Once Upon a Time when Afghanistan was our ally...

    RAMBO III (1988)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Back in 1988, the musclebound superman John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) fought the Russians in good old Afghanistan. This was prescient prior to the release of the film because an actual war was being fought between Afghanistan and the Russians. The people of Afghanistan were considered our friends. But when "Rambo III" was released that summer, the war was over and the U.S. completely deserted that country. How times have changed, and how clearly one can view "Rambo III" as one of the most idiotic action movies ever made.

Now I was hardly a fan of "Rambo: First Blood Part II" but at least it moved with spurts of kinetic energy, no matter how wholly unbelievable it was. The original "First Blood" was a decent film showing Rambo resorting to guerrilla tactics against the police who employed brutal methods of torture against Vietnam Vets. Though both films were largely implausible in terms of action setpieces, Rambo was at least seen in the original film as a human being who was simply wronged by society. But as soon as "Rambo III" opens, we are treated to one of those stick fights you often find in kung-fu movies where the sounds of body blows sound more like cannon blasts. Rambo is hit so hard in the abdomen and in other parts of the body that you sense he can't possibly win this fight. But no, he rises and strikes and finally his opponent gives up. Um, the man should be battered and bruised and left for dead but, hey, it's only a movie! A vapid, cartoonish bore of a movie but a movie nonetheless.

Next, Rambo and his red bandana are reluctantly sent to Afghanistan. Well, the mission is met with reluctance until his Colonel and life-long mentor (Richard Crenna) is kidnapped and held prisoner by the Soviets. Before long we are treated to explosions galore, machine-gun fire ad infinitum, knives thrust in bellies, throats, eyes, etc. Rambo is severely wounded by a piercing bullet on his side, which he coats with gunpowder and lighter fluid. Rambo keeps fighting, wounded on the leg, but he keeps getting up and doing it all over again. He is the superhuman hulk who can withstand any abuse because he is, after all, Rambo and for better or worse, he is America. I shudder at the thought.

Sylvester Stallone never quite recovered his superstar status, though he did one notably decent action picture called "Cliffhanger" in 1993. Otherwise, if you are a fan of interminable action with no sense of direction or sweep, and if you like sweat glistening on your favorite barbaric hero as he stares menacingly at his villains before firing his last round of bullets, then this movie is for you. I fell asleep.