1970 predates Evil Dead by several equinoxes

EQUINOX (1970)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

What happens when you have a film where two young couples run around a half-mile of desert and bush only to enter a cave and then exit it? "Equinox," that is what happens. What about a smiling old man who laughs like Woody Woodpecker inside a cave and hands a magic book with strange symbols to one guy? "Equinox," that is what happens. What about a park ranger who turns out to be the king of demons, known as Asmodeus, who is mad that the magic (and very dusty) book is in their hands? "Equinox," that is what happens. What happens when you have a pair of Ray Harryhausen stop-motion effects including a giant ape-like creature with hooves? "Equinox," that is what happens.

The movie begins with an institutionalized young man, Dave (Edward Connell), who survived the attack with demons. He tells his story in flashback to a curious reporter. In the flashback (which is the whole film), Dave is looking for a geologist in a park that looks more like a series of dunes surrounded by some bush and caves. He is joined by two girls and another guy, and we get a strange dimension where they can see a castle that is more of a mirage. Creatures appear after the magic book is taken, though none of the symbols are uttered in any incantation that opens any portal. The demonic creatures chase the victims who run around endlessly. That is the film, folks.

"Equinox" was directed by three people, one of them being the uncredited Dennis Muren (who also helmed the special photographic effects). Muren went on to do fantastic visual effects for "Jurassic Park," "Star Wars," "Terminator 2," "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom," and much more. Actor Ed Begley, Jr. was assistant to the cameraman. He also went on to better things. The reporter at the end of this snoozefest sums up "Equinox" best: "There is no story here."

Bloodless Pitt, Schoelen and Leitch

CUTTING CLASS (1989)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Cutting Class" is so confused and muddled that I gave up figuring out what it was trying to be. Is this a slasher film, a parody of a slasher film, or just rotten, slipshod filmmaking? I'll go with the latter.

Jill Schoelen is Paula Carlson, a high-school teenage girl who is being sought by two guys at school. Basketball high-school star Dwight (Brad Pitt) wants Paula in bed - are they going steady or not? Who knows. Former mental patient Brian (Donovan Leitch, Jr.) was once Dwight's best friend, but he may also want to get down and dirty with Paula. Or does he? Who can tell with all those endless menacing stares except, after a while, the stares become monotonous and laughable. Martin Mull is Paula's father who is attacked and practically left for dead, dragging himself from end of a marsh to another. And let us not leave out the late Roddy McDowall as a teacher who also has the hots for Paula.

"Cutting Class" has one murder that is certainly clever in its visual design - it takes place in a gym and has been mentioned in the slasher film annals of blood and gore murders. The rest of the movie is a slow-moving bore that is choppily edited and completely lacking in rhythm. It feels like leftover 80's slasher nonsense featuring a bloodless cast and intrinsically bloodless direction by Rospo Pallenberg (who wrote two decent films, "The Emerald Forest" and "Excalibur"). Jill Schoelen practically walks through this movie, getting by on her cheerleader looks and her tush (a waste of a good actress). Brad Pitt merely exists as eye candy, though he shows some passion when getting his head stuck in a vise. The whodunnit of new murders at the school can be seen a mile away (hate to give it away but just think about the season of the witch). This movie makes me wonder just what the filmmakers intended - its purpose is nonexistent.

A dusty, dull Devil

DOMINION: PREQUEL TO THE EXORCIST (2005)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia 

I'll be honest: I'd love to see a grown-up Regan MacNeil as played by Linda Blair. I'd like to see Regan as a single woman with a child, living in present-day America, dealing with her personal, private and real demons. That would be a fascinating sequel, if done right. But a story about Father Lankester Merrin's early days, several years before the events of the original "Exorcist," doesn't really satisfy me unless of course the role is played by Max von Sydow. They sort of dealt with Merrin's past in the abominable "Exorcist II: The Heretic" and then again for the horrendously underimagined "Exorcist: The Beginning." Now there is the earlier version of "The Beginning," Paul Schrader's own "Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist," considered too spiritual and not horrific enough. There is more spirituality in this version, but less emphasis on what makes some of the characters spiritual.

