Lloyd Dobler would not watch this movie

MUST LOVE DOGS (2005)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Now here is something that could have had potential. Diane Lane and John Cusack in a romantic comedy set in the world of Internet dating. Yes, potential indeed and, sadly, potential does exist, just not in this movie. "Must Love Dogs" is a forgettable sham, a black hole of a movie that perpetrates the belief that love blossoms between the right people, even if they are wrong for each other. Actually, it seems to indicate that the slightest flaw in the opposite sex is enough reason to dismiss that person.

Diane Lane is the lonely bird, Sarah Nolan, who has just been through a bitter divorce. She is a preschool teacher who lives alone in a big, expansive house and unsuccessfully searches for men at the local supermarket. Sarah's sister (Elizabeth Perkins) insists she go online and place an ad, though her sister has already done it and posted Sarah's graduation photo. Sarah meets a few men, including the typical crybaby date, and all prove fruitless. That is until she meets Jake (John Cusack), who builds racing boats out of wood and continually watches "Dr. Zhivago." They both have dogs, though they do not own them personally. The date doesn't go well, and Sarah has her eye on a guy with a PHD (Dermot Mulroney). By the way, Sarah thinks he has a good butt - I don't and could care less. I think we all know where this is headed.

The best thing in this movie is Diane Lane, a helluva good actress who can do better (consider "A Walk on the Moon," which was a far more poignant and romantic film). She is too good for this movie and supplies it with certain nuances that are not in the script. She has a few standout scenes, especially when trying to look alluring at a supermarket - the key is in which department. But her Sarah character is not developed - what kind of guy is she looking for? It is clear that she has no tolerance for 40-something guys who bed 20-something women (it is what caused her divorce). By the end of the film, you'll wonder if knowing that you love the same movie is all it takes to marry Sarah.

John Cusack is also too good for this movie, or even in fluffier fluff like "Serendipity." Cusack possesses a charm that comes from his own unawareness that he is charming. The beauty of Cusack in films like "High Fidelity" or "Say Anything" is that he is humble and uncertain - that is his gift, his special knack for playing men who are not too comfortable in their own skins. In "Must Love Dogs," he plays an average joe whose only uncertainty is that he doesn't want to sell a boat that can be cut in half and displayed in a wall. Jake's unerring eye for honesty and his confidence builds for a rather superficial role for Cusack.

"Must Love Dogs" was written by Gary David Goldberg, an executive producer and writer of TV shows such as "M*A*S*H," "Family Ties" and "Spin City." Unfortunately, he's also responsible for the unashamedly (and thickly) sentimental "Dad" (I can't think of another movie that was as purely puerile in its emotional states as that one) and the movie that reads and feels and sounds like a commercial sitcom with commercial tie-ins, "Bye Bye Love." "Must Love Dogs" is not as teeth chattering as those, but certainly doesn't evoke the wit and polish of his TV classics.

This movie is strictly by-the-numbers in every department. There is the gay best friend, the family sing-along (in this case, "The Partridge Family" theme), the Meet Cute scenes, the obligatory dim-witted blonde bimbo, etc. There is no surprise, no depth of emotion, no real risks, and any movie that stars John Cusack and Diane Lane should require all three. It doesn't say much for such good actors when the high point is their searching for condoms - that shouldn't be the highlight of a teen comedy.

You must really, really, really love any kind of romantic comedy to love this movie. For a purely soft, harmless safe bet, "Must Love Dogs" may be enough. For myself, I'll stick with risk-takers like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." Even Lloyd Dobler would prefer the latter.