Moore's targets are Canada Dry

CANADIAN BACON (1995)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia (Originally written in 2004)

The controversial left-wing connoisseur who confronts and embarrasses the corporate underbelly of America, Michael Moore, is best known for making documentaries that are as confrontational as he is. Moore's genius is his penchant for catching CEO's of big corporations with their pants down. But one thing he can't do is direct a fictional movie (though some might argue that his work is anything but non-fiction) and his sole fictional film from 1995, "Canadian Bacon," is proof of this. Although I admire the intentions, it is all about as laughable and satiric as anything seen in "Saturday Night Live" in the last decade.

The movie begins in Niagara Falls where American cops, like the local sheriff (John Candy) and his assistant (Rhea Perlman), are encouraging unemployed workers to commit suicide by jumping into the cascading falls. It seems that the local weapons factory, Hacker Dynamics, has closed down and laid off hundreds of workers (shades here of "Roger and Me"). The reason is simple: the elected President of the U.S. (Alan Alda) has no wars to fight, thus no weapons need to be made. As a result, the Prez is slipping in the polls. What can he do? Well, the National Security Adviser, Stuart Smiley (Kevin Pollak), and General Dick Panzer (Rip Torn) suggest searching for a new enemy. The Cold War is over (though they also suggest that some friction could be generated with Russia) and most of the other dictators are dead (amazing how the former and very much alive Iraqi president Saddam Hussein is ignored, though I liked the joke about Noriega). That leaves Canada, the country to the north of the U.S.! And why not? Look at their maple leave flag! Look at the socialist groups that exist! No crime, no wars, no major poverty, no way! Besides, they play that violent sport called hockey! The reluctant President decides to go along with it, at any cost! His administration will convince the American people that Canada is the new enemy!

As I said, the intentions are admirable and, sometimes, "Canadian Bacon" hits the satiric bone with a clear stroke. It is an ingenious premise and vintage Michael Moore (some of the ideas are reiterated in his galvanizingly funny book "Downsize This!") Unfortunately, Moore fails to imbue the ideas with comical payoffs or real brazen humor. Most scenes are flatly staged and utterly dull, including scenes of the Canadian control room where all electrical power is handled by two senior citizens! There is a terminally unfunny moment where an RCPM officer (Steven Wright) is confronted by Candy's sheriff - the officer's headquarters is surrounded by jailed Canadian citizens who have committed the most rudimentary offenses.

The performances are not any better, lacking any zest or comic energy. We have Alan Alda, who would be the ideal President, trying his damnedest to look like a buffoon - he hardly seems like a charismatic leader and appears to have molded his straight-man shtick from the latest Woody Allen flick. Rip Torn, as the shrewd general, brings all the fire and brimstone you might expect without a shred of comic timing - he is like a cardboard cartoon of himself. John Candy comes off best as the sheriff who wants to find his assistant and rescue her from the CN tower! Candy always had an undeniable comic gift yet he squandered it in films like this one. G.D. Spradlin, who plays the head of Hacker Dynamics, takes the route of playing his character straight, as it should be.

"Canadian Bacon" needed the zing and the comical innuendoes of Kubrick's "Dr. Strangelove" or even Sidney Lumet's "Network." Kubrick and Lumet knew how to make you laugh by taking a serious subject and poking fun at it by going to extremes. Moore will have none of that. He assumes the subject is funny on principle. All he has done is laid a big one on the audience.