Insufferable sitcom noir

GOODBYE LOVER (1998)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 1998)

Roger Ebert devised a term for film noir that is jokey, sanitized and lacking that air of desperation so central to the genre. He called it "deadpan noir", which is precisely what "Destiny Turns on the Radio" was, and what Roland Joffe's execrable new film "Goodbye, Lover" is. It is so groundless and putrid that you'll leave the theater in disgust for all the wrong reasons.

Patricia Arquette stars as Sandra, a real-estate dealer who is having an affair with a PR executive (Don Johnson) who is also an organist at the local church. Their frequent trysts occur at the houses she plans to sell to prospective buyers. Johnson wants to quit the affair, though, because Sandra's alcoholic husband (the always unconvincing Dermot Mulroney) is suspicious and poised to kill her lover. What makes things even worse is that the two men involved are brothers. And Johnson, you see, is beginning an affair with his secretary, the underused Mary-Louise Parker. Yes, I could feel the puzzle pieces of noir start to fit neatly with aplomb and true danger. And it is around this time that the movie comes tumbling down like the Berlin Wall.

Without giving too much of the plot away, I can safely add that the movie's twists and turns are predictable to the core, and that the motive behind a murder in the film is so that the protagonists can collect a tidy insurance settlement. We have heard that plot idea before - it goes back as far as the classic "Double Indemnity," along with a million other films. But "Goodbye, Lover" does a curious thing - it becomes a sitcom-ish noir tale. In other words, the perilous machinations of noir becomes a set-up for an elongated joke, a put-on, especially when Ellen DeGeneres turns up as a cynical detective. Her comic timing is flawless and she is fun to watch...but what is she doing in this movie? It seems as if we are in the latest "Ellen" episode with a colorful cast of characters behaving like buffoons.

"Goodbye, Lover" is an unredeeming piece of junk with no trace of humanity or purpose. Arquette hardly dazzles as a siren with a fetish for "The Sound of Music," unlike the alluring quality she displays in the underrated "Lost Highway." Only Johnson seems to invest some interest and charisma in his shopworn role but it is short-lived. Roland Joffe's direction is surefooted, but all the superb camerawork and canted angles can't do justice to an absurdly uneven, rottenly scripted film.

This tough girl won't cry

MILLION DOLLAR BABY (2004)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 2004)

"Million Dollar Baby" has all the elements of Clint Eastwood's finest work. It is competently acted and directed, it is beautifully understated, and it has its heart on its sleeve. But, at its core, we have to deal with a female protagonist who has not been handled well by the director or the screenwriter, and some heavy-handed scenes that scream illogical and inconsistent. Let me explain further.

Clint Eastwood, in one of his better roles in the last ten years, plays Frankie Dunn, an aging boxing instructor and promoter who owns a boxing gym. He has a former boxer, Scrap (Morgan Freeman), working for him as a janitor. They avoid confronting their past, especially when Frankie used to train Scrap for a title shot where, in his 109th fight, Scrap lost his sight in one eye after a severe blow to the head. The boxers in this gym are all male, that is until Maggie (Hilary Swank), a 31-year-old Missouri waitress, shows up and wants to be trained by Frankie. He refuses but Maggie doesn't budge as she trains every day and works up a sweat past the closing time. Frankie is reluctant to train a girl but is impressed by her zeal for the sport and her guts, despite lacking any real ability to throw a punch. Scrap, in his own quiet manner and ensuing commentary on Frankie's decisions, persuades Frankie to train her. This comes soon after Frankie loses one of his prizefighters to the big-time managers who can grant anyone a title shot.

Maggie vigorously trains. Frankie teaches her how to move her feet, how to punch a bag and how to take a hit. Maggie learns quickly, or so it seems in one of those extended "Rocky" montages, that she blows the competition out of the roof. When she gets in the ring, she knocks out a fighter in the first round. Money and fame are coming in her direction, though this movie wisely avoids the fatal flaws of something like "Rocky V." Eastwood the director is more interested in his characters, their emotions, their own inner flaws and their guilt.

