Junior-League Indiana Jones adventure

 THE GOONIES (1985)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"The Goonies" was the summer of 1985's answer to "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." It was an escapist adventure done with a minimum of horrific, subterranean intensity - a junior-league Indiana Jones-type thrill ride designed to please the tots who ran screaming from that Temple of Doom the summer before. In many ways, I am sure it was executive producer Steven Spielberg's corrective to the hazardous mentality of that movie. For kids and pre-teens, "The Goonies" might have sufficed and it did. For me, I guess at the age of 14 at that time, I expected a little more than a pirate treasure movie aimed at small minds with some implied adult humor. It is upbeat, more spirited in the last half than the first, and far more memorable for its then-youthful cast than for One-Eyed Willy.

Speaking of One-Eyed Willy, he is the 17th century pirate who got a hold of a cache of gold treasure. You know it is truly a golden sight to behold when the Goonies find the treasure in the bulk of a ship and their faces are illuminated by its reflective light. The gold is there for the taking yet there are substantial booby traps to overcome, like a piano made of bones where certain notes need to be played, a pit full of spikes, some bats, caves and various other Rube Goldberg contraptions on board One-Eyed Willy's pirate ship. There is also the unnecessary inclusion of two bumbling thieves and their criminal mother - out of these three characters, Robert Davi comes off best as the singing older brother (in an early scene, he wears Indiana Jones' fedora). I have always enjoyed watching the late Anne Ramsey as the tempered mother yet her demeanor was more apropos to "Throw Momma From the Train." The less said about Joe Pantoliano who is criminally wasted, the better.

The youthful cast includes Josh Brolin, Corey Feldman, Sean Astin, Kerri Green, Martha Plimpton, Jeff Cohen (too much of sloppy slob Chunk goes a long way) and Ke Huy Quan, formerly of "Temple of Doom" fame, as Short Round. Sometimes the dialogue is not clear and crisp between them although Corey Feldman is hilarious when he tells the Spanish maid all the wrong instructions in Spanish. They are a raucous bunch yet their survivability factor is thwarted every time we see the dumb criminal gang. And there is of course the deformed good brother of that criminal gang, Sloth (John Matuszak), and too much of him also goes a long way.

"The Goonies" starts off with a whimper and it sags for a good thirty minutes, picks up the speed when the kids are in the caves and ends with a nice sized bang at its conclusion. There are also the expected family reunions and a sentimental touch added to the unfortunate foreclosure of homes subplot. I've always liked the film well enough but I am glad they never made a sequel. 

Everything Spidey Everywhere all at Once

 SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME (2021)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I have always been a fan of Spider-Man from the 1970's up until 1989 or so. Eventually, one can get tired of comic-books as I have. My interest in the Web-Crawler was heightened by the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy starring Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker/Spidey and Kirsten Dunst as MJ. In the years since, only the animated "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse" came close to being terrific entertainment that still held some thrills and had a fresh approach. The new live-action incarnations with Tom Holland as Peter Parker/Spider-Man did not enthrall me and I pretty much lost interest - meh, a term I loathe and this will be the only time you read it in my reviews, was my thought on them. So, surprise, surprise, when I came across "Spider-Man: No Way Home" which is easily the very finest Spider-Man film I've seen yet and holds up its end of the bargain with multiverses very well against "Into the Spider-Verse." And away we go for the loopiest, most kamikaze-ist and spectacularly entertaining, web-crawling comic-book movie in years. 

