Hefty trash bag...scary!!

CREEPSHOW 2 (1987)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Horror sequels generally do not work. A sequel to a horror anthology can work because as long as the spirit and sense of macabre is intact, then you have creative freedom to come up with just about anything, free of formula restrictions. The fault with "Creepshow 2" is that the spirit and sense of macabre fun from the first "Creepshow" is missing and so we get yet another routine piffle of a movie. Someone call the Creeper and ask for a refund.

Three stories circulate this hastily-produced and edited mishmash of an anthology, unlike the first "Creepshow" which had five stories. First one works some of the magic of EC comics as it has George Kennedy as the proprietor of a general store that is losing business. He keeps the store open because he helps some friendly Native American folk who promise they will reward him for his generosity (he also keeps an old Indian statue named Old Chief Woodn'Head in front of his store). His wife (Dorothy Lamour) is wishing for retirement so they can live the few years they have left in peace. One night, three thieves decide to rob the store, kill the owner and his wife, and make off with the loot and head to Hollywood! Old Chief Wood'Head, armed with his machete, comes to life and exacts revenge. Nothing truly special in overall content, but the story moves along briskly and I enjoyed George Kennedy's brief performance.

The second story is the weakest and the most laughably stupid. Based on a Stephen King short story, "The Raft" has four younglings swimming at a lake, resting their laurels on a raft and smoking pot, until an oil slick approaches them and tries to eat them! This instantly reminded me of the atrocious "The Blob," only worse because it can't seem to take too long to swim back to land and outlap a floating Heft garbage bag! But there is always time for hanky-panky on a raft - a scene that screams the 1980's by way of "Meatballs" (to be fair, most of this is in the King story published in the "Skeleton Crew" anthology). This segment has about as much suspense as watching a Hefty garbage bag floating in the water.

The third and final story is superior to the second but grows wearisome. Lois Chiles is an amoral adulteress and housewife who is involved in a hit-and-run accident. She hopes it is forgotten since there are no witnesses, except for the hitchhiker himself she ran over! He is in relentless pursuit of her, screaming a lame line ("Thanks for the ride, lady!"), and this story is torpedoed by its own tediousness. There is nothing inventive or horrific about it, and it makes one yearn for the old classic "Twilight Zone" episode where a car pursues the hit-and-run driver. All we get here is Chiles looking uncomfortable and the occasional glimpse of a rotting corpse.

"Creepshow 2" has its merits with the old wooden Indian statue segment, and the sneakily creepy and eerie prologue and epilogue with the Creeper (Tom Savini) and a kid who is bullied and gets revenge with man-eating, well, I don't want to spoil it for you. These moments capture the black-humored ghoulish fun of the original "Creepshow." On the whole, however, "Creepshow 2" is neither ghoulish nor black- humored nor much fun, not to mention far less than creepy. It is as wooden as the Indian statue.

E.C. Comics Final Exam

CREEPSHOW (1982)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Creepshow" is vintage E.C. Comics horror, with the emphasis on comic-book. Sometimes there are those dutch angles with key lighting changes from one shot to the next, and sometimes the shot changes into various panels from a comic-book page. It is not a scary film but it is a devilishly funny film, one that is sure to remind many of the old horror anthologies from the 1970's, such as "Twice Told Tales" or "Tales From the Darkside."

The five horror tales involve aspects many of us can relate to. A crate holding a werewolf in a cobwebbed basement does two fundamental things - it establishes a setting that is normally unwise for anyone to peruse in, and it establishes that curiosity about a packed, sealed crate that can lead to trouble. Another rather offputting yet vivid tale deals with the lonely Jordy Verrill (Stephen King) who unwisely touches a piece of meteorite that slowly turns him into Plant Thing (the sound effects of unseen plant life growing will give a good fright, especially for those who live in a farm). Even better is the rich Wall Street germophobe (E.G. Marshall) who lives in a high-rise apartment and keeps finding cockroaches infesting his home.

Two tales fall a little flat though they are still somewhat memorable. One involves the wealthy Rich Vickers (Leslie Nielsen, proving he could play sociopathic men better than anyone) who discovers his wife is cheating on him with another guy (Ted Danson). Rich forces Danson's character to be buried in the beach up to his neck, forcing the tide to drown him (Rich's wife undergoes the same torture). Some of this episode is far meaner than I expected (the beach scenes are too overcast) but it does give you goosebumps despite its few lulls.