Having said that, "Million Dollar Baby" has its own flaws in its screenplay by Paul Haggis. Frankie is a cast iron, wrinkled, steadfast man with specific problems. For one, he is estranged from his daughter, though he has written letters to her for years only to have them returned. He goes to church on a regular basis and has verbal quarrels with Father Horvak (Brain F. O'Byrne) over matters of faith and demigods. The question is why does Frankie even bother with church? Why is he drawn to Maggie? Is she the daughter he never had because of her interest in boxing? The movie curiously avoids asking such questions and assumes we can figure it out. The problem is that Frankie is more of a cursory character - a question mark in the annals of Eastwood's past character incarnations. I learned more about Eastwood's William Munny in "Unforgiven" than I did about Frankie. I don't mind enigmas but I sensed that Frankie's own valued teachings wouldn't allow him anywhere near someone like Maggie. Suddenly, he takes her on, despite her age and lack of experience. Of course, she turns out to be a terrific fighter but this is the result of irony, not depth. Nevertheless, Eastwood lends gravity to the role to stand out.

In contrast, Morgan Freeman seems to embody a fuller character in Scrap. Here is someone who has always stood in the shadows, watching the action unfold as he cleans the toilet seats. He had his past glory and lost it all, squarely sitting in a drab bedroom in the gym. That sense of loss in Scraps is more poignant and moving than anything else in the film.

But the biggest problem is Hilary Swank who, let the hate mail begin, is miscast as Maggie. Did I just say that? Yes, I know she won the Oscar for it. Yes, the character is tough, determined, honest. Swank, however, just seems to embody one facial characteristic - a terrific smile. We see the glory in her eyes and the need to belong to something besides a family surviving on welfare who don't seem to care much about her. In hindsight, we care about her only because she is a female boxer who needs a father figure. Swank never reaches, or is allowed to reach, for any real complexity out of Maggie. And her final scenes will make you wonder what are her real intentions as to her well-being and her demands to Frankie. Swank captures the spirit of Maggie but not the soul. I still think she gave the most forceful, riveting performance of her career in "Boys Don't Cry," just so you know where I stand. It may have helped if the film was not told from Scrap's point-of-view, but rather from Maggie's. What we finally get is a decent performance by Swank but not a great performance.

"Million Dollar Baby" has an ironic title more appropriate to Disney but don't be fooled - this is not an uplifting "Rocky" clone. It is occasionally powerful and has moments of real truth. Eastwood and Freeman are often sublime, especially in their own subtle exchanges. Swank is fierce and watchable but not completely believable. As compared to Eastwood's masterful "Mystic River," "Million Dollar Baby" does not plumb the depths of its characters. I suppose I expected more from Eastwood than a film of graceful footnotes and curiously misguided intentions.

Old pros in Sin City

LAST VEGAS (2013)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Last Vegas" is what it is. But what is it, exactly? A well-meaning, well-intentioned, astute and sporadically funny and dramatic enough movie that will not offend anyone. It is the last kind of picture I would ever expect Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, Kevin Kline and Morgan Freeman to make but they had fun making it, and the movie is sort of fun to watch.

The Flatbush Four (Billy, Paddy, Archie and Sam) are raucous neighborhood kids from Brooklyn who have stayed in touch for 58 years. The spry Billy (Douglas) is a successful businessman who is marrying a woman almost 30-plus years younger than him. Paddy (De Niro), a miserable grump, is living alone in his apartment that is adorned with various pictures of his dearly departed wife. Archie (Freeman) lives with his son, Ezra, and feels he is living in a cage. Sam (Kline) is married to his Miriam (Joanna Gleason) and is hoping to get his mojo working again soon. Oh, he will since he has been invited to Billy's wedding in Las Vegas, along with the old chums and the very reluctant Paddy. Don't think for a moment that this is a leisurely-paced reworking of "The Hangover" - not even close. The movie reminded me of "Grumpy Old Men" except that they are now in Vegas. We also get one of the few delightful and magical actresses in modern movies, the one and only Mary Steenburgen as a Vegas lounge singer who can't find much of an audience. Guess who will pine for her? Guess why Paddy is so reluctant to attend this potentially disastrous wedding? Guess if Sam will actually get his Hall Pass fulfilled? Yep, a Hall Pass permitted by Miriam!

"Last Vegas" is a sweet little movie that aims to be nothing but pleasing entertainment. I do wish there was more ingenuity and less of a formulaic connect-the-dots script by Dan Fogelman ("Cars," "Fred Claus"). These old pros have played these roles before and there is nothing fresh about them except their age. Adding some pizzazz is April Billingsley (from TV's "Resurrection") as Sam's Hall Pass who sees his tenderness. Like revisiting your past with a certain brand of nostalgia, it is lively and entertaining to see these actors strut their stuff, even in well-traveled roads like Sin City.