Without elaborating much about the twisty plot, we do know that Spider-Man's identity has been revealed to be Peter Parker, thanks to Mysterio who spilled the beans to the world in the last sequel. This is actually a great set-up because it picks up exactly after that moment with worried Peter (Tom Holland) flying around town with MJ (Zendaya) as they try to evade reporters, police helicopters and a mob who is either for or against him (One girl tries to feign that she was assaulted by our arachnid man). The Web Crawler's exposed identity may affect the future of his friends and of his Aunt May (Marisa Tomei) so Peter seeks help from magical sorcerer Dr. Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) who would rather be called "Stephen." Dr. Strange can manipulate time and space and has a direct connection to the multiverse. Once the spells are made, Spidey's arch-villains from other Spider-Man movies not starring Tom Holland make an entrance like Doc Ock (a welcome return from Alfred Molina); the Lizard aka Dr. Connors (Rhys Ifans); the snarling, duplicitous Green Goblin (Willem Dafoe, always welcome); huge pockets of Sandman (Thomas Haden Church), and the eel-conceived powers of Electro (Jamie Foxx) who enjoys this new universe. That is not enough as we also get the Peter Parkers from other parallel universes like Tobey Maguire's Spidey and the brooding Andrew Garfield Spidey. Too much for a 148-minute movie? Not at all.

"Spider-Man: No Way Home" could easily have felt overstuffed and overcooked like Raimi's "Spider-Man 3" yet that is never the case. Every character has their day in dramatic court here, and that includes the arch-villains whom Holland's Spidey believes he can cure them of their villainous impulses. Easier spun than done and Dr. Strange proves to be not much help here. We get to know these characters and their faults and flaws and disappointments, and that is a marvel that the screenplay by Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers allows for such telling moments. What of course really doubled my excitement was watching Maguire and Garfield poke a little fun at themselves and still stay on the serious side of their own Spidey incarnations. I love the moment when Maguire and Garfield help each other straighten their backs - all that web-slinging and swinging can lead to muscle pains and aches. When all three Spider-Mans compare the differences between their web shooters, I was in Spidey heaven for sure.

What truly won me over was Tom Holland who has really come into his own as Peter Parker and Spider-Man. I did not relate to his Parker presence before but now I see a scared kid who knows what his great responsibility is in this headache-inducing multiverse - can he truly improve the worlds that the other Spideys and villains come from? Can he right the wrongs of the villains? Can Peter reverse the uncertain futures that his love interest MJ (Zendaya, truly sensational) and his best pal Ned Leeds (Jacob Batalon) have with regards to college admission? All three of these characters, and dear Aunt May (a lot younger than in the comics), have their own fears and insecurities and getting past them is the key to their salvation. This is no different than "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse" though I must say that I found this movie even more spirited and involving.

"Spider-Man: No Way Home" can be excessive with the CGI special-effects and some action scenes might run on a bit longer than necessary, but I never was less than invested in its story and the suspense over settling the drama of the multiverse. Peter's final, emotional plea to Dr. Strange was something I, and I am sure others, have felt when nothing is going right in the world and you just want to disappear. It takes it over the edge into something palpable. This third Spider-Man entry is something of a pop masterpiece and it made me love the Web-Crawler more so than ever before. 

What Secret does the Dark hold?

 DARKMAN (1990)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

With the ubiquitous superhero movies that we get nowadays, many of them are visually indistinguishable from each other. The only one that crossed the line into something far more unique and distinct in terms of style and humor was "Deadpool," which was a sly wink at the genre. Back in 1990, we did not have a proliferation of comic-book films. Only Tim Burton's huge box-office bonanza "Batman" was lurking on VHS and that summer we had theatrical comic-book movies like the primary-colored adventures of "Dick Tracy." "Darkman was released in August and I found it to be a subterranean, visually kinetic feast of a movie, far surpassing Burton's "Batman" with an avenger who grows to be quite insane.

Liam Neeson is Peyton Westlake, the doctor who is trying to invent liquid skin that lasts in any source of light longer than 99 minutes. Due to the fact that the synthetic skin is photosensitive, it disintegrates as it hits that 99 minute mark. While Peyton tries to solve this problem, he is in a loving relationship with an attorney, Julie (Frances McDormand), who is not ready to marry. Trouble spews when Julie mistakenly leaves a memo at Peyton's home that incriminates her billionaire boss, Louis Strack Jr. (Colin Friels, deliciously evil as a greedy corporatist) . An explosion at Peyton's house kills his assistant and leaves Peyton permanently acid-scarred and left for dead. He wanders the streets after escaping from a hospital and finally settles in to a condemned building with his leftover computer monitors and memory and begins work on that synthetic skin. The spacious warehouse rooms reminds one of the dank, half-destroyed laboratories of Dr. Frankenstein in those early Universal Horror flicks.

