God in B-Movie Form

GOD TOLD ME TO (1976)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Along with the king of low-budget horror Roger Corman, Larry Cohen has made some of the cheesiest horror pictures imaginable. There is the absurdity of "It's Alive" and the pointlessness of "The Stuff," one of the worst films of the 1980's. "God Told Me To" (also known as "Demon") is one of those rarities, a crude but continually engaging thriller that remains original in conception, if silly in overall execution.

A series of unmotivated and unrelated killings have been occurring in New York City. The killings involve either a sniper randomly shooting people on the streets, a cop who suddenly smiles and starts shooting passerby in a parade, a family man who quietly shoots his entire family, and so on. The connection between all these killers is their motivation: God told them to do it. This raises the ire of Peter Nicholas (Tony Lo Bianco), a cop with religious beliefs who goes to church every Sunday. How could God tell these people to kill? Is this God's way of letting the world know He exists? Or did these sudden killers just snap?

Nicholas is convinced that something weird is going on in New York but the police force does not support his harebrained theory (though he is able to predict a killing in a parade from a tip). His wife (Sandy Dennis) fears for him, though they do not live together. His supportive girlfriend (Deborah Raffin) fears for Nicholas as well. And then Nicholas discovers that a blonde-haired, Christ-like figure had appeared to each of the killers prior to the actual murders. Is this mysterious figure the Son of God, or an alien force?

"God Told Me To" has lots of surprises in store and its documentary-like staginess, a hand-held camera is used in almost every scene at street level, enhances the plausibility. Perhaps due to a meager budget, Larry Cohen does not show special-effects of any kind (though one FX sequence has been reportedly stolen from the television show "Space:1999"). Cohen's strength lies in the superb, formidable cast, including Sylvia Sydney as a formerly abducted woman who bore a child though she was a virgin, Richard Lynch as the soft-spoken Christ-like figure, Andy Kaufman's brief creepy turn as a smiling cop, Deborah Raffin's compassionate girlfriend of Nicholas, and finally, Lo Bianco's slow burn as a frazzled cop who is shaken by the religious implications of these murders.

There is a lot to admire in "God Told Me To" but it does conclude with a fire-and-brimstone finale, echoing "Carrie's" similar ending, that does little to stir the imagination. And some of the scenes where Lo Bianco seems to go nutty inside apartment corridors and noirish-lit pool rooms also jettisons the philosophical nature of the material. Often thrilling, funny, exciting and tense, "God Told Me To" is one hell of a ride for a B movie. It's just that its aspirations seemed to be emanating from an A movie.

Terrorism in our front yard

ARLINGTON ROAD (1999)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Original review from 1999)

The threat of terrorism is as alive as one can imagine. From the recent tragedies at Ruby Ridge and Oklahoma to the World Trade Center bombings, terrorism hangs like a pall of death in our everyday existence. "Arlington Road" makes claim that terrorists may be our own next-door neighbors, ready to pounce at any given moment.

Jeff Bridges stars as a professor of terrorism at George Washington University, who teaches his students that the perpetrators of terrorism are wrongly personified by the media - they are not acts done by one man but by a group. He is obsessed by the mere act of terrorism itself, mainly due to his late wife, an FBI agent, who died at the hands of alleged terrorists. Bridges also thinks that his next-door neighbor (Tim Robbins, with a steely stare) may be a terrorist. At the beginning of the film, Bridges rescues a child in the streets (played by Mason Gamble), who is bleeding profusely from what appears to be a firecracker accident. The child belongs to Robbins and his wife, played by Joan Cusack.

"Arlington Road" is a strange, sometimes effective film that begins as a character study and quickly becomes an all too fast-paced thriller dependent on far too many implausibilities. Once the shocking ending comes into play, we rethink how the terrorist group managed to fulfill their actions and it becomes all too neat and tidy to have any credence.

Jeff Bridges, one of our most unsung and underappreciated actors, gives a fine, empathetic performance and he gives us a complex view of a man at war with his inner anxieties who can't separate the obsession from his personal life. It is Tim Robbins who overacts, simply staring like a wild-eyed fool making offbeat gestures that undermine any credibility or understanding - what does his character stand for when he commits these atrocious acts? What is he rebelling against? There is mention of how the government screwed with his father, a farmer. At times, Robbins seems to have drifted in from a cartoon. It doesn't help that his kids appear like aliens from "Village of the Damned."