Father Merrin (played once again by Stellan Skarsgard) is the faithless priest, now archaeologist, who is in South Africa in the late 1940's digging out a dome with a church underground. It turns out it is a church with statues of archangels surrounding it, and there is a pagan church underneath that by way of a coffin. British colonialists protect the church but there is only so much they can do when demons unleash their powers, specifically Mr. Pazuzu himself (not actually named in this movie, but you know who it is). Merrin's crisis of faith comes into play again, and there is some poor villager, Cheche (played by international singer Billy Crawford) who may be possessed. Oh, yes, and a lovely nurse (Clara Bellar, who certainly looks the part of a Florence Nightingale-type) and let's not forget the young, naive priest (Gabriel Mann).

Schrader's version of this film was shelved by Morgan Creek productions and remade by Renny Harlin in less than a few months apart (completely unheard of in La-La Land). Harlin's MTV-version was a blood-soaked bore whereas Schrader's version is simply boring. Skarsgard is generally a fine actor but he is so indifferent to the events surrounding him that you wonder when he is going to yawn (and that crisis of faith cliche is well becoming too much of a cliche nowadays). The CGI effects, though sparingly used, are shoddy including a laughable scene where cattle eat hyena remains. There is also a Northern Lights-montage section that leaves one almost nostalgic for Linda Blair waving her arms in ecstasy amidst locusts in "Exorcist II." Whatever spirituality exists in this film is only in the mind of the beholder, or the viewer.

"Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist" is not a bad film by any means. It is visually spellbinding at times (thanks to the lensing by veteran cinematographer Vittorio Storaro), and there is a fear of dread that occasionally works - it even looks like a western. In the end, though, the actors are cardboard and listless and the story doesn't carry enough punch (though I like the opening scene with Merrin in the Holocaust era). The devil may have had his due in 1973, and we don't need any more extensions of "The Exorcist" added to our collective memory.

Your God is not here today!

EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING (2004)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

A dead baby covered with maggots. An African ritual resulting in severe
piercings and stabbings. A group of hyenas chewing a young kid to death.
A crow plucking a human eyeball. A Holocaust scenario recreated in bluish 
tones where more bloody executions take place. Is this a sequel to "Angel 
Heart"? A new horror picture by Dario Argento? Wait, there's Stellan 
Skarsgard as a young Father Merrin, who insists he is more of an archaeologist than a 
priest. There he is dressed in khaki pants and shirt with a sun and fun 
hat, excavating for something mysterious in the Kenyan desert. Is this 
an Indiana Jones picture? Nope, it is the justifiably reviled "Exorcist: 
The Beginning," a pure waste of 85 million down the toilet drain with some 
added pea soup to really deliver a stench. 

This lurid and highly indifferent prequel has been gestating for many years. First, the late John Frankenheimer was attached to direct and dropped out. Then came Paul Schrader who managed to shoot a full feature-length version (titled "Dominion"). The studio hated it, fired Schrader, reshot the entire film with director Renny Harlin and demanded more blood and guts - you know, a typical horror picture. So here we are served up the latest in the most unnecessary prequel imaginable. Harlin infests the screen with so many rapid flash cuts of blood-soaked imagery that all imagination is drained. And there is an African ritual sequence with a young boy strapped to a bed that will remind many of "Angel Heart." We also get repetitive Holocaust scenes where a Nazi tells Merrin, "Your God is not here today!" These scenes are intriguing but Harlin has such a sledgehammer style that it robs the film of anything remotely spiritual or moral.

The central story has Merrin as an archaeologist who has lost his faith. Of course, the natural course of events as exacted by our favorite demon, Pazuzu, will have Merrin confront his inner demons. Skarsgard does as well as he can with the role but he seems uninvolved with the story. And a final confrontation with evil merely elicits expressions of apathy from Skarsgard, not genuine shock of someone rediscovering their faith.

No scares, no real story, nothing remotely spiritual on any level - reportedly, Schrader's version is the more spiritual one. Instead we are saddled with a gratuitous shower scene with a nude nurse, and a demon at the climactic finish that writhes and spider-walks just like Linda Blair in the original. No, my fellow horror fans, all this is the makings of a misguided disaster nobody wanted. Call it "Exorcist: The Desperation to Make a Prequel at any Price." William Peter Blatty should sue.

No adrenaline in this ship of fools

THE IMPOSTORS (1998)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia 

"Big Night" was a delectable yet uneven comedy-drama that at least proved unconventional in its depiction of food, and sibling rivalry. It was a smoothly acted and pristinely directed piece by actor extraordinaires, Stanley Tucci and Campbell Scott. The uneveness leads to a steady decline in the terminally unfunny "The Impostors," Tucci's new film masquerading as a wholly misguided farce.