The other main gonzo villain is Robert G. Durant (a priceless Larry Drake), a merciless mob boss who collects severed fingers that he chops off with his cigar cutter. Durant is played with such restrained devilish charm and the kick is that he gets off on it - this Durant will off his own henchmen without the slightest remorse (one guy is thrown out of a tall building with Durant remarking, after discovering two airline tickets, "Have a nice flight"). 

The real kick in the cojones is Liam Neeson who gives a multi-faceted performance as Peyton, painting him as a tragic figure who no longer feels pain as Darkman yet does bear emotional pain over losing his girlfriend. Once he can perfect the synthetic skin beyond the 99 minute mark, he thinks he can live a life and marry Julie. Of course we are aware that this can't happen and Neeson shows that dubious side as well. If it had not been for this subplot involving Julie, we might not have cared much for Darkman and yet Neeson allows us to sympathize with him, even when scaring a cat while doing a funny court jester dance. We see the humanity, the loss of self, and of becoming almost as dangerous as the men he seeks vengeance against.

"Darkman" utilizes and cleverly exploits the Darkman's attempts to fool Durant and his crew by using synthetic duplicate masks of their faces as disguises and recreating their voices. This leads to one laceratingly funny moment where Durant meets his clone ("So, whose little boy are you?") as they keep shouting through a revolving door, "Shoot him!" There's also a fairly nightmarish moment where that henchman thrown out the window by Durant crash lands on a car. A pedestrian screams and then sees that same guy sitting on a bench! Of course, it is Darkman in disguise but the wicked smile says everything. "Darkman" has moments of fever dream-like fervor - it is unshakable and something the direct-to-video sequels were sorely lacking. And the coup de resistance - easily the funniest and most inventive scene - is when Darkman clones himself as Durant and robs a convenience store while the security camera picks up the footage! It must be seen to be appreciated.  

From the hypnotic imagery of Darkman's consciousness that includes fire, animated DNA strands and brain waves in micro-second cuts, to the peculiar and highly memorable transitions (Julie staring at the fiery explosions segueing to her at a funeral), to some inventive deaths of Durant's crew members (hang on for dear life when you see one of them being forced to poke their head out of a manhole while traffic flies by), to a truly explosive (in every sense of the word) helicopter ride where Darkman is left dangling with a suspended cable, "Darkman" is almost pure comic-book pop but it's got Liam Neeson's gravitas and Sam Raimi's roller-coaster mentality meshing almost evenly. When Peyton is off and about on the streets alone, we wish he could reunite with Julie and start anew and maybe figure out the secret to that synthetic skin. That he doesn't and can't proves there was something more sanguine at stake here than the average comic-book movie. That's Darkman. 

You're Going to Need a Bigger Boat

 JAWS (1975)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Jaws" is a crackerjack thriller though not really a monster movie nor is it really horror. Real-life horror, for sure, because the prospect of a great white shark attacking and chomping humans near the beach or in the ocean is a strong reality. B-Movie Producer Roger Corman would've made this type of picture in 2 days and with a tight low-budget for sure. Only this is based on a best-selling novel by Peter Benchley and it is directed by a young wunderkind of a movie director, Steven Spielberg, who famously went overbudget and had a mechanical shark nicknamed Bruce failing to work properly. Little did he know that he made a movie that would shake the world.