Lastly, "Father's Day" has Aunt Bedelia (Viveca Lindfors) visiting her father's grave - she killed the stingy bastard with a marble ashtray. The reasons have to do with Bedelia falling in love with a man whom her father had killed. Mixed in this episode is some atrocious acting by Ed Harris (his dance routine proves white men can't dance) and some rich, whiny folks waiting for Bedelia to come home. Easily the worst of the bunch but four decent stories out of five isn't too bad.

There is an inexplicable prologue and epilogue with a devoted Creepshow comic-book fan who despises his overbearing father (Tom Atkins) so much that the kid mail-orders a voodoo doll. Something about those scenes falls somewhere between the comical and the macabre. "Creepshow" is often nasty fun but some of it, as strong and vivid as director George Romero makes it, can feel like needles penetrating your tongue. It is comic-book macabre but you might not respect yourself in the morning. On the other hand, that may be precisely the point. 

A delicate souffle of laughs

THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION (2001)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 2001)

There is no way to explain my constant fascination with Woody Allen. He is one of the few comedy geniuses of the 20th century. From masterful comedy-dramas like "Annie Hall" and "Manhattan" to somber, Bergmanesque dramas like "Interiors" and "Crimes and Misdemeanors" to self-portraits that are as acrid and alive as any of his early works like "Husbands and Wives" and "Deconstructing Harry," Woody has maintained a body of work that reflects his philosophy and psychology of general relationships on Manhattan's Lower East Side. And he can be hard on himself when he deconstructs his own life, but always with an edge and a distance that may not always appeal to everyone who is not from New York. I would never confuse Woody for a mainstream comedy director in this jaded day and age. That is why it is a pleasure to report that "The Curse of the Jade Scorpion" is a delightful souffle, spiked and stinging with wit from all corners of the screen. It is as smarmily funny as "Small Time Crooks" and "Manhattan Murder Mys tery" and as affectionate and buoyant as "Bullets Over Broadway" and "Zelig."

"Curse of the Jade Scorpion" is set in Manhattan in 1940 where C.W. Briggs (Woody Allen) is a fraud insurance detective who cracks nearly every case with sheer luck and ingenious instinct. He is admired by his co-workers, which includes Dan Aykroyd as his professional boss Magruder and Jill (Elizabeth Berkley), a secretary who will let someone rub her chest as long as they bring a ring. The one exception to this staff is Betty Ann Fitzgerald (Helen Hunt) who is hired by the company to make it more efficient and workmanlike (she also considers condensing the private detective agency). She hates C.W. and sees him as vermin and as a dinosaur (there are probably as many synonyms used to describe Woody negatively in this film than in any other). C.W. hates her too and you can see it will probably lead to a romance at some point. One night at a birthday party, C.W. and Betty Ann are asked to participate in a magic act by the great Voltan (David Ogden Stiers). They are put in a trance where the names like "Madagascar" and "Constantinople" are uttered and where they are apparently lovers. Once snapped out of the trance, C.W. continues to hate Betty Ann. However, precious jewels begin to disappear from wealthy estates and C.W. might be a prime suspect thanks to the trance-like powers of the great Voltan.

"The Curse of the Jade Scorpion" reminds me of the great 40's romantic comedies where a bickering couple would trade insults and engaging repartee with ease ("His Girl Friday" is my favorite of that period). Woody Allen and Helen Hunt are a match made in heaven and show love and hate for each other with aplomb. Their chemistry works well - Hunt is all professionalism and Allen simply cracks wise. What is ultimately satisfying and unusual is to see Allen in a role that would have been suited for someone like Cary Grant or James Stewart. Seeing Allen as a short man with a milder neurosis than usual is simply startling and hilarious - consider the opening sequence where he arrives at his office in a trenchcoat and felt hat as if he were Humphrey Bogart. Similarly, Hunt cleverly assumes the role of a 40's working woman with authority and great energy - I am not crazy about Hunt overall but in the right role, this actress sizzles and holds her own with Allen.

"Jade Scorpion" has the customary Allen quips but it also has an informal, chaste, elegant atmosphere. A romantic comedy like this in the 1940's would have been rapid fire in pace and language. Here, Allen chooses to slow it down somewhat, as if inviting us for a cup of tea rather than coffee. To some, this may be offputting but I was positively entranced. The irradiating glow from the cinematography by Zhao Fei enhances the elegance and brings a nostalgic tone to the proceedings.

