This movie can kiss my butt

 NATIONAL LAMPOON'S 

CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I was a huge fan of Chevy Chase for years, at least back in the 80's thru the 90's. I was also a fan of the first two "Vacation" films. I loved the sweetness of the Griswold family and the comedy of errors centering on their every move on their disastrous family trips. "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" has got the sweetness factor of the Griswold family, and hardly any laughs. 

Part of the problem of this movie, lazily written by John Hughes (based on a story of his called "Christmas '59"), is that the Griswolds do not actually go on vacation - they stay home! That wouldn't be such a detriment unless some farcical situations arose from Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase, looking more stiff and bored than in 1989's earlier sequel release, "Fletch Lives") and his insatiable need to light up the homestead so it can, I don't know, look like the Northern Star that can be seen from the International Space Station? Nevertheless, the gags are so shopworn, so obvious that nothing comes of them. Clark falls from the roof while stapling Christmas lights! Not a big laugh. Other gags include Clark getting hit with floorboards while locked in the attic, or racing on some makeshift sled down one too many snowy slope hills. There's also Clark setting up a humongous Christmas tree in the living room where all the branches break windows. Some gags are just mean-spirited such as a cat getting electrocuted, or a dog eating way too much food and making gurgling noises under the dinner table.

The film has no spark of inspiration - it is so lifeless and unfunny that it sits on the screen and we wait for something to happen. Chevy is at his best when talking to his wife, Ellen (Beverly D'Angelo), about having a nice Christmas at home - D'Angelo has one moment that gets a half a second of a chuckle where she grabs Chevy's crotch! But do we really want a Clark Griswold who is nice and winsome - when he starts to get erratic towards the end, it feels cheap and unearned compared to his wild antics at Wally World in the first film. Other than that, we get reliable pros like Julia Louis-Dreyfus as an irate neighbor, returnee Randy Quaid as as the uninvited Cousin Eddy, and some TV and film legends such as Diane Ladd, E.G. Marshall, Doris Roberts, Mae Questel (yes, Betty Boop's voice actor) and John Randolph appearing but they are mostly bereft of wit. And the Griswold kids (played by different actors in all these movies of alternating body size and shape) leave much to be desired (sorry to Juliette Lewis and Johnny Galecki but they are boring). 

"National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" has inexplicably become a Christmas classic and many viewers seem to enjoy it. I see nothing here other than gags prepped for jokes without delivery or payoff. Like the film's climax involving a toxic sewer line and the kidnapping of a corporate boss, it is as stale as year-old fruit cake and as soporific as Chevy Chase's delivery of dialogue like "Kiss my ass." This movie can kiss mine.

We all want to believe in something

 THE MYSTERY OF D.B. COOPER (2020)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

There are at least two rare events in the annals of 20th century high-profile crimes that have yet to be solved. There is the identity of the Zodiac Killer and the mystery to end all mysteries - the actual identity of D.B. Cooper. The name almost approaches mythic status - essentially D.B. Cooper disappeared from an airplane as he jumped out with a parachute and bags of money back in the 1970's. His disappearance is more than a mystery at this point - it is nothing short of unbelievable and yet the kick you get out of this legendary air pirate is to consistently ask yourself: how did he do it and how did he get away with it. "The Mystery of D.B. Cooper" is not to meant to solve the mystery so much as deepen it - to extrapolate the truths of a legend whom we will probably never be able to identify. It is an all-consuming legend, the type of hijacking that remains the only unsolved one and that is the thrill of it.

1971 was the year and the icy winds of a frigid Thanksgiving night in the Oregon wilderness is the place where D.B. Cooper parachuted to. Or did he? Did he die while parachuting due to those 200 mph icy winds from a 727? Why was money later found 40 miles away from the projected parachute jump? Questions linger as we encounter three different possibilities. One involves a con man named Duane Weber who made a confession on his deathbed that he was Dan Cooper. His wife Jo had no idea what he was talking about yet she pieced together information from one happy photo where Duane had proclaimed victory over something, though it is not clear what exactly. Jo tells how he would pass the  woodsy areas by car, an area he was overly familiar with. Did he find his money that he had buried somewhere and not share it with her or what? 

Another involves an uncle who stopped coming over for family dinners at Thanksgiving and Christmas named L.D. Cooper. The niece Marla (who says she is often seen as a Laura Palmer-lookalike, you know the dead girl from "Twin Peaks") is certain without a doubt that he is the D.B. Cooper because her uncle allegedly discussed some plan before Thanksgiving while actively hunting for turkeys! Could Marla be wrong, though it turns out her father admitted the uncle was the man himself?

