Atari's biggest failure

ATARI: GAME OVER (2014)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Atari E.T. Dig- Alamogordo, New Mexico (14036097792)" by taylorhatmaker - Atari E.T. Dig: Alamogordo, New Mexico. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Atari_E.T._Dig-_Alamogordo,_New_Mexico_(14036097792).jpg#/media/File:Atari_E.T._Dig-_Alamogordo,_New_Mexico_(14036097792).jpg

I am always intrigued by fanciful urban legends, especially one as ludicrous as the burial of Atari consoles and game cartridges in the middle of a New Mexico desert. Who could ever believe that a gaming company would bury their products deep underground? Alamogordo was apparently the site of such a burial, along with the burial of hundreds of returned and unsold E.T. game cartridges. That's right, shortly after the release of Steven Spielberg's "E.T.", a game cartridge was quickly hashed out in time to cash in on the film's success. I think I may have played this game once but I have little recollection of it. Needless to say, the E.T. game is considered one of the worst video games in history. "Atari: Game Over," a very entertaining though slightly disjointed documentary by Zak Penn, seems to indicate the failure of the E.T. game was chiefly responsible for the demise of the Atari company. 

"Atari: Game Over" is a documentation of the dig on April 2014 in Alamogordo where a portion of the game cartridges, including "E.T.," were excavated. Director Penn also focuses on Atari's past as the video gaming company of its time. Although sales were dipping, there was great confidence that an E.T. video game would be an instant hit because, well, E.T. was a phenomenal box-office success in 1982 and the pressure was on to have a game ready as a Christmas toy. Howard Scott Warshaw, a video game designer who had created "Yars' Revenge," had to have E.T. ready in five weeks when traditionally designers had six months to work with at least. It turns out that Spielberg loved the game when it was finished, but had hopes for something akin to Pac-Man! So maybe an E.T. that ate Reese's Pieces as it was chased by, um, Eliot or FBI agents? I dunno. Nevertheless, 4 million cartridges were created but only 2.5 million sold. A colossal failure to be sure.

For a while, most of the 66-minute running time for "Atari: Game Over" is fascinating and rivets the attention. I could have lived, however, without references to "Back to the Future" or the endless digging scenes where crowds of people attend out of sheer curiosity. Most riveting is the video game designer now known as the Silicon Valley Therapist, Howard Scott Warshaw, describing Atari as a fun company to work for despite its eventual demise - he points to a time when Atari was a cultural phenomenon that we all thought would never go away. That makes the film somewhat bittersweet.

Bloodless Hauntings

HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (1999)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 1999)

It is a telling sign of how times have changed when the William Castle horror flick from eons ago, "House on Haunted Hill," passes for restraint in this jaded, anything-goes era of cheap thrills and gory violence. Sadly, this gore-laden remake of the original classic is another example of why the horror genre is dying - bloodless thrills are never a substitute for character or plot.

Set in the 90's, we now have Stephen Price (Geoffrey Rush), a rich amusement park expert who knows how to draw screams from his customers, and relishes and prides himself on the visceral thrills he creates. His beautiful yet conniving wife, Evelyn (Famke Janssen), is having a birthday and Stephen plans to hold the bash at the House on Haunted Hill, formerly a mental asylum where the bloodiest, most savage murders took place this side of the Charlie Manson moon. Evelyn is not receptive to Stephen's morbid plans, nor to his inviting five unknown guests to spend the night at this house for 1 million dollars each. The catch is that they have to spend the entire night in the house, no matter the consequences.

A splendid premise, as it was in the original, but the five-person group is hardly inviting company. There is Eddie Baker (Taye Diggs), a former athlete; Melissa Marr (Bridgette Wilson), a videographer who is fascinated by the house and its interiors; Donald Blackburn (Peter Gallagher), a doctor with a hidden agenda, and Sarah (Ali Arter), impersonating her boss with an agenda to just get the dough. Since these five characters barely ignite our interest, we are left with Price and his wife, but their obscene shrewdness is a far cry from Vincent Price. Put simply, Rush overacts to the nth degree yet Janssen at least would have a field day if she was cast in a remake of "Double Indemnity" - she has fire, passion and a heart of coal. The dynamic Famke puts the rest of the cast to shame.

