To Hell and Back with the Tarantino imitators!

SHOOT THE HERO! (2010)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Aping Tarantino crime pictures with oodles of self-congratulatory and self-aware irony has become such a cliche that any movie that tries it seems like it is shooting itself in the foot. Granted, there have been exceptions to the rule ("Things To Do in Denver When You're Dead" parades on irony but it was mildly exciting and its screenplay had been written long before Tarantino came into the picture). When another filmmaker occasionally tries to do a pseudo-hip-hop version of Tarantino, it becomes a cartoon that evaporates rather than percolates. Christian Sesma's "Shoot the Hero!" has a tinge more potential than it lets on but it lacks two crucial departments: wit and jeopardy.

When you watched "Pulp Fiction" or "Reservoir Dogs," you saw an alternate universe devoid of grittiness - it was a cartoon land of pulpy extremes with characters designed to live by their rules in their own moral (or lack thereof) universe. What made the world unique was Tarantino's engaging, ironic wordplay, his energetic direction, and his dynamic visual sense that gave the work potency. Also, the characters were big personalities that found themselves in dangerous situations beyond their control. Writer-director Christian Sesma aims for the ironic wordplay but almost no visual sense or big, colorful personalities or enough sense of jeopardy.

Take Nate (Jason Mewes, in an odd bit of casting), the nerdy guy who loves video games and DVD's but barely has enough money to buy an engagement ring for his bitchy girlfriend, Kate (Samantha Lockwood). He takes his girlfriend blindfolded to a jewerly store that is already closed for the evening. The owner lets him in, and suddenly a robbery is taking place. A double-cross ensues between the robbers while the unhappy couple bicker, hidden behind a jewerly case. Eventually, Nate proves his worth and knocks out one robber unconscious. The girlfriend is amazed. End of the first bit of narrative. Only problem here is Mewes is not believable; as a nerd, yes, but not as a fighter. The girlfriend is shrill. The robbery is shot with a far too shaky hand-held camera while a shooting takes place yet our eye has no idea where to focus.

The next narrative thread deals with the Smith Brothers. They are walking in the desert at night with two garbage bags filled with dirty laundry! Sound familiar? They come across some mercernaries who are partaking in a training session that involves guns a'blazin. The whole scene of the shooting drill lasts an eternity. The Smith Brothers leave their garbage bags out in the open while hiding and witnessing this drill. Cigar-chomping Fred Williamson shows up and what appears to be a semi-extended homage to the Gimp sequence from "Pulp Fiction" becomes so protracted that I lost interest. Nothing much happens except there is a quick getaway in a motorbike, and the brothers find themselves in the backseat of a car driven by...Nate and Kate! And then there is another shootout involving the Cleaners where so many bullets are fired yet so few seem to hit anyone. If you can't figure out by the three-quarter mark who the cleaners, by the way, consider the fact that we only see a handful of characters in this movie who bump into each other in conveniently movie-movie terms.

It is fun watching Danny Trejo as Crazy Joe, the big boss who is behind the failed jewelry heist. I also enjoy Nick Turturro as a hotheaded robber and Fred Williamson simply makes me smile. But the movie is shot in a slipshod manner with a camera that can hardly stay fixated on one single character long enough before you start wishing for the days of controlled hand-held camerawork from 1992's "Laws of Gravity." The camera is strangely too far away during some long dialogue sequences and sometimes it is behind a character's head (as in the car scene with Nate and Kate), especially in long shots or long takes where the characters' mouths and/or gestures clearly do not match the dialogue we hear.

"Shoot the Hero!" is one long, repetitive and drawn-out homage to "Pulp Fiction" and to anything by Robert Rodriguez (Sesma was inspired to become a filmmaker after seeing "El Mariachi") but it doesn't surprise us with anything we haven't seen a million times before. I admire some of the intentions of Sesma but he needs to write a better script or he'll be thought of as a Tarantino or Rodriguez wannabe.

