and doesn't give a damn what others think of him. But he is also resolutely human. He speaks with a tinge of sadness about a girlfriend from the early 70's who died of heroin, a drug he is opposed to. Lemmy mentions only in passing about his father who left him at a young age, and declares his son to be the most important aspect of his life.

Other than that, this documentary glorifies the man, the rocker who won't quit, the one who Foo Fighters (and former Nirvana drummer) Dave Grohl claims is the real deal as opposed to the neutered Keith Richards (I suppose the argument is that Keith Richards used to be a wild man and Lemmy is still the same). Later scenes inside a tour bus seem to run on forever (a little editing might have benefited). Directors Greg Olliver and Wes Orshoski provide small shards of insight (such as Lemmy's crucial letter to the husband of former Nashville Pussy's bassist Corey Park insisting he did not have an affair with her) but I imagine only as much as the whiskey-soaked man himself will allow. If I can't love the film because of its adoration of this rocker without the slightest hint of criticism or opposition, I do like Lemmy himself. Unapologetic, friendly, humble - he is the ultimate rocker on the surface but I also sense a man who is in touch with his soul and with the people in his life. He doesn't have many regrets and doesn't live in the past.

The poster child for needless remakes

THE STEPFATHER (2009)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Hollywood is so remake-happy nowadays that they'll even remake slasher/horror movies that were box-office failures. 1987's "The Stepfather" was a hell of a Hitchcockian suspense thriller yet, outside of L.A. and New York, it didn't perform well and only received an audience when it debuted on cable. Lead actor Terry O'Quinn (who is now known for TV's "Lost") was so terrifyingly maniacal in it, complete with a "Leave it to Beaver" complex about family life, that his stepfather remains one of the best psychopaths ever seen on the silver screen. O'Quinn returned for the first sequel (which wasn't bad) and the series ended with an abominable TV-movie sequel which did not feature O'Quinn. Twenty-years-later we get a remake that is neither as good nor as bad as other slasher flicks, but just as silly, undernourished and flavorless.

Murderous stepdaddy is now played by Dylan Walsh, who calmly walks out of his home after killing his entire family. He moves to a new town, becomes David Harris, has a meet-cute to end all meet-cutes in a supermarket where he runs into Susan Harding (played by Sela Ward), falls for her, moves in with her, and gets a job through Susan's sister (played winningly and smartly by Paige Turco). Of course, David has no social security card, no work history under the assumed name, and naturally Susan's sister gets suspicious. Then David's neighbor gets suspicious after seeing someone bearing the same facial features on America's Most Wanted (thank you John Walsh - no relation to Dylan). Of course, David stupidly checks online for his notoriety on America's Most Wanted website (O'Quinn's stepdaddy would never have done that). Plus, there is the new stepson who just go back from military school and whom David tries to get along with (stepdad has a problem with his boy's skimpily-dressed girlfriend). Yeah, David wants family so badly, he'll kill them and move on if they disappoint him (or if they find out who he really is). I want to say bring back the delightful Jill Schoelen, who played O'Quinn's stepdaughter in the original, but I hate to be too obvious. She could've played Sela Ward's part since Sela is wasted in the role.

Red herring after red herring, "The Stepfather" has too many characters and too many set-ups without any real payoffs. This is essentially an overstuffed, undercooked bore of a movie. The PG-13 rating may have a lot to do with it since the ads suggest a "Disturbia" comparison. Comparing one mediocre movie to another doesn't help. The performances are adequate and yet too facile, too unpenetrating. Nothing in this movie seems to evolve like the thriller counterpart of the 1987 original. It is more like an over-the-top TV-movie about a stepdad who happens to be evil, but with little visual investment in the overall feel of the community with its tree-lined avenues, picket fences and so on - we never get a full picture of suburbia the way the original cinematic shocker managed.

Competently made with the usual array of false scares and a sillier ending to boot than in most thrillers of this type, "The Stepfather" might bring the occasional shock to the system but it is far too nondescript to succeed wholly. Only Paige Turco brings an element of surprise and a small measure of depth (she is a lesbian hooked on Sherry Stringfield, the latter of whom you might know from TV's "E.R."). This Turco character would have enraged O'Quinn's character two decades ago. In the 21st century, the stepdad just wants her to stay out of his forged work history. That's progress, I suppose.

God of Thunder likes beer

THOR (2011)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Back in 1996, Kenneth Branagh made the exasperating, overlong, stupendously amazing and richly layered and highly melodramatic "Hamlet." Branagh took the source material, adapted it to the 19th century, and took almost every word for word from the original text and made it breathe in a stunning 70mm format. Laurence Olivier would've been proud. So what is my point? My point is that I was not the least bit surprised that Branagh took on the comic-book "Thor." He has created an exasperating, stupendously amazing and richly detailed film that is not the least bit overlong or too melodramatic. Branagh occasionally thinks big and, when he does, he creates dazzling entertainment. And the Shakespearean allusion to the comic-book is there in full-force.

