Dante's crazed, cartoonish 'burbs tale

SMALL SOLDIERS (1998)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 1998)

"Small Soldiers" is director Joe Dante doing his latest Gremlins confection and it's mean-spirited fun, once the movie gets its engines rolling.

"Small Soldiers" stars Gregory Smith and Kirsten Dunst as two MUCH TOO CUTE kids with raging hormones who end up battling various reanimated toy soldiers. Chip Hazard (voiced by the typically gruffly Tommy Lee Jones) leads this platoon of robot action figures, and they are equipped to kill rival toys called Gorgonites, led by their soft-spoken leader, Archer (voiced by Frank Langella).

"Small Soldiers" begins badly with a lame introduction about how these toys are created and who their target audience is. The business meetings are led by Denis Leary as a rich tycoon, but all these scenes are unnecessary. What if we never knew how these soldiers were created or what their purpose was? Some things are better left to the imagination.

Once the movie shift gears to suburbia where the toys are sent, it gets better and better with inventive gags and superbly staged cartoonish mayhem. Two of my favorite examples: Chip Hazard searching for the human characters in a helicopter with Wagner's "Ride of the Valkieres" playing in the background, and the Barbie-like dolls who are brought to life in Bride of Frankenstein fashion (complete with the original score) and uttering lines such as, "She's gone postal."

"Small Soldiers" is light fun and frequently funny, though not at the same breath as "Gremlins." It says something about 90's kiddie fantasies, though, when the toy soldiers and monsters are more three-dimensional than the thin human characters on display here, including the late Phil Hartman as an obnoxious neighbor.

Latifah lives it up

LAST HOLIDAY (2006)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 2006)

The joy of a movie like "Last Holiday" is not so much its ideas but the charisma of its central leading star. Thanks to Queen Latifah, a boisterous, charming actress who is given one of those roles that Whoopi Goldberg only hopes to get, she makes the movie her own with class and gusto. Now, I will admit that I have not seen many of Latifah's movies. I remember her as the sole standout scene-stealer in the mediocre "House Party 2." She also had a memorable role in the electrifying "Chicago." But this movie probably suits her gifts more than I had expected.

Latifah plays a somewhat sullen sales clerk named Georgia Byrd, who works at a big chain store where she also gives cooking lessons. She also cooks up a storm at her house for a young boy next door, usually while watching TV cooking host du jour, Emeril. Georgia, however, chooses not to eat her cooked meals - she prefers Lean Cuisine.

One day, while admiring a co-worker (played by LL Cool J), she bumps her head and is knocked unconscious. Her doctor tells her she has a rare terminal disease and has only 3 weeks to live, maybe less. Rather than waiting for her inevitable demise (her HMO doesn't cover the medical expense of treatment), Georgia quits her job and uses her savings for a kick-ass vacation in the Czech Republic. She stays at the Grand Hotel Pupp, located in a remote mountain top area called the Karlovy Vary. She wears swanky dresses, has a luxurious bedroom with cushy pillows, and delights everyone in the hotel's dining room with her big appetite. She garners the attention of Chef Didier (Gerard Depardieu), who believes that life is simply all about the use of butter.

Also in attendance at this hotel is the arrogant, competitive retail tycoon, Matthew Kragen (Timothy Hutton), who has an affinity for firing people and happens to own the chain of stores that Georgia formerly worked in. Kragen also has a mistress (Alicia Witt), who is not always nice to the staff but learns a thing or two from Georgia. In fact, all the hotel's guests and workers seem renewed in their lives with Georgia's presence. Georgia expresses her need to be open since she's been living in a box for so long (she remarks that she hopes not be buried in one).

Nothing that transpires in "Last Holiday" will come as a surprise to anyone, not even the inevitable ending. What does surprise is Queen Latifah, who exudes grace and beauty in ways that few other actresses ever really accomplish. Oddly, she makes such a predictable, cliched story (previously made with the same title in 1950) seem new and inspired. Latifah has a touching scene where she confesses her past fears and regrets and finds that she has been repressing the joy of life for far too long. This is her moment of shining glory before exiting this world and she will live every moment to its fullest.

Most of the movie's characters are not half as interesting. Timothy Hutton is too good an actor to play a one-dimensional, cold-hearted weasel. Alicia Witt could have been used better, and reliable pros like Michael Nouri and Giancarlo Esposito merely show up as window dressing. Had this movie been made outside the Hollywood system, all the supporting characters would've been more colorfully drawn and carried some weight. A good example is the delectable wit and pathos of something like "Bread and Tulips," which also dealt with a woman feeling a similar sense of renewal on life.