The house at least has some character but the shots of the interiors and the hallways are rendered so darkly that it may as well be Freddy Krueger's boiler room. Contrast this house with its 1958 counterpart, and at least the latter was somewhat inviting yet a sense of dread enveloped the place. Oh, my, how I miss the glory of black-and-white.

The biggest difference between the original and this remake is the introduction of the asylum and the horrors that once inhabited it. There is a curious 1931 prologue with Jeffrey Combs ("Reanimator") as some mad doctor who conducted grisly experiments, shown in docu-style, black-and-white footage. Sadly, none of this is really followed up on. Instead, we get high-pitched screams and fits, lots of canted angles, and a few gory deaths, not to mention a highly laughable special-effects monster that would barely scare Sigourney Weaver's Ripley. No wit, no scares, no purpose, and as with most recent remakes, no need.

Critters got nowhere to go

OVER THE HEDGE (2006)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 2006)

I approach current animated films with trepidation. After all, I grew up with Warner Brothers and Disney cartoons and, putting it mildly, I favor the old more than the new. Still, 2004's "The Incredibles" was an amazing achievement and the best superhero movie in many moons. "Over the Hedge" is the latest from Dreamworks and what a fun time I had. It is far from greatness but any person aged 7 to 70 will enjoy it (though I suspect the tykes will enjoy it the most).

In the opening sequence, a raccoon named RJ (voiced by Bruce Willis) is trying to get a bag of nacho chips from a vending machine. We know the feeling when a bag of chips get stuck in the machine and we bang the dang thing mercilessly to no avail. RJ's fruitless attempts lead to a wagon of food that belongs to a giant bear named Vincent (voiced appropriately by Nick Nolte). RJ takes the food but it ends up on the main highway and trashed to smithereens by a truck. He has to get all this food back to Vincent or else he'll be eaten. This takes RJ to a small critter family consisting of a turtle named Verne (voiced by Garry Shandling) whose tail tingles when trouble is nigh, a highly caffeinated squirrel named Hammy (voiced by Steve Carell), a skunk with a low opinion of herself named Stella (Wanda Sykes), a family of possums led by the papa possum (voiced by William Shatner) and his daughter (Avril Lavigne), and finally a porcupine family led by the father, Lou (voiced by Eugene Levy), and the mother, Penny (voiced by Catherine O'Hara). Don't expect a return of Mitch and Mickey.

Based on a comic strip, the plot has to do with an oversized hedge, nicknamed Steve by the critters, that has been built during the winter season, the time of their hibernation. Now the critters have no chance of getting any decent food, only some tree bark. RJ needs help to get the wagon of food back to Vincent so he hoodwinks the furry creatures into stealing food from the humans. Along the way, there are some pointed jabs at the unhealthy junk food diet, the tossing of welcome amounts of food in trash receptacles, the enormity of SUV's, THX sound systems (perhaps a little jab there at George Lucas), the fixation on modern technological devices, and much more. To top it all off, we have a hysterical and truly EVIL woman with a cell phone attached to her ear (voiced by Allison Janney) who wants those critters decimated as "inhumanely as possible." Enter the Verminator (voiced by Thomas Haden Church) whose job is to do just that, not to mention devise contraptions to trap the critters if they ever enter her backyard.

"Over the Hedge" is a partly satiric tale of suburban encroachment, though it never truly dwells on the evils of suburban development. The movie seems to say that junk food and technology is evil because the humans consume both, and largely because both do a disservice to nature. But the critters enjoy both equally, including gorging on junk food and watching cable and DVD's in their own land, so I am unclear on what the message is. Perhaps it is an anti-deforestation tale but the filmmakers lose any real focus.

None of this matters in hindsight because "Over the Hedge" is dazzling to watch with some eye-opening visuals and lots of laughs. The critters are all fun personalities and, well, what can I say, Bruce Willis, William Shatner, Wanda Sykes and Nick Nolte's booming voice lend greatly to the film's success. The tykes will love it and will want to see it again and again on DVD. Whatever message is delivered will surely fly over their heads.

Act 1 Scene 1: The War

WAG THE DOG (1997)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 1997, hence all the Clinton references)

One of the ten best films of 1997

In light of the recent events involving President Clinton and Paula Jones, not to mention the recent reports of the reemergence of Saddam Hussein, "Wag the Dog" is as perceptive and realistic a satire as I have ever seen; a dark, edgily written treatise on politics, Hollywood and the media, and how they are all interrelated.

