A cocaine powdered Chevy Chase

MODERN PROBLEMS (1981)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Chevy Chase has made some rotten, bottom-of-the-barrel comedies that can be accurately called stink bombs, but this "Modern Problems" takes the cake. It is so haphazardly unfunny and so obviously influenced by a cocaine high of sorts that it doesn't qualify as a movie.

Chase is an air-traffic controller who gets sprayed with nuclear waste that gives him a neon green glow. He acquires telekinesis as a result, which means he can enlarge a ballet dancer's groin or make a man's nose bleed continuously (further proof that blood gags are not automatically funny unless they are of the Monty Python variety). That is it, folks, and aside from Chase using his telekinesis to move objects or people, nothing is funnier than the ballet sequence. Chase looks bored out of his numbskull, looking depressed because his girlfriend (Patti D'Arbanville) has dumped him, and rightly so I might add. But even when they are back together and Chase makes Patti have the orgasm of her life, he still possesses the same indifference, saying that he didn't really do it, it was magic. Boo!

"Modern Problems" runs a scant 90 minutes but it takes an eternity to get to the end. For female fans of Dabney Coleman (who looks bored as well), you get a good glimpse of Coleman's buttocks. For fans of Mary Kay Place (myself included), you get one good scene she shares with Chase where they honestly talk about their past relationship. For Chase fans, you get one good gag and Chevy looking miserable. Misery loves company but I would steer clear of this mess unless you love company at any expense.

Larry ain't no wild and crazy guy

THE LONELY GUY (1984)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"The Lonely Guy" is not, at first glance, anything spectacular. It is not a film that relentlessly tickles the funny bone yet it is engaging in a strange way. It is not comedic enough yet it does hit some high comic notes. It feels undernourished, yet so full. All I can say is that it is one of the stranger comedies I have seen in some time.

Steve Martin plays Larry, a guy who works for a greeting card company in New York City. He has just been dumped by his seductive girlfriend (Robyn Douglass) after finding her frolicking in their bed with another guy. Larry acts as if nothing has happened and denies her love affair. This scene is an example of the absurdist edge of the film - no one is willing to acknowledge their mistakes or flaws and it makes it difficult to sit through such insufferable characters. But Steve Martin is a goofy, likable actor and he plays the latest in the goofy, foolish, likable characters that have defined him so we gladly follow wherever his character leads us. Needless to say, Larry is kicked out of the apartment with his belongings (and he has to take out her trash to boot). He meets the balding, meek-looking Warren (Charles Grodin) who sits on a bench in Central Park - they talk about losing loved ones and how to obtain an apartment. Larry is now a Lonely Guy, and the city is full of them. First, you need a decent apartment that is not in a crime-ridden neighborhood or underwater. Secondly, ferns can be a Lonely Guy's best friend. Thirdly, if you go to a lush restaurant, you will certainly be spotlighted if you sit alone at a table. And if you call out your loved one's name on the roof of a building, you'll find other Lonely Guys shouting the names of their ex-girlfriends.

But one day, Larry meets a new woman named Iris (Judith Ivey), who spots his Lonely Guy manner immediately. Larry asks her for her phone number twice in the film and loses it. Somehow, she could be the woman of his dreams, someone who can obliterate his Lonely Guy status. Or else he'll end up jumping from the Brooklyn Bridge like all other Lonely Guys who can't stand being alone.

"The Lonely Guy" has desperate moments that ask for laughter (like the tired bit about Iris getting an orgasm every time Larry sneezes) and other moments that are nearly brilliant (the restaurant sequence and almost every scene with Grodin). But the picture also sags a bit when dealing with Iris - she loves Larry but refuses to be with someone forever she cares so deeply about. Ivey should have been played by some other actress who fits into this comedy's uneasy molding of drama and laughter. Robyn Douglass's character does (playing flirtation and seduction with ease) and knows she should not be taken too seriously. Ivey seems to have strolled in from a different film altogether.

The joy of the film is watching Martin doing his shtick - playing it for laughs by restraining himself and it is a pleasure to witness him and the excellent Charles Grodin. Plus, any film that plays Dr. Joyce Brothers and Merv Griffin for laughs can't be all that bad.

An intimate McNamara

THE FOG OF WAR: ELEVEN LESSONS FROM THE LIFE OF ROBERT S. MCNAMARA (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

The most dangerous periods in recent U.S. history were the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 and the Vietnam War. The most dangerous man who almost made a grave error in judgment in Cuba (and arguably Vietnam) was former Secretary of Defense Robert S. McNamara. Some considered him arrogant, others called him brilliant. The beauty of Errol Morris's "The Fog of War" is that you have to make up your own mind of the man's character and his service.

Robert Strange McNamara was Secretary of Defense under the Kennedy and Johnson administration. This was a man who had to contend with the Cuban Missile Crisis and Vietnam, as well as make quick decisions on the right strategy of command, especially in a war that costed upwards the lives of 50,000 Americans. Russia was involved with giving Cuba up to 160 nuclear weapons. The U.S. had to decide whether or not to attack Cuba with missiles within a tense 13 day-period in October.

As for Vietnam, it was a war that shouldn't have happened considering that Kennedy was going to withdraw American troops (though it is a fact that he almost considered keeping them their as well). After Kennedy was assassinated, Johnson sent in more troops than necessary, all presumably to liberate Vietnam from a communist takeover. McNamara didn't want this war to happen, knowing firsthand how many lives could be unreasonably lost.

What's fascinating about McNamara is his acknowledgment that mistakes were made, and he learned from them (the film is broken up into 11 important lessons about war). He is astonished to later discover that Cuba really did possess several nuclear weapons. He is also mystified that no torpedoes were really deployed against "The Maddox," a U.S. destroyer in the Gulf of Tonkin, thus ensuing justification for a more rapid advancement against Vietnam. McNamara also expounds on having served in World War II and allowing the bombing raid of Tokyo, reducing that city to ashes since so many buildings and houses were made of wood (100,000 lives were lost in a single night). Through it all, we sense McNamara wished he had not taken part in decisions that he did not agree with. In a chilling moment, he admonishes the bombing of so many Japanese cities, not to mention dropping two nuclear bombs, and claims that if the U.S. did not win, they would have been branded as war criminals. He states very clearly that whether they had won or lost, it was still an immoral action.

Director Errol Morris ("The Thin Blue Line," "Mr. Death") shot this documentary using a video device called "Interrotron," which somehow allows the interview subject to make eye contact with the interviewer. What it also does is allow McNamara to look into the camera, and the audience can judge who he is more closely, more intimately. Morris does employ hundreds of jump cuts, which will drive you crazy and make you climb up the walls of the Pentagon. This distracts much of what McNamara has to say, as if every phrase spoken was a soundbite. Still, Morris makes up for it by inserting footage of a young McNamara describing his daily briefings, footage of air raids and bombings, dominoes falling into place over maps, and so on.

