New Man in Disorder

 SEVEN BEAUTIES (1975)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

A Sicilian thug who defends honor in his family of sisters and finds politics boring is already a prime candidate for survival in Lina Wertmuller's "Seven Beauties," a tragicomic Holocaust parable where one man's loss of scruples somehow becomes his own survival instincts. 

The fabulously debonair Giancarlo Giannini is Pasqualino Frafuso, a low-level thug who prides himself on having an immaculate appearance. His family is huge - he has seven sisters and a mother. Pasqualino is the cock of the walk, tipping his hat to the women who all smile at him and moving about the city with grace. Wertmuller presents him in the opening scenes as a Hollywood noir-type, his profile encased in deliberate shadows like some Humphrey Bogart detective. He is far from being a smooth criminal, and far too impulsive. When he defends the family honor that has been sullied by his sister Concettina's flirtations while dancing at a club, he accidentally shoots the pimp she is willing to marry - her reasoning being that she will not end up as a spinster (Concettina is memorably played by Elena Fiore). For some reason, Pasqualino sees himself as repulsive yet he's anything but and, when he's captured by the police for the murder, he acts out and repeats Mussolini's speeches like a madman. The insane asylum is where Pasqualino is headed but his impulses do get him in trouble - he has sex with a woman strapped to a bed who tries to bite him! I have little sympathy for this "Monster of Naples" (who also cuts up the body of the pimp and has the body parts mailed to different parts of Sicily) yet I did find myself slowly empathizing with him. 

"Seven Beauties" is not chronological and thank goodness for that - it is about Pasqualino ending up in a concentration camp after serving in the Italian Army. The camp houses Jews and some Italian prisoners who are used as manual labor in a quarry. Ashen-faced, bloodshot-eyed Pasqualino knows he might be executed and every day, the Nazi officers under the leadership of the main commandant (Shirley Stoler, in a truly unforgettable performance of sheer, calculated evil), randomly shoot a bunch of prisoners. Pasqualino decides to woo the commandant by whistling and singing in Italian. It turns out Stoler's commandant speaks Italian fluently and, in the most effectively scary scenes in the entire film, she asks him to have sex with her after he eats a hearty meal. If he can't maintain an erection, he will be killed. Erotic it is most decidedly not.

"Seven Beauties" juxtaposes colorful Italian neighborhoods with the grotesque nature of the camps and this constant segue between flashbacks and his terrifying ordeal is both mesmerizing and strangely beautiful. Pasqualino is reminded in flashbacks by his mother of how every woman has some core of goodness, a mere nugget waiting to be discovered. He does not find it in the emotionless commandant and, during a tumultuous final sequence, he finds no nuggets of goodness within himself either. Perhaps he knew all along, perhaps not. Of all the Holocaust tales that have been made in the 20th century, this one is rich in irony, black humor and in the willfulness of people. Giannini's Pasqualino is proof that not every concentration camp survivor was a saint. 

Cuing up Valentine's is this action pic's only novelty

LOVE HURTS (2025)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Ke Huy Quan is up to the task as a credible action star - he comes on screen like gangbusters with complete assuredness. Just watch him in "Everything Everywhere All At Once" and you see the dramatic, comic, romantic qualities are all there (so much so that he won an Oscar for it). The days of the tyke from "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" and "The Goonies" are gone as he is now a formidable grown-up action star. Now if he only picked better movies than this sad waste of his talents, "Love Hurts." This Love lands with a thud and it made my sides hurt.

Ke Huy Quan plays a successful realtor, Marvin Gable, who is about to have a hectic day at work. It is Valentine's Day and as soon as he enters his office after passing out heart-shaped cookies, he is whacked on the head. A killer named Raven (Mustafa Shakir), appearing as some purple-coated supervillain from Hell who reads poetic verses, starts beating Marvin and thrusts a knife through his hand! What gives? Marvin was formerly an assassin working for his brother, an evil crime lord known as "Knuckles" (Daniel Wu), and now Marvin, slightly rusty, must re-engage his fighting skills to take on one hitman after another. This leads to elongated fight scenes, one at Marvin's house that goes on for an eternity. He is thrown against walls, kitchen cabinets, tables and windows with such ferocious brutality that you'd think he might end up dead. How many punches and kicks to the face can anyone take? So many that, like a manic Warner Bros. cartoon, they get up and are able to run and drive without breaking a single bone. One unlucky accountant named Kippy (the always deliriously funny Rhys Darby), who works for Knuckles, loses two of his front teeth and a finger! Well, you know, you have that reality going for it.

