If you only see one film this year, don't make it this one!

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S MOVIE MADNESS aka GOES TO THE MOVIES (1982)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Comedy is subjective. Some people find Mel Brooks hysterical, others not so much. But I cannot imagine a single soul finding anything of comedic value in "National Lampoon Goes to the Movies" which is the worst comedy I've ever seen. Let me make that painstakingly clear once more: it is the WORST COMEDY I'VE EVER SEEN. EVER. In the history of the comedy genre, nothing is WORSE than this movie. NOT ONE!

Let me make things even clearer. When a studio bankrolls a movie project, usually there is hope that money will be made, even if the film is garbage. However, I do honestly believe, having read several behind-the-scenes books on filmmaking, that everyone involved does give it their best shot and hopes for the best. I do not believe this was the case with "National Lampoon Goes to the Movies," not at all. I don't believe that directors Henry Jaglom (who has made good films) and Bob Giraldi had any intention of making anything worthwile. I will go so far as to say that if anyone ever directly asked Jaglom or Giraldi of their intentions with this film, they would concur that, yes, they intended to make a worthless pile of horse manure with extra steam rising from it to stink up any theatre showing it within a five mile radius.

But let's give a brief rundown of everything that goes wrong from the start. The opening segment entitled "Personal Growth" (and presumably a parody of "Kramer vs. Kramer") has Peter Riegert as a corporate lawyer who throws his wife out of the house (thanklessly played by Candy Clark). The reason? It is time for her to grow, although they are reasonably happily married. The movie sets off on the wrong foot of cinematic ineptitude when Riegert packs up a suitcase for his wife, with everything she presumably owns, including her Tampax. Everything just barely fits in the suitcase. How is that funny? Riegert doesn't fret over not being able to close the suitcase or drop it with everything flying out of the suitcase like a bomb went off - he succeeds admirably. What if the suitcase was the size of a room and everything she owned just barely fit in there (like her wardrobe?) Or what if he thought so little of her that he packed a wallet-size suitcase that just barely fit her toothbrush?

This segment plays it straight with no jokes at all, none. An apartment full of plants is not funny. A child left behind on a fire engine is not funny. A woman kidnapping a boy in a New York City bus is not funny. The movie assumes such situations are funny without benefit of a single punchline or joke. The best it can do is to show big breasts and that, my friends, is not automatically funny. There are more laughs when Dustin Hoffman was trying to make French Toast in "Kramer vs. Kramer" than in this segment.

The next parodic segment is even worse. I'll only mention the second segment because I could not make it through the third. It is called "Success Wanters" (presumably a parody of Harold Robbins and TV's "Dallas") and it has a stripteaser (Ann Dusenberry) who is raped by businessmen who yell something along the lines of "Butter Bang!" Yes, Virginia, she is raped with sticks of butter! Sorry Miss Virginia! And to make matters worse, she takes over the margarine business (!) by giving head to the head of the margarine corporation (Robert Culp). Eventually this all leads to tasteless one-liners involving incest, heavy bracelets that can cause turbulence in a plane (Don't ask) and margarine sticks that are dropped on the floor of the margarine plant and put back on the conveyor belt for consumption. Yeah, funny.

"National Lampoon Goes to the Movies" is more than just a painfully unfunny comedy - it made me sick and sad for the human race that such garbage ever got recorded on celluloid. It gave me pain to watch it, and left me in such despair that I could not suffer through another segment of this shite (even the knowledge that Richard Widmark appears in the third segment makes me sadder). There are only three other films that I've ever stopped watching because of such pain - this National Lampoon film can safely be added to the list. This is not a recommendation.

Rupert Pupkin, meet Harry Fabian

NIGHT OF THE CITY (1992)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
(Originally viewed in 1992)

Irwin Winkler's "Night and the City," a New York-style remake of the classic 1950  Jules Dassin film of the same name, is fast-paced and diverting enough but it lacks the elements of film noir that the original had.

Robert De Niro gives one of his more intriguing performances as Harry Fabian, an ambulance-chasing lawyer who concocts deals and phone calls out of a bar and meets his clients in a dirty hotel suite. Fabian's latest client was apparently assaulted by a big-time boxer, but the case is settled quickly when his client turns out to be bigger than the boxer himself. This case does ignite something in Harry, and he decides to become a boxing promoter! This means he is in competition with another promoter, Boom-Boom Grafalk (the boisterous Alan King), who tries to stop Fabian from foolishly pursuing a pipe dream. It is no secret that Boom-Boom has mob connections, so who would be foolish enough to promote any boxer if they are all managed by someone like Boom-Boom?