"The Fog of War" is the ideal documentary that is also the antithesis to Michael Moore's own docs, an unbiased focus on one man's controversial job in the machinations of war. Is McNamara a war criminal or did he just simply do his job? Should he have admitted his mistakes more readily in Vietnam? It's hard to say but the question lingers.

What is a platform?

THE CANDIDATE (1972)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

If Abraham Lincoln had to endure the modern political process, he surely would have lost. Today, thanks to the advent of television, a political candidate has to look good regardless of politics. Michael Ritchie's "The Candidate" is a smart, satiric view of this process, and the casting of Robert Redford is tantamount to the film's success.

A Republican conservative named Crocker Jarmon (Don Porter) is running for Senator of California, stressing family values and community relations. Redford is Bill McKay, an idealistic lawyer interested in grass roots issues and the environment. He is also the son of former governor John J. McKay (Melvyn Douglas), initially a supporter of Jarmon. Democratic campaign manager Marvin Lucas (Peter Boyle) takes an interest and a risk: he wants Bill to run for Senator as well. Lucas gets Howard Klein (Allen Garfield) to create the political ads as part of the media campaign. Everything is in place, though McKay senses how superficial it is from the onset. Lucas tells McKay that he will lose, but the ratings in the polls are getting higher than Jarmon's. This McKay looks like a movie star and he has the sincerity to persuade people to vote for him. It takes a while before he can understand the process: when asked about his platform by the press, he responds, "What is a platform?"

"The Candidate" is chock full of details about the political process. When a fire brews in a Californian forest, McKay makes a statement about the environment in a somber manner. When Jarmon arrives, he takes over full force with his charisma and his hope that families and firefighters are protected. We also see the different political ads, how they are edited and how certain phrases are dropped (it is no surprise that Lucas and company are not crazy about McKay's preaching on the environment). We also see how these politicians approach people, shaking hands with people they don't really know, and so on. There is also a character detail that is wisely not magnified: McKay's affair with a groupie. And we see how the tense Lucas handles McKay, sometimes addressing issues in bathrooms to avoid the public. There is also the general makeup of McKay's wife, dressing her up for photo shoots.

As written by political speechwriter Jeremy Larner (who won an Oscar), "The Candidate" always maintains interest in its understanding of the machinations and manipulations of the political process. Robert Redford heads the cast as the idealistic, naive lawyer who actually believes that he can make a difference, but how can he if his campaign manager and others handle him more than he ever could? His issues are not as important as how he addresses them. And when the inevitable ending occurs, we see McKay as a lost soul, realizing that he may win. The sullen look on his face and his last memorable line ("What do we do now?") shows that he is now corrupted - the media and the administration have taken over.

A superb cast (including Boyle in one of his best roles), a realistic, fully vital script and an ambiguous ending (with no clear political agenda), "The Candidate" is a reminder of how satire used to be portrayed in the movies - play it straight and with restraint and it will bite.

The race to nowhere

THE CANNONBALL RUN (1981)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 I'll make this quick and easy to digest: this is a rotten film. It is so slipshod, so mangled in its camerawork and editing, so desperately unfunny that I can't quite put it any other way. The virtues of this film is singular: Burt Reynolds has his boyish charm - that's it. He proved it in "Smokey and the Bandit" and through the early part of the 1980's, he kept trying to prove it ("Stroker Ace" was the nadir of Reynolds' career, if you ask me). But boyish charm with no inner life or character to play is not exactly a stroke of cinematic genius either in these Hal Needham flicks.

The pitfalls are as follows: Dom DeLuise is grating in more ways than one, Farrah Fawcett shows she didn't fare any better than in her foolish "Charlie's Angels" series, Jackie Chan would probably rather continue his "Drunken Master" series, and Sammy Davis Jr. and Dino posing as priests might have wished they were performing in Vegas. Roger Moore and Jack Elam give the bare minimum of a story a spin. Other than that, the outtakes are much funnier. A shame it takes one hour and a half to get there.

Barnabas Collins returns to a drab manor

DARK SHADOWS (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Perhaps it is high time that director Tim Burton abandon his gray misty-skies, Universal Monster backlot crossed with "Nightmare Before Christmas" atmosphere that he has only rarely abandoned ("Big Fish" and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" seemed to have a more crisp Burton flair for the erratic and the unknown with a different palette of colors than anything of late). "Dark Shadows" is grayish and starkly lit visual porn - it is a sumptuous feast that could only occupy the world of the supernatural and, heck, Tim Burton does it best. As a movie, it also works in spades but it lacks that emotional punch that occupies some of Burton's finest films and it is wildly inconsistent from beginning to end.

Based on the soap opera vampire show of the early 1970's, Johnny Depp is Barnabas Collins, the elegant vampire of Collinswood Manor who was cursed by a devious, sexy and exceedingly menacing witch (Eva Green, in the performance of the movie). 200 years later, Barnabas emerges from a sealed tomb buried next to McDonalds and it is the early 1970's, not the 1700's. Barnabas returns to the manor, which is slowly eroding and a wreck with certains wings closed off, and plans to help the disbelieving Collins family with their once prosperous fishing business. Naturally, there is a competitor, Angelique, who tools around in a crimson red convertible and owns Angel Bay cannery, the stiff competitor for the Collins family.

There are some supporting players in the Collins family. There is the new prim and proper governess named Victoria (Bella Heathcote); Dr. Hoffman, the family shrink (Helena Bonham Carter with an orange hairdo); the family matriarch (Michelle Pfeiffer) and her brother, Brian (a curiously boring Jonny Lee Miller); Elizabeth's rebellious, Donovan Leitch-loving daughter, Carolyn (Chloe Moretz) who wants to run away to Manhattan, and there is the other child of the house, David (Gulliver McGrath), Brian's son.

"Dark Shadows" is lively and fun whenever Barnabas and Angelique torment, fight, discuss and make love to each other. The rest of the cast looks downbeat and rather drab, including Jackie Earle Haley as the manor's handyman. Michelle Pfeiffer can ignite a movie screen with her presence but here, she is misdirected to be so devoid of any tangible characteristics, you'll wonder if her character just had one too many stiff drinks.

The movie loses focus when it seems to center on the governess, then the Collins clan, then Barnabas and so on. Aside from Barnabas and Angelique, there is no character to latch onto, to have even the most remote empathy for. Burton and his writers also have an unwieldy screenplay that plays fast and loose with tone and near satire bordering on soap opera theatrics, and concludes with a finale that blends "Edward Scissorhands" with Burton's own "Batman" version sprinkled with a dose of werewolves, sculptures that are brought to life and a ghost (I do not recall any of this in the TV show of yesteryear but, who knows, my memory might be rusty). What begins as a Jane Austen horror fable turns into a minor monster pic, and then turns the tables into satire territory, before abandoning that completely and becoming a blood-soaked love story of spurned love and back into something else. A watchable picture and often deliciously fun (Johnny Depp is animated and engaging, partly contributing to the fun factor), but also a highly uneven picture.