The female actors are not any better and are vastly underused. Joan Cusack appears more suited to a demented "Addams Family" role than the one given here - her close-ups hinder rather than help. And I am not a big fan of Hope Davis, who nearly ruined the often funny "The Daytrippers" with her blandness and forced smile. Here, she has not improved much playing a bland housewife with a forced smile.

"Arlington Road" has its moments of suspense and tension but not enough to overcome a wholly implausible scenario dependent on contrivance rather than plot coherence. The dark ending gives it some weight, but it all rings very hollow. At the end of the road lies an exploitative and shallowly misconceived dead end.

George Lucas has turned to the Dark side, he has

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS (2008)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Many have accused George Lucas of directing his actors to deliver wooden performances in the "Star Wars" prequels. Nothing could be closer to the truth than in the animated "Star Wars: The Clone Wars," which not only contains wooden performances but animated figures who seemed to have been carved out of wood.

Sandwiched in between "Star Wars: Episode II" and "Episode III," this Star Wars adventure finds Anakin Skywalker training a smart Padawan pupil named Ahsoka Tano while his mentor, Obi-Wan Kenobi, continues helping the Rebellion fight the Separatists. Meanwhile, the slimy old Jabba the Hutt is tricked by Jedi Master Count Dooku and others to join the Separatists while trying to find his baby son, a slimy little version of Jabba himself. Anakin and Ahsoka are asked to help rescue Jabba's son since Master Yoda hopes that forging an alliance with the giant slimy weasel will help protect Jabba's trade routes or some such thing (we can thank the prequels for dwelling on political mumbo-jumbo). Unfortunately, since Jabba is tricked by the Dark Siths into believing that the Jedi kidnapped Jabba Jr., a war involving thousands of dumb droids and clone troopers escalates. Oh, are the droids ever so dumb. I did like one moment where a droid is thrown from a cliff and it screams, "Whyyyyyyyyyy?"

This is the first "Star Wars" flick I've seen that is boring. B-O-R-I-N-G. There is no real exposition - the narrative is framed by one lightsaber battle and laser blast sequence after another. Simple platitudes are exchanged and then it is off to war. Baby Jabba is missing and sliding away, followed by another battle. The action sequences are well-done and well-staged but there is no thrust to them because the characters are zilch in terms of personality or even the slimmest of shadings. Where is the slow simmering madness of Anakin? Here, he is just some annoying twentysomething who doesn't even know Ahsoka might be flirting with him. Master Kenobi is the same old, same old but by animating him without any real expression (like all the other characters), one misses the live-action performance of Ewan McGregor. Only Ahsoka Tano has humor and some measure of a dimension beyond looking or appearing stoic. The rest of these characters look like blank automatons from "Final Fantasy", and they are saddled with dialogue that seems to have been written on the back of a napkin and carved into a piece of wood. When Yoda appears to be a dim clone of his once sprightly self, it is clear that George Lucas is not even trying anymore.

Establishment of two different Beats

HEART BEAT (Hollywood - 1980) THE LAST TIME I COMMITTED SUICIDE (Independent- 1997): 

THE BEAT MOVEMENT - CONTRAST BETWEEN TWO FILMS 

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

The Beat generation started in the early 1950's with the advent of Jack Kerouac's groundbreaking novel "On the Road" - the story of Jack's wild adventures on the roads of America with his untamed friend Neal Cassady. "Heart Beat" is the first film to truly focus on Jack's relationship with Neal and his wife, and it is a semi-successful portrait. "The Last Time I Committed Suicide" is the superior work, which focuses on Neal Cassady's life and times before meeting Jack Kerouac. One film says more about Beat poetry or Beatniks than the other, yet they both have a sense of time and place.

"Heart Beat" has the miscast John Heard as the shy outcast Jack Kerouac, who tries to shake his Establishment origins by embarking on a journey from New York to San Francisco with the ex-convict and troublemaker Neal (Nick Nolte). Together, they drink, fight, hitchhike, smoke pot, and share Neal's society girlfriend, Carolyn (Sissy Spacek). While living in San Francisco, Jack starts to write "On the Road" using his friends, especially Neal, as models for his improvisational, rambling story.