 

"Night and the City" tries too hard to be a Scorsese-like vision of the original film (Scorsese was originally approached to direct), but its realism does not always jive with the comedic elements, namely De Niro's performance. De Niro is like a ball of fire and dynamic as a fast-talking shyster, but he also laces the performance with humor and that may be the wrong approach. He thinks he is funny, and Richard Widmark's Harry Fabian character from the original never assumed he was funny at all. At times, De Niro seems to be treading on his Rupert Pupkin character from "The King of Comedy," again not the right approach. But there is an incredible scene where De Niro sits in a bar looking haggard and wasted as if he stepped out of a Charles Bukowski novel, realizing his life may be in danger.

Jessica Lange turns in an excellent performance as Fabian's girlfriend (a composite of two female roles from the original) who has dreams of running her own bar - she has dreams like Harry but can't quite fulfill them. Cliff Gorman is subdued and effective as Lange's husband who is suspicious of Fabian's schemes. There is also a terrific cameo by Barry Primus as a sports writer, Tommy Tessler, who "spits on Audie Murphy's grave" - he is so damn good as a no-nonsense New Yorker that you wish there was more of him. And lest we not forget the great Alan King, again also subdued as Boom-Boom - he has one intense scene where he scares Fabian with a story about a boxer who could push his fingers through a man's head. And also worth noting is the small, pivotal role of Boom-Boom's ailing, estranged brother (Jack Warden) who tries to assist Fabian.

"Night and the City" is not a total failure and it does have some bravura moments and is completely watchable. But its highly uneven mixture of comedy and drama eschews noir and its fatalistic approach, particularly from the original, for comedic hijinks with a forced dramatic edge (and silly happy ending, which had a far different ending originally). Call it Noir Lite.

(Interview with Barry Primus): An Altruistic New York Talent

 INTERVIEW WITH BARRY PRIMUS: AN ALTRUISTIC NEW YORK TALENT

By Jerry Saravia

Barry Primus in Scorsese's "New York, New York" (1977)

Barry Primus is a New York character actor who has made his mark in films from directors many dream to work with. We are talking the likes of Martin Scorsese, Sydney Pollack, Martin Ritt, Paul Mazursky and Mark Rydell. His film credits are complemented by theater work on/off Broadway with talents such as Arthur Miller and Elia Kazan, television ("Cagney and Lacey," "21 Jump Street," "The X-Files," for starters), not to mention being a writer and film director ("Mistress" is one of the best films ever made about the difficulties of financing an independent film script). He has also been an active producer, casting director and an acting and directing teacher, specifically the American Film Institute, The Lee Strasberg Theatre Institute, the UCLA campus, and at The Maine Media Workshops.

1.) So let's start off with the basics: why did you want to become an actor and where did you learn to hone your craft? 

Barry Primus: Instinct and seeing some great theatre and movies while I grew up in NY. Plus my family had been involved in the theatre and loved it. I trained with Uta Hagen and then with Lee Strasberg and many disciples from the actor's studio, Elia Kazan and Jerome Robbins.

Barry Primus and Barbara Hershey in Scorsese's Boxcar Bertha (1972)

2.) Tell me about the experience with working with director Martin Scorsese on "Boxcar Bertha" and later "New York, New York." I know the latter was a bit of a troubled production, wasn't it?

BP: Marty is a wonderful director. He gives complete confidence to the actors and supplies them with a great deal of excitement about what they are doing.  

"Boxcar" - was a total joy and so was "New York, New York" but it was the 70's so there were some excesses and it was a very long and ambitious shoot. I did a part in "Taxi Driver", which was a lot of fun but was finally cut from the film due to length.  

3.) I want to ask about the highly underrated American masterpiece, "Heartland." To me that film was the definitive statement on the arduousness of frontier life. Was it a bit arduous to shoot that film as well? 

BP: "Heartland" is really one of my favorite films. It was written by the people who really knew that world and being on the real location in Montana inspired everyone to find real behavior and to get away from any cliche cowboy ideas. Richard Pierce is a wonderful director, who won the Berlin Film Festival.

Mistress (1992), one of Primus' four directing credits

4.) You have directed four different films, the most notable being 1992's "Mistress" which I assume is based on actual experiences on the difficulties of getting a film financed. Did you have the same difficulties in getting "Mistress" financed or did it get easier when Robert De Niro got on board? 

BP: Yes, it is always hard to get any film financed. It would have never gotten made with out Robert De Niro's interest. He was the first to read it and started his Tribeca Film Company with it.  