Once upon a time, when Charlie Sheen crapped the big one

NAVY SEALS (1990)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

So imagine a movie where a group of armed soldiers, experienced in infiltrating terrorists, are called in at the most awkward moment - in the middle of a wedding ceremony. Imagine that one of these armed soldiers is played by Charlie Sheen, who is cocky and a real fighting machine. You can also imagine for the time being that he is aping Tom Cruise in "Top Gun" and that his fighting spirit is a result of endless hours of video game playing. In other words, it is a character far removed from the one Sheen played in Oliver Stone's "Platoon." 

So this cadre of Navy Seals are after Arab terrorists (who appear as generic as you can imagine, particularly in this post-9/11 climate) who possess an arsenal of Stinger missiles. Sounds timely, doesn't it? Imagine Sheen shooting every target and never missing. Also imagine Dennis Haysbert (who has seen better days since) as the only black SEAL who is killed (I don't mean to ruin it for you). Also imagine Bill Paxton appearing as the sharpshooter, along with Michael Biehn as another SEAL who tries to get inside information from a Lebanese journalist (Joanna Whalley-Kilmer, back when she made horrendous bad movies). Oh, lest we not forget that Paxton and Biehn appeared in the first "Terminator" movie. Just a thought that occurred to me while watching this movie.

The real Navy SEALS were formed in 1962 by President Kennedy and trained to be experts in all kinds of killing -- on sea, air or land. That fact alone should have merited a superior, more thought-provoking action picture than this "Rambo" wannabe. Maybe I am sick of these kinds of movies with explosions and bullets whizzing by in all kinds of point-of-view shots. Maybe it was the golfing montage. Or possibly the moment when Charlie Sheen jumps from a moving jeep on a bridge and lands in the water unscathed. If nothing else, mindless comic-book movies like this give comic-book movies a bad name.

Six Degrees of Drew Barrymore

MY DATE WITH DREW (2004)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I suppose many of us have lifelong dreams. For those of us who were teenagers in the 1980's, there were dreams of meeting your favorite movie stars or your favorite rock stars. None of us probably thought much about more productive dreams, like world peace (as one keen observer in this film points out). Yeah, I would have loved to have met America's former sweetheart, Molly Ringwald, but a date with her? Not really. There is a separation from the reality of meeting a movie star and the realization that they are only human after all. "My Date With Drew," a charming documentary, never quite makes that distinction. Still, in "My Date With Drew's" 90-minute length, you'll probably be rooting for the main leading star to get a date with Drew Barrymore.

Essentially, that is what the documentary is about. Brian Herzlinger is an aspiring filmmaker who is fascinated and obsessed with Drew Barrymore. He wanted to meet her when he first saw her in "E.T." Then he joined a Drew fan club, and put up posters of mostly Spielberg films on his bedroom wall (No Barrymore film posters, though, except for "E.T.") Brian is desperate to meet her and, after winning some prize money on a TV contest show where the correct answer happened to be the actress, he decides to film his lifelong dream to meet Drew. Problem is he has 30 days to do it, ostensibly due to returning a video camera he bought at Circuit City which has a 30-day return policy. So Brian gets in physical shape, gets waxed, gets a facial, and even holds auditions for a Drew Barrymore lookalike so he can test a "dream date" scenario. Oh, boy.

Through many obstacles and potential run-ins, well, don't want to ruin it for you but you'll be in suspense. Brian is a charmer and a definite dreamer, but his point in meeting Drew is never made clear. Sure, he is not interested in a romance and clearly he is inspired by her, but the source of his inspiration beyond the fact that it is Drew Barrymore is ambiguous. Perhaps, she was the stepping stone to many of the events of Brian's life, or maybe they are soulmates in a six-degree-of-separation sense. Not much insight is provided in this area and not much criticism of his seemingly stalker proposition - his mother's only criticism is that Drew is a slut.

I liked "My Date with Drew" and I certainly enjoyed watching the immensely likable Brian and his determination. I was reminded of something though. I once saw Gene Hackman sitting on a curb outside the CCA theater in Santa Fe, NM. Everyone knew who he was and I clearly knew it was him. I could've asked for an autograph but I didn't. My feeling is that sometimes movie stars don't want to be bothered. Drew Barrymore may not care but it doesn't mean every movie star is as down-to-earth.

Kubrickian, Lynchian antihero

DONNIE DARKO (2001)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Donnie Darko" is a unique delight - a fast-paced, surreal oddity likely to leave audiences with lots of questions. And to make matters more interesting, it is a teen film, but not quite a romantic comedy or some sex farce with gross-out jokes that have become du jour. This is a thinking man's John Hughes picture crossed with the cleverness of something like "Back to the Future" and with enough preternatural events and sequences to remind us of David Lynch.

Jake Gyllenhaal plays Donnie Darko, a high-school teenager with mental problems and a supposedly schizophrenic side. He often talks to imaginary friends, and the latest is some person dressed in a bunny suit and an insect mask named Frank. Donnie's home life is normal for the most part. His parents (Holmes Osbourne, Mary McDonnell) are not the typical kind who argue and bicker at every convenience so that we are reminded they are a dysfunctional family. When Donnie curses at his sister (played by real-life sister Maggie Gyllenhaal), their mother simply says, "please stop," while the father grins. Meanwhile, every night Donnie sleepwalks and often leaves the house, ending up in hilly streets or golf courses. He takes medication, and sees a therapist (Katharine Ross) who frequently hypnotizes him. Then a strange event takes place. A fallen airplane engine crashes through Donnie's room. The plane in question minus an engine is never found. The event changes everybody. But Donnie sees this as some sign, as evidenced by Frank who tells him he has 28 days before the world will end in some sort of apocalypse. But is the bunny foretelling the future or the past? Who will listen to Donnie? His parents? His dubious physics teacher (Noah Wyle)? His English literature teacher (Drew Barrymore)? His new girlfriend (Jena Malone)? Or is the town's reclusive neighbor known as Grandma Death who has the answers?

Seeing the film twice, I realized how off the mark I was initially on Jake Gyllenhaal, whom some of you may remember from the nostalgic "October Sky." My first impression was that Gyllenhaal's performance was robotic and unfeeling, sort of a droopier-eyed version of Tobey Maguire. The truth is that he does give a fine performance, along with some low-angle stares that are reminiscent of similar, angry stares from Stanley Kubrick's films. It is a restrained performance of a teenager looking for answers and questioning authority. Gyllenhaal's Donnie character is nicely balanced between angry arguments with the family and quiet, reflective moments with his therapist. Also worth noting is his bemused smile when waking up in strange places - it adds to the film's hypnotic power.