The secret to "Jaws" is how little we see of the shark and when we do see it, it is a frightening presence of a creature - it just looks too real. That is the idea and why people were afraid to go near the water after witnessing this marvelous movie. First, 15 years earlier, "Psycho" made people afraid to take a shower. In 1975, "Jaws" made people afraid, very afraid, of the ocean. Scenes of gruesome deaths of a child swimming and Mr. salty Quint (Robert Shaw) attacked by the shark were more than enough to make people take pause (the unseen death of a dog chasing a stick with the stick only visible in the water while the owner calls for him is naturally horrific). A severed head that comes out of the inside of a cracked boat will make you scream without question. Of course, I remember all these screams too well when I first saw it in theaters in either 1975 or 76 - this movie made a huge impression on this 5 year-old. 

The other notable secret to "Jaws" is Spielberg's humanity and focus on the three principal characters - the aforementioned Quint who wishes to capture the shark and kill it for ten grand, the empathetic Chief Brody (Roy Scheider) who wants to close the beaches on July 4th weekend despite the business owners of Amity Island wishing otherwise, and the trained oceanographer Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) who loves sharks and knows the difference of a bite size between a great white and a tiger shark. When these three are on the boat for the last half of the film, we are with them though it never feels claustrophobic on that small Orca boat. We see enough of the vast ocean and their noble attempts to kill the shark. They use barrels, they shoot at the shark, shoot a harpoon at it yet that carnivorous fish finds a way to barrel onto their boat and practically tear it to pieces. Yet such rigid action outside the boat with this seemingly unstoppable shark doesn't compare to the trio's own tensions about themselves. Brody calls for help and Quint destroys the transmission equipment, seeking to get the shark himself ("You're going to need a bigger boat" says Brody in a classic, misquoted line). Hooper is at odds with the demanding Quint yet a mutual respect floats to the surface when Quint describes in vivid detail his USS Indianapolis survival story involving sharks. It is gripping stuff.

"Jaws" also has some divinely fantastic scenes between Brody and his wife, Ellen (Lorraine Gary), and the kids. Their history is that they lived once in New York City with omnipresent crime and Brody has moved his family to this island where nothing much happens, except for the shark and his random dinner outings. I love Brody's scenes with Ellen and their love for each other ("You want to fool around and get drunk.") and how they relieve their tension over this dire island matter (everyone drinks and smokes). I only wish there were more intimate scenes between them - they are the ideal married couple and, aside from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," one of the last times we would see such a sweetly-natured, loving couple in a Spielberg picture. 

Amidst the chaos, the sense of urgent adventure out in the ocean, the classic musical theme of impending doom by John Williams and the occasional and infrequent blood and gore deaths (Quint's death is probably the goriest ever seen in a PG-rated movie), "Jaws" also thrives on its characters and their human impulses, mostly driven by fear of death and the unknown. Even the small role of the Mayor of Amity Island (Murray Hamilton) makes it clear that he sees the danger inherent in the waters ("My kids were also on that beach.") "Jaws" was the first biggest moneymaker of the summer season ever, a monster hit that redefined (or perhaps defined) the blockbuster model forever. Scores of imitators and dull, addle-brained sequels followed yet, to this day, "Jaws" still holds the benchmark of a truly scary thriller that gives you goosebumps done with class and distinction. It established the intense and magical style of director Steven Spielberg and how to play the audience like a piano - you know, a laugh followed by a scream like good old Hitchcock. We are all better for it.  

Web-Crawler fighting drones

 SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME (2019)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

My thoughts on "Spider-Man: Homecoming" extend to this noisy if occasionally diverting sequel, "Far From Home" which were, and I quote, "What it does not have is much of an identity - it looks and feels like a Spider-Man tale but our friendly neighborhood arachnid hero appears to be stuck in recycled webbing." Not much has changed since the last picture since we have our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man trying in vain to save his high-school class from a mirage. Yep, a dangerous mirage utilizing drones equipped with cameras and bullets but a mirage nonetheless.

