Prehistoric Internet has a field day

JOY RIDE (2001)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed on Oct. 10th, 2001)

I walked out of "Joyride" a little dazed and unsure of what I had just seen. My uncertainty was because I thought I had seen a great film but in reality, upon closer inspection, "Joyride" is not great but it is a damn good scary ride.

"Joyride" begins with Lewis Thomas (Paul Walker) at college talking to his best friend Venna (Leelee Sobieski) on the phone. He plans to pick her up at Colorado and take her to back on a trip to New Jersey. On the way, Louis hears that his brother, Fuller (Steve Zahn), has been arrested for being drunk and disorderly in Utah. Louis picks him up on his detour and then proceeds to pick up Venna. Before you can say "Road Trip," Fuller decides to buy a CB radio for forty dollars ("a prehistoric Internet"). Before arriving in Colorado, they play around with the CB and find one trucker on their frequency by the name of Rusty Nail. Fuller convinces Louis to play a prank and pretend to be a woman named "Candy Cane" and to meet Rusty Nail at a motel. Big mistakes are always made but that is one mistake that should not have been made. Let's say all hell breaks loose once they get to the motel as this truck driver turns out to be a raging psychopath with a road rage complex.

There is nothing astounding or inspring about "Joyride" but it does have great intensity. As directed by John Dahl ("Red Rock West"), it is so intense that you will often be left gasping for air. It also helps that three terrific actors have been cast who are likable enough to keep us scared for them. Paul Walker ("Pleasantville") is both sympathetic and innocuous as Lewis, a kid that looks like a jock who wishes he were somewhere else. Steve Zahn is simply a great comic live wire as Lewis's jailbird brother, completely funny and convincingly scared throughout. He has one great moment where he saves Venna from some rednecks in a bar by pretending to be as manly as possible. Kudos must also go to Leelee Sobieski's thankless role as Venna where she has enough serene beauty to keep her watchable in all the chaos. She has one great line when she discovers who is chasing them: "I am not going to be scared of a radio."

As for the killer Rusty Nail, well, we never actually see him - only hear his menacing, malicious voice. Someone said that it reminded them too much of the killer's phone voice from "Scream." But this is not a clever pun on slasher flicks - "Joyride" puts "Scream" and most other thrillers of late to shame. It is a latter-day update on "Duel" and it keeps you on edge and makes you bounce and scream. In other words, a real thriller that thrills and intensifies the nerves. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The Jolly Red Giant is back

THE SANTA CLAUSE 2 (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Movies like "Santa Clause 2" either fall flat on their faces and reek of thick layers of sentimentality, or are simply jolly good entertainments with ample sentiment that isn't delivered with a cute music cue every two seconds. "Santa Clause 2" falls in the latter category and retains some if not all of the edgy comic surface of the original.

Tim Allen is once again Scott Calvin, the divorced dad who inadvertently killed Santa Claus and became the new Santa once he wore the magic red coat. As the sequel opens, Santa is in the North Pole, cheerier than ever as he supervises all the elves while they make new toys with interesting contraptions and technological devices (let's just say that wooden blocks and nails are in scant supply). Unfortunately, there is a problem with Scott, something that probably should have been revealed in the original film. According to the clause he endorsed once he put on the Santa suit, he has to marry a woman who will become Mrs. Claus within 28 days or else, no more Santa and no more toys. This begs the question - why wasn't this loophole noticed sooner so he could have more than 28 days to find a bride who would be willing to live in arctic temperatures around all these pesky elves? Well, then we wouldn't have a movie.

Logic takes a leap along with the reindeer in this sequel and that is fine - this movie has plenty of compensatory laughs. One of my favorite lines is from an old yet just as pesky elf (Spencer Breslin) who tells Santa he is undergoing "deSantafication!" Calvin aka Santa loses his beard and his girth, goes back to his previous residence in Anywheresville, America and tries to find a bride (the movie could've had more fun with Calvin going through a string of first-dates rather than just one). Of course, some potentially bawdy humor is levied by Calvin trying to counsel his troubled son who only wants his father, not the current dopey stepdad he has (played by a far too dopey Judge Reinhold). Some of this is layed on a bit thick, not to mention the introduction of a mean principal (Elizabeth Mitchell). I guess you can surmise fairly accurately what happens next.

For what its worth, "Santa Clause 2" is a pleasant, warm, jovial film with a likable performance by Tim Allen, handling a role probably better than expected (look out for the evil Santa double and his enormous toy soldiers!) And to beef up the humor quotient, there is a conference where the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Sandman and even Mother Nature attend! There is one scene, however, that is as magical a moment as anything I've seen since, well, any Christmas movie I can recall. Calvin takes his date (won't say whom) for a sleigh ride down a snow-covered street at night. It is so simple, so graceful, so tender that I'd say it is one of the most romantic scenes I've seen in movies.