This is writer-director Richard Kelly's first foray into filmmaking, and what a startling debut it is. He is a director that obviously relishes actors, in the same way that Cameron Crowe does. Kelly allows perfect use of close-ups when needed to allow us to identify with the family and especially with Donnie Darko. Mary McDonnell shows compassion with utmost sincerity as Donnie's mother, in contrast to Holmes Osbourne as Donnie's father who is detached and jocose. I also marvelled at Maggie Gyllenhaal who is as precious, sweet and sarcastic as any other sister I have seen in movies.

"Donnie Darko" has a questionable climax but I think it is in keeping with the movie's theme of how unexplained events can change a person, if not a whole family, even a small town. Donnie Darko is on to something - he is searching for meaning in life and in the universe (he has an interest in time travel). His girlfriend is searching for peace and beauty in the world. It is rare in movies today to see young people engaged in such rational, life-affirming thoughts. That is part of what makes "Donnie Darko" so refreshing.

Behind Liberace's Back

BEHIND THE CANDELABRA (2013)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 "Behind the Candelabra" is one of the most honest Hollywood love stories I've seen and one of the most human, touched with an eccentricity that marks it a cut above any generic love story you might see from Nicholas Sparks.  It also contains, far and away, the most delicately fanciful and expressively gentle performance I've ever seen from Michael Douglas. Who does he get to play this time to give us such a warm, loving character? Why Liberace, of course. 

Director Steven Soderbergh chooses to open his movie in a most unconventional manner and yet well-suited to the ostentatious yet so very intimate love story at its center - he has Matt Damon as the farm boy and hopeful veterinarian, Scott Thorson, picking up a guy at a bar. No words are exchanged until they lock their eyes on each other - hypnotic to say the least. So is the rest of the film. Scott attends a Liberace concert where Liberace (Michael Douglas) is decked out in thousands of sequins and rolls out his glittery piano, ready to entertain and delight the audience. Backstage, Scott meets Liberace whom he has nothing but praise for the show and the performer, and Lee (Liberace's preferred nickname) himself is touched and in love. The pianist wants to hire Scott as his bodyguard, a go-between Liberace himself and everyone else. The two quickly fall in love and everything blossoms. Scott becomes Liberace's chauffeur, sells Liberace merchandise (and is mistaken for his son) and, the capper, Liberace legally adopts Scott as his son! The two also have plastic surgery done to their faces, and Scott is made to look like Liberace (a botched job) and has a chin implant per Scott's request. 

Naturally, their lives enter some chaos. Liberace and Scott agree to see other people since Lee has a sex drive that not even Scott can keep up with. Scott becomes addicted to weight-loss pills and cocaine. Liberace is merely addicted to sex and loves to watch porn. Things get more awry when Scott, steadily growing jealous of Liberace's sexual freedom, loses himself with his whirlwind addictions and is fired. The dream is gone and it is Scott who, from the inception of the relationship, wanted no part of the ostentatiousness of his partner's life and belongings - he just wanted love and a family.

"Behind the Candelabra" is based on the same-titled book, an account by Scott Thorson himself of his life with Liberace. The screenplay by Richard LaGravenese (who wrote one of my favorite films, "The Fisher King") wisely chooses to focus on the relationship between the two and not aim for much of the vulgarity and riches of Liberace's Hollywood palace (let's be honest - golden walls and a golden-plated car add a touch of vulgarity). This relationship is shown to come apart and dissolve, especially when Thorson sues Liberace for "gifts" he's entitled to, but they never lose respect or their admiration for each other. Liberace clearly liked 17-year-old boys but that may be because he wanted to be a father and a lover, to indulge in love and lust equally. This may be what put off Hollywood studio bosses when Soderbergh tried and failed to get studio financing (HBO ended up financing the film). It is a shame that, in this day and age, Hollywood is still somewhat afraid to tackle complex love stories that do not involve just a man and a woman - had this story been about an older man and a young woman, it might have yielded a different result from Hollywood (unless they had forgotten their 2005 success with "Brokeback Mountain"). Further proof that La-La land is hardly as liberal as it is purported to be.  

Freshly and pungently written, absorbingly directed by Soderbergh (his supposed last film) and acted to perfection by Douglas and Damon (who amazingly looks younger and less mature than usual - props must go to makeup and Damon himself), "Behind the Candelabra" is a hypnotic, strange and thoroughly moving love story. Under lesser hands, it could have been handled as a cheap, near-parodic mess reducing the story of a Liberace as strictly lascivious and nothing more. Thankfully Soderbergh and company dig much deeper than anything you might find on the E! channel. 

Craven and Blair make an unbeatable team

STRANGER IN OUR HOUSE aka SUMMER OF FEAR (1978)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
Originally review from 2003

One night I was sifting through DVD's at the local Borders shop and came across a true oddity: "Stranger in Our House," a TV film from 1978 starring Linda Blair and directed by Wes Craven! I was dumbfounded! A Wes Craven flick with dear old Linda, the ultimate demon drenched in pea soup from everyone's fave horror flick? I had to purchase it, if only for the low price and my curiosity. I was pleasantly surprised. "Summer of Fear," the alternate video title, is quite good, if nothing outstanding, and a pleasant time-filler for curious Craven fans.

Linda Blair, in her puffy-cheek period, plays Rachel Bryant, a good-natured chick who loves horses (as does Linda in real life). She lives with her family in a nice neighborhood, has a curly blonde-haired brother (Jeff East), and two loving parents. One day, they get a call that Rachel's cousin, Julia (Lee Purcell), has suffered a tragedy - her parents have been killed in a car crash. Since she is an only child, Julia stays with Rachel and her parents until she calms down and gets over her grief. The trouble begins brewing when Julia takes an interest in Rachel's boyfriend, keeps potions and other strange artifacts in her drawers, drives horses crazy with fright, and makes red markings on Rachel's photographs! Lo and behold, there is an unintentionally funny moment when Rachel finds she has sores all over her body, and dammit if some of them don't materialize on her face! How can she ride her horse in the rodeo competition with sores on her face? How can Rachel's boyfriend ever be interested in her now? Time to give Julia the boot.

"Summer of Fear" is intriguing if only because it is a Wes Craven flick minus the gore and the typical beheadings. Based on a popular young adult novel of the same name, this is more of teenage flick where we deal with teenage concerns about appearances and who is dating whom. Julia is the older sister who takes advantage of her homely surroundings and turns everyone, including Rachel's parents, against Rachel. Everyone loves Julia, even Rachel's brother and her father who loves back rubs! But Julia is not what she seems - her sophisticated appearance and proper etiquette mask an evil witch!