As always, Allen knows how to choose the right actors. Can you recall Sean Penn being as faultless and knowing as in "Sweet and Lowdown"? Can you recall Winona Ryder ever being as bewitching as in "Celebrity"? Well, "Jade Scorpion" has Helen Hunt at her best as aforementioned. There is also Dan Aykroyd as a businesslike romantic interest (I never thought Aykroyd would share a kissing scene with Helen Hunt) with choice lines - he delivers a performance every bit as nuanced as anything he has ever done. Elizabeth Berkley is actually tolerable on screen, shedding any leftover negative vibes from "Showgirls." David Ogden Stiers, an Allen regular, vibrates with stinging ardor. Everyone is perfectly cast and seems to occupy a time in history credibly, unlike say "Pearl Harbor."

"Curse of the Jade Scorpion" is a hoot and a half and tightly written and directed. They say Woody Allen is not worth caring about anymore, and that he is way past the comic highlights of his career. Some may say he is simply marking time, making one film a year to keep himself busy. He may not create a masterpiece like "Crimes and Misdemeanors" or "Annie Hall" but who cares. He still makes films and let us be glad his wit lives on. The real curse would be to avoid him.

Same old Stardust Memories

CELEBRITY (1998)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Woody Allen's "Celebrity" reminded me a little too much of his soporific "Stardust Memories," which was also filmed in black-and-white and concentrated on the nature of celebrities. This film is superior but suffers from the same lack of comic energy and enthusiasm. For the first time since his overrated comic segment in "New York Stories," I felt Woody's heart was not in the right place for this material.

"Celebrity" stars Kenneth Branagh as celebrity hound and interviewer Lee Simon who drives an Astor Martin to attract and have sex with all the female celebrities, while getting the scoop on their precious moments of fame and recognition. He gets oral pleasure from a famous actress (Melanie Griffith - less annoying than usual), and he gives a brief moment of orgasmic pleasure to a model (thrillingly played by Charlize Theron). What he really wants to do is write a novel about celebrities, but he lacks the self-confidence to finish it even with the help of a sexy book editor (Famke Janssen).

Lee is not a happy person, though, and lacks self-control. He regretfully divorced the shrilly Robin (Judy Davis), a schoolteacher who is afraid to deal with life after divorce. She resorts to religious retreats and superstar plastic surgeons, yet the answer may lie with a TV producer, Tony Gardella (Joe Mantegna). Robin decides to work for him at a busy TV station where she meets an assortment of talk show guests, including skinheads, overweight people, Hasidic jews, and a prostitute (Bebe Newirth). The latter shows her how to perform oral sex by using a banana (a witty take-off on Madonna's famously similar oral display in "Truth or Dare"). In the process, Robin becomes a TV celebrity host.

There are many good jokes in Woody's latest opus. My favorite is Charlize Theron's sleepy, sexually polymorphous model (a bit cribbed from "Annie Hall") who brings everything to a halt when she appears - she could be the next Sharon Stone (who appeared in "Stardust Memories"). I also loved the gala movie opening where Lee sees a famous director (Andre Gregory) who makes "arty, pretentious movies in black-and-white". There's also a vivid sequence involving Leonardo DiCaprio as a superstar actor who trashes hotel rooms and beats up his girlfriend (Gretchen Mol) - he makes such a startlingly violent 10-minute entrance that it is a real shame when he exits. And there are several quips about novelists, particularly one moment where Lee sleeps with one of DiCaprio's escorts, who insists that she writes `like Chekov'.

The central figure in "Celebrity" is the nervous chatterer Robin Simon, played with pitch-perfect precision by the indomitable Judy Davis. Her character is a wounded soul searching for meaning in her universe, and she has her reservations about getting married again. Her character is so real, so vivid, so humane that it is a shame Woody didn't invest the same interest in the other characters.

For example, there is the crucial Lee Simon role (played by Kenneth Branagh), who is miscast and obviously uncomfortable with mimicking Woody's famous tics and neurotic stutters. His role is severely underwritten, lacking any of the pathos or charm that Woody would have brought to it. Branagh is better off in Shakespeare country, or when he commands an American accent in his own work such as "Dead Again." The aforementioned Charlize Theron disappears too soon, as well as the comic fury of DiCaprio.

Still, there's an element of bewitching attitude and class to Winona Ryder as Lee's girlfriend, a promiscuous actress who can't commit to one man. The virtually unrecognizable Bebe Newirth is also exceedingly good as the soft-spoken prostitute. Joe Mantegna brings back the suave coolness that he brought to Allen's thoughtful "Alice," which also starred Judy Davis.

"Celebrity" is a good film but it doesn't have the manic, furious energy of "Deconstructing Harry" or "Husbands and Wives," one of his greatest films. It is surprisingly chaste and unscrupulous in its attack and commentary on modern-day celebrities. With its abrupt ending and uneven characterizations, "Celebrity" is simply filler until the next great Woody Allen film.