Set during the Depression, Tucci and the grating Oliver Platt (a low-rent version of Nathan Lane) star as unemployed sibling actors, who inadvertently wind up on a cruise liner set for Europe. They are stowaways pretending to be baggage men, and they try to elude the presence of a pretentious actor (Alfred Molina) and a stodgy German head steward (Campbell Scott, and his tediously thick German accent). Nothing much happens, except the twosome uncover trite conspiracies and potential assassination plots in each of the ship's compartments.

The acting is mostly atrocious, savor the always enticing Steve Buscemi as a depressed lounge singer - I laughed out loud every time he appeared. The rest of the cast could use a transfusion of downers to diminish the wild overacting, especially by Molina, Scott, Hope Davis as a suicidal heiress, Isabella Rosselini as a depressed queen (!) and, sadly, Lili Taylor as a TOO CUTE and TOO PRECIOUS head stewardess named Lily. They may have had a wild time making the film, but all the fun most assuredly took place off-screen.

The film's fatal flaw lies with the inept, lazy writing by Tucci. He has no idea how to make this potentially winning farce flow - every scene is staged with the same static energy and bright, artificial lighting undermining whatever humor exists. Tucci could learn a thing or two from masters of comedy and farce such as Laurel and Hardy, Woody Allen (who makes an awkward guest appearance), and Charles Chaplin - farce needs energy and movement since it depends so much

on chaos. 

The only good scene in "The Impostors" is at the beginning. It is a scene between the two brothers at an outdoor restaurant who perform an escalating act of violence over espresso and a female passer-by. This sequence is priceless in its exactness and sly moments of physical comedy - it is like a scene out of a silent film. It is so enjoyable and so unique that I was relieved to see modern-day sensibilities interested in paying homage to the comedy greats of the past. Too bad, the rest of the movie is all a facade, a cheat, a fraud, like the title.

Keep me away from those Exorcist steps

THE EXORCIST III (1990)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

After the debacle of "Exorcist II," no one expected anyone to make another sequel. Sure enough in 1990, Mr. Pazuzu came back minus Linda Blair, who was doing a parody of "The Exorcist" at the time called "Repossessed." William Peter Blatty was also back, this time writing and directing a direct sequel to the original based on his 1983 novel "Legion." "Exorcist III" is not bad and it is a considerable improvement over the second film, but it is still miles away from the classic original.

Lieutenant Kinderman (George C. Scott replacing the late Lee J. Cobb) is back in Georgetown investigating a series of brutal killings, and the chief suspect is the Gemini Killer (chillingly played by Brad Dourif) and his large pair of shears. Only problem is that the Gemini Killer is dead; so who's that demented cellmate at the local Georgetown jail? And why he sometimes look like Father Damien Karras (Jason Miller), who supposedly died when he fell onto the steps at the end of the original? Is Pazuzu back?

The worst is expected with a title like "Exorcist III" since everyone expects it will be full of blood and gore considering the standards set by the original and all the trashy horror films since. The truth is that there is no visible gore or blood in the entire film - we hear about graphic, gruesome depictions of mutilations but we see precious little. That was a wise move on Blatty's part, and he opts for old-fashioned scares by employing effective use of shadowy, empty rooms, ominous-looking hallways, and wind-swept churches. One scene set in long shot in a hospital corridor where an evil presence awaits is as scary and heart-stopping as anything I've ever seen.

"The Exorcist III" is hardly a great film. George C. Scott is fun to watch but he overacts to the hilt bringing little of the subtlety that Lee J. Cobb brought to the role. Too much of his character is underdeveloped, and I would have loved to have seen more scenes of his family. The film is also structured as a surreal police thriller with many plot twists and turns that don't add up too much. An unnecessary, deliberately over-the-top exorcism at its conclusion seems like a last-minute editing job to justify its title (test audiences complained originally that there was no exorcism); "Legion" would have been a better title. On the plus side, the movie is genuinely creepy and occasionally scary. Blatty still writes with panache, particularly the entertaining conversations between Kinderman and Father Dyer (played by the late Ed Flanders of "St. Elsewhere" fame, replacing O'Malley) on the value of "It's a Wonderful Life," Women's Wear Daily, and mental health. It is also wonderful (no pun intended) to see Jason Miller back, this time with green eyes and an attitude. Brad Dourif gives the most impressive performance as the demonically possessed Gemini Killer - his erudition and somber voice are amazingly chilling to behold. Watch it after midnight.