"Summer of Fear" is fun and consistently entertaining with a lively performance by Linda Blair, who proves she was more than just a demonic, foul-mouthed, bed-wetting 12 year-old girl. It helps that Craven is a master of tension and unease, and he creates enough of both to make us feel uncomfortable. Lee Purcell is also unforgettable, not appearing like the typically beautiful witch next door - her restraint and sheer beauty make the horror quite palatable. Though this is not one of Craven's best films, it is occasionally campy and thrilling enough to make for a nice, relatively restrained night of horror.

Menage a trois

Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN (2001)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I walked into a theatre showing "Y Tu Mama Tambien" without any prior knowledge of what I was about to see. I was surprised to see a film not unlike what Hollywood would churn out if they made far more explicit teen comedy-dramas. That is not to say that "Y Tu Mama Tambien" (translation: "And Your Mother Too") is standard fare as teen movies go (it has some degree of intelligence and is explicitly sexual in ways few movies are afraid to be) but it is not far from what you might expect either.

Set in Mexico, two horny, marijhuana-stoked teenagers, Julio (Gael Garcia Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna), spend their days discussing sex, masturbating to thoughts of Salma Hayek and who they would love to screw with, if only fleetingly. Their girlfriends have left to Europe for vacation, and now they have want to explore any woman of any race. At a wedding where the Mexican president is set to make an appearance, Julio and Tenoch attend and catch the eye of Luisa (Marible Verdu), a stunning beauty from Spain. They invite her to a beach called "Heaven's Mouth," never thinking she will come along considering she is married to a writer who is Tenoch's cousin. Surprisingly, Luisa accepts the invitation when she learns her husband is having an affair, and decides to chuck it all to hell. The three go on a long road trip to "Heaven's Mouth," not having any clue how to get there. Like most road movies, they get flat tires, meet colorful characters, get drunk and have sex with each other, leading to a surprise ending where we learn a character's secret.

"Y Tu Mama Tambien" is fairly conventional but there are some minor sparks that diffirentiate it from the norm. The amount of frank sexuality in it, not to mention the explicit words used to describe as such, may send Kevin Smith and others of his ilk reeling with envy. Every part of the male and female anatomy is mentioned time and again by the two teens and by Luisa. Despite such frankness in its road movie conventions, the film has a kinship with "Jules and Jim" and the underrated "Threesome." All three of these films deal with threesomes and the rack of guilt that coincides with such sexual highs and lows. The teenagers do not know better but they love Luisa for her body and nothing else...and yet by the end of the film, an honesty develops between all three that reminds them of their own humanity.

Unfortunately, "Y Tu Mama Tambien"'s coda did not sit well with me. I think the film works best as the menage a trois comic tale it wants to be, but then it heads for a serious road that seems too abrupt and tacked on to really believe. The film would have benefitted from more character development to deserve such a serious tonal shift. It's as if writer-director Alfonso Cuaron ("Great Expectations") felt he had to redeem the audience for exposing them to so much nudity, sex and marijuana.

"Y Tu Mama Tambien" is well-performed and well-directed to be sure, and there are quite a few laughs along the way, but its ending may lead you to believe you've seen something more than what precedes it. No creo.

Some Freakin' White Punk

S.F.W. (1994)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"S.F.W." is a movie that pretends to be important, that pretends to have something to say. It does not, thereby qualifying it as a pretentiously shallow movie whose message is the title of the film. So Freaking What?

I would love to end the review there but why should I? This generic Generation-X wannabe focuses on the most insidiously moronic and foolishly empty-headed hooligan in many moons. His name is Cliff Spab (Stephen Dorff) and he is something of a cultural hero. He has killed some terrorists in a convenience store where he and a teenage girl named Wendy (Reese Witherspoon) have been held hostage. Cliff's best friend was killed by these masked terrorists, dressed in white, who videotape the entire 36 day ordeal. When Cliff and Wendy escape, they are branded heroes, particularly after the video footage is aired in every news channel. Why is Cliff so popular? Because he repeats the titled catchphrase that becomes some sort of mantra. Wow. And why is Wendy always giving interviews? Because she knew Cliff and might have fallen for him. Intriguing, for the moment.

I wish I could say there was more to "S.F.W." but that is basically it. The movie has no level of satire whatsoever since it has prime targets that deserve skewering, like the media's relentless coverage of the hostage situation or the public's adoration of this new alleged culture hero. It doesn't contain any level of human interest in Cliff Spab - he is an uncultured idiot who mostly drinks beer, has sex, watches TV, and loves to trash his bedroom. How punk! Dorff tries to give the character some dimension, especially when he stares at a TV screen and sees the violence shown from the videotaped hostage events. It looks like it may traumatize him but Dorff and director and co-writer Jefery Levy indulge in a vacuum of nothingness. They assume that the catchphrase is the movie. Yes, indeed, and so f'ing what!

The Griswolds storm Wally World

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION (1983)

Reviewed By Jerry Saravia

(30 YEARS OF THE GRISWOLDS)

I usually scoff at anything with the title "National Lampoon," but I have a certain kind of affection for "Vacation," the hilarious 1983 comedy with Chevy Chase. It is a classic comedy in that its raunchiness and absurdity reaches levels of cartoonishness. Besides, Chase, in his better days, proved he was the funniest bloke on the block.

Chase is Clark Griswold, a family man with two kids, Rusty and Audrey (Anthony Michael Hall and Dana Barron) and a buxom wife, Helen (Beverly D'Angelo). They live in typical suburbia and a vacation is planned to Walley World, an amusement park on the level of a Disney theme park. Disaster is on the fringes of this road trip by station wagon, however, as one obstacle is hurled in front of them after another. The Griswold clan first visit Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) only to discover they need to take the dreaded Aunt Edna along (played by Imogene Coca). Money grows tight as they try to stay in a hotel, until Clark takes all the money from the register and runs. They crash their station wagon in the middle of the desert while Clark looks for the nearest gas station. They end up in a dangerous part of some city where their hubcaps are stolen. A flirtatious woman (Christine Brinkley) tries to get Clark to go swimming with her in the nude. And when they finally arrive at Walley World...let's just say it meets short of their expectations.

Watching "Vacation" will depend highly on your tolerance for Chevy Chase. I laughed out loud in a restaurant scene where Chase hits his head on an overhead lamp - this is much funnier than seeing Chase literally shoot himself in the foot in the wretched "Deal of the Century." There is an enjoyable shot of Clark and Helen looking at the awesome Grand Canyon for no less than two seconds. And there is nothing more hysterical than seeing Clark trying to talk to his son about adultery and other matters. And the ultimate gag, which may be a wee bit too black-humored for some, concerns Aunt Edna's denouement. I may add that Clark's indifference to Edna's situation may strike some as far too callous, even for a comedy.

"Vacation" is not one of the great comedies of all time, but it has occasionally high spirits and the Griswold family is as likable as they come. Just don't ever go on vacation with them.