Barry Primus as Tommy Tessler in Night and the City (1992)

5.) Speaking of Robert De Niro, you have worked with him six different times, including my fave character of yours as a sports writer in "Night and the City," to the aforementioned "New York, New York," "Guilty By Suspicion," "Righteous Kill," "15 minutes," and of course "Mistress." Tell me about the experience of working with De Niro, is it always challenging and are you two close?

BP: Robert De Niro is a wonderful actor, is always behind whatever a director is trying to accomplish. It is inspiring to work with him because he has a tendency to "up" everything; your ideas, your challenges and bring everything closer to the core of what you want. Acting with him is always exciting because of his upmost connection. I have had some history with him so that always gets in the mix to.

Barry Primus and Charles Robinson in Jackson (2008)

6.) Any particular role of yours that stands out, that you are most proud of, from your vast television or theatrical film credits? 

BP: I like very much the movie "Jackson" directed by JF Lawton. It has won many festival prizes along with the actors in it, like Charlie Robinson and myself. Steve Guttenberg pulls his weight in the film. It was wonderful to make and took a very long time and is still seeking distribution. It can be found online on Amazon.com. It is a unique in its depiction of homelessness. It is a comedy but has a lot of original ideas.

7.) Lastly, I noticed you got a special thanks for "Inglourious Basterds." What was your contribution to that film?

 BP: I played a part in the film but was cut from it - a part that he may put into the sequel he would like to make some day. He didn't want to put it into the Directors Cut.

Sperm donations accepted

THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT (2010)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"The Kids are All Right" is a peculiar comedy-drama - it promotes family values as a do-or-die matter but other core values - befriending strangers and being kind to others - are missing in action. This is the first movie I can think in a long time where a married lesbian couple raising a family (or any couple really) is strictly adherent to a value system, and nothing should intrude upon it. For others, this might seem like a horror movie set-up.

Annette Bening is Dr. Nic, a control freak and a perfectionist who is an OB/GYN. She lives with her lover, Jules (Julianne Moore), who has a vested interest in landscaping and has failed at other business opportunities. Jules seeks Nic's approval but she incorrectly thinks that Nic doesn't want her to succeed - she thinks Nic wants her to play the role of the housewife. Both are mothers to two kids, college-bound Joni (Mia Wasikowska) and her younger brother, Laser (Josh Hutcherson), a would-be athlete. The kids were brought into this world by a sperm donor, and the two kids decide to seek him out. The anonymous donor turns out to be an organic farmer and restaurant owner, Paul (Mark Ruffalo), who charms women he works with and sleeps with them. Can he charm Nic and Jules who are not ready to deal with his presence?

This is a good setup for a comedy-drama infused with complications. The writer and director is Lisa Chodolenko, who directed the superior, morose drama back in 1998 called "High Art" (much of this film's story is based on her experiences). Though I have not seen Chodolenko's second film, "Laurel Canyon," "The Kids Are All Right" falls short of conviction. I bought the premise, but not the follow-through. These two women are upset by the finding of this male donor but, slowly, Nic and Jules grow to admire a man who loves food, wine and Joni Mitchell. Jules does the landscaping for Paul's restaurant terrace, and then hops in bed with him! It is these scenes that are clumsily handled and Julianne Moore, who is usually better than the material provided, finds no nuance in her performance as Jules. Jules is shown to be literally stoned and indifferent, no matter the circumstance, and Moore carries both without the slightest shading - it is Moore at her worst since 1997's "The Myth of Fingerprints."

Ruffalo, who has not equaled the work he did in the great family drama "You Can Count on Me," seems as adrift as Moore. He has an aw-shucks mentality that got on my nerves. Paul is a good guy, unquestionably, but Ruffalo fails to ignite the character beyond smiles and a general winsomeness. When he tries to give parental advice and is berated by Nic, he still smiles. The treatment of Paul by Nic and Jules also undermines any real goodwill I had towards this family - what threatens the family almost breaks them and results in an ending that is too cynical for me to accept. I understand why it is there, given the nature of the sexual orientation of the couple (and the fact that lesbians and/or gays have not been treated well in Hollywood for decades), but it is dramatically unsatisfying.

The one performance that stands out is Annette Bening, who does bring nuance, shadings and forcefulness to Nic. She has authority, strength but is not completely invulnerable. Bening makes every scene count. And I will give kudos to Mia Wasikowska who is more alive than in any frame of "Alice in Wonderland."

I liked portions of "The Kids Are All Right" - there are some very pungent and cleverly funny scenes - but I felt underwhelmed by its embryonic narrative and some unconvincing performances. There may an open-ended finale here technically with regards to Paul's fate and the fate of the family, but I don't like openly ambiguous endings that feel like resolutions. It says that this family survives intact, and everyone else that tries to connect with the family is on their own. 