Santa's Wonderful Life

THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE (2006)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

My only expectation with "The Santa Clause" movies is to laugh and to have a jolly good time watching Tim Allen dress up as Santa Claus (if you think about it, he is the only actor that can wear that costume and not look ridiculous). "The Santa Clause 3" is more of the same and, despite a shortened, unfunny third act, it works and it has a genial tone that is more pleasing in this day and age than you might think.

Tim Allen is back as Scott Calvin aka Santa, more jolly than ever and perhaps a little ego-driven (a fireplace is molded to resemble Santa's mouth). Carol aka Mrs. Claus (Elizabeth Mitchell) is none too happy because she is pregnant at the worst time of the year, Christmas, which is when Santa and his elves work hard to make toys. So, not unlike Scott's problems from the original where he was a divorced dad, he is in danger of getting a second divorce because he works too hard (he has to - he's Santa!) Since Carol is homesick and wants to see her family, Scott brings her parents (Alan Arkin, Ann-Margret) along with his ex-wife, Laura (Wendy Crewson), her yoga-worshipping, spiritually composed husband, Neil (Judge Reinhold) and their daughter, Lucy (Liliana Mumy). Scott's ex-wife's family already know he is the jolly red-suited guy yet Carol's parents are clueless, and a little perturbed that Scott's ex-wife is invited. Scott convinces his in-laws that they are in Canada and that all Canadians look like elves (the miniature hospital room and the elvish doctor should be signs that Scott is lying).

In the midst of all this, there is the wild, wily, frosty Jack Frost (Martin Short) who, to no one's surprise, wants to be jolly old Santa. Apparently his idea of Santa is to change the North Pole into a commercial theme park where his elves work as retail employees sans creating toys, and he gets to perform songs with the kind of gusto straight out of Broadway! Ironically, he gets his wish in the Hall of Snowglobes and the less said about that, the better.

"Santa Clause 3" has some chuckles and laughs strewn throughout, but the "It's a Wonderful Life" nightmare at the 3/4 mark turns into some sort of anticlimax and is given short-shrift (not that the alternate time line wouldn't end happily with the jolly red giant but it feels extraneous). I just wish the filmmakers had more faith in their Jack Frost premise and stretched it out, giving Martin Short the opportunity to really let loose with some inspired chaos. Plus, the most entertaining performance in the movie is from Alan Arkin, and one wishes the filmmakers had more faith in his character's doubts and concerns over hard-working Scott.

Still, for fans of the other "Santa Clause" movies, "Santa Clause 3" will do just fine. There are some nifty cameos by Mother Nature, Sandman, and the late Peter Boyle as Father Time. And for some good laughs, there is the funny tyke Curtis, the Experimental Elf (Spencer Breslin) who tries to coax Santa for some solidarity with the "help me, help you" speech. The movie is harmless family entertainment but it feels a little too short and precious for its own good.

De Palma's empty hand at the table

SNAKE EYES (1998)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 1998)

Director Brian De Palma has finally done it - he's made the first empty stylistic exercise of his career. Sure, there are bravura camera moves, superbly edited climaxes and an astounding opening sequence that can stand on its own as a classic, but what else is there?

"Snake Eyes" stars Nicolas Cage as an unctuous, loud, obnoxious cop named Rick Santoro (wearing what appears to be the same snakeskin leather jacket from "Wild at Heart") who always accepts bribes from cops and crooks, and strolls through his Atlantic City casino turf as if he owned it. During a championship bowling match, the U.S. Secretary of Defense is assassinated and all chaos ensues. Santoro takes charge of the investigation. But who killed the Secretary of Defense? And who was the blonde sitting next to him? Was the boxing champ who went down behind it? Or was it Santoro's best friend (Gary Sinise)? If you've seen one conspiracy film, you've seen them all.

"Snake Eyes" is an often visually inventive film - the extraordinary opening sequence is one seemingly 20-minute long take (there is one match cut that I caught) that introduces us to the main characters and everything leading up to the assassination. And yet for all the tricks "Snake Eyes" has up its sleeve, there is nothing for us to chew on afterwards. The unusually simple plot (lazily written by David Koepp) relies on various implausibilities - e.g., how could 14,000 eyewitnesses and various police and security officers not notice a blonde woman with a blood-covered white dress? And I guessed who the perpetrator of this assassination was before it took place.

"Snake Eyes" is the type of film that is nice to look at, but you can anticipate its every preconceived move.

Painterly and still and stiff

GOYA EN BORDEAUX (1999)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Original review from 2000)

Famed Spanish painter Francisco Goya created paintings of carcasses of pigs, sheep and other animals using dark, vibrant colors (he also painted visions of death using people as well). His life must have been fascinating but you wouldn't know it from watching Carlos Saura's "Goya in Bordeaux," which reveals so little of the man and his art that it may as well be about good old King Henry VIII, if not for the time period and costuming.