Somewhere in this rigidly tight 83-minute madness is a thin story about Rose (Ariana DeBose), a tough lawyer who can shoot to kill and do a little combat fighting without breaking too much of a sweat (and had also severed that accountant's finger). She was supposed to be killed by Marvin in the past but he let her go because, you know, he loved her and this is a Valentine's Day picture. Everyone in this movie is capable of combat except the accountant. When you are a hired gun or minion or assassin working in a crime syndicate, combat training is apparently required because, you know, you have to fight Ke Huy Quan. This is a You Know-type of picture.

"Love Hurts" begins rather frantically and has nowhere to go except become more frantic. The only difference between this film and say "Nobody" is that at least "Nobody" had some believability and a more concentrated tone. Here, the movie wavers between unfunny black comedy, graphic violence and some romantic musings courtesy of the Raven and Marvin's depressed assistant (Lio Tipton), who falls for the Raven. Poetry will do that. "Love Hurts" is just generic, ultra-formulaic action you have seen a million times before but with no real urgency, though Ke works hard to make us care. We do, Ke, but please get more imaginative screenwriters. 

The humans are the virus

 ARCADIAN (2024)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

There isn't much time for relationships in a horror movie where nondescript creatures come out every night in the countryside, ready to wreak havoc and kill humans (whom they may see as a virus). Such is definitely the case with "Arcadian" which will seem very familiar to anyone who has seen "A Quiet Place." A remote house in the hills where, every night, the doors must be bolted down and the windows locked with several pieces of wood nailing them shut. These creatures are of mysterious purpose, arriving at night and banging on doors trying to get in. There is also the possibility of them emerging from underground. Call pest control.

"Arcadian" begins with an apocalyptic frenzy where a nervous, jumpy man (Nicolas Cage) runs through alleys while missiles are fired in the distance and people are screaming. He has a backpack and runs out of the city to a remote location where two babies are. The man is Paul and the babies are his sons. We don't know much more than that. We don't know if he was running away from a potential World War III (or another World War Z). Fifteen years have passed and his babies are teenage adults tasked with barricading their home. Paul is looking after them and they eat dinner every night while pounding is heard through their home. Thomas (Maxwell Jenkins) just barely makes his curfew every night after working on a nearby farm - a young girl he is quite smitten with lives there and can describe a hypothetical apocalypse in 10 seconds. Meanwhile, the other son, the quick and attentive Joseph (Jaeden Martell), helps the father gather wood and supplies to reinforced any weakened doors or entries. 

"Arcadian" is at its finest when exploring the dynamic of the family members. I also found the intimate scenes between Thomas and the girl, Charlotte (Sadie Soverall), quietly touching - it gives the movie a resonance beyond its frayed apocalyptic doom of the outside world. Nicolas Cage quietly underplays, so much so that when he's left out of the picture for the last half, you miss him terribly. I will say Jaeden Martell is solidly effective as Joseph - he is cool, calm and unemotional until the end of the film. Soverall's Charlotte is one of the more pleasing young women in movies today - she gives the movie a ray of hope.

"Arcadian" has many frightening scenes of these spiny monsters who shake their heads with more ferocity than a raptor - what they are is unclear or what caused the apocalypse. Still, I was moved by the performances and the high stakes the family has to endure to survive this ominous, violent threat. It's almost on the same wavelength as "A Quiet Place." 

Soft-boiled noir with artifice around its edges

 HAMMETT (1982)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

A crime story involving "Black Mask" writer and former Pinkerton detective Dashiell Hammett is ripe for some juicy noirish twists. After all, it is not simply stories that Hammett wrote for "Black Mask" magazine - this is the creator of such definitive mystery novels such as "The Maltese Falcon" and "The Thin Man." Being a detective seems like a prime example for his writing - they are inextricably linked. Wim Wenders' "Hammett" is out to explore that dynamic and perhaps show how art imitates life, yet life is so much more cruel. Some of that survives in this unbalanced film and some of it does not.

Frederic Forrest plays the tough, chain-smoking alcoholic writer, Hammett, seen typing away at his latest story involving some business with pearls. A shootout occurs at a waterfront in his story, but maybe nobody dies. Nope, someone does, shot by a man while a femme fatale might be ruminating on double-crossing someone. It all plays out as artificial and, to honest, did not seem hard-boiled to me but what do I know. Hammett, suffering from an early onset of tuberculosis, lives alone in a San Francisco apartment. He's called back to duty as a detective by an old friend of his, Jimmy Ryan (Peter Boyle) to investigate a missing Asian prostitute named Crystal (Lydia Lei, who disappeared from movies and TV back in 1988). This investigation leads to Chinatown, stag films, photo negatives of sexual acts amongst the powerful elite and some other lurid details. 

