Pat Hitchcock should sue

A PERFECT MURDER (1998)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Although I am not as disconcerted when director Brian De Palma apes Hitchcock, I am more offended when someone removes all the qualities that made Hitch's best films memorable. The key was suspense through nuance and insinuation dictated by sumptuous performances and exemplary camera moves, the latter never being obvious yet always in sync with the emotions of the characters. My favorite example is when Norman Bates carried his mother out of her room in a high-angle shot in "Psycho." In "Dial M for Murder," I would say the defining moment is when Ray Milland wipes clean every object he touches as he explains to the hired killer how to carry out the murder of his wife, thus not incriminating Milland himself. It is no surprise that "A Perfect Murder" is a remake of "Dial M" but it is an insult to my intelligence and to the audiences who already feel remakes are needless in the first place. Not that "Dial M For Murder" could not stand to be remade since it is one of Hitch's lesser achievements, but this so-called suspense yarn is not it.

Dialogue through nuance and diction are thrown out the window in favor of bloody, suspenseless thrills every few minutes. Michael Douglas, in one of the lesser performances of his career, makes his motivations and murderous impulses easy to spot from the opening sequence, playing a reptilian, Gecko-like character who knows his wife is having an affair. Where is Ray Milland when you need him? Why is Douglas's wife, played by Gwyneth Paltrow, so naive as to think her husband is not up to no good? How does Douglas know Paltrow will answer the corded phone at the precise moment she will be killed when she could easily let the answering machine...oh, who cares. Not even Viggo Mortensen as her lover can convince her that her husband is a bastard. And Mortensen's character changes wildly from its original design as he engages in a plot to...well, you might see it coming for miles.

So there are histrionic performances from cold-blooded characters who elicit antipathy, not empathy, not to mention Paltrow and Mortensen as the most unromantic pair of lovers in many moons - they could not even warm a pair of cold bricks. In addition, there are more red herrings than needed and a tasteless, protracted "Fatal Attraction" finish that will make you puke from disgust and anger resulting in one of the most anemic thrillers ever. "A Perfect Murder" needs more than a blood transfusion - it needs Hitch. Patricia Hitchcock should sue and as of 2001, she still hasn't.