"Heart Beat" has the right look, the right clothes, the right cars, the 
perfect atmosphere, but not the right attitude. The film is too 
conventionally directed and scripted by John Byrum allowing for little 
pizzazz or energy. It's hard to tell that the film is about the birth of the 
Beat movement because we barely hear or see anything relating to the Beat 
period.                                                                       

The actors don't help much. John Heard is adrift and unconcerned throughout - 
a far cry from the book's depiction of a lusty, charismatic individual who 
learned to strip away his introverted side. Heard exacts the same deadening 
tone through the whole film. Nick Nolte is a little out of his element 
playing the cocky, flirtatious Neal - he just acts like a funny pretty boy. 
Sissy Spacek is not allowed to do much except exude sunny smiles. Only the 
late Ray Sharkey brings any energy or enthusiasm as the Allen Ginsberg-type, 
Ira.                                             

"The Last Time I Committed Suicide" is a big improvement on every level; a lively lark of a film about the early life and times of Neal Cassady. The charismatic, perfectly cast Thomas Jane plays the wild, frantic Neal who works a night job at a tire company, and begins to get ideas about an archetypal, rebellious character who supersedes all "intellectual" men. In the meantime, Neal hangs around with his drunk friend, Harry (Keanu Reeves) at the pool hall with various girls. Neal also has a troubling relationship with Joan (Claire Forlani), a secretary prone to suicidal tendencies.

The beauty of "Last Time I Committed Suicide" is that it not only has an authentic sense of time and place, but it also contains a great performance by Thomas Jane (the drug dealer in "Boogie Nights") combining humor and pathos. Jane brings the cocky, arrogant side of Neal alive, and is pitch-perfect on Neal's pseudo-intellectual babble speeches about life and love ("It's a metaphor, man!").

I know I'm in the minority on this one but Keanu Reeves remains one of our most underrated actors; he delivered powerful performances in films such as "Permanent Record," "Much Ado About Nothing and "My Own Private Idaho," if anyone cares about his talent. Here he delivers one of his best, surliest characters in the form of the drunk, bloated Harry who reminds Neal that marriage doesn't figure in his equation. Also worth noting is the underused Claire Forlani ("Basquiat") who shimmers each time she appears on screen in a largely underdeveloped role.

"The Last Time I Committed Suicide" is briskly directed by Stephen Kay, and he employs jump cuts, black-and-white and color cinematography, freeze frames, zooms and slow-motion to emphasize the rambling, inconsequential, and languid sense of Neal's life. The Beats considered themselves beatific and weary (or beaten) from trying to shield themselves from the Establishment. "Suicide" comes a lot closer to capturing that movement than the dull, Hollywood fluff of "Heart Beat."

Trekking Where We Have Gone Before

FREE ENTERPRISE (1999)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Obsessions can be treated with care, as they don't run your life. Pop-culture obsessions, a staple of 90's cinema and Generation-X, can ruin one's hope to connect with people unless you find that special someone that shares your obsession. In "Free Enterprise," the obsession is over "Star Trek" (the original series only). You have heard of Trekkies and how William Shatner famously told them to get a life. Now we get to see how Trekkies really act, more or less.

There's Mark (Eric McCormack) who is pushing thirty and is a successful low-grade exploitation screenwriter. He is so low-grade that he has a pitch meeting where he pushes a movie called "Bradykiller," about a killer who kills any girl resembling the girls from the "Brady Bunch." Mark's friend is Robert (Rafer Weigel), an editor for those same low-grade movies who is fairly lax. He is such a Trekkie that he rather spend money on laser discs than on the rent, thus enabling the breakup with his current girlfriend. He clearly has mixed up his priorities. Of special note is the fact that this movie was made in 1999 when laser discs were a minor big deal despite the advent of DVD's.

All Mark and Robert can do is wallow in their own miseries. Mark is more sensible with money yet he is afraid of commitment with another woman. Robert only wants a woman who shares his passion for "Star Trek" and "Star Wars," yet he is also afraid of commitment. One day, they inadvertently run into William Shatner at a bookstore. By Shatner, I do mean the real Shattastic, the real McCoy, Captain Kirk himself, who is in a bit of a creative slump. He is trying to make the play "Julius Caesar" into a musical where he will play all the characters! Shatner hopes that through Mark, his vision can become reality.