Legally Inhibited and Funny, Coco-style

CONAN O'BRIEN CAN'T STOP (2010)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 Something historic happened on "The Tonight Show" in 2010: a TV host (Conan O'Brien) was booted from a long-standing franchise for poor ratings. Incredibly, the ratings did build on "The Tonight Show" during the late night wars between Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno, higher than most even expected. Still, Jay Leno, the former "Tonight Show" host and former host of "The Jay Leno Show" (also canned for poor ratings), took back the spot that he and NBC gave to Conan forcing Conan to be barred from TV and the Internet for six months with a 45 million paycheck to boot. So did Conan sit back and cry over losing the coveted "Tonight Show" spot? No, he went on a 44-city tour entitled "The Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour" and tried be funny despite being angry.

"Conan O'Brien Can't Stop" is a documentary that covers all the backstage drama behind the tour. What one has to remember about Conan is that he is sarcastic but never mean or mean-spirited - it is all in good fun. Whether he is insisting on firing his personal assistant for screwing up a fish order with unwanted butter sauce or cracking wise at the expense of Jack McBrayer's Southern background, or losing his cool temporarily over having to sign autographs or have pictures taken with his fans (many of whom have backstage passes to meet El Conando), Conan is all about having fun and about nonstop performance, and also about pleasing all his fans. Of course, you can see that his exhaustion is also symptomatic of how he was treated by NBC. He is also pissed at Jay Leno, and fantasizes receiving a phone message from Mr. Big Chin ("What is it like to have a soul?"). Everything is a joke to Conan, but it doesn't mean we don't see a man who is bitter over the job he truly coveted - he had to vent.

"Conan O'Brien Can't Stop" is entertaining and intriguing and director Rodman Flender doesn't back away from showing Conan's nervousness or his four-letter-word moments. I do wish we saw more footage of Conan's actual stage performances - mostly we get his country rock band performances (he performs ably with singer Jack White, and more than once does his guitar riff on "Seven Nation Army"). The film is essentially all about backstage shenanigans (we only get a fleeting glimpse of Conan's wife and his kids) and comedy tour bits, but it is all infused with the notion that Conan is angry. It is not at the amateurish level of a basic reality TV show - we are not talking about "Keeping Up with the O'Briens" here. One especially funny scene is when he is asked, on one of his days off, to perform for his 25th college reunion anniversary. The man simply can't stop.

Lucas at the editing table, again and again

STAR WARS SPECIAL EDITION TRILOGY (1997)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia (1997 review)

George Lucas' "Star Wars" is one of the great outer space fantasy movies of all time - it was, and still is, a gleefully exciting popcorn movie full of special-effects galore and chivalrous heroes, stubborn princesses, evil dark empires, and two cute robots. The characters were Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Darth Vader, to name a few. Now comes the special edition of this special trilogy of movies and, despite some flaws with the post-tinkering, they are a fond reminder of how groundbreaking these movies were and how they changed Hollywood forever. They initiated the term: blockbuster.

The original "Star Wars" was a major box-office success signaling the rise of merchandising and the wave of Hollywood blockbusters to come. The main difference between "Star Wars" and the so-called action entertainment of today is that "Star Wars" had wit, style and imagination to spare, not gratuitous action scenes and bloody violence at the expense of a story or characters worth caring about (See "The Lost World" for proof).

It is a sheer joy to watch this film restored to its original glory with its blazing colors, beautiful cinematography and the uplifting Dolby Digital musical score by John Williams. The special-effects are as awesome as they ever were, including the classic battle on the Death Star, the plentiful laser gun fights, and the lightsaber duel between Vader and Kenobi.

The actors are also rather pleasing to watch after all these years. Harrison Ford has as much fun here as when he played Indiana Jones and his constant snickering and witty asides are as marvelous as ever. Ditto the youthful Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia; James Earl Jones' eerie voice for the mysterious Darth Vader; the comic biplay between the lovable robots C3PO and R2D2; Mark Hamill's naive farm boy Luke Skywalker who eventually becomes a fighter pilot for the Rebellion (Hamill's career never took off the way his co-stars did); the masterful restraint of Sir Alec Guinness as the sage Obi-Wan; Peter Mayhew as the hairy seven-foot growling Chewbacca; and notably Peter Cushing as the commander of the Death Star station - he's almost as scary as Vader when he blows up Leia's home planet Alderaan!