Murder on the Oneida Yacht

THE CAT'S MEOW (2001)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Watching Peter Bogdanovich's take on that day in November in 1924 when certain movie stars and moguls were involved in a scandalous murder, I was reminded of the lurid details films often confront nowadays. A murder is not just detailed, it is shown in extreme close-ups with the kind of frantic cutting you might see on TV's "C.S.I." So it is an unmistakable privilege to see a film whose focus is not so much murder as much the people behind the murder. "The Cat's Meow" is like taking a chill pill - it is quiet, toned-down, restrained cinema that is unlikely to cause much of a ruckus but it will please folks who feel words speak louder than actions. Think of it as an Agatha Christie mystery, only this is a true story.

Set almost entirely aboard a yacht, "The Cat's Meow" sets its eye on Hollywood in the Prohibition Era. William Randolph Hearst (played with real vigor by Edward Herrmann) has a private yacht, a 280-footer named the "Oneida," where he invites all kinds of luminaries and movie stars. They include the renown Charles Chaplin (Eddie Izzard) whose latest film, "A Woman in Paris," flopped due to his non-appearance; a Hollywood producer named Thomas Ince (Cary Elwes), known as the "Father of the Western"; an interminably whiny gossip columnist, Louella Parsons (Jennifer Tilly), and others. Hearst is of course having a highly publicized affair with Marion Davies (Kirsten Dunst), another movie star who is also having an affair with Chaplin. When Hearst discovers this indiscreet affair, murder enters his mind. Unfortunately, he kills Ince, the studio head, whom he mistakes for Chaplin. "Murder of a Hollywood Producer" is the screaming headline we can imagine aboard this yacht - a tale of scandalous proportions that seems to have sprung from Kenneth Anger's "Hollywood Babylon" book (it is covered in-depth in the first volume).

Ultimately, "The Cat's Meow" is not a lurid melodrama but rather a sophisticated, dryly witty comedy-drama. The comedy may fly over most people's heads since it consists of asides thrown by the major characters without the exclamation points to make the sure everyone gets the joke. Like Altman's recent "Gosford Park," "The Cat's Meow" is more concerned with the characters and their own flaws and faults than an actual murder mystery. Hearst, as is well known, was already married despite having an affair with Marion Davies, so it is hypocritical of him to despise her fling with Chaplin. Chaplin was already known for dalliances with many women, and had decided to leave his pregnant teenage fiancee behind just to party and continue his love affair with Marion.

The film merely doesn't cover the conflict between Hearst, Marion and Chaplin but also sneaks a peek at other secondary characters. The wittiest is Elinor Glyn (Joanna Lumley), the British romance novelist and screenwriter who delivers quips and putdowns with tremendous ease. Particularly enjoyable is her retort towards the omnipresent Parsons, who keeps talking past beyond the point of anybody listening. Cary Elwes is appropriately arrogant as Tom Ince, who is aching for a box-office hit and hopes Hearst can help him. Unfortunately, other characters such as Ince's business manager and his mistress merely exist as decoration - their limited screen time reduces them to cardboard cutouts. They lack the juice and vitality of the principal characters and, thus, slow down the action.

"The Cat's Meow" is fitfully entertaining and pleasant, and doesn't aspire to be anything more. For director Peter Bogdanovich, it is certainly a return to form after doing TV sequels like "To Sir, With Love Part 2." And for those of us interested in Hollywood scandals galore, this sparkling film should fit the bill.

New York Date Doctor gives romantic advice

HITCH (2005)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Hitch" is a simple pleasure at the movies, undemanding and unforced. It is a pleasant time-

filler for couples who line up to see movies like this on Valentine's Day. In other words, no

sex, no violence, no jokes of the scatological variety. Just simple fun from start to finish.

Nowadays, that is something to treasure for most couples, young and old.

Will Smith is Alex "Hitch" Hitchens, a popular, anonymous New York Date Doctor. He gives advice to men on how to woo women, how to approach them, how to charm them, and what to do on the first date. Hitch has it down to a specific science - posture, eye contact are all important ingredients. His advice is for romantic longing leading to a healthy relationship, all for a small fee of course. If you want to just get laid, don't go to Hitch.

