You don't want to play Helicopter Hamburger?

DON'T LET THE RIVERBEAST GET YOU! (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Those clever guys keep milking their New Hampshire digs for all they are worth, and boy is it delicious milk! "Don't Let the Riverbeast Get You!" is a fun-filled, deliberately tasteful comical horror film that never takes itself too seriously and gently pokes you, nudging you to believe this is all some sort of jokey picture.

The best tutor that Rivertown has ever seen, Neil Stuart (Matt Farley), has just come back to town after being derided as an RB! He claimed a monster lived in the woods called the Riverbeast. A muckracking reporter, Sparky Watts (Kyle Kochan), wrote about Neil's claims as outlandish and sheer rubbish, earning Neil the nickname of RB. He also lost the woman of his dreams,  Emmaline (Elizabeth M. Peterson), who is marrying another guy with a son who loves to play "Helicopter Hamburger." There is one person who believes Neil and his claims of having spotted the mythical Riverbeast, Allie (Sharon Scalzo), the student from finishing school whom Neil is tutoring.

"Don't Let the Riverbeast Get You!" has a little bit of everything. It's got picnic babes, babes wearing towels, babes dancing on the street corner to a guy playing guitar, the Riverbeast monster who looks likes a modern-day Gill Man, cat litter as a plot device, a little rockabilly, a harmonica-playing big-game hunter who looks for the monster in the woods, a few tastefully done murders, Neil and his friends who discuss the Riverbeast over chocolate milk and cupcakes, red flashes on the screen as a warning that the monster is nigh, etc. There is much tongue-in-cheek humor throughout and it is all innocuous fun with precious little gore and hardly any nudity (recall how I mentioned that this is a deliberately tasteful comical horror film). Also, the scenic vistas of New Hampshire and Connecticut add immeasurably to the film's slight tonal shifts, perpetuating the belief that only in a quaint small town would a Riverbeast problem occur.

Matt Farley is the star of the show, once again he has that presence that keeps you locked in on his every move. Same with Sharon Scalzo who is one of the most appealing presences I've seen since the last two outings by director Charles Roxburgh and his co-writer Matt Farley. The rest of the cast can't quite measure up but they try their damnedest.

Matt Farley and director Charles Roxburgh have delivered another tasty and delectable treat (do check out "Freaky Farley" and "Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas".)  I have a feeling, someday, that these guys will dispense with monsters in rivers and just deal exclusively with their characters. Yes, New Hampshire, they are talents to be reckoned with. Make it a more strict love story between Farley and Scalzo, and throw in their repertory of local actors. Maybe throw in a monster too.