The mystery of "Hammett" is not nearly as exciting as the stylistic flourishes - the dissolves, the fade-outs, the chiaroscuro lighting patterns, the studio-set mood and much more. My issue is that the whole film seems artificial, so much so that I half-expected this to be a parody of 1940's film noir. Some of the dialogue is not as crisp or half as clever as anything coming from Hammett's own novels (or the classic "The Maltese Falcon") - the whole film feels like Film Noir 101 with cliched lines like "Give it to me straight." The imposing style is there but the film is too obviously studio-bound - nothing seems real or realistically or naturally set. Originally, Wim Wenders shot the film on actual locations and American Zoetrope studios went nuts (yes, that includes producer Francis Ford Coppola) and the whole film was completely reshot. Knowing Wenders' penchant for actual locations (see his "The American Friend", a different sort of neo noir), everything here just smacks of appearing completely unreal. The interiors are far more imaginatively portrayed, including Hammett's messy apartment. Otherwise, we seem to be in a world imagined by Hammett, though there is no distinction between his writing and the real world other than reality is tougher to digest.  

"Hammett" does have strong solid support from Frederic Forrest, who truly looks like the actual author; Marilu Henner as the dame who loves scotch and is Hammett's neighbor; Peter Boyle, a chameleon actor, who can intimidate and project deviousness; Roy Kinnear as a Sydney Greenstreet-type; David Patrick Kelly as some sort of would-be assassin whose tip-toeing shoes can also intimidate, and finally Elisha Cook, Jr. in his last role ever as a loyal taxi driver. Along with a lush, memorable score by John Barry, "Hammett" is definitely worthwhile for mystery buffs and devotees of Hammett. I just think it is more soft-boiled than anything else. 

Eastwood dabbling in Hitchcockian waters

 JUROR #2 (2024)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

From one fiercely intense scene to the next, Clint Eastwood's "Juror #2" upends itself and drowns in suspense. This is a definite recommendation because it reminded me of some Hitchcock thrillers, "Strangers on a Train" or "Shadow of a Doubt", where we knew the main protagonist was guilty - the question was, would he ever be discovered? An even deeper question also prevails - is he guilty or just misremembering the facts?

In Eastwood's possibly final film as director, we keep hoping the guilt-ridden juror is not. The main protagonist is Justin Kemp (Nicholas Hoult), a former alcoholic who is hoping he will not be selected as a juror in a high profile murder case. Justin has a wife who is facing a high-risk pregnancy (Zoey Deutch), and his time at home is needed. Of course, Justin is selected and claims to know nothing of the murder itself. On a rainy night in Savannah, Georgia, a man and his girlfriend were fighting at the bar and she stormed off. Presumably this temperamental boyfriend, James (Gabriel Basso) followed her, hit her with a blunt instrument and left her for dead under the bridge. Here's the kicker - it turns out that Justin might have hit her with his SUV though he initially thought it was a deer. It was that same night and he was at that same bar, and now he's a selected juror on this case! Will he declare James as guilty or not-guilty? 

The idealistic prosecutor on the case, Faith Killebrew (Toni Collette) - the future D.A. of Savannah - is certain that James killed her despite the fact that no murder weapon was found. Eventually, the story becomes a mini-remake of "12 Angry Men" with the sole differences being that it shows Justin's future as a new father and his guilt in the case (the Sidney Lumet classic never veered outside the jury room). Could Justin be wrong? Did he only think he killed her or was it really James? That is another enveloping thread in Eastwood's film and in debuting writer Jonathan Abrams's delicately and sublimely written screenplay and I began to wonder if that was a prolonged twist. You almost want to believe Justin was not involved but if he is, will he fess up? Will he tell the future D.A.? Will he spill his guts out to his pregnant wife, to the jurors? That is where the suspense really plays up to the hilt and every scene is underscored by a tremendous amount of tension. 

"Juror #2" is Eastwood at his most forceful, playing us like a piano and we never know what note he will hit next for sure. It also helps that we empathize with Justin, exceedingly well-played by Nicholas Hoult who goes through an array of emotions. We hope he didn't do it, even if it was an accident, and we also hope he's not caught even if it means an innocent man would be going to jail for life. It is that forceful dynamic and the stellar performances that makes what could been a synthetic courtroom programmer into an intensifying experience. I had clammy hands throughout.   

Monster Does, as Gloria Does

 COLOSSAL (2016)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

You might need a stiff drink or a Pabst Blue Ribbon after watching Nacho Vigalondo's "Colossal," a most unusual hybrid of a rom-com mixed with Godzilla and spiked with delirious performances. This is an anomalous blend of genres that are somehow fused together and can still be picked apart - both are successful genre sections on their own. This may be the first time where I'd say that the rom-com section works better, if only because it is not all prettified and lit with 10,000 bulbs. That includes Anne Hathaway's sparkling smile and wide grin.