Kevin James is Albert, one of Hitch's clients, who is something of a slob and further proof that white men can't dance. He is one of the accountants for the beautiful, seemingly unattainable and wealthy Allegra Cole (Amber Valletta). Hitch's advice is for Albert to make himself known to her in some way, though not by breaking up a business meeting and insisting that her own financial interests be honored, thereby almost getting fired in the process! Albert has to learn to relax, to approach her with ease, even if it means getting mustard on his pants. You know this is only a movie when Allegra wouldn't approach an insecure guy like Albert with a ten foot pole.

Hitch has other clients, but he also practices what he preaches. He approaches a gossip columnist named Sara (Eva Mendes) at some ritzy bar, and actually scores. Their first date is at Ellis Island by way of motor boat. Everything clicks but Sara is unaware he is the Date Doctor (as does most of New York, excepting his clients). Will she find out? And will Albert get to score with Allegra or will he accidentally throw mustard on her face?

"Hitch" is a pleasing comedy, designed to please and nothing more. Like most romantic comedies in the last twenty years, it has nothing new to say about romance. Unlike the surreal, mind-bending "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" or the adult-oriented "Sideways," this movie has no degree of surprise to it either. But do consider for a moment what might have been. The previews show Hitch doing his date doctor thing, accumulating several lonely hearts clients who don't know the first thing about dating. This is a great idea for a romantic comedy - Will Smith's Hitch could've been on the sidelines as opposed to front and center. It is no accident that Kevin James's Albert steals scenes from Smith's nose without so much as breaking a sweat - of course, James has already proved to be a comic powerhouse with TV's "The King of Queens."

I am afraid to say that as much as I enjoy the banter between Smith and Mendes, who have

considerable chemistry, the movie refuses to look at them intimately. There is more intimacy

between Kevin James and Amber Valetta than in all the scenes involving Hitch's private life. I

also take issue with the inevitable scene (you knew it was coming) where Mendes's Sara discovers that Hitch is the Date Doctor and loses her cool. Why on earth is she losing her cool? Because he never told her who he really was? All he does is give dating advice for a living.

There are pluses to "Hitch." The movie is rife with laughs and double entendres, mostly supplied by the poor, clumsy schmo Kevin James. Will Smith shows coolness in being laid-back - it is the most restrained performance of his career. I still wish Smith pursued the promise he showed in "Six Degrees of Separation" but I am not about to give career advice. Eva Mendes is fully alive as Sara, sparkling and spiking every scene she's in with wit and authority. And Amber Valletta is simply a phosphorous presence, not just a simple glamour girl. And for fans of TV's "Chicago Hope," Adam Arkin pops up as Sara's boss.

I certainly liked "Hitch" but I wish more chances were taken. The film is overlong and

undercooked, and there are too many pratfalls of the slapstick variety. I also could've lived

without the "food allergy" gag. In an era of safe, homogenized movies, "Hitch" is about as

outrageous as any Hollywood movie starring Will Smith will allow (which is not much). More

pungent wit and less safe betting would have made this a sleeper instead of just a safe bet.

Christopher Guests' Folk Tales

A MIGHTY WIND (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in May 12th, 2003)

Christopher Guest's "A Mighty Wind" is unlike any other movie I have seen, or at least since the last Christopher Guest film. It is his latest mockumentary, and his subject this time is of 60's folk singers trying to recapture their magic to an audience. The film's terse realism and subdued comedy make this a strange if uneven delight.

The movie begins with the death of a renowned folk promoter, Irving Steinbloom, who led the careers of many aspiring folk singers. Since this is a pseudo-documentary, the folk singers are all fictitious yet I am sure there are some parallels to real-life singers. There is the New Main Street Singers, a commercial folk group that meditates by concentrating on a particular member of the male genitalia before performing cheerfully on stage. There is also the Folksmen (Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer and Michael McKean), a trio who are known for their sole hit that climaxes with the lyrics "Eat at O'." The best-loved and most inspiring group are Mitch (Eugene Levy) and Mickey (Catherine O'Hara), two singers who are reuniting after more than twenty years. Their songs are comprised of love and harmony (such as "A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow"), and the most famously televised moment in their careers was when they kissed on stage.

Writer-director Guest frames these characters as if they were in a documentary, and his special talent is for making it seem so truthful. The satire is there, mostly mocking the terrific documentary "The Weavers: Wasn't That a Time," but only perceptive audiences will catch the implicit humor since it is so matter-of-fact and so honest. Guest never aims for a cheap joke or a desperate gag, he takes folk-singing seriously enough and plays it with a straight face to make us believe everything that transpires on screen. Even the repetitious New Main Street singers promoter (played by Fred Willard), a one-time TV star known for the phrase "Wha' Happened," never becomes too colorful or animated. A great example is Catherine O'Hara's Mickey - her special trait is speaking with a soothing, calm tone that becomes intoxicating, particularly when interviewed. She is the best thing in the movie.

