Curiously remote Sarah Polley

 MY LIFE WITHOUT ME (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

There is a moment in "My Life Without Me" where Sarah Polley's character makes tape recordings for her daughters. You see Polley's character, Ann, is dying of ovarian cancer and she wants to make a voice recording for each of her daughters' birthdays until they are 18. I was waiting for a moment where Ann would ditch the idea, throw the tapes and the cassette recorder into the nearest river, and admit to herself that she is dying and finally admit it to her family. Well, the whole movie makes you ask such questions about Ann and why she doesn't do this instead of that. It becomes irritating.

Let's focus on Ann's character more closely. She is a 23-year-old woman, married to her first love whom she met at a Nirvana concert, has two daughters, has a janitorial job at the local university, and lives with her family in a trailer outside her mother's house. One fine day, after fainting in her
kitchen, Ann learns at the hospital, from a doctor who makes no eye contact, that she has incurable ovarian cancer. Unfortunately, due to her age, her cells are too young to fight the disease. Instead of letting her family know of her inevitable death, she keeps it to herself, claiming she has anemia, and starts to make a list of things to do. One of the things includes making love to a man outside her husband (and making this unlucky fool fall in love with her), finding a woman for her husband and her kids (no points for those who can guess her name will also be Ann) and, among other objectives, making those damn tapes for each and every person in her life.

I could have lived with knowing more about Ann's mother (Deborah Harry), a washed-out baker, Ann's boyfriend Don (Scott Speedman) who is getting a new job and loves his wife and kids, and Lee (Mark Ruffalo), the lonely guy who lives in a house with no furniture. This would have made for a great character piece, having these three characters interact with Ann. But no, we also get the
next-door neighbor, the hairdresser with braids (Maria de Medeiros) and Ann's co-worker (Amanda Plummer) who is always talking about diets. There is also small talk revolving around Milli Vanilli and the Nirvana band. Some of this is terminally annoying, some of it is as flat as a flatline. And we keep hearing Ann talking about herself and to herself...she is a selfish woman who should be worried more about her family and their future than her own needs. A better movie would show Ann focusing on why this has happened to her, questioning her own life and her past. The movie gives a hint of this from her multiple voice-overs but not nearly enough.

Sarah Polley, a gifted actress, is perfect as Ann but she doesn't play the character as someone frightened or saddened by the prospect of death - she sort of accepts it (like a middle-aged adult would) and moves on. The last thing I expect from this actress is to play a character who is so curiously remote from
her feelings. At least, her final scene with Ruffalo shows the emotion we expect from an actress with such striking eyes (to be fair, she has a couple of tearful scenes).

"My Life Without Me" is the kind of film that grates the nerves and makes you look at your watch. You keep waiting for Ann to realize that her objectives are foolhardy. After a while, you just hope she will go away. Sorry, Sarah Polley, if you read this review, remember, I love your work. I just don't love this
character.