The additions to "Star Wars" are not as invigorating as one would hope yet some of them are essential. The addition of a younger, less slimier Jabba the Hutt who confronts Han Solo after Solo killed one of his henchmen, Greedo, is fun to watch but nonessential. Firstly, Jabba seems friendly and warm when compared to the evil, corrupt reptilian seen in "Return of the Jedi." Secondly, Jabba reiterates everything that Greedo says to Solo in the previous scene. Referring back to the Greedo confrontation, moralist George Lucas decides to have Han Solo defend himself by showing Greedo shooting Han, and missing (!), and then Han kills Greedo. Originally, Han was to have shot Greedo in cold-blood - that was the point because he was a daredevil pilot who would shoot at anything. But by reversing and changing the scene, Lucas makes a different point all together which is that some films are better left in their original format.

Other additions actually work quite well. The introduction of the spaceport Mos Eisley, where Luke and Kenobi find Han, is filled with more neat outside shots of the city. There's also a terrific scene where Luke talks to Briggs, his fellow pilot, before they take off for attack. The sequence where Luke and Leia are shooting stormtroopers over an abyss is enhanced aurally with echoes and is more magnificent than ever.

"Star Wars" is not the only one with a makeover - The Empire Strikes Back has some finishing touches but most of it has been left intact. This is the best of the trilogy and it also has more depth, humor and character development than either one. Han Solo is more reckless and suffers a horrible fate; Luke Skywalker learns the way of the Jedi from a nine-hundred year old wizened creature called Yoda, and faces Vader; Leia falls in love with Han; there are more special effects including a superb asteroid battle; a startling revelation about Darth Vader, and a dark ending where neither the Rebellion nor the Empire wins. It's a grand space opera with imagination and great storytelling to spare.

"Return of the Jedi" suffers the most from the changes, and it is also the weakest of the three. Firstly, there's an embarrassing sequence redone with CGI effects (and a new song!) in Jabba the Hutt's palace, which looks more like an outtake from a Disney musical. Secondly, I noticed a bizarre trimming of the Ewok celebration at the end - Luke's close-ups in recognition of the spirits of Vader, Kenobi and Yoda seemed to have been cut, and the new Ewok song is less joyful and more of a distraction than anything else.

Needless to say, the effects in "Jedi" are the best of the three, including the battle on the barge in Tattoine, and the battle on Endor with the flying bikes. Harrison Ford seems stoned out of his mind and less heroic than usual. Ironically, it is Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher who give the better performances. Luke is more mature and has progressed into a full-fledged Jedi; Leia seems to finally know how to shoot lasers and has one tender scene with Luke; and Chewbacca, C3PO and R2D2 are more annoying than ever. Revelations are aplenty and we finally get to see what Darth Vader really looks like under that mask. "Jedi" is not a great film but it is a worthy successor that could have shimmered with improvements in the script department (And get rid of those characterless Ewoks who resemble nothing more than teddy bears!).

The special edition of the "Star Wars" trilogy is not as great as it should have been nor does it surpass the original versions. Still, nobody should pass up the grand opportunity of seeing this fantastic space odyssey on the silver screen. George Lucas should be proud of renewing interest in these science-fiction classics for a whole new generation.

Footnote: Lucas has created more changes for the 2004 DVD release and the 2011 Blu-Ray release, not to mention the forthcoming 3-D enhancements. This review only applies to the 1997 special edition version of the trilogy. 

Machete don't text

MACHETE (2010)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Robert Rodriguez has never shied away from ultraviolent gore in his pulpy tales of yore yet "Machete," though filled to the brim with cartoonishly improbable violence, is not nearly as ultraviolent as some of his other films. In fact, dare I say, this is Rodriguez at his most restrained for this type of neo-exploitation pulp fiction. A welcome respite from his usual guns-a-blazin' in a two-fisted, hyperbolic manner, "Machete" is also one of his most enjoyable films.