"Thor" is the God of Thunder, majestically played by Chris Hemsworth, a brash, arrogant, prideful warrior who longs to be King of Asgard. Thor's father, Odin (Anthony Hopkins), sees how brash Thor is and before Thor is inducted in a ceremony, the Frost Giants crash the party. The Frost Giants are eight or nine-foot creatures who have the ability to turn anyone into ice. They are after the sacred Casket of Ancient Winters - it is their lifeforce that was taken from them by Odin during a past war. When Thor learns that Asgard's security has been breached, he takes his motley crew of warriors (The Warriors Three) to Jotenheim, the ice planet where the Frost Giants reside. A big battle ensues, with Thor wielding his powerful hammer with great velocity. Odin, who wished to settle peacefully with the Frosties, feels that Thor has betrayed him and banishes him to the planet Earth, in addition to sending the hammer there as well, firmly placed on a rock like Excalibur. When Thor learns humility and a sense of worth, he just might get his powerful weapon back.

When the film is earthbound, we learn that an astrophysicist, Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), is awestruck in the New Mexico desert by wormholes in the nightly sky. Little does she know that the wormholes bring Thor to Earth. Jane is smitten by Thor and can't comprehend his Norse-like method of dispatching doctors and policemen by flinging them with Hulk-like precision. Thor is a mortal on Earth and tries to get Jane, her mentor Dr. Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgård), and Jane's i-Pad-prone and bored tech-savvy assistant, Darcy (Kat Dennings), to release his precious hammer so he can get back to Asgard. Only problem is that Thor's deceitful brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston, who looks like Iago, Othello's betrayer), craves Odin's throne and has some evil deeds up his sleeve. If the familial problems of the gods of other planets isn't in some way related to Shakespeare (and Branagh freely admits it is intended to), then I do not know what is.

"Thor" could have been a CGI fest of explosions and a lot of grunts and bells and whistles, sort of like the tepid "Conan the Barbarian" remake. Thanks to director Branagh and the ideally cast Chris Hemsworth, I breathed a sigh of relief when I did not see a single explosion within the first five minutes. Okay, that was a little sarcastic. I actually said, thank you Mr. Hemsworth who makes Thor a jolly, passionate, arrogant, funny God of Thunder. He does not look ridiculous in his armor or when he wields the hammer (unlike that especially campy version of Thor from "The Incredible Hulk Returns" TV movie). This is not a Thor that lands with a thud - he lands with humor, panache and a larger-than-life charisma. And when he is banished by his father, I can't say I wasn't more than a little moved by Hemsworth's nuanced, humanistic Thor.

The movie also has a great pair of villains, including Loki who will figure in the plot of the upcoming "The Avengers" movie; a tremendously exciting sequence with the Destroyer, which is a metal giant that can demolish a New Mexico town with his heat-emitting visor; superb special-effects of the planets of Asgard and Joteheim and those flashy rainbow bridges and a rotating sphere known as the Bifrost that offers passage between planets (the Bifrost is such a believable piece of machinery that I was ready to duck when it rotated at great speeds); Anthony Hopkins' opening narration of the times of war that will remind some of his similar tone of voice-over in Coppola's "Dracula"; and Stellan Skarsgård who is a hoot and a half as the doctor, who loved reading stories about Thor as a child but can't bring himself to believe he is sharing a beer with the God of Thunder.

If I have a gripe, it is Natalie Portman. She is an empty vessel of love in this movie, and it shows how times have changed when she delivered far more depth in her career-making roles in "The Professional" and "Beautiful Girls" than here. I suppose if the role had been played by current "2 Broke Girls" sitcom star, Kat Dennings, this movie might have been perfect popcorn fare. Added to that is the fleeting appearance by Rene Russo as Thor's mother - an easy paycheck and a bit of a waste of an actress who has not been used well in a long time.

Still, one slight miss in an otherwise brightly shaped and colored comic-book fantasy like "Thor" is like saying there is a floating pin in the universe headed for Asgard. Yeah, not that big a deal.

Rallying for Reilly

THE LIFE OF REILLY (2006)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

The foppish, bespectacled Charles Nelson Reilly is mostly known for being an active game show panelist on 1970's "Match Game." But, lo and behold, his game shown stint is minuscule when compared to his creative output as an actor in on/off-Broadway plays and small roles in everything from "The Love Boat" to "The X-Files." "The Life of Reilly" is a bold attempt, creatively and visually, to understand the man whose life couldn't possibly be adapted by Eugene O'Neill.

The filmed one-man show, "Save it for the Stage," has Charles Nelson Reilly waxing on about his upbringing in the Bronx in New York. His mother wouldn't hear of any complaints of any kind - she would tell her son, "Save it for the stage!" Charles had problems with his eyesight in school, was teased relentlessly by bullies, yet he had a passion for acting on the stage. Problems still emerged in the Reilly household. Charles's father did watercolor ads and was offered a job by Walt Disney to come to California. Charles's mother insisted on staying in the East Coast, and Papa Charles became depressed and was eventually institutionalized. But it is the young and eager Charles, who despite having to move with his mother to Connecticut to stay with Swedish relatives ("Imagine being the odd one in an Ingmar Bergman household"), got the urge to go to NYC and study acting with Uta Hagen at HB Studio. He made it, studied with other future actor luminaries such as Hal Holbrook, Harvey Korman, Jason Robards and Steve McQueen to name a few, and got the enviable position of being an understudy for Paul Lynde and Dick Van Dyke. If my younger readers don't know they are, now is the time to look them up.