The Spider-Man comic book collector of the 1980's, that is I, forgot the attributes of Mysterio aka Quentin Beck (Jake Gyllenhaal), a former Sinister Six member who was adept at creating illusions with 3-D projectors and, in later incarnations, the use of hypnosis. In "Far From Home," Mysterio pretends to be from a multiverse where his planet was destroyed by the Four Elementals, creatures that represent fire, water and so on. Naturally these Elementals are not real, they are illusions, and you would think that the former director of S.H.I.E.L.D, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson, wearing that eyepatch well) would see through this fabrication. Or for that matter Maria Hill (Cobey Smulders), who works along side Nick. They need Spider-Man (Tom Holland) to help Mysterio fight the Elementals because, well, the surviving Avengers are busy. Spider-Man would rather rest and hang out with his class group who are going on a vacation to Venice, London and finally Prague. What is of infinite importance is that Peter Parker admit his love to MJ aka Michelle (Zendaya). Easier spun than done.

"Spider-Man: Far From Home" has a fairly thin story because once the gig is up with regards to Mysterio; the rest of the picture could've found time for romance between Parker and MJ and there is precious little of it. Comparing to earlier Tobey Maguire Spidey pictures, there was always time for some measure of intimacy but this movie kickstarts itself into high gear and never lets up (Mysterio and his fake supernatural powers are introduced in the first scene!) 

On the plus side, Tom Holland is becoming more convincing as Peter Parker and is just agile enough as the Web Crawler (his penultimate scene with MJ has some honest emotion rather than anything cutesy). I actually found Jake Gyllenhaal more buoyant than grating as Mysterio with his con-artist demeanor, though at times he looks more like an adult bearded Peter Parker. The high-school class students are fun and animated enough including Jacob Batalon as Ned, who is far more engaging than in the last film. Also the women are shown to be smarter than the men at figuring things out, which may annoy macho males but who cares. But even with all the endless special-effects and literal smoke-and-mirrors, this is more Avengers-style destruction than a regular Spider-Man flick and the urgency is, once again, nil. These new Spidey flicks don't have anything as hair-raising as Spider-Man spinning his webs to prevent an elevated train of passengers from falling off the rails as in "Spider-Man 2." At the end of the day, it is Spidey fighting a bunch of armed...drones.  

Multiverse to end all multiverses

 EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE (2022)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

There is the recent multiverse of Spider-Man and then there's the multiverse of Evelyn's life. "Everything Everywhere All At Once" is a wild, wacky, messy, sometimes incoherent yet never less than enthralling and exasperating pastiche of lives lived and how one's emotional core is always in question. Michelle Yeoh's Evelyn is that person who's not sure what is happening in her life or where she's headed. Nobody is.

Evelyn runs a laundromat that is facing stiff tax liabilities from the IRS (for instance, Evelyn buys tax expenditures for the laundromat that are unnecessary like a karaoke machine). She lives with her outwardly upbeat husband, Waymond (Ke Huy Quan - welcome back!) who is ready for a divorce; her 90-year-old father Gong-Gong (James Hong) who demands breakfast, and there's Evelyn's daughter (Stephanie Hsu) who is seeking acceptance from her and for her relationship with her girlfriend. What could start out as a drama on the order of "The Joy Luck Club" becomes wired, tossed and fed back right back to us as pure adrenaline shocker. What I mean to say is that suddenly Waymond's head shakes and he's actually some sort of kung-fu agent who uses a fanny pack like a nunchaku weapon. All the hand-to-hand combat occurs at the IRS building where Deirdre (a hysterically explosive Jamie Lee Curtis) is the IRS auditor with plaques honoring her work, and Evelyn also succumbs to this verse-jumping technology and punches Deirdre! Security surrounds them in probably the most insanely absurd sequence to ever take place in an IRS building! Somehow, Evenly and Waymond verse-jump from a multitude of universes and Gong-Gong shows up in his motorized wheelchair and eventually attaches monitors to himself! Then there is a universe where everyone has hot dogs for fingers! And some powerful presence known as Jobu Tupaki (Alpha Joy) is a threat to all the verses, or something like that. Say what? 

