Machete don't text

MACHETE (2010)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Robert Rodriguez has never shied away from ultraviolent gore in his pulpy tales of yore yet "Machete," though filled to the brim with cartoonishly improbable violence, is not nearly as ultraviolent as some of his other films. In fact, dare I say, this is Rodriguez at his most restrained for this type of neo-exploitation pulp fiction. A welcome respite from his usual guns-a-blazin' in a two-fisted, hyperbolic manner, "Machete" is also one of his most enjoyable films.

Dan Trejo is Machete, a face with more wrinkles, crevices and personality than even stone-faced Lee Van Cleef (frankly, Lee Van Cleef would be scared of this guy). Le Machete is an ex-federale agent and illegal immigrant living on the border of south Texas, helping himself to tacos and coffee. He seeks revenge for the murders of his wife and child by a vicious drug lord, Torrez (Steven Seagal, absolutely the perfect villain). Years of unemployment leads Machete to a shady aide, Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey), and to an even shadier Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), whose poll numbers are declining. Booth wants Machete to assassinate McLaughlin to boost the poll numbers. There is a double-cross, not to mention colorful characters like S*h*e (Michelle Rodriguez), a taco food truck owner doubling as a revolutionary; a fastidious La Migra agent (Jessica Alba); Lindsay Lohan as Booth's drunk daughter; Cheech Marin as a priest, Machete's brother, with a vow for nonviolence, except in a Machete situation; a hilarious Tom Savini as a hitman, and Don Johnson as a ruthless border patrol cop. 

Yep, there are severed heads, heads and arms blown up or torn apart, intestines used as swinging vines, and various sharp instruments used in less utilatarian ways. Sometimes Rodriguez shows some cruel violence, as in the execution of a pregnant woman crossing the border. However, nothing in this movie approaches the level of nonsensical ultraviolence as exhibited by his own "Desperado" (the subject of that movie was seeing how many different angles Antonio Banderas can shoot two guns, slow-motion or otherwise). I hated "Desperado" and had hoped Rodriguez was not going for empty exploitation with this film, and I was right. 

In fact, "Machete" has a good sense of humor about itself, and allows room for political satire (De Niro's McLauglin looks a lot like the current Republican presidential candidate, Rick Perry). The political ads for the senator are fun to watch, though they may hit home more than you think. The film has a partisan satire angle (a pro-illegal immigration stance) but it does make its points, buried in the mess of blood-spraying carnage. I suppose the message is if you allow illegal immigrants to come into the country without an electrified fence at the border, you might have a Mexican hero who can save us from crass, greedy politicians who want to ruin the country by hiring illegals and turning in a profit...oh, wait. But Machete is saving south Texas from politicians who exploit illegal immigrants, despite the fact that illegals come into this country to work, ah, hell. Call the EEOC. 

As for the remarkable cast, call me crazy but I love Steven Seagal. Half of his movies may have been garbage but he has a commanding presence and a slightly soft, threatening voice that drips with malice. He is the perfect villain as Torrez, and I am surprised it took this long for anyone to cast him as the bad guy. De Niro and Johnson obviously relish their villainous roles, and Lindsay Lohan sparkles the screen when she appears, especially in a nun's outfit! 

"Machete" and Rodriguez's own films owe a debt to the grindhouse factory of the 60's and 70's for their bleached images and scratchy surfaces (Rodriguez and Tarantino's own failed movie, "Grindhouse," is among the best of its kind and features a faux trailer for this film). Truthfully, many of the grindhouse, exploitation films were not very good and Rodriguez and Tarantino (who helmed the "Death Proof" film for "Grindhouse") have made better movies than their original sources. "Machete" simply has Danny Trejo, and his face is enough to draw fear in the minds of all politicians. He will let them know how he feels only when he's armed because Machete don't text.  

FOOTNOTE: It is in Jessica Alba's contract that she won't appear nude in a film. One scene in "Machete" shows her in a shower stall, clearly nude. In actuality, she was wearing clothes and they digitally erased the clothing. I am not sure what is Lindsay Lohan's nudity clause in her contract but she does appear nude in two scenes. One scene, her long blonde curls clearly cover her breasts, as in Daryl Hannah-"Splash"-style. One other scene in a pool, she is more clearly nude but you don't see Lohan's face. Does she have her own body double?