Interestingly, no mention is made of the "Match Game" years (originally, Charles's play ran for three hours). Charles Nelson Reilly is more interested in divulging the hard times, especially his childhood years. One riveting moment out of many is when a 13-year-old Charles decides to sneak away to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus in town, is caught leaving by his mother who wishes for the circus to burn to the ground and, in a moment that will make your jaw-drop, he tells the story of how the circus tent did in fact burn to the ground. A child runs away with her face burnt. It is a momentous tragedy (168 people were killed), gravely told by Reilly as the observer and survivor. In less grave episodes of his life, Reilly also details the Florida years where he was given a beach house to live in by his friend of 50 years, Burt Reynolds, so that he could teach acting. He also humorously points out that actors like Hume Cronyn and Shirley Booth personified his parents. And his first movie screening were he is taken by his mother is a moment that can stop time. Reilly has that special gift in hooking his audience in.

"The Life of Reilly" is from a filmed performance in late 2004 when Reilly apparently fell ill from lifelong asthma (he passed away in 2007). This film by Frank Anderson and Barry Poltermann is rich with detail and sharp wit, thanks to Reilly who is a skilled raconteur and brilliant actor. The stage itself has a podium, a desk with mementos and ruffled papers, and a few movie theater seats. It all makes for a very intimate show with a very intimate man who tells his stories as if you are his friend. Many will probably not notice the resemblance to the "Match Show" panelist (Reilly was in fact bald most of his life) as he wrings laughs, humanity and tears in equal doses. He shakes us with his affecting look at his life, his love and passion for acting, his camaraderie with his fellow actors, and the tumultuous life of his parents and his unfortunate aunt (let us say that her lifelong body pain was resolved in a most unnatural manner). Anyone who loves acting and theater should not pass up on this most miraculous, bittersweet, delectable stage.

Vampire Baby Boom

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 1

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Although this new "Twilight" chapter falls short behind "Eclipse" (the best entry in the series by far),  "Breaking Dawn: Part 1" is stunning and simply heartbreakingly intense but it is also beset by a problem that plagues any film divided into two chapters - the second chapter might have all the goodies that this chapter only hints at.

The lovestruck couple, Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), are finally getting hitched. They also have their honeymoon in Rio de Janeiro in a private island that would be home to Robinson Crusoe. Apparently, this island has a cleaning staff that caters to what seems to be the only house in the island! Edward and Bella have their one rapturous night of ecstasy that involves a broken bed frame and a tossing of sheets and bed pillows all over the room. The cleaning staff will have a field day with this couple - one night and already the beautifully decorated home with windows facing the sea is already in shambles. This honeymoon looks like it was ripped from the Harlequin romance novels. I was almost ready to give up with this series, thinking that "Twilight" should not have romance and sex swathed with sepia-tones and slightly unintentional hilarity. After all, it could become campy when you consider this is a romance between a 103-year-old vampire and a 17-year-old girl.

Things improve quickly when Bella discovers she is pregnant! This baby is kicking her bony ass rather quickly since vampire babies are not regular babies. Bella becomes a ghostly figure of her past self, experiencing pain, slightly weak bones, and the possibility of death if she gives birth to the vampire child. Abortion is hinted at and super wolfie kid, Jacob (Taylor Lautner), is mad and jealous as hell. Still, Jacob wants to be at Bella's side and ultimatums between the Cullen family and Jacob's super wolf pack are raised. Will Bella give birth and die? Will Jacob and Edward fight to the death for Bella's love? Should a union occur between a human and a vampire when the human is still only human? Will the Cullens ever consider buying curtains for their glass encased house where every room is visible to wandering eyes?

"Breaking Dawn: Part 1" spends far too much time in Rio and too little time with the interactions between the Cullens and the Jacob wolf pack. That is not to say that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson do not have chemistry - they do - but this whole Brazilian episode swallows up too much running time and is superfluous at best. I mean, we know they love each other (it took three films to prove that) so why not get on with the central notion of the birth of a baby who may not be human.

There are surprises in store for the die hard fans, which I will not reveal here for the uninitiated. Suffice to say, the movie is still quite a trip and we feel the insular pain that Bella is going through. A bloody birth scene is *tastefully* directed. There is also a neat flashback to Edward Cullen's past. Oh, and there are those blood bags. And Kristen Stewart simply gets better and better with each installment - she is the heart and soul of the "Twilight" saga."Breaking Dawn: Part 1" is uneven yet it still delivers in its own hypnotic and absorbing manner, thanks to solid direction by Bill Condon ("Gods and Monsters"). But it is more of a pretext and/or setup to part 2 than a unifying whole.