I am not the Devil, I am you.

EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

After the horrific success of "The Exorcist," Linda Blair made a career of playing brutalized victims in such films as "Born Innocent" and "Sweet Hostage," not to mention the mediocre if still somewhat entertaining "Airport '75." But it was in 1977 that her career became cursed, to say the least. She starred in what was sure to be a classy production called "Exorcist II: The Heretic." There were big name talented stars such as Richard Burton (nominated the same year for Best Actor for "Equus") and Louise Fletcher (who won an Oscar the previous year for "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"), and an admired director named John Boorman, who helmed the brilliant "Deliverance." What could have gone wrong? The absence of writer William Peter Blatty? Yes, that's one factor, and he later wrote and directed the significantly better "The Exorcist III."

"Exorcist II" begins a few years later after the events of the first film. Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair) is now living in a high-rise New York apartment building with her nanny/tutor Sharon (short-haired Kitty Winn returning from the original). Chris MacNeil (Regan's mother) is conspicuously absent, apparently shooting a film in Europe. Probably Ellen Burstyn refused to be in it after seeing the script. Regan now sees a psychiatrist (Louise Fletcher) who tries to uncover her memories from that fateful exorcism. Of course, Regan doesn't remember anything - she's still a happy-go-lucky kid who tap-dances badly to the mental patients in the hospital. Enter Father Lamont (Richard Burton, giving new definition to the term stoic) who knows a thing or two about exorcisms and Pazuzu from his travels in Africa. He asks the diocese to investigate Father Merrin's death, and seeks Regan who may have the clues. Father Lamont indulges in telepathic communication with Regan through the miracles of hypnosis by using a clunky-looking head strap, a blinking light with an ominous tone, and some wires. Poor Louise Fletcher watches them like a gaping idiot - there are endless stares throughout this film. Lamont later discovers that an African high priest named Kokumo (James Earl Jones) has the answers to Pazuzu's whereabouts, courtesy of a big African bug and some locusts.

At least, that is what I made of the plot but it is as confusing as Ned Beatty's brief appearance as a helicopter pilot. During its sneak previews and recutting for a re-release, "Exorcist II" was laughed off the screen both times and bombed badly at the box-office. No amount of recutting could do justice to it. The dialogue is full of unnatural, unintentionally funny lines such as, "Don't feel bad. I was possessed by the Devil once. I am okay now," or so Linda Blair should think. I also love Burton's classic delivery of a line he shouts to the bus driver, "NOW, GO!" Or how about the biggest howler when Ms. Fletcher asks Lamont: "Have you ever been with a woman, Father?" Lamont's response: "No," he says with a stupefying stare.

 People and events are depicted in "Exorcist II" so carelessly that we have no clue who or where people are in relation to a given setting. Burton seems to go back to Africa, Georgetown and New York so often that I was convinced he was a migrating Mephistopheles. At one odd moment, James Earl Jones is a high priest who turns out to be...an entomologist! I am still not clear how Lamont knows of Merrin's death or how he finds the MacNeils or why he would want to get close to Regan in the first place - she isn't possessed by Pazuzu in the entire film! And none of this makes Lamont a heretic since he embraces the dogma of the church, not oppose it. The ludicrous hypnosis scenes seem to go on forever and are akin to Ed Wood's territory, along with absurd close-ups of a moth approaching the screen as it flies around Africa looking very much like Mothra attacking Godzilla. The special-effects have been described as superb yet none is more ridiculous than Sharon's death by fire using obvious superimpositions, or the destruction of the MacNeil house that looks more ethereal than hellish using obvious matte shots. I can understand why Mr. Blatty laughed and snickered when he saw this with an audience in Georgetown.

None of this would matter if "Exorcist II" was at least scary, but it isn't. It's all boring spiritual mumbo-jumbo with affectless performances and incompetent direction and writing. What's amazing is that everyone in this laughable production took it so seriously. The demon's voice sounds like a soft-spoken female Reverend with none of the vocal power evident from Mercedes McCambridge in the original - she must have seen the script, too. And pity poor Linda Blair with plumpish cheeks, who at one point sees a whorish demonic double of herself. Chills and thrills begin to accumulate and, for a moment, you begin to think that director Boorman is finally getting it right. Too bad that it is at the end of the film.