An Impending, Inert WW III

WRONG IS RIGHT (1982)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

It is possible that "Wrong is Right" was viewed as an over-the-top political satire in 1982 with its view of a dim President of the United States (who works out with his gym attire), amoral arms-dealers, and a cynical look at the media's lust for violence ("Network" got there first a few years earlier and with more punch). That would have been sufficient, with cynicism present in every frame of "Wrong is Right" but there's also one too many suicide bombers and the U.S.'s insatiable need for oil - these are images (along with the World Trade Center holding two atomic bombs that are ready to detonate) that may not sit so well in today's post-9/11 climate. Still, regardless of such potent, unsettling imagery, "Wrong is Right" might have worked had it not been so boring.

Sean Connery is completely miscast as a superstar investigative reporter named Hale who is summoned frequently to the White House. See, Hale finds himself in the most dangerous spots around Saudi Arabia and most of the Middle East, interviewing King Awad (Ron Moody) and a terrorist leader (Henry Silva) over the purported suitcases carrying atomic devices that are set to detonate in New York City! And then Hale views the incoming televised reports at the behest of the President (George Grizzard) on the Prez's own television at the Oval Office! There is something intrinsically funny about that yet the filmmakers never bother to fully exploit it. In fact, there are long stretches of scenes where nothing comical or satiric occurs. At one point, Katharine Ross plays a federal agent who meets with some shadowy figure and then, boom, a suicide bomber kills her and the cohort! It is hard to see the humor in any of this. Most of "Wrong is Right" operates on that level, concluding with an interminable series of suspense sequences and Oval Office meetings where the President has to decide whether to resign or allow the bombs to be detonated. This is one of the first movies that I recall seeing where the pace is hurried yet nothing resembling wit is derived from its hurriedness - fast-paced delirium that leads nowhere except interminable boredom. For instance, we see the effects of nuclear annihilation and it turns out that the whole thing was a model of NYC being blown apart to smithereens - that is the level of wink-wink humor we get courtesy of writer-director Richard Brooks ("In Cold Blood"). That and its Nixonian edge with the President delivering an address with the nation with his cute pooch at his side. All the President can say with any comedic edge is, "Does anyone realize that dog is God spelled backwards?" Well, duh!

"Wrong is Right" appears to be headed for "Dr. Strangelove" territory crossed with the journalistic amorality straight from the pages of "Network." Some of it might seem eerily prescient in hindsight but dullness sets in early - there is no real satiric punch or vitality to any of this. What seemed right on the page is painfully wrong on the screen.

I Confess, I loved it

HEAVEN HELP US (1985)

Reviewed By Jerry Saravia

I attended Elementary Catholic School up until the end of 1984 (the school shall remain nameless). My memories of that wretched school I attended are anything but happy - the nuns and teachers were ruthless in their punitive methods. Being slapped across the face because your homework was incomplete was not uncommon. I had first seen 1985's "Heaven Help Us" on cable back in the mid-80's and remember liking the film and knowing it was authentic not only to the era but to that particular kind of wretched school. Having seen it very recently again, I was caught up all over again in the comical hijinks of the prankish students, and just as dismayed at the brutal punitive measures bestowed against its students. "Heaven Help Us" is a wonderfully abrasive and uncouth comedy with moments that make you laugh and others, on the flip of a dime, that are unsettling. It is that precise mixture that blends with the messiness of life itself, from the point-of-view of its Catholic School students, and vibrates and throttles on screen.

The point-of-the-view of the students is exceedingly well-evoked by the atmosphere of St. Basil's in Brooklyn, NY, 1965. It is an all-boys' school attended by the likes of abrasive and repeat-grader Rooney (Kevin Dillon, one of the finest roles of his career); Caesar (Malcolm Danare), the brainy psychiatrist-in-the-making student who keeps laminated notes in his pocket as excuses to escape inevitable punishment; Stephen Geoffreys as a frequent masturbator who is excited about being an altar boy, and the newbie (Andrew McCarthy) who is unsure if he can fit in (his grandmother hopes he will be a priest someday).

The teaching faculty are all brothers, notably Brother Thadeus (Donald Sutherland) as the headmaster who insists on discipline; the memorably sadistic Brother Constance (Jay Patterson) who apologizes to his students before whacking them with wooden paddles, and a newbie Brother Timothy (John Heard) who is more rebellious and something of a smoker, not to mention a collector of baseball cards.