I was not put off by "Everything Everywhere All At Once" for a second though the continuous verse-jumping can give you a headache at first. Evelyn seems to enter these verses faster than operating a TV remote control but the genius of writer-directors Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert is how efficiently and dramatically they weave the somewhat troubled life of Evelyn as a geisha, a high-profile actress or the disoriented woman who owns a laundromat - Yeoh serves up Evelyn with all the gusto she needs to make a living, breathing person who may have misgivings about her family yet she's trying to come to terms with it. The question is, can she learn her lessons and accept Waymond as her husband and accept her daughter as gay? 

From the various visual set pieces that includes a fantasy world of a white palace, a bagel-in-the-sky that sucks up all the trauma and emotions of living, a 1940's look by way of Wong Kar-Wai (or so it seems) when we see Evelyn as a glamorous movie star and a desert landscape where the characters are rocks, "Everything Everywhere All At Once" is a pure jolting kick of adrenaline and operatic flourishes that never cease to amaze. It all coalesces into one of the most heartbreaking and honest crescendos between mother and daughter you will ever see. Surrounded and supported by a capable and memorable cast, it is Michelle Yeoh who brings much momentum and credibility to the chaos. She's the one we gravitate to and know she will bring peace within herself. She is everything, everywhere and all at once a true model of strength and perseverance. Now about those hot dog fingers...

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is avoid this movie

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE II (2000)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Original review from 2000 screening

I have no personal agenda against action movies in general. If they are entertaining, even in a remotely campy manner, then I will not complain. God only knows that we should not expect much more in this digital, impersonal age. So "Mission: Impossible 2" hardly has much going for it except straightforward action scenes to dazzle and numb the brain. Incredibly, the film is no fun at all - a never-ending trailer for what might look like a cool, sleek action picture that never comes to fruition. It is vapid and
joyless - two words that should not be associated with thrill rides.

Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise), the hotshot superspy from the original, is back this time trying to prevent a bland villain, Ambrose (Dougray Scott), from buying the antidotes to a deadly virus. From what I gather from the plot, this ambitious nut hopes to gain billions by unleashing this virus upon the world, and since there will be millions of dying, infected people, he will have access to the antidote which he can sell in multitudes. Just sounds like another business proposition that Bill Gates should pursue. The only way to stop this madman is for Hunt to hire a beautiful jewel thief, Nyah Hall (Thandiwe Newton), to charm the pants off of her former love, Ambrose, so that the IMF team can trace his every move. Sounds like an update of Hitchcock's classic "Notorious" eh? And I assure you that is where the similarities end since this "M:I 2" possesses not one syllable of greatness from its far superior inspiration.

In fact, this movie is one of the worst sequels in years, embodying absolutely nothing that made the first "Mission: Impossible" a passable success. It is not witty, funny, exciting or engaging at any given moment. For pure excitement, we have an echo of Cruise's famous suspension from a ceiling from the original (which echoed the caper "Topkapi"), and a tense, believable opening plane crash followed by Cruise dangling 2000 feet up from a cliff. Outside of that, director John Woo overdoes the slow-motion
technique in his action scenes...even using this technique when Cruise and Newton make goo-goo eyes at each other. I felt like I was watching a commercial for one of those cologne ads.

Cruise slums and preens with not a trace of his personality coming through - he sleepwalks through this movie. Thandie Newton just looks beautiful, a shame considering this is the same actress from "Beloved." Ving Rhames barely reprises his role from the original, and looks just as bored. The villains
would barely threaten Adam Sandler. The whole film feels like a bland soufflé - it is sour and has no taste. Woo does nothing to enliven the proceedings - he is on automatic air pilot with dozens of shots of motorcycles, kicks, flips in the air, gunfire, oh, and a dove (another Woo trademark). None of this is remotely close to Woo's purely visceral and intoxicating "Face/Off."

Apparently, Tom Cruise fans want him to do more action-oriented/romantic comedy fare, and less of his exalting turns in offbeat films such as "Magnolia." Perhaps this was just a ride to the bank for Cruise, and now he can pursue more challenging roles. My recommended mission, should you choose
to accept it, is to avoid this movie at all costs.