When the Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth

JURASSIC PARK (1993)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally viewed in 1993)

Steven Spielberg is one of the few directors that can produce real movie magic on screen. Consider the magic wand he waved in such classics as "Raiders of the Lost Ark", "E.T.", "Jaws" and "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." "Jurassic Park" is no exception and though it is no classic by any means, it is a thrill-happy, terrifically exciting action picture bringing back Spielberg's whiz-bang intensity that the otherwise middling "Always" and the overblown "Hook" lacked.

Based loosely on Michael Crichton's novel, "Jurassic Park" focuses on a group of scientists (Sam Neill, Jeff Goldblum and Laura Dern) visiting a fantastical park in a South American island populated by live-breathing dinosaurs, including a vicious Tyrannosaurus Rex, quick-tempered, meat-eating velociraptors, and cuddly Brontosaurus specimens. According to John Hammond (Richard Attenborough), the owner of the park, the dinosaurs were genetically engineered by dinosaur blood found in mosquitoes, which were preserved in amber! Essentially, Hammond is like Frankenstein, bringing back dinosaurs from the dead!

"Jurassic Park" is a thrill ride from start to finish. Spielberg and writers Michael Crichton and David Koepp are not interested in character development - they simply know that audiences are too interested in seeing dinosaurs. You have to remember that the year 1993 was a revolutionary year for cinema - the term CGI was born. This meant that creating believable creatures and landscapes with the use of computer-generated images was a true possibility. Thus, this film was the first to ever show the most realistic dinosaurs ever seen in film history and that was the draw for audiences. Today, CGI seems like an afterthought but, back then, it was an astounding achievement.

Spielberg uses CGI to his advantage. There are two exceptional Spielberg sequences: one is a scary, horrifying sequence in which the T-Rex attacks two kids trapped in a car, and the other is when the velociraptors trap the same kids in a kitchen. There are lots of dino chomping scenes but then there are some purely amazing moments that evoke a sense of wonder and joy. The first glimpse of a dinosaur is the brontosaurus as it tries to reach a tree branch - Spielberg shoots the scene from a low-angle so that we get the feeling we are witnessing a majestic, prehistoric creature too grand and mysterious for our eye level. The T-Rex itself is astounding, and the impressive soundtrack (recorded in DTS - digital sound - for the first time ever) enhances the credibility and realism of these creatures.

So much talk about the dinos, what about the humans? Well, they recede in the background because any movie with creatures, especially dinos, will steal scenes from others, no holds barred. Still, this is a helluva good cast. Attenborough is appropriately and equally gleeful and stubborn as the gullible owner, unaware of what he has created. Sam Neill, an actor I dislike, gives a pleasing performance as Dr. Grant who seems to have a dislike for children. Laura Dern is wasted as Grant's wife, capable of much more than screaming fits. The actor who upstages them all is Jeff Goldblum as Ian Malcolm, a chaos theorist and mathematician who wears funny sunglasses and a rock n' roll leather jacket - he seems to have stepped out of "American Graffiti." His one-liners and his ridicule of this dangerous theme park bring a level of irony that Spielberg could have carried further than he does.

As a story, "Jurassic Park" lacks much thrust or significance, though it can be construed as a modern-day Frankenstein tale where the act of creating rests solely on whether something should be created, particularly when you meddle with nature. The characters are thin but they remain watchable personalities (including Samuel L. Jackson in a small role as a computer expert and Wayne Knight as another computer expert who decides to steal some specimens). But for undeniable thrills and escapist entertainment, nothing can beat Spielberg's exciting dinos and kinetic action sequences. As Pauline Kael once remarked, Spielberg doesn't just thrill you, he spooks you with giddiness and exhilaration.

'Heaven' Help Us

FINISHING HEAVEN (2009)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Mark Mann's "Finishing Heaven" is a sad, mournful film of a life that could've been, or could it? Robert Feinberg is a former filmmaker who shot one film yet never finished editing it. I knew a guy once who was working on a short film, a comedy, for Public Access and had been editing it for three years and still wasn't remotely finished. One may also be reminded of Orson Welles who through the 50's right up until his death in 1985 had several unfinished films. He famously said that he didn't like to finish anything. This is one of the few documentaries I can think of that truly illuminates the task of completing something artistic, without knowing when it can be or should be finished.