Desperately Seeking Clouseau

CURSE OF THE PINK PANTHER (1983)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I could live with "Trail of the Pink Panther" despite its incongruous and slim story - a film ultimately more of a tribute to Peter Sellers than an actual film with a plot. "Curse of the Pink Panther" was filmed immediately after "Trail" and it shows an increased desperation by director Blake Edwards to milk the franchise far beyond anything imaginable, especially without the needed presence of Peter Sellers.

The plot deals with the disappearance of the Pink Panther diamond, an object sought over the course of two decades of this D.O.A. franchise. Ted Wass is on hand as a clumsy New York police detective (selected from a computer - how very early 80's) named Sgt. Sleigh (as in One-Horse Open, the best comic line the writers could think of). He is selected to find Chief Inspector Clouseau, who is either dead or living with a Countess (played by the bewitching Joanna Lumley, who played the unnecessary reporter in "Trail"). Assassins are trying to kill Sleigh in case he finds Clouseau. Hijinks ensue with Wass filling in for Sellers' pratfalls and slapstick. Burt Kwouk reappears as Cato, as a reminder of how good this series once was. David Niven, the master of polite restraint (with his ailing voice replaced by impressionist Rich Little), is also on hand along with Capucine and Robert Wagner. The series' regulars merely have an extended cameo and it is a shame that Edwards did not use these actors to spice up the proceedings overall. Reliable Herbert Lom as Chief Inspector Dreyfus is hysterical as always.

"Curse of the Pink Panther" is technically well-done and has a few gags that work (love Ed Parker as he does a karate demonstration with a huge rock or the rainstorm that sweeps Sleigh off his feet). The final scenes are also funny with a surprise cameo but, unfortunately, it is Ted Wass who brings down the film to the level of cumbersome mediocrity. He is not even close to replicating Sellers' comic timing or finely tuned pratfalls - Wass comes across as a village idiot who pretends to be clumsy. Sellers made it work because he was believably clumsy and justified his every move. It is something that the actor who plays Clouseau at the end understands better than Blake Edwards or anyone else associated with this needless continuation. 

Depp deep undercover, Pacino in Wily Loman phase

DONNIE BRASCO (1997)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Original review from 1997 screening)

Ever since "GoodFellas" burst into movie screens in 1990, there has been a renaissance of gangster pictures. The difference between the gangsters now and the gangsters from the cinema of the 1930's is the reality - the overwhelming verisimilitude of the scenario. We just don't see gangster plotting to kill others - we also see their family lives, their inner circles and their outbursts of violence, sometimes involving hacksaws and other gory methods. Some of these stories are based on actual events. To date, the best recent gangster pictures are Scorsese's ultra-realistic "GoodFellas" and "Casino" and De Palma's ferocious "The Untouchables." For more family-oriented, ethically acceptable gangsters crossed with a fascinating look at racial relations, you can look at Robert De Niro's directorial debut, "A Bronx Tale." Count "Donnie Brasco" among the best of the batch - a funny, brutal, galvanizingly emotional portrait of a man who risks everything just to join the mob. Never mind that this man is a cop.

Johnny Depp plays the real-life cop, Joseph Pistone, who went undercover in the mob in order to infiltrate them. His job was to have lasted 3 to 6 months - he went on for two years! Pistone assumes the name Donnie Brasco, a jeweler who can help Lefty (Al Pacino), an older man who wears gold-tinted sunglasses and works for Sonny Black (Michael Madsen), to determine if a diamond is a "fulgesi" or not. This mob group is at a lower chain on the Mafia meter, closer to the guys in "Mean Streets" than in "The Godfather." They wait in the streets in the freezing cold of Brooklyn for the chief mob boss. Some of them try to take anything they can for money, including the removal of parking meters!

Donnie is in this dangerous world almost immediately, thanks to Lefty who vouches for him. Lefty teaches Donnie the rules, like shaving his mustache, how wearing cowboy boots and jeans is a no-no, how to carry money (never put it in the wallet), never pay for drinks, and so on. Donnie is so involved that he fools everyone, especially after beating up a Japanese waiter for being forced to remove his boots. Eventually, after Sonny Black moves up in the ranks, more money is owed to Sonny Red (the chief boss is in jail, if I understood correctly). So Donnie brings up an idea of making money at a nightclub in Florida. They all agree, though Lefty has reservations. But Donnie is so deep in the Mafia life that he ignores his wife (Anne Heche) and three daughters - he only visits them when it is convenient.

"Donnie Brasco" avoid all the cliches and conventional trappings of most mob movies. The film, as written by Paul Attanasio, does not pussyfoot around Donnie's own safety in this organization or his downward spiral about becoming the very thing he is working against. Most films would show Donnie to be so banal and charmless and righteous that it would hardly strike a chord of truth. Johnny Depp shows this character inside and out, revealing layers such as his growing violent behavior (especially to his wife) and his incessant need to curse. And his vulnerability is also evoked as he develops a mutual friendship with Lefty - if Donnie leaves Lefty and is exposed, Lefty could be whacked for having vouched for an FBI agent.

Al Pacino plays Lefty as a weary, joyless man who has 26 hits under his belt and more experience than anyone in his crew, yet he is still working for someone else. Lefty is like the Wily Loman of Mafia types, and we grow to sympathize with a man who would love to leave the life and settle down with his girlfriend. Still, he hopes to make more money and Donnie could be the key to wealth - both men have a downward spiral to endure that is touching and intensifying to watch.

As directed with refreshing restraint and observational details by Brit Mike Newell, "Donnie Brasco" is one hell of a motion picture. It is explosive, humane, blackly funny and filled with some of the best written dialogue in eons. This is not the world of dynamic energy and profane violence of "GoodFellas" (though there is one scene that is not meant for the squeamish). Instead, it is really about friendship and trust, even if one of those is violated. Pacino's last scene, showing Lefty leaving his life behind him and his recognition of a deeper truth, is unforgettable. "Donnie Brasco" is about as great as a Hollywood movie can get.

An 'uninspired' Sellers trail

TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER (1982)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

It is a shame that Peter Sellers passed away before he made any more Pink Panther films. Something tells me he would not have approved of a collection of deleted scenes from an early Pink Panther flick to justify a new sequel. His presence is missing in virtually half of the film, and the other half is hilarious and vintage Sellers but also feels incongruous.

The first 40 minutes of the film have Sellers as the inept, clumsy Inspector Clouseau as he tries on various nose and hair disguises, fools around with a hotel phone where a cleaning woman keeps knocking him out the window that leaves him dangling with the phone cord (easily the funniest scene in the film), an airplane bathroom sequence where he pretends to have a broken leg and can't quite sit in the tiny toilet, and many more clever, physical comedy scenes with the one and only Burt Kwouk as Cato, Clouseau's servant (most of which are deleted scenes from "The Pink Panther Strikes Again").

