Life Without this Movie

LIFE WITHOUT DICK (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Life Without this Movie, an apropos title. This stench known as "Life Without Dick" is without a doubt the most unfunny, least comical and the least of all comedies or black comedies of all time. Let me clarify further: I have no idea what was attempted here, but it also fails at being about nothing.

Sarah Jessica Parker is Colleen Gibson, who in the opening scene kills her allegedly cheating boyfriend named Dick (Johnny Knoxville) by shooting him in their own house. Seems like Dick, a private dick that is, was going away somewhere with his three pieces of luggage. Harry Connick freaking Junior plays an alleged hitman working for his Irish boss with a Scottish accent, Jared O'Reilly (played rather witlessly yet mildly entertainingly by Craig Ferguson). Alleged meaning Connick has never done a hit. His first hit is supposed to be Colleen's private dick yet, lo and behold, he is already dead thanks to snappy shooter Colleen. Oooh, the irony of it all. And no Parker Brothers board game will be awarded to anyone who can't guess what Sarah Jess ends up doing.

This movie went straight to DVD in 2002, and no wonder because it is not exactly an undiscovered gem. "Life Without Dick" is meant to be a crossbreed of black comedy in the Tarantino vein crossed with a cutesy, overlit romantic comedy. That it fails as both is no surprise - the surprise is that writer-director Bix Skahill can't elicit much in the way of laughs or anything mildly blackly comical. And to top it all off, Connick Freaking Junior is not an actor - a hell of a singer, possibly better than Bing Crosby, but actor, no! Considering Connick sings in this movie, it made me wish he only played a singer in a cameo and nothing more (Crosby by all accounts was a far superior actor than Connick). Sarah Jessica Parker gives one a migraine after a while with her shrill delivery of lines like, "I want to do hits for youuuuuu!" This actress can be anything but dull but in this movie...one can snooze at her alleged histrionic performance.

Alleged hit man, alleged acting, alleged writing, alleged comedy. Basically, "Life Without Dick" is an alleged movie.