"Wag the Dog" starts with a momentous sex-scandal involving the President of the United States - he apparently had a sexual encounter with an underage Girl Scout in the Oval Office. Naturally, the nation is on its toes with this scandal that threatens the upcoming election. Facing a desperate hour, the White House enlists a spin-control doctor, Conrad Bean (Robert De Niro), to divert the nation's attention by inventing a war with Albania! To do this, Conrad gets assistance from a disbelieving presidential aide (Anne Heche) and a veteran Hollywood producer named Stanley Motss (Dustin Hoffman) - together, they have to create the appearance of a war by utilizing the power of the mass media. Motss orchestrates the production by creating a stage where a young girl (Kirsten Dunst) is supposedly running along the barracks of Albania carrying a kitten. "Get me a calico kitten," shouts Motss, admitting he's never had this much fun on a production before. Through a two-day process of computer animation, some "Anne Frank sirens" and a hand-held camera, a fake war is unveiled before the public's eyes. As Motss makes clear, "This is nothing. This is a walk in the park. Have you ever shot in Italy? "

And this is just the beginning. The catch is that for every deceptive performance they pull, the principals have to promise to never tell anyone, or they will be killed. The ambitious Motss wants some credit for his work, though: "The producer never gets any credit. How can you have a movie without a producer?" Even the young "Albanian" girl can't mention her performance on her resume - "It's just a pageant," declares Conrad.

"Wag the Dog" is based on the book "American Hero," a fictional chronicle of George Bush's attempts to create an unwanted war in the Persian Gulf. Is the movie outrageous and exaggerated, or is it speaking the truth? Considering the recent events surrounding Clinton's presidency, the movie is so truthful and acidly written, it is bitingly scary and sad to watch. The movie is basically saying that the media reports lies, not truths. Of course, we have seen dozens of movies that showed the corrupt amorality at the core of politics and the media - we see it every day, from the nightly news intent on reporting bloody crimes, to "The Jerry Springer Show" that advertises more and more fist fights, to the absurd overexposure of the Paula Jones case. What "Wag the Dog" does differently is to show how far politicians and the press are willing to go to sell their "product," basically yellow journalism, to the American public. The public will believe anything the media reports to them, so if there's a war going on with Albania, by golly, they'll buy it. Anything will work as long as it distracts attention from the President's sexual dalliances. In one of several attempts to prove their credibility, they concoct an old blues record called "Old Shoe," which becomes the nickname for a long-lost war hero (Woody Harrelson) who is actually a psychotic prisoner!

The wonderful cast is first-rate. Dustin Hoffman is excellent as the showy, nervous, fast-talking producer Motss who recalls the equally pretentious producer Robert Evans - it is a performance that ranks with Hoffman's best work in "Midnight Cowboy" and "Rain Man." Robert De Niro brings a smoothness and calmness that I've not seen him do since "Stanley and Iris"; note the calm precision by which he utters lines such as "I'm working on it" or "We'll have to kill you" with a smile. Watching De Niro and Hoffman perform together is as pleasurable an experience as I've had in all of 1997. Anne Heche has a less remarkable role as the presidential aide but she holds her own with these two heavyweights, especially during the conference scenes. Kudos must also go to Woody Harrelson's explosive cameo as the dumb, naive rapist with rotten teeth who pretends to be a war hero from Albania. It is equally delightful to see other memorable supporting roles including Willie Nelson as a singer trying to come up with a theme song for Albania; Denis Leary who is great fun as a slogan specialist; and there's William H. Macy (a Mamet regular) as an FBI agent who's curious about the credibility of this war.

"Wag the Dog" is as incisive and tragic a commentary on the amorality and lack of values in today's media frenzy as "Network" was about television. A brilliant script by David Mamet and Hillary Henkin, superb direction by Barry Levinson, typically "contrasty" cinematography by Robert Richardson, and expert performances by a game cast make for one of 1997's finest films. It's unforgettable, saddening, hilarious, and honest about the manipulation of the media, and how they report the news as if it was entertaining fodder for the dumb and dumber set. This is not a film to be ignored.