"Last Holiday" has an ending that tries too neatly to wrap up everything, and more amplified scenes with LL Cool J wouldn't have hurt. Still, this is Queen Latifah's show all the way, expressing Georgia's joy with no apologies or restraint. And I'd love to visit that accommodating Grand Hotel Pupp as well.

Who's Knocking at Jill Schoelen's door?

WHEN A STRANGER CALLS BACK (1993)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(SPOILERS IN FULL FORCE SO BEWARE)

It has been some time since I saw 1979's "When A Stranger Calls" but mostly I remember the extended and scary opening sequence with a frantic Carol Kane on the phone with some mysterious stranger ("Did you check on the children?") Charles Durning played a detective in that one, and both Kane and Durning return for an equally intense, suspenseful sequel, "When a Stranger Calls Back." It is hardly great by any means and it is flawed in its midsection, but you will not be disappointed in the visceral thrills and the compassion provided to make us care for the main characters.

The alert opening scenes set the foreboding mood fairly quickly. Jill Schoelen is Julia, a babysitter who is getting frequent knocks at the front door from some bystander who claims to have car trouble. Julia doesn't let him to use the phone to call the Auto Club, and feigns calling the club and the guy's supposed wife. The situation becomes unbearably tense when the guy knows she did not call anyone (the phone line is dead) and it all ends with a surprise twist that nobody will see coming.

Forward five years later and Julia, sporting a mullet to presumably hide her identity (though still using her same name), is a college student who senses that the same predator has been in her apartment, thanks to the appearance of a child's shirt in her closet. She triple bolts the entrance to her apartment on the third floor yet the predator still sneaks into her apartment, and sometimes through her window (though there is no fire escape). This is hard to buy even for a psychological suspense film fan like myself because people do not just materialize into people's houses and apartments out of thin air, especially if you live in the third floor. If he was a supernatural being, or maybe the Devil's emissary, I might believe it but this guy is simply a ventriloquist who does his act in blackface!

Enter returnee Carol Kane as the victim from the original film, Jill, who is now a grief counselor working at a crisis center. She knows Julia's pain and believes that someone is after the poor co-ed. Charles Durning's retired detective from the original film is summoned to find the predator - how he establishes the guy is a ventriloquist is never clear. But there are more pressing questions. What happened to the children whom Julia babysitted in the opening sequence? Sure, they disappeared and were never found again but if they were murdered, why would this mental waste of a human predator do such a thing? It occurred to me that he only wants to taunt Julia, which is mostly what he does very effectively in the chilling 25-minute opener. Why take the kids, except to suggest that middle-class or well-to-do American families living in big houses are only living an illusion? That might explain his ventriloquist act, easily one of the best scenes in the film where the spotlight is on the puppet that has no face and the psycho remains in the dark (in blackface). This mentally deficient psycho has made a point, but the sequence would have been more effective had it taken place in a performance theater setting, not a titty bar.

I do not always need motives to understand deranged psychos but a psychological thriller like this one needs a tad more depth. Also, among many loose ends (thanks to my wife who brought up a few that escaped me the first couple of times I saw the film) is the rather unfair scene where Julia is practically comatose after shooting herself in the head, or did she? It is out-of-character for Julia but in one extremely emotional scene, Julia explains to the detective that she feels she has no future, no friends and, therefore, perhaps no real existence. I am all for film directors injecting surprises into the narrative, but a comatose Jill Schoelen who disappears in the last third of the film is asking for a little trouble. Naturally, the psycho now turns his taunting voice on Kane's Jill but why except to do a reprise of the original film?

Directed by Fred Walton (who also helmed the original), "When A Stranger Calls Back" is purely a thriller exercise with three terrific actors giving the film an infusion of humanity and heart (Jill Schoelen's performance alone rates the film higher than expected which is why, once again, it is shameful to make her character disappear from the story until the last shot). This is no slasher film by any means (the killer played by Gene Lythgow has a certain degree of innocence dripping with rage) - instead it is an absorbing and contemplative suspense thriller but it ends a little too abruptly. Still, there is such a bravura finish in addition to so many other aspects that do work (Durning alone could make any film work just by showing up) that I rate this as a sufficiently scary film despite the loopholes. After all is said and done, though, you come away wishing for more meat in its riveting bones.   

Sinbad wants to get rich quick

HOUSEGUEST (1995)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Sinbad and SNL vet Phil Hartman should strike comic gold in more ways than one. Only "Houseguest" is content with being minimally and evasively funny, not laugh-out-loud funny and not built for comic gold. More like comedy barely skidding on the shaved pieces of slate rock.