"Free Enterprise" has a nice set-up for a fun-filled comedy but it loses its footing and goes into territory that simply marks time. We get too many scenes of Mark and Robert regurgitating the same conversation in one diner scene after another. There is a love story in here somewhere between Robert and his potential true love, Claire (Audrey England), who loves science-fiction and comic books but is also looking for a man that can take care of her. That may be too much to ask of Robert, but what on earth does this have to do with the central story revolving around William Shatner? Such personal relationships could've mixed in nicely with Shatner saying, "Hey, get a life you Trekkies! There is more to life than make-believe!" Interestingly, Shatner himself is shown as a middle-aged, bashful man who has trouble with the ladies. Unfortunately, Shatner has too few scenes to make a stronger connection to the narrative.

I liked "Free Enterprise" enough for its sincere performances and for Shatner's quick-witted scenes. It's just that it really falls short of going where we haven't gone before.

Leave your VHS sex tape at the door

DROP BOX (2006)

Reviewed By Jerry Saravia

I never thought that I'd see a movie featuring a character as sneaky, duplicitious and as mischievous as Randal from "Clerks." For those of you who know what I am referring to, Randal was an obnoxious, though affable video store clerk who unapologetically humiliated customers and his own small circle of friends. Well, Tom in the film "Drop Box" is twice as obnoxious, to the point that you are unsure how he can still have a job as a video store clerk.

"Drop Box" is a day in the life of Tom (David Cormican) working at a video store. He is the slacker type with no pretense of ever moving forward in life, and no real ambitions except to make customers angry. He opens the store late, forces customers to pay late fees they don't owe (though at least one does), deletes customer accounts without blinking an eye and, in short, makes no real money for the store (he even gives away twist endings to movies like "The Sixth Sense"). Of course, the customers are not the most understanding so who can blame Tom for his casual mean-spiritedness.

One customer can be more pushy than others. Her name is Mindy (Rachel Sehl), who turns out to be a spoiled, Britney Spears pop diva-type who wants to re-rent a certain Mariah Carey vehicle. Only this VHS tape is not actually the movie ("Glitter" by the way) but rather some nifty lesbian porn she shot and mistakenly returned. Tom says he doesn't recognize this pop diva who's sold 2 million albums. Of course, after Mindy pleads again and again, Tom decides to help this star if she exposes her breasts and watches the tape with him, and in front of customers! If not, he stands to make a killing selling it on ebay.

Okay, so you see that Randal might never have gone that far. Tom is unlikable but not without some measure of charm or humor, and you can see how Mindy begins to like him. These characters can get on your nerves yet thanks to newcomers David Cormican and Rachel Sehl, they make them human and empathetic enough to forgive their endless banter.

"Drop Box" is a Canadian independent film that deserves a chance to be seen in theatres. Though it has a limited setting (it all takes place in video store) and inexperienced actors, who cares? So did Kevin Smith's debut film "Clerks," which "Drop Box" only shares a slight kinship with. Though "Drop Box" is not quite as shrewdly funny as "Clerks," it can stand head and tails above most comedies that try too hard to make us laugh. Thanks to the writer-director team, Anesty and Spiros Carasoulos, "Drop Box" is a major pleasure and a genuine find, not unlike what you may find on a video store shelf hidden behind "Glitter."

Jay Leno's Car Wreck of a Movie!

COLLISION COURSE (1989)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

So what we have here is a car wreck of a movie. We have "Tonight Show" host Jay Leno (in his thankfully sole leading role) as Tony Costas, a Detroit undercover cop who does his job badly. We have another cop, Fuji Natsuo (Pat Morita) from Tokyo, who is sent to Detroit to track down a Japanese engineer who stole some sort of turbocharger prototype. Costas and Natsuo are the buddy-buddy cop team who don't really want to work together, though the screenplay refuses to acknowledge this. Instead Costas thinks Natsuo is not a cop and so we have one endless scene after another where Costas chases him, sometimes in disguise.

The introduction to the villains is so slipshod that we assume they are villains because they tell us they are. Chris Sarandon and Tom Noonan are the bad guys, and in it for the slim paychecks. Same with Ernie Hudson of "Ghostbusters" fame as another undercover cop.

For what it is worth, "Collision Course" is strictly amateur night in every department. There are no laughs, mostly flat lines and flat characters. There is no energy, no enthusiasm, no urgency, and it also contains a silly synthesizer score that is pure 80's. To say this movie belongs in a garbage dump is to still give it justice. No, it belongs on a Detroit sidewalk where people can stomp on it endlessly.