Levy does seem to overact at times as Mitch but his mechanically droning voice brings a level of anticipation and dread at the same time - he keeps us on alert and makes us nervous since we are never sure what he may say next. Mitch is shell-shocked ever since his separation from Mickey, and his dark spells helped to produce solo records of pain and regret. Even his concert at the end with Mickey made me tense, thinking he might screw it all up when their famous song climaxes with their famous kiss. The suspense is predicting Mitch's next move.

Most of the cast performs up to par with credibility. The Folksmen's bantering during rehearsal sessions feels real enough, and Guest is often left with the best one-liners at the end of each scene. The New Main Street Singers are a complete riot, though Parker Posey seems out of her element as the former junkie and runaway teen reformed by Bob Balaban, a master of the deadpan act, who is absolutely hilarious as Jonathan Steinbloom, Irving's son. His attention to the most rudimentary details of the concert (like a floral arrangement) will keep you in stitches.

"A Mighty Wind" is quite an entertaining blend of music and pathos - the latter being the most predominant factor in folk music . It is affectionate enough towards folk music to make most folk fans happy and happily amused.

BOY! What is going on here?

PHANTASM III (1994)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

After two creepy, elegiac and dreamlike films about the Tall Man, a ghost town and a mausoleum cast in white marble and holding some sort of netherworld, I am still unsure of what the heck this "Phantasm" series is all about but I do find it intriguing with various ideas about death, rebirth and some timeline between dreams and reality. "Phantasm III" doesn't make it easier to understand its own dream logic - where is this barrier between reality and dreams? David Lynch often touches on such mind-altering themes but, let's be honest, writer-director Don Coscarelli got there first or at least we might see the seeds of his fruition from a Luis-Bunuel-crossed-with Dario-Argento-flavored mix. What is sheerly amazing is that I was still hooked by this third-go-round - it is herky-jerky surrealism crossed with comedic banter and that makes it as entertaining as the first two films.

Ponytailed Reggie armed with a nifty shotgun (Reggie Bannister, still intact with his sense of humor) is still pursuing the dreaded supernatural being known as the Tall Man (Angus Scrimm) after seemingly destroying the gatekeeper of Hell On Earth mausoleums in part II. Of course you can never keep a fearsome Tall Man down for long, what with the several deadly flying spheres at this being's disposal. The psychic kid Mike (A. Michael Baldwin, who played Mike in the original film) has been in a coma for a while but all it takes to revive him is Mike's dead brother, Jody (Bill Thornbury), who sometimes assumes the form of one of those spheres! The Tall Man eventually snatches Mike back, leaving Reggie and Jody to travel to another mausoleum (though apparently Mike is trapped in an interdimensional portal) and then some newbies to the series arrive. Most entertaining and providing a major shot of adrenaline is nunchaku expert with military experience, Rocky (Gloria-Lynne-Henry), whom horny Reggie wants to roll in the hay with. There is also the "Home Alone"-kid Tim (Kevin Connors) who has amateur Rube Goldberg contraptions in his house and carries a loaded gun (his parents were killed by the Tall Man).

There are some revelations regarding the contents of those flying spheres that actually gave me the chills, and Mike's last scene indicates a new development in the series that even leaves Reggie mystified. "Phantasm III" has got what you expect - spheres crushing heads (though not as gory as previous entries), Reggie driving his kick-ass GTO, the Tall Man's occasional appearance (this time, we discover that excessive cold temperatures are his Kryptonite), some sexual innuendos and imagined sexscapades with the rockin' Rocky, and a trio of zombiefied hoods that would have been at home in a Tarantino flick (or maybe Romero). Not much of it makes a whole lot of sense (especially Reggie's stashed 100 dollar bills in his pockets - wasn't he just an ice cream vendor at one time?) The film also seems hastily-patched together with an even hastier resolution. Still, "Phantasm III" gives us what we expect and more (love the backstory about Tim) and it still gives me goosebumps (Scrimm is as haunting a presence as ever - imagine him in the days of the Universal Monsters). Shiver me crazy.