The rest of the film loses steam and laughs when Joanna Lumley (from the hysterical "Absolutely Fabulous") appears as a TV reporter who wants to find out the truth about Clouseau's disappearance, who is rumored to have been assassinated. She interviews everyone that ever knew Clouseau, including Clouseau's arch-nemesis Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom, the second best thing about this movie). When Dreyfus can't contain himself from laughing about Clouseau's supposed brilliance in question by the reporter, the movie gets the right idea about using a well-known character from the series and exploiting it for all it is worth. When Robert Loggia, David Niven, Capucine and other series regulars appear, the film falls flat on its face since they have been misdirected to be serious. Big mistake! Same with the unfortunately dull, interminable sequence with Robert Mulligan as Clouseau's father - it is so flat and monotonous, you begin to wonder if a clone of the director Blake Edwards was on the set.

First half of "Trail of the Pink Panther" is classic. Second half loses momentum and fails to engage the viewer. Director Blake Edwards could have shot for the moon and had Herbert Lom take over the second half because Lom's moments are priceless and he has exceptionally good comic timing and a boisterous physical presence. Do away with all the interview nonsense (which do include some choice clips from earlier Panther films) and you would have had comic gold that even Sellers would've been proud of.

Loving God more than Elvis

GOD IS THE BIGGER ELVIS (2012)

Reviewed By Jerry Saravia

I always wondered what happened to Dolores Hart. She had a brief acting career that lasted six years, starring along side Elvis Presley in "Loving You" (where she had her first onscreen kiss) as well as working with other distinguished actors such as Anthony Quinn and Montgomery Clift. Dolores quit the business and fulfilled a higher calling she had ignored once already - she became a Benedictine nun at The Abbey of Regina Laudis in Bethlehem, Conn. "God is the Bigger Elvis" attempts to enlighten us on that transition but it never quite does.

Dolores was a Hollywood starlet and a fine actress, so what was this higher calling to Jesus? Hard to say because all she can say is she wanted to devote her life to God. Other nuns at the abbey speak of "making love to God" - something which I cannot quite comprehend. The rituals of the abbey are fascinating - the nuns cannot talk to each other while eating a meal and observations of silence and prayer are daily. But this documentary never probes Dolores' reasons for making such a startling change in her life - stripping herself of individuality and connecting to God in a remote (and beautiful) area of Connecticut. The other nuns speak of the same calling, as if escaping from modern society makes one, more pure of heart?

Most startling is Dolores, or should I say Mother Prioress Dolores Hart, and her meeting with another devoted Catholic, Don Robinson, an architect who was engaged to marry Dolores before she became a nun. It is a tough, emotional reunion, or so we think until he tells us that he has been visiting the abbey once every year since she joined. What is even sadder is that he never married despite dating several women, and still aches for her love. After their meeting, she walks away in tears. It is hard to know if she is unsure she made the right choice or sees a life she never had- those tears say so much and yet so little.

As a short introduction to Dolores Hart and her way of life, "God is the Bigger Elvis" is beguiling and fascinating. But no tough questions are asked, and the answers are only implied. Her silence can speak volumes, her love of God says much about her vocation but precious little about her as an individual apart from her union with God.

Tuskegee Airmen, Episode I?

RED TAILS (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Producer George Lucas has spoken for several years about making smaller, more artistic films after the last "Star Wars" film, Episode III to be precise. That was ten years ago. Since then, he supervised the "Star Wars: Clone Wars" animated series and feature film, a fourth Indiana Jones film and then he retired. Or did he? Nope, he is back in Star Wars land with an upcoming Episode VII. So much for retirement. Sandwiched in between animated Star Wars and live Star Wars was a passion pet project of his about the Tuskegee Airmen called "Red Tails." The only problem is that rather than dramatizing these brave heroes of WW II, the movie reduces everything they stood for to the level of a far too simple-minded comic book.

The Tuskegee Airmen were the African-American pilots of the United States Army Air Forces (the 332d Fighter Group) who had the dubious task of circling the air in zones where no Nazis were to be found. Of course, in the opening sequence, the Tuskegee Airmen spot a Nazi-occupied train and blast away with tremendous glee, destroying the train and its armaments in glorious fashion. The top brass at the Pentagon do not want to engage these pilots in fighting the Nazis - white pilots will do because blacks are not seen as equal. Meanwhile, a mission is fast approaching that will require the 332d, with the stipulation that they will assist and protect the Allied landings at Anzio, Italy without actually engaging the enemy. Naturally, orders are not followed as the Tuskegee Airmen destroy an entire German airfield, once again in glorious fashion. I question the movie's authenticity in the air pilots' behavior, specifically their insatiable need for violently shooting down the enemy. I went along with it but I don't know how many people will believe it.

"Red Tails" has some superb special-effects in detailing how these planes fly in formation and shoot to kill. Most of the effects, however, look like effects and part of the blame must go to the undernourished characters. Squadron leader "Easy" Julian (Nate Parker), a heavy drinker, has Denzel Washington's cool factor but little personality. Same with  Joe "Lightning" Little (David Oyelowo), who develops a romance with an Italian woman whom he first meets when he waves to her while flying (only in the movies). These two characters are supposed to lend a little substance to the proceedings but they exist as cliches you have seen a million times before (It is hard to muster any enthusiasm for cliched pilots in cliched situations, especially an escape from a German fortress from one pilot that leaves a lot to be desired). Terrence Howard is the colonel who fights for these men to be taken seriously - you wish you saw more of him in the movie. Same with Cuba Gooding Jr. as a major who mostly nods and stares at his men -  why leave this actor out in the cold?

"Red Tails" is wrapped in nobility and various cliches. I am fine with seeing a movie about the Tuskegees crossed with a John Wayne bravado but this mediocre movie is a snoozer with vapid characters who do not make us care for their plight except in the most arbitrary sense. These historic, brave men deserve something more. And I do expect a lot more from George Lucas.  

Linda Lovelace minus hardcore truths

INSIDE DEEP THROAT (2005)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Deep Throat," the most famous porn film ever made, is a film I've only seen in sections. Maybe the bad acting or the bad cinematography dulled my interest in it. Who knows. But who goes to see a porn film for quality filmmaking anyway? You are there for the explicit sex scenes, not the story. Perhaps in the 1970's, it was more than just the sex. "Inside Deep Throat" attempts to find out the hardcore truth (pardon the pun) but it never climaxes (pardon the pun).

"Deep Throat" is not the first porn film but it is the first one to have mainstream success. Gerard Damiano produced and directed the film, correctly thinking that such a film could be seen by couples in an actual movie theatre. Thus, with a budget of $25,000 dollars and an actress named Linda Lovelace, who apparently had a talent for oral sex, "Deep Throat" was born. As many of you probably know, Linda stars as a woman with an anomalous genetic function - her clitoris is in her mouth. I don't think I have to say much more.