Another involves a transgender woman who admitted she was D.B. Cooper to Ron and Pat Forman, or least expressed concern over any criticism of the Cooper man. The Formans met this transgendered woman on an airstrip - her car would often be parked in the middle of it which raises lots of questions. She turns out to be an accomplished pilot so who knows.

"The Mystery of D.B. Cooper" does an excellent job of setting up the skyjacking itself along with interviews of flight stewardesses and airline pilots who lived through this hijacking (the college kid who observed Cooper sitting across from him is a fascinating bit of business and there is something eerie about his observations). Then it segues to the claims made by seemingly broken families about the real D.B. Cooper. Any one of these stories could be true (not to mention Richard McCoy, Jr. who hijacked a plane a few months after Cooper did yet got caught, escaped from prison a few times and later died in a shootout. He bares a likeness to D.B. yet it turns out the FBI ruled him out as the suspect). What gives the doco a major push towards some semblance of credibility is that director John Dower allows these alleged claims to come alive - any one of them could be a separate subject for a whole documentary. Whether you believe these people or not is not nearly as important as how they are conveyed - these are real people who have possibly encountered an extraordinary individual. 

I found no fault with "Mystery of D.B. Cooper." The film has a charge of urgency to it, of something potent about this unusual crime that still remains unsolved. Its potency is partially derived from its pre-9/11 context in its depiction of the ease by which passengers used to be able to board a plane (heck, Dan Cooper might not even have been this guy's name). Ultimately, the film is about searching for something, to prove one's worth and perhaps that is why there is such an indelible impression made by someone who everyone could identify with, if not necessarily the crime itself. Notable author and D.B. Cooper expert Bruce Smith ("DB Cooper and the FBI – A Case Study of America’s only Unsolved Skyjacking") says that we all want to be Cooper, to be tough enough to get away with it because there isn't much in the way of opportunity. Or as another writer puts it: "It gives us all a chance to believe in something."

Rituals, the Devil, oh, poor me, I am such a bore

 LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ROSEMARY'S BABY (1976)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

A TV-movie sequel to a classic, terrifying horror film about a coven of Satanists who conjure the Devil to rape poor Rosemary (Mia Farrow) is asking for trouble. After all, how can anyone even top what director Roman Polanski achieved when he mixed black humor and unimaginable (and imagined) unspeakable horrors in a first-class film of absolute restraint? Look no further than the 1976 sequel itself titled "Look What's Happened to Rosemary's Baby" which features good actors cast adrift in a movie that loses focus. 

Patty Duke is Rosemary Woodhouse (obviously replacing Mia), who is sheltering her son Adrian, now a young 8-year-old boy, from the Castavets who conjure the forces of evil to locate Rosemary. The Castavets first fail, then they succeed as they take the boy and Rosemary is left in a possessed bus never to be heard from again (Say what?) The Castavets are a strange couple played by Oscar-winning Ruth Gordon (reprising her Oscar win from the original) as the colorful Minnie and Ray Milland replacing the creepier Sidney Blackmer from the original as Roman - missing this time is their hideously gaudy outfits which made them seem initially less evil. 

Then the film flash-forwards to a twenty-something Adrian who works at a casino where he sings and plays guitar with a third-rate rock and roll band! This weary, gaunt Adrian is played by the amazing Stephen McHattie who always holds the screen with his steely gaze but he's not asked to do much other than gaze and appear weary. At one point, he goes berserk after being subjected to a ritual by the Castevets and is seen in whiteface makeup and red painted dashes on his eyelids as he takes control of the stage and the band to do nothing other than...gaze. A cross is burned into his skin earlier in the film and perhaps that may be the reason why (SPOILER ALERT) he might not be the Devil's Son and can't be subjected to rituals, though this is a dangling plot hole at best. 

All the actors are adequate (including Donna Mills as a far too concerned nurse) yet there is nothing to gravitate towards, no character to identify with and not enough story. The Castavets had already set their sights on Adrian since his conception so what more is there to say? That they can't control him yet he is the Devil's Son? McHattie is wasted here, seemingly lost and uncertain to resonate as a guy who realizes he is the Spawn of Satan. Sometimes you are not sure if he realizes it and quickly the film becomes more than a chore to sit through. And an anticlimactic ending leaves more questions than answers and practically negates the entire film not to the mention the original film. The film "Rosemary's Baby" sent a fervent chill to the bone that burned through the screen in its famous last scene. This one will make you wish Rosemary's Baby did not grow up to be such a jaded bore.