Sinbad is Kevin Franklin, a "loser" to some who has borrowed money from the mob and lives for the day he can score some lottery winnings. He also invests in baseball cards that nobody wants and other get-rich-quick-schemes. Since the mob is after him, Kevin pretends to be Derek, a dentist buddy of Gary Young's (Phil Hartman) - Gary is a lawyer in the whitest suburbia you will ever see (even Gary's Edgar-Allan-Poe-loving daughter is about as white as porcelain). Gary has not seen his friend, Derek, in 20-plus-years and looks forward to watching his friend display his gifts for golf, dentistry and tasting elegant wines. Naturally Kevin doesn't possess any of these gifts, nor can he pretend to be vegetarian when the local McDonald's is a few blocks away.

Sinbad is a likable performer with a goofy grin but he has precious few scenes where he can really expand the cliched mistaken identity premise. For one, Sinbad doesn't even closely resemble the dentist he is impersonating, and you wonder why students and faculty from nearby institutions don't just pick one of the books the dentist authored and note the deception. For another, Phil Hartman is not used well here, and the notion that his home life is a wreck and that he can't stand up to his racist boss (Mason Adams) is simply marking time. Kevin is the savior of the family in scenes that are as sappy and falsely emotional as they can get, and he learns to be himself. But the get-rich-quick Kevin we see at the beginning of the movie is a lot more interesting than the sanitized Kevin who feels an obligation to Gary's family. Nothing here you haven't seen before.

"Houseguest" is poorly edited and shaped, with strange mini-dissolves during a golf cart fiasco that goes on way past the tolerable meter and frantically cut chase scenes that serve little to no purpose. The mob characters are played by actors who mug incessantly to the point way past and beyond Italian stereotypes. Kim Griest is the displaced wife of Gary's, so displaced that it looks like many of her scenes were left in the cutting room floor. But there is one of the eeriest and most displaced performances in the movie by Kim Murphy as Gary's daughter, who is searching for her family's love in a manner that belongs to a different movie altogether. Sinbad survives unscathed when the movie is over - the rest might seek comic therapy elsewhere.

Citizenfour is not playing at a theater near you

CITIZENFOUR - UNJUSTLY IGNORED BY THE MASS MEDIA

Laura Poitras, Glenn Greenwald

By Jerry Saravia

 As of November 9th, 2014, "Citizenfour" (the Edward Snowden documentary) has been playing in 51 theaters in the United States and has grossed in excess of 665,000 dollars. Why do I mention such box-office statistics? Because in a climate where comic-book franchises and some respectable Hollywood films in the fall season get released in over thousands of theaters, "Citizenfour" is being unjustly ignored by movie houses and practically all media outlets. I do not recall seeing a single television ad for the film, nor any interviews with the controversial filmmaker herself Laura Poitras nor the Guardian newspaper's own Glenn Greenwald on any TV talk shows of any kind (with the exception of Democracy Now! and Charlie Rose). Even a popular talk show like "The View," which has had its share of controversial political figures such as the revolting Ann Coulter or the polarizing Bill Maher, have not touched on the film nor discussed it (especially odd when you consider Nicole Wallace, the sole Republican and former advisor to Sarah Palin, is one of the hosts of the show). Of course, we have not seen interviews with Edward Snowden regarding the film, but that is to be expected since he is currently living in Russia for the next three years (I would rule out a satellite fed interview on the View, but disgraced former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich - no problem). Let's not rule out an appearance by the filmmaker or Glenn Greenwald at least on "Real Time with Bill Maher."

Maybe a gradual re-focus may occur since the film will be screened at the DOC/NY festival on November 18th, or perhaps if it is nominated for an Academy Award for Best Documentary. It could be that the film is being purposely downsized from its historical importance (and what Edward Snowden did was historic, love him or hate him, traitor or patriot) because it unveils the U.S. government's privacy invasion and intrusion in our daily lives (over a million-plus people are on a watchlist who are not terrorist suspects). Or maybe those who see Snowden as a traitor will not have a vested interested in seeing the film, thus blocking it is seen as the American thing to do. Still, the polarizing Oliver Stone is making a biographical film about Snowden having just cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the CIA/NSA whistleblower. As for "Citizenfour," the film is mandatory viewing, a taut, suspenseful and highly critical film about a post-9/11 environment where privacy invasion is legal (contrary to the Constitution) and forces the viewer to think how such massive, unwarranted surveillance is allowed. The fact that few in the mainstream media are discussing it or its relevance is to show that maybe Edward Snowden did the right thing - when you expose ugly truths about America, you and your film have to hide from the radar, from the national dialogue for fear of further retribution and unwarranted ridicule. Or maybe we should just focus on Pat Sajak's fake anger during a recent "Wheel of Fortune" segment. 