Dan Trejo is Machete, a face with more wrinkles, crevices and personality than even stone-faced Lee Van Cleef (frankly, Lee Van Cleef would be scared of this guy). Le Machete is an ex-federale agent and illegal immigrant living on the border of south Texas, helping himself to tacos and coffee. He seeks revenge for the murders of his wife and child by a vicious drug lord, Torrez (Steven Seagal, absolutely the perfect villain). Years of unemployment leads Machete to a shady aide, Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey), and to an even shadier Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), whose poll numbers are declining. Booth wants Machete to assassinate McLaughlin to boost the poll numbers. There is a double-cross, not to mention colorful characters like S*h*e (Michelle Rodriguez), a taco food truck owner doubling as a revolutionary; a fastidious La Migra agent (Jessica Alba); Lindsay Lohan as Booth's drunk daughter; Cheech Marin as a priest, Machete's brother, with a vow for nonviolence, except in a Machete situation; a hilarious Tom Savini as a hitman, and Don Johnson as a ruthless border patrol cop. 

Yep, there are severed heads, heads and arms blown up or torn apart, intestines used as swinging vines, and various sharp instruments used in less utilatarian ways. Sometimes Rodriguez shows some cruel violence, as in the execution of a pregnant woman crossing the border. However, nothing in this movie approaches the level of nonsensical ultraviolence as exhibited by his own "Desperado" (the subject of that movie was seeing how many different angles Antonio Banderas can shoot two guns, slow-motion or otherwise). I hated "Desperado" and had hoped Rodriguez was not going for empty exploitation with this film, and I was right. 

In fact, "Machete" has a good sense of humor about itself, and allows room for political satire (De Niro's McLauglin looks a lot like the current Republican presidential candidate, Rick Perry). The political ads for the senator are fun to watch, though they may hit home more than you think. The film has a partisan satire angle (a pro-illegal immigration stance) but it does make its points, buried in the mess of blood-spraying carnage. I suppose the message is if you allow illegal immigrants to come into the country without an electrified fence at the border, you might have a Mexican hero who can save us from crass, greedy politicians who want to ruin the country by hiring illegals and turning in a profit...oh, wait. But Machete is saving south Texas from politicians who exploit illegal immigrants, despite the fact that illegals come into this country to work, ah, hell. Call the EEOC. 

As for the remarkable cast, call me crazy but I love Steven Seagal. Half of his movies may have been garbage but he has a commanding presence and a slightly soft, threatening voice that drips with malice. He is the perfect villain as Torrez, and I am surprised it took this long for anyone to cast him as the bad guy. De Niro and Johnson obviously relish their villainous roles, and Lindsay Lohan sparkles the screen when she appears, especially in a nun's outfit! 

"Machete" and Rodriguez's own films owe a debt to the grindhouse factory of the 60's and 70's for their bleached images and scratchy surfaces (Rodriguez and Tarantino's own failed movie, "Grindhouse," is among the best of its kind and features a faux trailer for this film). Truthfully, many of the grindhouse, exploitation films were not very good and Rodriguez and Tarantino (who helmed the "Death Proof" film for "Grindhouse") have made better movies than their original sources. "Machete" simply has Danny Trejo, and his face is enough to draw fear in the minds of all politicians. He will let them know how he feels only when he's armed because Machete don't text.  

FOOTNOTE: It is in Jessica Alba's contract that she won't appear nude in a film. One scene in "Machete" shows her in a shower stall, clearly nude. In actuality, she was wearing clothes and they digitally erased the clothing. I am not sure what is Lindsay Lohan's nudity clause in her contract but she does appear nude in two scenes. One scene, her long blonde curls clearly cover her breasts, as in Daryl Hannah-"Splash"-style. One other scene in a pool, she is more clearly nude but you don't see Lohan's face. Does she have her own body double? 

Mild madcap lunacy

DATE NIGHT (2010)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Eddie Murphy once confessed to Barbara Walters that he just "walked through 'The Golden Child'." I feel that the two great comic talents, Steve Carell and Tina Fey, walk through or, more accurately, run through "Date Night" without once convincing us that they are committed to any sort of great script. In fact, the script is so dryly formulaic that there is no surprise, and the two stars are not given a chance to let go and flourish with their comic charm and timing.