The movie is an acute series of misadventures suffered by the kids who don't know better because, you know, they are just kids. One incident involves a night of drinking during a drawbridge opening where Rooney's car gets stuck; catching an Elvis movie after seeing the Pope in town; decapitating St. Basil's statue; smoking at the local soda fountain down the street run by underage Danni (Mary Stuart Masterson) where the Brothers try to catch a glimpse of any of the students; Brother Constance forcing Caesar to put chewing gum on his nose; a hellishly funny fire and brimstone speech by Father Abruzzi (Wallace Shawn) about lust just before a dance; Dana Barron and Yeardley Smith as Catholic students from all-girls school who go on dates with Rooney and Caesar, respectively, etc. In a quirky way, the movie sort of mocks the Stations of the Cross with the students suffering some tough beatings and whose absolution results in two weeks off from school, rather than being literally hung on a cross! No real redemption intended here. There are also no moral lessons to be learned here, only a moral indignation of Brother Constance who gets a perverse thrill out of being violently abusive.

"Heaven Help Us" is a vivid, often jovial reminder of a significant time and place when unruly Catholic School kids used their own clickers to get attention, and when times were slowly changing thanks to some new thinking regarding spiritual enlightenment courtesy of Brother Timothy. It also serves as a reminder of a post-JFK era sandwiched in between the beginning of the Vietnam War (it is no mistake that a photo and a promotional poster of JFK figure prominently in the soda fountain shop). With all the tomfoolery and all the abuse, there is also a sweet love story centering around Michael and Danni that results in an unexpected separation. From debuting director Michael Dinner and writer Charles Purpura, this ambitious movie wisely balances sardonic humor with realistic horror. It feels and tastes like a life actually lived and that is high praise, indeed. Bless them all for making this miraculous, underrated movie. 

Been there, Done that

ANALYZE THAT (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
Originally reviewed in 2004

I thought it would be fun to see Robert De Niro and Billy Crystal as mobster and psychiatrist again, and then I realized that such fun can only be engaging if the concept is expanded, not undernourished, with comic possibilities. Such expansion never entered the minds of the filmmakers of this only sporadically funny and far less engaging sequel,"Analyze That."

Maybe Hollywood has run fresh out of ideas but can't someone come up with inventive ones. Think of the setup. De Niro is Paul Vitti, still in jail and supposedly going mad singing old Broadway tunes. Billy Crystal is Dr. Sobel, the irritable psychiatrist who has to set Vitti up with a normal existence, far away from any mob entanglements. Of course, Vitti is faking being insane and is ready to go back to work, "GoodFellas"-style. Sobel's cooperation with the FBI to take in Vitti ensures the possibility of him and Vitti getting killed. Still, Vitti attempts normalcy by failing at every single job he takes, such as selling cars, being a maitre d', etc. All this is a ruse since Vitti wants to get back into the action - once a mobster, always a mobster.

Some of this is occasionally funny and De Niro is fully animated as Vitti - of his recent roles in the 2000 decade, this is one of his best. But this sequel is desperate as it assumes that audiences will
have a rollicking time with any sort of plot thread waved at them. A subplot involving a mob war marks so much time that it may as well have been lifted from an average mob picture. The laughs are
nonexistent in the last third of the film where a huge chunk of time is wasted playing it straight rather than comical. It all culminates with a heist that seems more fitting in "The Score," which also
starred De Niro. When even Cathy Moriarty, as a rival mob boss, doesn't seem to play anything for laughs, you know this whole enterprise reeks of desperation.

The movie's few good ideas circling around Vitti screwing up every job he takes and his brief turn as an advisor for a "Sopranos"-like take on mobsters called "Little Caesar" could've been mined for some real laughs. Instead we see De Niro trying to wheedle his way with rivaling mobsters and the same old cliches involving betrayal and yada, yada, yada. A big yawn extends through the last half of the film - never a good sign for an alleged comedy.

Laughs are sparse and Billy Crystal and the remarkably underused Lisa Kudrow are simply wasted. Not as bad as "Meet the Fockers" (talk about a desperate sequel) but even in the ratio of recent De Niro pics, it is one of his most mediocre. Watch the original "Analyze This" with
some cannolis and that's that.

And That's That

ANALYZE THIS (1999)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Original Review from 1999

This is a mob movie parody that actually delivers more laughs per minute than most straight comedies. "Analyze This" is a pleasurable movie experience, and a real hoot; a grandly hysterical comedy that pokes fun at all the expected mob cliches, and is guaranteed to offend everyone (including some mobsters).

Billy Crystal stars as a psychiatrist, Ben Sobel, who offers therapy to divorcees and couples. One day, he has an accidental fender bender with a mobster's car - Crystal offers his business card in case the guy changes his mind about filing a suit. "Forget about it. I said forget about it," snarls Jelly, the mobster (Joe Viterelli). Of course, Jelly does not forget when he notices that his boss, Paul Vitti (Robert De Niro), is suffering from headaches and is not performing up to par on the job. After all, he's Don Vitti, one of the major crime bosses in New York City.