High Five on Yuk-Yuk and Still Funny for Benefit of Audience Sequel

 BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM (2020)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Borat is a racist caricature designed by Sacha Baron Cohen to make audiences uncomfortable with a should I/shouldn't I laugh at the most inopportune moments. We laugh along with Borat because he is a sweet and profoundly ignorant individual from Kazakshtan, who loves America and their racist and, in the case of this delayed sequel, anti-feminist ideals. The first "Borat" film was an explosion of laughs and near-comic hysteria that could leave you nonplussed at how people (often real-life figures) responded to Borat. In those days, Borat was a cult figure on television and Sacha could get away with not being recognized. In 2020, Borat is his most famous creation and it is harder to hoodwink people. This insanely funny sequel is almost as crass and sick a joke as the original and it has many laughs, though it can't quite outclass the once freshly minted original. 

Borat is back in America ("HIGH FIVE!") and has to get his 15-year-old daughter Tatur, (played by a pitch-perfect 24-year-old Maria Bakalova) married to a wealthy gentleman like either Vice President Mike Pence or President Trump's lawyer and former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani (oh, the horror). If Borat doesn't accomplish this mission as issued by the country's premier, he will be executed in his own country of Kazakhstan. Borat, the simpleton who is hated in his own country, keeps his daughter in a bubble from what he deems as western culture realities like a woman owning her own business, a woman driving a car or, worse yet, being kept in a cage! In fact, in one of many uncomfortable moments, Borat buys a sturdy cage for her (and the owner doesn't see an issue with this). In another instance, he buys her a cake with an anti-semitic phrase. In yet another instance that has to be seen to be believed, he dances with her at a Georgian debutante hall where she discloses prior to the dance that she has, um, "moon blood." Scenes like this made me feel a little nauseous, perhaps more so than expected even though I knew gross humor was forthcoming. The nausea works overtime because the other attendees of this ball have no idea this is all a prank. Funny, yes, uncomfortable to the point of covering your eyes? Yes, indeed.

Yet there are even more moments that will make you wince and shake your head in disbelief, especially at how Borat often gets away with it. A CPAC gathering with Vice President Mike Pence as a speaker has Borat entering the building wearing a KKK hoodie, and then he dresses up in a Donald Trump costume carrying Tutar on his back as he offers her to Pence! Ironically, entering the CPAC wearing a KKK outfit is okay (despite some side-eyed glances) yet calling out Pence while dressed as Trump will have you escorted out of the building! In fact, the last half of this Borat sequel has several hijinks involving Trump loyalists, some who are armed with AK-47's, at a March-For-Your-Rights rally and two Qanon believers - Borat is in disguise as a country singer singing about the "Wuhan Flu" to a crowd who chants along since it advocates giving the flu to Dr. Fauci or President Obama. Scary, discomfiting, unsettling, and hilarious.

“Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” (this was its original title) is not for everyone nor is it meant to be (I am not sure it is for me though I love what Sacha does). These "Borat" films and the controversial "Bruno" are created by a wild satirist with a hint of madness whose sole purpose is to wake people up out of their doldrums in America and see that their racism and sexism are practically inherent. Some early scenes with Tatur depicted as a caged animal who looks like a werewolf from a 1930's circus was too much to bear for me and not very funny. But that is early on and trimmed thankfully before getting to the good stuff. Despite some jerky moments, "Borat Subsequent Moviefilm" still hits its intended political targets with a few belly laughs and some yuk-yuks for good measure. What is fascinating is that Sacha also sees the growing change in Borat's beliefs and that he feels his daughter should not be exploited for anyone's benefit, especially Kazakhstan. Either you see this mockumentary as a semi-brilliant satire with a touch of humanity or an elongated sick joke preying on unsuspecting folks. I see it both ways. 

It is Flame on and Lights out at a Catholic School

 THE POSSESSED (1977)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

In the opening frames of the mildly-accented riffs of spooky goings-on of this TV horror film, James Farentino is a priest who seems indifferent to the pulpit. That is because he is an alcoholic, nursing that bottle closer to his heart than his own religious faith. Some of these shots of him leading the congregation mirror the exact composition of shots from "The Exorcist" (not excluding his pale face and bloodshot eyes). A tragic car accident ensues leaving Farentino dead. Then his spirit arises as he outstretches his arms. Good God in heaven, what are we in for? If this sounds like a third-rate, bottom-of-the-barrel "Exorcist" clone, you'd almost be right except the rest of the film is actually a low-key and quietly absorbing horror film with uniformly unsettling atmosphere and theatrics that do terrify.

