Washed-up, falsely emotional Dickie

DICKIE ROBERTS: FORMER CHILD STAR (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

There is nothing, I repeat, nothing in "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star" that you do not see coming for miles and miles. I mean, NOTHING! And the movie, at best pure sentimental mincemeat made out of multiple paper-thin contrivances, has nothing to say, I mean nothing.

That is not to say that I hated "Dickie Roberts," as a matter of fact, it has some laughs but mostly it is lacking bite and inspiration. Dickie Roberts (played by David Spade who has yet to be as funny on screen as he is in standup) is a former child star, once universally loved as a tot with the catchphrase "This is Nuckin Futs." Now he is a 30-year-old-plus valet who is loathed, and he does not make it easier on anyone he knows or loves. When Dickie gets a far too unrealistic callback to audition for a Rob Reiner flick, he is rude and crass to the secretary whom he won't even allow to enter the same elevator he is in. When he is told that he is nothing and is not a "real person" (Rob Reiner's words), Dickie decides to rent a family to live with to discover the joy of opening gifts on Christmas morning. He yearns to be a kid again, or to have the experience as a kid he never had, and instead he falls for the caring, sensitive matriarch (Mary McCormack). Add a few former child stars such as a couple of Bradys and a Willis from "Different Strokes," a few gags like Dickie learning to ride a bike that, pardon the pun, falls flat on its face, a few EXTREMELY forced tugs at the heartstrings, an abysmal song by Christopher Cross, and you got something passing for a motion picture.

As I said, I do not hate "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star." I just hate the fact that not one note of inspiration or creativity seemed to bubble up the cinematic surface to differentiate it from a made-for-TV movie. Not exactly a wasted opportunity, just a waste.