Most of "Inside Deep Throat" details the fringes of porn filmmaking and how the mob helped finance most of it. "Deep Throat" grossed $600 million, though box-office statistics might be slightly off due to the money laundering (the same problem plagued the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre.") We see interviews with the cast of the film (including Damiano and Harry Reems, the male lead), moviegoers eager to see the film, protesters picketing, and luminaries such as Dick Cavett, Larry Flynt, Hugh Hefner, Al Goldstein, and many more. Almost anyone who was a celebrity at that time saw "Deep Throat." I remember reading that Martin Scorsese and Brian De Palma saw it and wondered at the screening why there were so many couples and sophisticates and no one in trenchcoats. It was a cultural phenomenon that was amplified by the Nixon administration who tried to censor it and almost succeeded. Of course, porn was never the same again, and now the censors are back trying to ban porn.

The problem with "Inside Deep Throat" is that it doesn't go deep enough (pardon the pun, again). We learn about a time and place that seems strangely more innocent, but there is no true insight into what made "Deep Throat" so phenonemal. And the issue of free speech doesn't seem to infuse the controversy much - the film could still be seen in theaters and it certainly made its money back leading to more porn films and even a sequel. Perhaps the real issue is that a blowjob became mainstream and acceptable long before Bill Clinton, and this frightened the Nixon administration. You are having sex and you are enjoying it! What a threat to the national order!

The late Linda Lovelace famously said that every time she had sex in "Deep Throat," she was actually being raped. There is no disputing that her boyfriend abused her but if Lovelace really felt that way, why did she make two more porn films? I remember seeing Lovelace at the Chiller Theatre convention in Meadowlands, NJ, where she signed VHS copies of "Deep Throat." I suppose she decided to accept the fact that she would be always be remembered for "Deep Throat." That acknowledgment might have lended some poignancy to "Inside Deep Throat."

Jason Voorhees in old-fashioned 3-D

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3, 3-D (1982)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Seen one Friday the 13th flick, seen them all. I have not had the pleasure of seeing all ten sequels to the original 1980 shocker, which also had its own remake. Jason Voorhees has not been my favorite psycho killer either. "Friday the 13th Part 3" has the distinction of being the only sequel in the series to be in 3-D. That is a bit of a blessing because it has its shock value when you see bats, axes and other weapons thrust at the audience in three dimensions. Other than that, same old, same old.

Aside from a brief recap of Part 2 where poor Amy Steel survived the throes of the hooded Jason, this sequel finds more hormonal teens at Camp Crystal Lake. There are some hijinks of the low grade variety involving some old drifter who holds a severed eyeball, and the teens smoking weed and eating it after assuming that the cops are going to stop them. The most memorable character of this bunch is Shelly (Larry Zerner), a Seth Rogen-crossed-with-Jeff-Ross lookalike, who scares people because he is unable to communicate in any other way. He has a goalie mask and this is where we discover the advent of Jason's most iconic visage. And one of the other sympathetic teen characters is Chris Higgins (Dana Kimmell), who had survived Jason's attacks once before.

This "Friday the 13th" flick has its laundry list of slasher film ingredients. Axes, pitchforks, hot pokers and knives are thrust into bellies and heads. Sometimes someone is attacked in showers and in barns with plenty of haystacks cued with that creepy Jason Voorhees instrumental score. Best moment has Jason firing a spear from a spear gun at one unlucky victim. The ending is a creepy reprise of the original and it works as a shock moment yet "Part 3," which has got shocks galore and some gore, has little to differentiate it from the norm. The 3-D process is more of a tactic to make couples embrace each other and turn away from the screen, or at least the girl so she can be shielded from the screen as long as the cardboard 3-D glasses are not crushed.

I am not easily recommending this flick to anyone but it has an, albeit extremely slight, innocence to it. It is not the torture porn of the 2010 horror flicks, and it is hardly as gory as any of the other Friday the 13ths. It is not boring but it is also not much of anything other than using humans as slaughter slabs in more than three dimensions with two dimensional characters. I saw this on video back in 1983 in 2-D, and it is fun seeing it in 3-D and for that reason alone, it is hard to resist for Friday the 13th completists. Interestingly enough, this was supposed to have been the last installment but you can't keep a blood-stained goalie mask down for long.

Connery's Frank Buck in the Amazon

MEDICINE MAN (1992)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

John McTiernan's "Medicine Man" is another one of those giddy pleasures at the movies - a good/bad movie that is reasonably entertaining and offers little else except the grand Sean Connery. Connery's presence and his thick Scottish brogue often enhance such good/bad movies like "Highlander 2: The Quickening" and "Cuba." Sometimes they do little except annoy me like "Entrapment" or "First Knight" or the original "Highlander." And sometimes he matches the material for all its worth such as "The Anderson Tapes," "The Terrorist," James Bond, etc. Yes, I am a huge Connery fan but I still wonder what could've been done with the potentially ambitious "Medicine Man."

Connery is Dr. Robert Campbell, a gray-haired, ponytail-wearing biochemist living in the Amazonian forest. He is searching a cure for the greatest plague of the twentieth century - in a word, cancer. And he's found it. It has to do with ants and a specific kind of flower but, lo and behold, this is an ecological adventure movie (yep, Spielberg made his own several years later with "The Lost World"). You see there are mercenaries who are burning down the rainforests, a continuing ecological and environmental disaster, to build a road. As Campbell explains, "No rain, no rainforests!" Thank you Dr. Campbell.

And in the great tradition of the Kate Capshaw role of Irritable Female Characters comes Dr. Crane (Lorraine Bracco), nicknamed Dr. Bronx by Campbell, a research assistant from a pharmaceutical company who has come to investigate Campbell. Has the man completed any kind of research and can he prove it? Yes, of course. Even I learned that in General Science in high school - if you have proposed a theory, prove it with samples and notes.

Naturally, we get lots of truly scenic vistas, lots of rope climbing, a nasty spill into the river and down a hillside, scenes of comic relief involving some bark that is more potent than caffeine, lots of natives, a lot of native womens' breasts, lots of dancing in the night by a bonfire, a disturbing nightmare, and no chance at all of seeing Bracco's breasts (hey, this is a PG-13 movie).

Of course, "Medicine Man" is occasionally a little too humorous, intentional or not, and some scenes play off as being a little too campy (Connery in a headdress for one). But this is marginally better than the average good/bad movie. Connery is in full command and dominates every scene he's in. Lorraine Bracco, who only has a handful of moments where she is restrained, may make you want to scratch your fingernails on a blackboard. Still, Connery and Bracco do make a good team. The ending is almost too good for what precedes it, and there is a stunning confrontation with a real medicine man that depicts a far more serious movie than the one we are watching.

Basically, "Medicine Man" is a 1930's adventure movie with an ecological theme upgraded to modern sensibilities. If it had been made in the 30's, Frank Buck would've been cast in the Campbell role. Connery gives it the prestige to differentiate it slightly from the norm.