This most unconventional genre-spliced film has Hathaway as Gloria, an often inebriated online writer who is thrown out of a shared N.Y. apartment by her boyfriend. She moves back to New Hampshire to stay in an empty house with no furniture, just an inflatable mattress. Gloria runs into her childhood friend, Oscar (Jason Sudeikis), who offers her a part-time job as a bar waitress. Just when you think that everything will escalate into a romantic partnership, you'd be wrong. The Kaiju genre threatens this relationship as Gloria discovers she has a link to a monster who is currently destroying the city of Seoul and killing its citizens. Her link is a nearby playground where she embodies this monster's every move - whatever she does on this playground at a certain time, the monster mimics her moves. When Gloria reveals this to the bar employees, including Oscar, let's say that major havoc is around the corner in more ways than one.

As just a story of Gloria trying to adapt to her hometown existence, "Colossal" works wonders with Hathaway giving a splendid, honest-to-the-bone performance as a thirty-something woman trying to reconnect to herself. Refusing to drink at a bar she works at, despite Oscar's often angry insistence, is the first step. Oscar is a drunken mess himself, maybe not at Charles Bukowski's levels but close. And this magical connection Gloria has to this monster gives Oscar a major ego boost - he believes he can become something more than an unremarkable bar owner.

Director Nacho Vigalondo ("Timecrimes") certainly knows how to weave the monster genre expectations around a personal story of Gloria's hopeful growth into someone who can take charge of her life. Still, the kaiju theatrics are not the most interesting elements, despite good use of CGI, and occasionally feel out-of-place with the key relationships in the movie. Sudeikis and Hathaway are so electrifying together that I wished the movie stayed firm with their characters - they are very well-defined by Vigalondo. "Colossal" is very entertaining and kept me invested in its rom-com dramatics, even with the rampant monster silliness. Seeing a monster scratch its head, just like Gloria often does, might make you reach for that Pabst Blue Ribbon.    

We all have our cross to bear

 THE MONSTER CLUB (1981)

Tolerated by Jerry Saravia

It's a funny thing when you watch a movie repeatedly as a kid. I was in my pre-teen years when I watched "The Monster Club" on TV - Channel 11 in New York on a weekday late afternoon. I always enjoyed it and then the movie evaporated from my existence until 15 years later. I was excited to see it again and taped it off television. I watched it and found it poor in all departments, plus I felt nauseated while watching it - I can't explain the latter. Now I just saw it again the other night for the first time since the late 1990's and I didn't feel nauseated - some of it is sort of fun in a tongue-of-cheek manner. I don't know if I will ever see it again, but seeing it on "House of Svengoolie" with Gwengoolie and the other horror hosts made it tolerable.

Deep in the city of London lies "The Monster Club," a wacky place filled with monsters dancing the night away and pop bands performing on stage. John Carradine is Chetwynd-Hayes, based on the actual horror novelist who wrote the book this film is based on, and he runs into a famished vampire, Eramus (deliciously played by Vincent Price), who just barely penetrates his fangs on the old author. Eramus is apologetic and invites Chetwynd, whom he deeply admires, to the club. 

By way of a drawn diagram of different monsters in existence including werewolves, vampires, ghouls, shadmocks and so on, Eramus tells of three different horror tales. One deals with a shadmock (James Laurenson), the least frightening creature you can imagine, who can whistle in such a way that it burns people and animals to a crisp (he loves birds but not cats, apparently). A con-artist (Barbara Kellerman) is disgusted by his appearance but then slowly sympathizes with him - she is supposed to catalogue his antiques but she is actually wanting to steal them. Watch out for that whistling sound! This one is likely to scare anyone who found TV's "Dark Shadows" too frightening.

The second story deals with a nobleman/vampire who is being hunted. In an ironic twist, he lives with his family, who are not vampires, and sleeps during the day in the basement, etc. Donald Pleasance is the main vampire hunter masquerading as a priest so he can lure the Count's son at school to the unholy resting place. There's also lovely Britt Ekland as the Count's wife trying to protect the family. Pure silliness that includes a rare item in vampire lore - a stake-proof vest!

Then we get the creep factor in full gear with a secluded place shrouded in fog called "Loughville" where a horror movie director (Stuart Whitman) is looking for a place with gobs of atmosphere. He sure gets it as there are ghouls wanting to eat him - they are a bit hungry after eating corpses from dug-up graves. Yuck! This is the one that nauseated me.

As a horror anthology work, there are superior ones even by director Ron Ward Baker (this was his last film). Still, this is one that would be best viewed at midnight at Chiller Theatre with an actively participating audience. And it is hard to hate a movie when the Monster Club secretary is a werewolf!