Something's rotten to the core or should I say there is a burnt smell emanating from the Helen Page School, a Catholic private girls' college in Salem, Oregon, and it isn't bad piping or a grill being used by the janitor in the basement causing it. No, objects like paper mysteriously burn into flames. Sometimes an entire room goes up in flames. Sometimes a student's graduation gown not only goes up in flames but burns her legs (Diana Scarwid plays that one student, suffering worse pain than she did as Joan Crawford's daughter in the semi-camp classic "Mommie Dearest). A biology schoolteacher (Harrison Ford, in one of his most gentlest performances pre-"Star Wars" fame) secretly meets one of his students at night and, you know, flame on is around the corner. What on earth is causing all this? 

What sets this TV movie of the week above the rest are the sincere, layered performances. Ford, as aforementioned, shows a smitten side that was rarely seen in a Ford performance even in those days. Farentino is effectively subdued in his pursuit of whatever is causing the ignition of flames in and around the campus and giving everyone the third degree. Claudette Nevins playing a teacher, Ellen, shows a remarkable sensitivity as a mother of one student, Weezie (Ann Dusenberry), and her worries about the odd occurrences. Also worth noting is Ellen's stepsister, Helen Page school's headmistress (Joan Hackett), who may harbor more than a few secrets - we fear for her safety and also feel she is coming apart at the seams.

The chilling finale where a confrontation at the school's pool between demon and exorcist occurs is fraught with some tension because, believe it or not, I had no idea what was going to happen next (I didn't even think that Farentino was an exorcist though clearly he is more than human). For a Devil picture concerning a rather askew and radical setting for a possession, I felt my skin crawl and begin to shiver. A creepy film for an evening screening around Halloween time. WARNING: Make sure your candles are not lit! 

Alternate Futures are what we make of them

 TERMINATOR: DARK FATE (2019)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

When I head there was yet another "Terminator" sequel headed to cinemas, I thought that the sci-fi thriller series had to eventually lose steam, right? How many more times will terminators be sent from the future to kill someone related to Sarah Connor? There may not be any limits because "Terminator 3" was fitfully exciting and "Terminator Genysis" found some new wrinkles that still made it watchable even though they came up short next to the masterful, towering achievement that was "Terminator 2" - still the very best sequel and a great movie in its own right. Still, I am a fan of the "Terminator" mythology so when word came out that Sarah Connor was not only returning but that she would be played by the original actress, Linda Hamilton, I felt something was clicking and they might come up with a good, time-twisting story. In many ways, "Dark Fate" might be the same-old, same-old but it is so deeply impactful in its own right because the characters rise above the machines and the wow factor of tremendous, eye-filling, thunderous action scenes. "Dark Fate" is the true sequel to the original "Terminators" according to James Cameron (who said the same thing about "Genysis" but never mind) - this is the titanic movie sequel I've been waiting for. Holy cinematic hell, this "Terminator" movie is a blast of cyberkinetic thrills and characters of emotional heft whose future is on hold.

This time, we got an advanced liquid metallic terminator known as the Rev-9 that can split into two separate cyborgs, the other is its cyborg endoskeleton. We got a female half-human, half robotic (or augmented) future soldier of a different resistance, Grace (Mackenzie Davis) who travels through time to save and protect a young Mexico City woman. Oh, wait, there has to be more to this right? Naturally, the return of the one and only Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton, tough-as-nails and hard-bitten) whose mission is to track down terminators and destroy them. Wait a minute, and we also got Arnold Schwarzenegger back as a different kind of terminator, one whose mission was to once kill someone Sarah loves (you might all know this spoiler by now) and then live the rest of his cyborg days as a loving family man who runs a drapery business! Say what?

Let's backtrack: Sarah Connor is alive and well because this sequel ignores all previous entries after Part 2 (Part 3 indicated she died). Secondly, there is no more Skynet but some alternative Resistance that has spider-like Terminators and, showing how bleak futures can still exist, a post-nuclear holocaust thanks to nuclear strikes against an AI known as Legion. And yet we learn that the T-800 terminator from Part 2 who protected Sarah and her future leader of a son was not the only one out and about - several T-800 terminators were sent to actually kill her son, John Connor (obviously at different points in time, though if they destroyed the nuclear holocaust future then how are terminators still being sent from that future post-"Terminator 2." Oh, hell, whatever, contrived but still a fun thought). 

Nevertheless, the main focus of "Terminator: Dark Fate" is not been-there-done-that Sarah Connor but rather the developing bond between Grace and Natalia Reyes as Daniella "Dani" Ramos, the target of the REV-9 terminator. Dani suffers a lot of emotional trauma between the deaths of her father and her brother, and Grace has had trauma in her, um, past which is really her future. Abandoned child from that alternate future who became a hell of a soldier, Grace is saved from imminent death by getting augmented. Dani works at an automobile plant though nothing, not even her brother being replaced by a self-contained robot, will begin to compare to being hunted by the deadliest terminator in the entire series. This REV-9 is a shapeshifting marvel of a killing machine that can split itself and conjure deadly weapons with its hands. It will take this these three women, not to mention the family-friendly T-800 Arnie, to combat and destroy the machine of the future.

