There are bad movies assembled out of derivative parts of other movies and then there are bad movies that are just simply assembled. "House II: The Second Story" is one of those "movies." I hesitate calling it a movie because it is not - consider it the most poorly assembled piece of crockery since "Manos: Hands of Fate." This is not high praise or a recommendation; just a warning.The original "House" with William Katt was a good-bad movie of the haunted house variety and it was tongue-in-cheek in its attitude even if not a complete success on any level. I was entertained by it. "House II" is not entertaining - it is a queasy, endless chore to sit through. The cast is white bread bland with expired mayonnaise on top. Arye Gross is Jesse who has moved in to his parents' mansion where they were murdered by some ghostly gunslinger from the Old West! Jesse and a party-hearty friend of his (Jonathan Stark, who was put to better use in "Fright Night") exhume the great-great grandfather at the cemetery because the skeletal remains may be in possession of an Aztec crystal skull! Only the great-great grandfather (Royal Dano) rises from the dead, and the "heroes" decide to keep him in the basement of the mansion while he watches old westerns on TV. This dead cowboy, affectionately referred to as Gramps (oh, how original!), starts drinking like a fish and parties with young women and loves to drive fast cars!
"House II" is meant to be comedic but it falls flat quickly with the blandest actors imaginable (yes, that includes Bill Maher as a record producer) and cartoonish juvenile hijinks that features a caterpillar dog, a baby dinosaur and some grunting barbarian. So much for hauntings. The movie looks as if it was made in a hurry and marches through at a snail-paced rate of speed. Don't sell this house, torch it instead.
No comments:
Post a Comment