"Heaven" is the name of the film and Feinberg, under the former tutelage of Martin Scorsese (his former NYU teacher), worked on a film that can't be easily classified in the late 60's. Andy Warhol and a slew of others come to mind describing the film "Heaven," an underground, experimental, free-form picture made with style and flash and dubious content (we see brief glimpses of visual tropes of the era, like midgets and bubble baths with red-haired divas singing). Eventually, things go wrong as days and days are followed by inconsistent ideas and mixed emotions (Scorsese eventually abandoned the project altogether). Feinberg pretty much abandoned his film as well, in addition to his former girlfriend and leading lady, Ruby Lynn Reyner. Now in present day New York City, Feinberg argues with Reymer about completing the film, and she wishes for co-writer, costume designer and casting credits. Their arguing of who gets credit for what, not to mention Feinberg's affair with another woman that killed their relationship, informs most of "Finishing Heaven." If you can put up with these two neurotic people, then you can endure the sadness chipping away at Feinberg.

"Finishing Heaven" is not just another documentary about an independent filmmaker trying to make it - it is about a fiftysomething ex-filmmaker, now a cruise ship greeter (is that an actual job?) and a father, trying to resolve his early life in some context by finishing and editing his first and only film. The fact is that if Feinberg ever finishes it (and I doubt it), he may not resolve much of anything. He was an impassioned film school student, perhaps fueled with more anxiety and passion for film than even Scorsese, but he never quite set his sights on completing anything - I gather he just loved shooting reels and reels of film. One gets the impression that his high level of anxiety coupled with early drug addictions self-destructed his artistic side, thus lacking the confidence to complete his film.

I don't know what to take away from Mann's "Finishing Heaven" except that it is sad yet hopeful, and tinged with a lot of regret but not necessarily remorse. It is less about finishing a film than it is about the realization of what Feinberg once had and how he can complete and close his past demons. Judging from recent festivals and comments made by Feinberg, he remains a filmmaker paralyzed by his silver screen opus.

A charming, inoffensive B-movie

MONSTERS, MARRIAGE AND MURDER IN MANCHVEGAS (2009)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

A title like "Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas" will remind some of the gloriously long titles of B-movies of the 1950's. After all, it is no different than a title like "I Married a Monster from Outer Space." Movies like "Manchvegas" don't seem to exist anymore and coming from writers Matt Farley and Charles Roxburgh (who also directed), they aim to make a charming, inoffensive picture that is seemingly exploitative (with a title like that, you can't expect less) but delivers a certain sweetness that can only emanate from its small-town setting.

The small town in this film is Manchvegas, or more appropriately to the rest of you, Manchester, New Hampshire. Three members of an entrepreneurial group known as M.O.S. (Manchvegas Outlaw Society) deliver newspapers, hot dogs, books, lemonade and poppy Beach-Boys- sounding CD's from their own band around town. They also solve some petty crimes such as finding the kids who are stealing the delivered newspapers. Of course, M.O.S. mostly spend time at a nearby lake engaging in lots of tomfoolery and "summertime fun," including throwing water balloons at each other. The leader of M.O.S. is Marshall (Matt Farley), who pines for the affections of Jenny (Marie Dellicker), another member of the group (would a blonde adult really hang out with such a group?). There is also All-Star Pete (Thomas Scalzo) and he mostly plays basketball and sets up surveillance on Jenny's dates so that Marshall can scare them off. Can't really blame Jenny for seeking other men since Marshall suffers from maximum arrested development.

A murdered bride-to-be is found and M.O.S. decides to solve the murder (their credentials don't extend beyond stolen newspapers). Another bride-to-be, a product of finishing school known as Melinda (Sharon Scalzo), is missing after she was last seen skinny-dipping but who is the killer? Is it the local grocer who became her fiance? And what are those strange, mythical forest beasts, known as Gospercaps, who speak in an indiscernible language? Are they harmless or are they murderous?

I will say that "Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas" is an original treat for anyone who loves cheesy, low-budget B-movies, especially those that are still shot on film. Though some of the actors, such as police chief Delvecchio (James McHugh, who is clearly reading his lines rather than speaking them) or Melinda's dad (Kevin McGee, whom Farley has described as their Bela Lugosi), don't give spellbinding performances, Matt Farley, however, gives it his all - he has presence in those arched eyebrows and slight squeaky voice (he was genuinely creepy in his last outing, "Freaky Farley"). He clearly gives the best performance in the film and the sweet little love story with Jenny adds a layer of true innocence to the proceedings. You can tell these guys had fun making a cheerful, unpretentious film that nearly everyone might have a hard time disliking. But it is also that small-town innocence that gives the movie an added touch of nostalgia.

Farley and Roxburgh have to work on ironing out their repertory of actors but they have ideas and combine humor, nostalgia and a good sense of time and place, not to mention a witty, engaging script with three solid lead actors (will someone please give these guys a bigger budget?) I cannot wait to see what they cook up next.