Jelly suggests that Paul visit the psychiatrist. Once he's there, the Don intimidates Ben by telling him that he didn't see his face in the papers and doesn't know him. Ben agrees but his life turns upside down when he starts to counsel Paul. "Analyze This" steals ever narrative device you can imagine from classic mob films like "The Godfather," "GoodFellas," and "Casino." There's the voice-over delivered by De Niro, the typical mob kisses and hugs, shoot-outs in restaurants, several comical "whackings", and Tony Bennett songs playing all the while. All of this is done with style and grace.

Just as graceful and ingratiating as ever is De Niro, a proven potent comic force ("We're No Angels" and "The King of Comedy") who steals every scene he's in. He mugs mercilessly and whimpers incessantly - there's one touching scene where he sobs over his father's death. De Niro is as fit, trimmed, and handsome as he was in "Casino" - no wonder he originally wanted Martin Scorsese to direct.

Billy Crystal has been on the sentimental bandwagon ever since "City Slickers," but here he learns a vital lesson: less is more. With a bespectacled look and a curly beard, Crystal lightens up the screen with his pleasing charm and nuanced timing. He learned the great trick - to pause with a glance before delivering the punch line. Here he is pitch-perfect in one of his most memorable screen roles to date. Crystal's last scene as he mimics a swaggering, posturing Italian mafioso will leave you incredulous with laughter.

Unfortunately, there is one major flaw: the casting of Lisa Kudrow as Laura, Ben's fiancee who keeps getting interrupted at every wedding opportunity by Paul's henchmen. Kudrow does well, but isn't given enough to do. This is a real shame, considering there could have been some winning byplay between De Niro and Kudrow, but the three or four writers listed seemed to have nixed the idea of supplying more than one scene between them. Still, there are enough comic zingers, one-liners, and subtle humor to compensate. Besides, you have the prim Chazz Palminteri as the rival mob boss, Primo Sindrone.

"Analyze This" may not be great shakes or worthy of being placed in the annals of great comedy classics, but it is as satisfying and entertaining as any other comedy I've seen as of late. And that's that. 

Fock This!

MEET THE FOCKERS (2004)

  Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

  Original review from 2005

   

I wish I had kind words for the Jay Roach-directed comedy sequel "Meet the Fockers," but after watching it, I felt most unkind.

   

I enjoyed the original "Meet the Parents," a wickedly funny comedy based on the premise of seeing Ben Stiller as the fiance who dreads meeting his fiancee's parents who are most unkind and cruel towards him. The reasons were that Stiller's character, Greg Focker, was a male 

nurse and had that dreaded last name that everyone mocked, and he inadvertently starts one disaster after another (I recall some gag about spilled ashes). This time, Greg is going to have his future in-laws meet his parents, the Fockers (played by Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand), a liberal, happy couple who speak openly about sex. Naturally, Jack (Robert De Niro), a former CIA agent and the father of Pam (Teri Polo), Greg's fiancee, is skeptical of Greg's parents and feels uncomfortable, especially when taking a shower while Dustin Hoffman sits in the toilet. 

   

But instead of focusing on the chaos of the situation, the movie inundates us with sexual references, sexual hijinks, sexual innuendos, and a cringe-inducing moment that even the Farrelly Brothers would have considered tasteless. Bad taste can be funny but here, it is simply excruciating because of the assumption that sex is funny (I don't think so). And watching De Niro carrying a prosthetic boob and getting a massage from Streisand are simply setpieces that lead nowhere because there's no payoff. A joke about sodium pentothal and a kid who bears a striking resemblance to Greg seem forced and cruelly unfunny (and I won't get into how many times the name Focker was repeated). And poor Blythe Danner, reprising her role as Jack's desperate wife, has such a thankless role that you'll be hard-pressed to remember her in the movie at all. 

   

"Meet the Fockers" is not funny at all, and not even slyly amusing. I sat watching this forced, artificial construct of a sequel imagining how De Niro thought this was a good idea at all (he was executive producer). De Niro, Stiller and company may just want to settle into repeating roles without even trying, but why should we settle for less? 

Fockin' Love it!

MEET THE PARENTS (2000)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Originally reviewed in 2000

Ben Stiller is playing the kind of character Adam Sandler should be playing. Not an idiot savant, mind you, but a grown-up jerk who has his heart in the right place. Stiller is still flirting with disaster and it is a joy to watch him in "Meet the Parents," a chaotic yet thoroughly restrained howler in the 

tradition of "Father of the Bride." When I think of Stiller in this film, I think of Murphy's Law - whatever can go wrong will go wrong.

