Endured by Jerry Saravia
"Snakes on a Plane" is a torturous test of endurance, the kind of movie that makes you hate cinema for allowing B-movies of this kind to exist. I don't object to the central idea summed up beautifully in a blunt title, but I do object to the movie's tedium and over-the-top gore supplied by largely CGI-enhanced snakes. That...and a title song video that plays next to the end credits. Ugh.
The movie begins with a couple of thrilling surfing shots, followed by a motorbike travelling at top speeds from an overhead shot that goes on forever. So far, not bad and this is about as thrilling as "Snakes on a Plane" gets. There's Samuel L. Jackson as a top-of-the-line FBI agent who rescues a young surfer from imminent death - the kid was a witness to the vicious murder of a prosecutor by some Asian mob leader. Now the kid is in danger after getting shot at in his home and is due to travel by plane to L.A. to testify against this kingpin, escorted by Jackson and another FBI agent. It turns out that the kingpin's minions have loaded a cargo of illegal, deadly cobras and other snakes from around the world. There is a time-release trap door that lets them loose all over the plane and they start hissing and biting any and every passenger on board. An anonymous couple have sex in the bathroom and a snake drops in and on them. Another snake worms its way through the inside of a woman's clothes as she sleeps, and clearly she thinks something else is happening. Holy sexual innuendos! Before long, Samuel L. Jackson utters his trademark ubiquitous one-liner that was made famous from the trailers, and I was ready to check out and have a nap.
"Snakes on a Plane" could have been an infectious B-movie but it is a grating chore to sit through. The movie begins on overdrive and I was sort of into it, until they got into the plane. Sure, there are enough cobras of every variety to scare the pants off of Indiana Jones but I was not amazed, thrilled or scared by any of the slithering, poisonous creatures - mostly just nauseated. The snakes slither through the screen like props and there is not much suspense either - we see them coming, the victims don't see them, and then the attack happens. One woman's eye socket is penetrated by a snake and another one crushes a man to death. The latter victim is some arrogant businessman who thinks nothing of throwing a woman's chihuahua at the snakes to stop them from advancing. I did not feel for that crappy businessman afterwards.
It is fun seeing Kenan Thompson as a rapper's bodyguard who turns out to have flying experience thanks to video games, but it is gravely disappointing to see Samuel L. Jackson running around without saying anything memorable (the search in the cargo hold to turn on the plane's refrigeration system back on is right out of "Jurassic Park," which also starred Sam the Man). If Jackson is indifferent to the chaos and if we see that Julianna Margulies is left on the screen to be nothing more than the comforting airline attendant, then it is no surprise how empty-headed and indifferent one will feel watching it. "Snakes on a Plane" was a massive Internet phenomenon but so was "The Blair Witch Project" and which one do you think I prefer?
No comments:
Post a Comment