I Confess, I loved it

HEAVEN HELP US (1985)

Reviewed By Jerry Saravia

I attended Elementary Catholic School up until the end of 1984 (the school shall remain nameless). My memories of that wretched school I attended are anything but happy - the nuns and teachers were ruthless in their punitive methods. Being slapped across the face because your homework was incomplete was not uncommon. I had first seen 1985's "Heaven Help Us" on cable back in the mid-80's and remember liking the film and knowing it was authentic not only to the era but to that particular kind of wretched school. Having seen it very recently again, I was caught up all over again in the comical hijinks of the prankish students, and just as dismayed at the brutal punitive measures bestowed against its students. "Heaven Help Us" is a wonderfully abrasive and uncouth comedy with moments that make you laugh and others, on the flip of a dime, that are unsettling. It is that precise mixture that blends with the messiness of life itself, from the point-of-view of its Catholic School students, and vibrates and throttles on screen.

The point-of-the-view of the students is exceedingly well-evoked by the atmosphere of St. Basil's in Brooklyn, NY, 1965. It is an all-boys' school attended by the likes of abrasive and repeat-grader Rooney (Kevin Dillon, one of the finest roles of his career); Caesar (Malcolm Danare), the brainy psychiatrist-in-the-making student who keeps laminated notes in his pocket as excuses to escape inevitable punishment; Stephen Geoffreys as a frequent masturbator who is excited about being an altar boy, and the newbie (Andrew McCarthy) who is unsure if he can fit in (his grandmother hopes he will be a priest someday).

The teaching faculty are all brothers, notably Brother Thadeus (Donald Sutherland) as the headmaster who insists on discipline; the memorably sadistic Brother Constance (Jay Patterson) who apologizes to his students before whacking them with wooden paddles, and a newbie Brother Timothy (John Heard) who is more rebellious and something of a smoker, not to mention a collector of baseball cards.

The movie is an acute series of misadventures suffered by the kids who don't know better because, you know, they are just kids. One incident involves a night of drinking during a drawbridge opening where Rooney's car gets stuck; catching an Elvis movie after seeing the Pope in town; decapitating St. Basil's statue; smoking at the local soda fountain down the street run by underage Danni (Mary Stuart Masterson) where the Brothers try to catch a glimpse of any of the students; Brother Constance forcing Caesar to put chewing gum on his nose; a hellishly funny fire and brimstone speech by Father Abruzzi (Wallace Shawn) about lust just before a dance; Dana Barron and Yeardley Smith as Catholic students from all-girls school who go on dates with Rooney and Caesar, respectively, etc. In a quirky way, the movie sort of mocks the Stations of the Cross with the students suffering some tough beatings and whose absolution results in two weeks off from school, rather than being literally hung on a cross! No real redemption intended here. There are also no moral lessons to be learned here, only a moral indignation of Brother Constance who gets a perverse thrill out of being violently abusive.

"Heaven Help Us" is a vivid, often jovial reminder of a significant time and place when unruly Catholic School kids used their own clickers to get attention, and when times were slowly changing thanks to some new thinking regarding spiritual enlightenment courtesy of Brother Timothy. It also serves as a reminder of a post-JFK era sandwiched in between the beginning of the Vietnam War (it is no mistake that a photo and a promotional poster of JFK figure prominently in the soda fountain shop). With all the tomfoolery and all the abuse, there is also a sweet love story centering around Michael and Danni that results in an unexpected separation. From debuting director Michael Dinner and writer Charles Purpura, this ambitious movie wisely balances sardonic humor with realistic horror. It feels and tastes like a life actually lived and that is high praise, indeed. Bless them all for making this miraculous, underrated movie.