Grumpy Old Man for good reason

GREEDY (1994)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Comedies can either go the fast track or slow down to emphasize character definition. I always think of Howard Hawks or Billy Wilder when it comes to fast-paced and rapidly and increasingly witty lines delivered with pizzazz and finite comic timing. "His Girl Friday" is one of the very best, faster-than-thou comedies ever made and "Some Like it Hot," which runs almost two hours, also marches at a fast clip with its innovative situational pieces. I would not put too many modern comedies since the 1980's in the same company, yet "Greedy" (which is not a classic) does march along quickly and manages to induce many laughs and many truths in its wacky character ensemble - but it is Kirk Douglas who steals the movie with his curmudgeonly and manipulative manner that shows the class acts of yesteryear could deliver.

Kirk Douglas is Uncle Joe, a scrap-metal millionaire tycoon who apparently adores Jimmy Durante and his supposed mistress (Olivia d'Abo), who is actually more of a caregiver. Joe's relatives, the whole scheming rotten bunch they are, are waiting and hoping for Joe to take that long snooze into heaven. The lot of them are assuming that Joe will leave his 20 million fortune to the sexy girl. So Joe's relatives hatch a plan - bring the third-rate bowler Danny (Joe's nephew, played by Michael J. Fox) to Joe since Joe seemed to like the kid for his Jimmy Durante impressions. Only problem is that Danny is less interested in money (despite needing a loan) than in forging a relationship. 

Part of the fun of "Greedy" is watching Danny and Uncle Joe manipulate each other - the central idea is that Joe wants to know who loves him for him, and who loves him for his money. It is the oldest cliche in the book yet Kirk Douglas invests enough of that curmudgeonly humor and priceless double takes and endless long stares with a wisp of a smile to sell us a fun, spirited old man - more fun than the old geezers in "Grumpy Old Men." 

As wacky as the relatives are, most trip and fall over leaving precious few memorable bits. Ed Begley, Jr. and the delectable Phil Hartman usually stand out in any movie but Colleen Camp, Mary Ellen Trainor and Siobhan Fallon (as a silly drunk) merely exist as one-dimensional caricatures, overacting to the hilt which is at odds with Fox's and Douglas's underplaying. At least Olivia d'Abo brings a measure of sultriness and does it with relative restraint. It should've been more of a three-character piece than an ensemble.

"Greedy" still has enough laughs and a few comic surprises and choice moments of truth to eclipse its cartoonishly greedy relatives. As directed by Jonathan Lynn (who plays Joe's long-suffering butler), "Greedy" could have reached comic heights had it squarely focused on Douglas, Fox and D'Abo. 

TBN can make bad movies too

THE OMEGA CODE (1999)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia (Original review from 2000)

"The Omega Code" gets my vote for one of the best, cheeriest comedies ever made. It is often so damn funny that I could not hold back my laughter - a deliberate hark back to the kind of spoof that Mel Brooks used to make...only it is not a spoof.

The film stars Casper Van Dien as Dr. Gillen Lane, a mythology guru who believes he has unlocked the secrets of the Bible Code that tells of prophecies, past and future. Yes, these codes foretold of Princess Diana's demise not to mention the assassination of Kennedy, and so on. I wonder if any mention was made of the rape of the Central Park jogger back in the 1980's, or the recent Colombine massacre, or how about the Oklahoma bombing. But never mind, obviously, it dictates events among the rich and famous only.

Enter the wealthy businessman, Stone Alexander (Michael York), who wants to rule the world and needs to find the key to the ancient city of Jerusalem - Stone just needs the good doctor to unlock the remaining bible codes to determine the future. Or something like that. And what can we make of the two prophets, who appear and disappear at will? And will the overworked Dr. Lane fix his marriage to the sweet, lonesome Jennifer (Devon Odessa)? And is Alexander's trusted emissary, Dominic (Michael Ironside), intent on double-crossing his boss?

Okay, so "The Omega Code" is not a comedy, it is a timely biblical thriller that is too unintentionally funny to really score on a dramatic level. I knew the movie would not work as soon as Casper Van Dien's overacting began when he explains on a talk show, with his motivational speaking skills intact, the veracity of the Bible Codes. Amazingly, no one in this film questions whether such codes exist. Of course, there is controversy over such codes in today's world but wouldn't we be more interested in what those codes say about our future rather than the accidental death of Princess Diana?

"The Omega Code" is not humorous enough on a good bad movie scale to sit through, and hardly thrilling for one second. It is preposterous and dull with garden-variety special-effects that are equaled on the level of the defunct "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" show. The film also has the kind of hammy performances that would have delighted the "MST" crowd. The funniest thing about this movie is that it was financed by the Trinity Broadcasting Network - such funding should have been used for more worthwhile endeavors.