There are many surprises in "Terminator: Dark Fate" - just when I thought I had seen enough of these elongated chase scenes in this series, the opening chase had me riveted. I don't know the secret other than the human characters were more realistic and vulnerable so I felt for their safety when being chased by the REV-9. The special-effects are tremendous and super-duper awesome in their staging and breathtaking thrills - you get your money's worth for sheer spectacle of explosions and hand-to-hand-to-machine combat. What is most surprising about "Dark Fate" is the depth of emotion given to Dani (Natalia Reyes is amazingly good as a family-oriented woman who begins to develop the backbone of a warrior) and Grace (a touching performance by Davis), two women facing insurmountable odds against their future and their past. Linda Hamilton adds the sparkle of cynicism as a warrior herself, she drinks heavily and loves potato chips but her past still clings to her and, thus, she identifies with Dani's unfortunate predicament. 

"Terminator: Dark Fate" might occasionally give you pause with story elements that seems askew (Schwarzenegger's T-800 plotline will either make you laugh or wince) and obviously it is a formulaic picture yet the formula still works. Mexico and the implied political points about that country and immigration add the icing to the cake. Unlike some sequels, this one engages as much with its heart and emotion as it does with thrill-happy action spectacles. 

Gently poking small-town politics

 IRRESISTIBLE (2020)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Satirizing politics in a nation overcome by radical division and incessant divisiveness further caused by social media is a tough nut to crack. For one, there are too many comedic political TV commentators who focus and pounce on the ridicule set forth by everyone at 1600 Pennsylvania. How can you lampoon a politician when, in the age of Trump, they are kind of lampooning themselves. Jon Stewart, former TV's host for "The Daily Show," attempts to lampoon the politics of a small, forgotten town that nobody cares about except every four years. Admirable as a comedy of restraint that doesn't reduce townsfolk to stereotypical buffoons, Stewart's "Irresistible" is still fairly mild though consistently funny taking potshots at how elections are run. 

After the Democratic Hillary Clinton loses in the 2016 Presidential race, some time has passed and Democratic Party campaign consultant Gary Zimmer (perfectly cast Steve Carrell) is struck by a viral video of a stubborn Marine Colonel Jack Hastings (also perfectly cast and highly underrated actor Chris Cooper) who speaks out at a town hall meeting against the new immigration policies. We first see the actual town hall meeting and then the viral video and Zimmer has his A HA! moment. In order to win back voters and show Democrats have values that extend to small towns like Deerlaken, Wisconsin, Zimmer wants Colonel Hastings to run for mayor against Republican incumbent Mayor Braun (Brent Sexton). Never mind that the RNC is funding Braun and that Zimmer's ruthless rival (Rose Byrne) is ready to start a showdown of Fox News propaganda proportions.   

There is a nostalgic factor running through "Irresistible" and it is in the minutiae of a small town. Everyone goes about their business, not looking to fight each other but rather accept each other wholeheartedly (when Zimmer is first introduced to the local townsfolk, he tries to curry favor by saying he had once been in Madison. Their response: "Madison is not Wisconsin"). The local coffee shop has prepared sweets and coffee with two sugars and milk for Zimmer every morning (that is not how he takes it). The Colonel's upbeat daughter (Mackenzie Davis) has a winsome quality about her - she can hold her own against this Washington left-winger without much help. Even the Colonel is not too hard-bitten about life, though he suspiciously has little to say in his campaign speeches other than big money rules (that suspicion figures in an ending that had me surprised). The Braun and Zimmer supporters are not angry, divisive folk - they just want their town to thrive during increasingly difficult times. Director and writer Jon Stewart is not so much taking a page from 1972's "The Candidate" - he's crossing into the small town idealism of the "Welcome to Mooseport" variety where strength follows by example of loyalty to family.

"Irresistible" is hard to dislike, it has ample charm and a sweet innocent quality to it (even the Fox news reporters are not so unappealing as much as they are clueless). Yet the movie is never aiming to be sharp and incisive in its skewering - it pokes at the demonized politics run by financial interests but it never cuts it and leaves it as an open wound which we all know it is. From any other director, I might have expect a gentleness but not from abrasive Jon Stewart. Or maybe Stewart is just casually saying as he did when he finished his last "Daily Show" episode many years back: "Bullshit is everywhere."