Commercial Plug-in for Breakin' 3: Ghetto Blast Energy

MAC AND ME (1988)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Mac and Me" is one of the most egregious examples of commercial plug-ins in a movie I've ever seen. It is not a movie - it is a blatant commercial for Coca-Cola and McDonald's. Period. It also serves as a desperately thin clone of Spielberg's "E.T," which in an odd maneuver might serve as a poor commercial plug-in for Spielberg's classic tearjerker. Yeah, I know, E.T. ate Reese's Pieces in that movie but the candy did not save his life when the poor alien's health suffered. Also, E.T. never danced a jig at McDonald's while young customers breakdanced to synthetic, synthesizer pop music that even Debbie Gibson would not have played in her walkman. But why stop there? Was that breakdancing bit a plug-in for the "Breakin'" movie that never was - "Breakin' 3: Ghetto Blast Energy"?

Mac and Me hilarious wheelchair fall

"Mac and Me" has actors dressed in beige-colored, seemingly latexed alien costumes with middle-aged pot bellies, and little Mac (Mysterious Alien Creature) is the largely inanimate bug-eyed alien who ends up in suburbia and resides with a kid in a wheelchair (Jade Calegory). Why did this uncommunicative alien decide to live with this family? All it can do is whistle to communicate. Then there is the single mom (Christine Ebersole) as the Dee Wallace clone who works at Sears! How do they afford the house in Sacramento? My wife asked that one as we watched and I can't answer that - show me the family's financial records! Meanwhile, why on God's Good Earth do these aliens need to sip Coca-Cola to live? Why are Mama, Papa and Sister Googly-Eyed Alien Family out in the middle of the desert where there are no Coca-Cola vending machines and no Skittles? I am guessing the Death Valley location resembles their barren planet, which can only mean that the planet and desert scenes were shot on the same day. "Mac and Me" is the kind of idiotic E.T. clone where the FBI agents run at Flash speeds while chasing a kid on a wheelchair in the middle of freeway traffic! I now have a deeper respect for another "E.T." clone, "Short Circuit," a movie I found deplorably dull.

"Mac and Me" features a host of unintentional laughs but my favorite is the fact that the aliens are sucked into a vacuum hose twice. Too bad the movie was not sucked into the vacuum and blown out and buried in the New Mexico desert. I mean, look at those Atari E.T. video games they found out there.

Hollow and underimagined Irving adaptation

SLEEPY HOLLOW (1999)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Original review from 1999)

An elderly man sits in a carriage at night, watching the silhouetted trees in the darkness and hearing strange noises. Suddenly, something dashes through his carriage and the driver's head is gone. The man is scared and leaps out of the carriage. He walks up to a scarecrow with an ominous, eerie pumpkin for a head. He hears a noise, turns around and his head is lopped off too. A nice start, but what a shame that the whole movie is like that - it makes decapitation seem as matter-of-factly as those "Friday the 13th" movies. We have come a long way since Disney's scarily amusing classic short, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow."

Back at Sleepy Hollow, a dreary town saturated in fog, the bland, easily bewitched constable Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) arrives from New York City to investigate a series of puzzling decapitations. Puzzling to Ichabod, but not to the townspeople who are certain that a supernatural figure on a horse, known as the Headless Horseman, is responsible for the murders. "We have murders in New York without benefit of ghouls or goblins," mutters Ichabod, in one of the movie's few clever lines. Eventually, Ichabod discovers that this superstition is fact, but the reasons for the Headless Horseman's rampage may leave viewers wishing that director Tim Burton would have had the demonic imagination to reinvent this fable with more juice than is allowed.

"Sleepy Hollow's" ad campaign is absolutely correct - heads do roll but with little pretense or justification. We see the nocturnal horseman galloping through the narrow roads raising his sword and ax with all his might and severing each and every head (he even battles Ichabod in a duel that had me laughing unintentionally). You see a decapitation once and it is threatening, albeit somewhat scary. Second time is still thrilling with the music score by Danny Elfman pumping through the speakers even louder. The third and fourth time, you are left wondering if Tim Burton did nothing more than create a big-budget slasher film with a headless Jason Voorhees!