The old Goya is played by Francisco Rabal, shown living in exile in France with his caring wife and his mature teenage daughter, Rosario (Daphne Fernandez). Goya reminisces about his past to Rosario, though she has heard these stories countless times before. He speaks of an affair he had with the dangerous Cayetano, Duchess of Alba (Maribel Verdu), who later opposed and was thus poisoned by the Queen Maria Luisa. There are also glimpses into his days as a court painter, his portraits of people he found both significant and otherwise, his increasing deafness, his admiration of Velazquez's "Las Meninas" and the visions of death he had that so haunted him till the end of his life. The younger, middle-aged Goya as shown in these flashbacks is played by Jose Coronado, and he is so charismatic and romantic that one wishes Saura spent more time exploring this actor. Alas, he does not.

"Goya in Bordeaux" is stunningly shot by one of our great cinematographers, Vittorio Storaro (who helmed Saura's previous "Tango," as well as some early Bertolucci), and it is beautifully crafted with various lighting color schemes and silhouettes, as if we were watching a painting unfold before our eyes. Unfortunately, there is barely much illumination into Goya's life and so we get the feeling that we are watching a series of still lifes that shed scarce insight into the man. We mostly see the older Goya fretting and arguing and feeling disoriented by his paintings but that is as far as one gets into his soul. As it is, this film may as well be about any sick old man living in exile.

Plimsouls have more edge than movie

VALLEY GIRL (1983)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

It is tough to dislike Martha Coolidge's "Valley Girl" - it is easygoing, upbeat and winsome in its attitude. And yet it is nothing more than that. Even for a teen romantic comedy that doesn't aim for sexual innuendoes or gratuitous sex scenes, it is too mild, too laid-back an affair.

Deborah Foreman is Julie, the cute blonde chick of the movie, a Valley Girl high-school student who is getting bored with her schmuck of a boyfriend (Michael Bowen). She sets her eyes on a likable punk named Randy (Nicolas Cage) who doesn't wear pink polo shirts nor does he dance to, well, generic dance music. He is a Plimsouls man, goes to clubs and gets drunk and has sex a lot. He is interested in Julie because she is, well, cute I gather. Actually I did not quite get what the attraction was aside from Foreman having maybe more of an edge than her Valley girlfriends. So Julie and Randy hookup, eat out together, go to the beach, watch Romeo and Juliet at the movies and generally have fun. Unfortunately, Julie's ex is not happy and there is the standard peer pressure about dumping Randy so Julie can reconnect with her clique and get to be Prom Queen or something.

"Valley Girl" is an ostensibly sweet little movie but it is also mediocre and has two leads who have no chemistry together (Cage has never been much of a romantic leading man). It is too simple a movie, too eager to please and ends without ever revving its engine to go somewhere we haven't gone before. The best performances are by Frederic Forrest and Colleen Camp as Julie's parents (and health food shop owners) who are more thoughtful and realistic than most other parents seen in these movies. They want Julie to be happy, to roam free, to be herself. I wish the movie was about them. 

Get Down and Boogie with the Dramatics

DARKTOWN STRUTTERS (1975)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Blaxploitation pictures were crude, humorous, abrupt and violent. "Darktown Strutters" may not be the best parody of such pictures but it does capture the zing, the crudeness and the abruptness so well that it gets a pass as one rollickingly good time at the movies.

Describing this movie may give away some genuine surprises but I'll do my best not to spoil anything. Trina Sparks (whom some may recognize as Thumper from "Diamonds are Forever") is Syreena, the leader of a black Queen motorcycle gang, and she is looking for her mother, Cinderella! Her kung-fu practicing brother has no idea where she is. The pimps don't know either, but maybe a certain Col. Sanders-lookalike chicken tycoon (Norman Bartold) might have some idea. This leads to an underground cave with prisoners, including the Dramatics band performing one of their own show-stopping tunes no less! Added to this farcical hodgepodge of blaxploitation pictures cliches, perhaps a dig at specifically Pam Grier's own films, are racist Keystone Cops that drive police cars with oversized flashing sirens; walls that come toppling down in houses and apartments; a blackface minstrel show in the tycoon's mansion that may leave some offended (oh, well, such scenes were commonplace at one time); drag queens; three kids who harass an ice-cream man by finishing each other's sentences; lots of giant-sized ribs; hilariously speeded-up and anarchic bike chases and car chases that are probably as exciting as the real thing; and a finale involving cloning and a contraption that makes babies that may just leave you in stitches.

"Darktown Strutters" (also known as "Get Down and Boogie") is not for all tastes but its histrionic level of cartoonish tomfoolery coupled with some digs at the genre and, undoubtedly, white L.A. cops left me in good spirits. Almost fifteen years later, we got the similar "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka," aimed at parodying the same genre. I'd say a double-bill would be fitting.