Lacerating, Biting Allenisms

DECONSTRUCTING HARRY (1997)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Originally reviewed in 1997

Woody Allen's last couple of movies lacked bite and true comic spirit and I had the feeling his work was going to continue along the lighter side, as in "Everyone Says I Love You." Now with the shockingly disturbing and provocative "Deconstructing Harry," he has created one of his most lacerating, uneven yet truthful comedy-dramas ever.

Woody Allen plays a successful author named Harry Block who's currently facing writer's block on his latest novel. While he's creatively challenged, Harry loves to sleep with any woman he meets, has affairs with girlfriends and wives, and finds a kinky pleasure in sleeping with prostitutes. At one point, he asks one particular prostitute (Hazelle Goodman) to tie him up, beat him, and "give him a blow job." Harry also has a knack for pills and whiskey and little else - all there is his art that feeds his soul, or what he has left of it.

Harry's life is remarkably similar to his novel. The characters he creates are exaggerated figments of people he was once close to (As a counterpoint to his life, Woody dramatizes the real-life characters in his book by having different actors). His Jewish sister and brother-in-law (played by Caroline Aaron and Eric Bogosian) are depicted as hateful denizens in his book yet they are not that different in reality. Harry also had an affair with his ex-wife's sister (Judy Davis) who threatens to kill him after threatening to commit suicide. They are hilariously depicted in his book as lovers (played by Richard Benjamin and Julia Louis-Dreyfus) who have sex in front of his half-blind grandmother! "Deconstructing Harry" is an unusual experiment for Woody Allen because he actually dissects himself and his life through his art and through his relationships. One can argue that he has done that with every film he's made, but what is most unusual is how rough Woody is on himself - for the first time in his career, he curses, and talks about sex in graphic detail. He also curses at his ex-wives (Kirstie Alley, Amy Irving) who are always yelling at him for his numerous affairs and for how they are depicted in his novel! The only sweet relationship he has is with a lovely fan (Elisabeth Shue) who's about to marry Harry's best friend (Billy Crystal) who may be the Devil himself!

Woody also has a grand time including scenes from Harry's former novels. There is one where different kinds of Jewish stereotypes are depicted in relation to Harry's family, such as the perfectly cast Demi Moore as a psychotherapist who "sees true beauty and meaning" in Judaism. Then there are the Jewish parties where the guests are dressed as Darth Vader and the waiters as stormtroopers! How about his uncle who may killed his first wife and eaten her! And then there's Woody's greatest comic invention since "Zelig" called "The Actor," a character (Robin Williams) who is always out of focus!

"Deconstructing Harry" juggles a lot of characters and situations and throws them up in the air with great abandon. Woody Allen's visual style is more complex since there are less long takes and lots of jump cuts to emphasize Harry's own dissection of his life and the others around him. The film doesn't always succeed nor is he as deconstructive of Harry as he should be, but his theme of how an artist's work is more significant than his life is superbly realized. "Deconstructing Harry" is not as consistently hilarious as his earlier films, and maybe it isn't meant to be. It is, however, as daring, courageous, darkly comic and outrageous a self-portrait as I've seen in a long time.

An Orwellian heroine defying the odds

DIVERGENT (2014)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Divergent" appears at first glance to be a "Hunger Games" clone when in fact, to be fair, "Hunger Games" was a crossbreed of Orwell's "1984" and "The Most Dangerous Game" with a dash of "Rollerball" (original version, not remake) to make its points on violence as a game to entertain the audience. "Divergent" has a mask of cool detachment leading to a surprising emotional powderkeg of a finale that had me at Shailene Woodley ("The Descendants").

Based on a series of books by Veronica Roth, Shailene Woodley is Beatrice "Tris" Prior, the daughter of an official (Tony Goldwyn) that runs a ruling council for the government. There are five factions in this post-apocalyptic (a common phrase in today's cinema) climate, specifically in the city of Chicago. Tris belongs to Abnegation, the selfless faction that runs the government, but she is still up for selection to a faction she desires based upon a serum-induced aptitude test  (all 16-year-olds undergo this test). Tris chooses Dauntless but her test proves she is actually compatible with three factions - she is a free thinker, a "divergent." Being divergent means trouble in an Orwellian world because it means you are an independent thinker, and who wants that in a world where mind control is the norm. Tris keeps her secret quiet and joins the arduous Dauntless, which consists of a group that runs around, jumps into trains and jumps out of them onto tenement roofs, and endures major tests of endurance. What exactly is the point of this faction is lost on me except to prove bravery and perhaps (and this is what I found most fascinating) using the best of its members as super-soldiers. This touches on a key plot point from "The Manchurian Candidate."