Mr. Burton leaves little to the imagination, an ironic gesture on his part since he is a man borne of vivid imaginings. Remember the wonderful creation of Johnny Depp's sad-eyed, clownish, fragile Edward Scissorhands! The wondrous surrealism of "Pee Wee's Big Adventure"! The comical belching of Michael Keaton's Beetlejuice! And what do we have in "Sleepy Hollow"? An angry, elliptical horseman who huffs and puffs and not much else (oh, yes, he loves to steal heads). This may be because the monster is from Washington Irving's novella, not an original creation of Burton's.

The other characters are barely magnified beyond paper-thin caricature types. Johnny Depp is not as wild-eyed as he was in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," but his Ichabod is too bland and not eccentric enough to stimulate interest. Christina Ricci is the blonde-curled Katrina whom Ichabod falls in love with (Winona Ryder was also mistakenly blonde in "Edward Scissorhands"), but they don't have an iota of chemistry together. Ricci is supposed to be some kind of witch but the script glosses over this characteristic in favor of more beheadings. The other actors show up merely as window dressing - Michael Gambon, Miranda Richardson and Michael Gough appear like blocks of wood in Burton's world with no sense of urgency. In fact, if this horseman is so dangerous and people are so afraid of him, why don't they all move to another town? Or is there a conspiracy involving an inheritance and doomed love? We can never be sure.

"Sleepy Hollow" is both sleep-inducing and hollow, showing us nothing more than numerous beheadings and bleeding tree trunks. Save for Christopher Walken's frightening cameo, beautifully captivating cinematography and a couple of dazzling dream sequences, this Gothic wannabe fable is charmless, joyless, frenetic junk. It is time Burton sets his eyes on the vivid, imaginative power of his own creations.

Rom-Com should've been spiked with Huevos de Chivo

LAWS OF ATTRACTION (2004)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

When you cast two attractive movie stars in a romantic comedy, you should have sparks flying in every direction. A spikingly witty script would help and a decent director. These are qualities you would expect when casting Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan as the stars. Unfortunately, as is often the case with romantic comedies, there is not much wit and hardly any sparks.

Julianne Moore plays Audrey Woods, a ditsy divorce attorney who eats junk food. Pierce Brosnan is Daniel Rafferty, a competing divorce attorney with stained ties who lives in an apartment in Chinatown. The two of them often end up on the same cases. The judge is always played by Nora Dunn. Audrey tries to dig up dirt on the opposing clients by rummaging through Daniel's belongings. But Daniel has a miniature camera that catches her in the act in his apartment. Daniel is not as keen on digging up any dirt, or so it seems. Both Daniel and Audrey decide to eat out at restaurants and on three different occasions, they get drunk and end up in bed together.

Meanwhile, their latest case is a divorce settlement between a womanizing rock star (Michael Sheen) and his desperately shrill wife (Parker Posey). This subplot involves a nice visit to Ireland and to a roomy castle, though scenic shots last merely a few seconds which can mean that footage could've easily been shot in Canada to substitute for Ireland. If you are going to shoot in Ireland, by all means shoot Ireland in all its natural beauty!

There is not much more to "Laws of Attraction" I am afraid. And don't get me started on saying the same old negative things about stale romantic comedies (Norman Jewison's "Only You" is far better than this, okay?) As for Julianne Moore, she was more convincing playing a ditz in "Evolution" than in this movie. Brosnan can effortlessly play off his charisma but he seems like he rather be drinking Huevos de Chivo (Goat's Balls) and partying in Ireland than starring in this movie. He shares no real chemistry with Moore because the director Peter Howitt and the screenwriters have not allowed for such scenes. The movie is so inert that the foreseeable climax doesn't register any honest emotion whatsoever. Considering that this is the classic boy-meets-girl, girl-breaks-up-with-boy and then they live happily ever after tale, the crucial girl-breaking-up-with-boy scene would've lead to something other than what is actually delivered.

No romance, no comedy, no sparks, no movie - it just coasts along relying on the charisma of the two stars to give it weight. Yes, they are attractive but so were Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy in their comedies - nobody would've ever accused them of coasting along on their looks alone. But there is one good line delivered with expert comic timing by Julianne Moore. Brosnan responds to her theories on marriage by saying, "I see. I see a lot." He then asks her if she is dating anyone. She says: "You see a lot? Am I dating anyone? What kind of a segue is that?" There are a few other good lines in that one sequence but that is still no reason to recommend this stifling huevos de chivo of a movie. Case closed.