A married couple named the Fosters (Carell and Fey) are at a crossroads in their marriage - they are overworked, they have rambunctious kids and, hence, little time or strength for intimacy. They had me at crossroads, at this point, because a movie about a couple played by these two could be mined for great comic potential. The couple going on a date night at a New York restaurant that requires reservations two months in advance also had me in a gleeful state. The glee quickly evaporated, though, when two crooked cops who mistake the couple for the Tripplehorns (not actress Jeanne Tripplehorn), the name the couple steal to get a table, result in one nightmarish scenario after another. Okay, you got me at Tripplehorn, sort of. There is a slow motorboat and bullets flying at the Central Park. Now you got me saying goodbye and wishing we had the madcap lunacy or slapstick of yesteryear by way of Ernst Lubitsch or even Howard Hawks. Then we segue to a shirtless security expert played by Mark Wahlberg and what could have amounted to some madcap lunacy by way of bedroom or sexual shenanigans (Fey is taken with Marky Mark's body) gives way to extraneous car chases, more bullets flying, less comical innuendoes.

Aside from a nicely written scene between Fey and Carell where they discuss their marital difficulties (and a doozy of a scene with James Franco and Mila Kunis), the movie is all noise but very little of it is funny (this is written by Josh Klausner who did a bang-up job writing and directing the little-seen noir, "The 4th Floor"). "Date Night" is a wind-up toy of supposed calamitous situations but precious little of it feels remotely calamitous (the tired subplot of mob-controlled cops wore me out with its weariness). I love movies about all-night escapades ("After Hours" and the vastly underrated "Blind Date" by the late Blake Edwards come to mind) but this movie is too soft, too cutesy, too dry to really score. Carell and Fey (a brilliant writer herself) could've cooked up something far wittier than this. Just check the end credits for proof.

The reality of burlesque, NOT!

BURLESQUE (2010)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Burlesque" is enjoyable, electrically-layered and superfluous fluff. It is probably not the real world of burlesque - it is filtered through sets that are lit by warm-colored lights (even the supposedly lived-in apartments are lit the same way). It is fun to watch but hardly anything in it feels true.

Christina Aguilera is Ali, the singer with dreams of making it in La-La Land. She leaves her Iowa waitress job in one of the fastest decisions ever made by a small-town girl in a movie I've ever seen. She takes a bus to L.A. (with money she stole from the register), and hopes to make it big as a singer and dancer. She finds it in a burlesque joint on Sunset Boulevard run by Miss Moonstruck herself, Cher - actually her character's name is Tess. Ali has to beg to work as a waitress in the club, which she chooses to do anyway without seeing the boss! I think in the real world, you can't just work a job without being hired, hello Miss Erin Brockovich! I went along with it anyway. Before we can say, how big are your tips, Miss Ali, she convinces Tess and her ex-husband (delectably played by Stanley Tucci) that she can electrify the stage with her dance moves. This club also has their dancers lip-synch but, not Miss Aguilera (who warbled her way through The Star-Spangled Banner recently), who proves what a firestorm of singing talent she really is when she belts out Etta James' "Tough Lover" (easily the best number in the entire movie).

There is also the needless introduction of a bartender (Cam Gigandet) who writes unfinished songs and naturally falls for Ali; a billionaire (Eric Dane) who plans to get rid of the club; an alcoholic rival dancer, Nikki, played by Kristen Bell, who appears about as drunk as she does when she appears on "The Craig Ferguson Show" which is to say, not at all; and a thankless and speechless role with James Brolin as a real-estate developer. But the real reason anyone would want to watch "Burlesque" is for the singing and dance numbers and they are show-stopping indeed. Aguilera belts out her songs with more conviction and energy than her scenes of dialogue. Cher has a couple of songs to sing but Aguilera steals the movie from everyone.

"Burlesque" is a hark back to the old backstage musicals, but with more glitz and an oversaturated Hallmarked sepia glow in almost every scene that is a bit disconcerting. I enjoyed "Chicago" far more than this film but "Burlesque" is perversely entertaining and about as realistic as a reality show.