"Divergent" uses "Hunger Games" as its cinematic template - heroine is weak yet proves her worth and falls for someone she shouldn't (Theo James). But what makes the movie sing are the performances that prove more inspired than the setting. Woodley earns her Katniss Everdeen stripes by evoking great sympathy and vulnerability - she also has strength and determination, qualities in women we should see more often and not just in a post-apocalyptic scenario. Theo James makes a convincing Dauntless instructor named Four who keeps his eye on Tris. Jai Courtney (previously John McClane's son in the last "Die Hard" sequel) is the rigid, merciless Dauntless leader who puts Tris through a physical regiment that would make Katniss cry. Maggie Q is quietly effective as the Dauntless proctor of the aptitude tests who sees through Tris's secrets. Finally, there is Kate Winslet in an atypically insidious role as the leader of the faction Erudite whose future plans imply reducing the level of government control (I am putting it mildly but it does have to do with super-soldiers).

"Divergent" is tougher and bleaker than "The Hunger Games" but not as lean or as tightly paced (inevitable comparisons aside, there are no games played here for a bloodthirsty audience). Still, it is refreshing to see a post-apocalyptic movie that really feels post-apocalyptic. The amazing new talent of Shailene Woodley makes it tolerable. 

Beyond the Ram

THE WRESTLER (2008)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia 

My Choice for Best Film of 2008

One of the reasons I like director Darren Aronofsky's films is that they are alive and completely conscious, similar to his contemporaries such as Martin Scorsese and Oliver Stone. "The Wrestler" is more than a film - it is a firecracker of a movie that explodes and implodes with so much emotion, it leaves you burned out, exasperated and exhausted. This film quickens the pulse, radiates your nerves and leaves you with one of the greatest performances of the 21st and 20th century by the remarkable Mickey Rourke. High praise, indeed.

Rourke is the long-suffering, physically scarred and emotionally spent Randy "The Ram" Robinson, a pro-wrestler who has succumbed so heavily to the world of wrestling, he no longer feels joy from anything other than pleasing the audience. He can't please himself, though he tries with a local stripper named Cassidy (Marisa Tomei, in a truly spellbinding performance) who smiles and clearly loves the guy but she can't get involved (we know she will). There is the Ram's estranged daughter, Stephanie (Evan Rachel Wood) who wants nothing to do with him and deeply hates him, especially since he has forgotten every single birthday of hers. Meanwhile, The Ram takes punishment in the ring with a variety of defensive weapons that will make most audiences flinch. There are staple guns, barbed wire, razors hidden in wrist paddings and much more. If any of you have seen such matches in hotel lobbies or in union halls, not to mention seeing the horrifying "Beyond the Mat" documentary, you'll have a good idea of what lies ahead.

The Ram has a heart attack at one point, and decides to retire and work at a deli department at the local supermarket. He has to make enough money to pay the rent for his trailer, give a few 20's to his confidante, Cassidy, and perhaps buy a nice jacket for his daughter. The question is how long can the Ram stay away from the ring.

"The Wrestler" is greatly focused on the Ram, from one battle on the ring to the next to fighting his restrained emotions in the suburbs and nightclubs of New Jersey, specifically Rahway. He can't connect to his daughter, claiming he is nothing "but a piece of meat." She feels sorry for him but she can't forgive him. Then there is Cassidy who helps him find an appropriate gift for his daughter. They have a scene in a bar where they sing to Ratt's "Round n' Round" that proves a song can speak volumes for the characters' sake more so than just having a good song on a soundtrack.

Rourke has always been a fascinating presence in films ranging from "Rumble Fish" and "Pope of Greenwich Village" to his very underrated work in "White Sands" and his superb cameo in "The Pledge." He has had his own personal demons to fight, reducing his beatific visage to a squished rubber mat due to his boxing days and alleged plastic surgery. It is as if he hated his matinee idol look, turning away from it and crushing it because he was an actor first and foremost.

Such a parallel to Rourke's own life and career leads director Darren Aronofsky and Mickey Rourke to never shy away from the Ram's personal hell, a man who is bent on self-destruction without knowing it. He has the wrestling ring - it is his playground of emotion where he can feel loved by his peers and his fans. He just can't feel love from anyone else. Rourke shows such a depth and range of emotions that it will burn a hole through your heart. "The Wrestler" is not just powerful cinema - it is transcendental and contains quite possibly the most unforgettable and deeply personal performance of any actor since, dare I say, Harvey Keitel in "Bad Lieutenant." A unique and hellish masterpiece.