Stiller plays Greg Focker (!), a Jewish male nurse who is ready to propose to his sweetly precious girlfriend, Pam (Teri Polo), a schoolteacher. Problem is she catches him at the wrong time when she mentions that her father, who is hard to please, has agreed to her other sister's wedding proposal to be married on their front lawn. Naturally, Greg and Pam go to meet her parents on Long Island, NY, to attend the wedding. Enter Pam's father (Robert De Niro), who pretends to be a retired florist to cover for his ex-CIA activities, and Pam's mother (Blythe Danner) who has a tender smile even in 

the midst of chaos. Everything goes wrong from the start of what should be an enjoyable weekend. Greg screws up the family prayer at the dinner table when he hilariously mentions how to milk a cat (he also tells bad jokes). There is the running gag of De Niro's prized pet, a cat named Mr. Jinx, whom De Niro considers as much a family member as anyone else. Mr. Jinx has been trained 

to relieve itself in a toilet, though Greg suggests at one point that the cat could probably flush too. Then there is the whole septic tank incident, not to mention Pam's ex-boyfriend (Owen Wilson) who lives luxuriously and invites them to his home to show off. An excruciating lie-detector test followed by the usual misunderstandings about marijuana, and the constant use of Greg's last name ad nauseam.

Stiller is pitch-perfect as Greg - every scene he is in made me laugh louder than most comedies this year (and his resume is not bad either, from his roles in "Reality Bites" to "Flirting With Disaster" to "Mystery Men"). But what makes Stiller such a natural at being made a mockery is his 

vulnerability, whether it is seeing him dressed in pajamas when walking into his possible future in-laws at breakfast time or his slow burn leading to a completely frazzled condition in front of De Niro's hidden video cameras - he is the clumsy nerd with a core of humanity. We may not always understand his motives but we can't help but feel sorry for him, even if he spray paints a 

cat's tail!

De Niro is at his comical best relaxing with smoothness and calmness, the likes of which we have not seen since "Wag the Dog." De Niro does not force the audience to laugh with him, he merely plays it straight and has great comic timing. I cannot imagine a more suitable foil than De Niro's coiled 

charm to Stiller's maddening anxiety.

The Pam character and the ex-fiance are two characters that do not fit in to the frothy mix. Teri Polo is so bland and forgettable as Greg's girlfriend that she hardly seems worth all the trouble - that may be cruel but consider what someone with far more personality and range could have done with this 

role, say Lisa Kudrow or Uma Thurman? Owen Wilson also seems tired and flat as the ex, and it is generally a wasted, unnecessary role considering there is no payoff - he might dislike or disapprove of Pam's new love but there is not a single scene where he expresses that emotion.

I would have loved more intimate scenes between Danner and De Niro (the most unlikely pair of actors to play a married couple), but "Meet the Parents" is quite a laughfest from start to finish. And watching De Niro come up against Stiller is a marvelous sight and a true laugh riot to witness. Let's see those two again on screen soon, and Mr. Jinx too.

Dry Hair is for Squids

TRANCERS (1985)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Trancers" unfolds like comic-book junk food, easily digestible yet lacking any real form or function. I enjoyed it well enough but I can't say it will forever be etched in my memory except for the presence of Tim Thomerson and Helen Hunt.

Tim Thomerson is Jack Deth, the L.A. police trooper/bounty hunter of the future, 2247 to be precise, and he seeks and destroys "trancers," humans who become zombiefied killers. Exactly why they become killers or how this transformation is initiated I can't say except that some psychic maniac named Whistler (Michael Stefani) has found a way - he has inhabited the body of one of his ancestors and is planning to kill the ancestors of the Angel City Council. Meanwhile, Deth can identify the trancers with a special bracelet thus his services are summoned by the Angel City Council who plan to send him back in time to stop Whistler, specifically in L.A. in 1985. Time-travel is not accomplished by machines - no, he merely has to inhabit the body of one of his ancestors by some sort of injection and, presto, he will be a journalist who just happens to look like Jack Deth in 1985.

This is the kind of movie where trancers corrupt the bodies of Santa Claus and a built tanning salon owner; Helen Hunt plays the sweetest punk rock fan of all time (she screams punk by having a shade of purple in her hair) and is also Deth's girlfriend; a single-use James Bondian futuristic watch that can stretch one second of time for ten seconds (the most novel touch in the film), and where a homeless man was once a relief pitcher with his own baseball card! A funny bit of business about this former relief pitcher - he is one of the ancestors of the female member of the Angel City Council! So how come Deth and Whistler have lookalike ancestors but the others do not?

"Trancers" is a low-budget and entertaining B-movie blend of "Blade Runner" and "The Terminator" and moves at a very fast clip at a mere 76 minutes. Logic is threatened throughout as is often the case with time-travel plots but it is the ample charm and humor of Tim Thomerson that keeps this afloat. He plays it straight without cracking too much of a smile, no matter how silly the movie gets. Helen Hunt has such sweetness and empathy that it works wonders and she has charismatic rapport with Thomerson. They stand out amidst all the comic-book junk food shenanigans.