You are the victim of boredom in this 3-D snoozefest

AMITYVILLE 3-D (1983)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I will say the "unrelated" sequel in the endless "Amityville" series has a nifty start. Tony Roberts and Candy Clark are trying to debunk the horrors of that infamous Long Island house with the creepy attic windows. They pretend to be parents of a dead child ghost and participate in a seance. A blue orb appears but the whole thing is a hoax. Roberts is a reporter who goes after urban legends, and Candy Clark is a photographer and that is about as nifty as "Amityville 3-D" gets.

This alleged haunted house movie is not gimmicky horror fun, not even at the level of a William Castle picture. As a matter of fact, there aren't too many manifestations of hauntings at all, save for a hot water faucet that is impossible to turn off; a bottomless well in the basement where an evil creature resides; a bee followed by a host of bees that kill a realtor, and not much else. The movie can't even follow its own rules, especially when the manifestations occur beyond the surroundings of the house. Roberts needs a cool drink of water as an elevator descends at alarming speeds while he hangs on to the railing as if he was in some Warner Brothers cartoon. Oh, and there is a doozy involving Candy Clark who is almost frostbitten by frigid temperatures at that house and then loses control of her car in special-effects that look as hokey as anything in "Exorcist II." There is also a boating accident that is merely alluded to - we don't see the accident so who knows how it happened or why other than the house made it happen?

For some good laughs, it is a treat to see early performances in their careers by Meg Ryan and Lori Laughlin, but what on earth possessed Tony Roberts and Tess Harper to appear in this godawful mess involving flying frisbees, flying skeletons and sheer ineptitude? "Amityville 3-D" has apathetic reactions to almost everything, thus nobody cares about the characters (especially Candy Clark's fate) or the nonexistent story. Did the skeptical Roberts character even once question what is happening in this dreaded house that he buys? Apathy is the name of the game - all too common in 1980's rotten horror movie sequels.