Not quite on the level of the Beatles album

 BACK IN THE U.S.S.R (1992)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

From what I gather in this lumbering, plot-holish disaster of a movie, there is a religious icon that the Russian mafia wants. A priest also wants it after it was stolen from him. And a museum curator demands it. Just about anyone is willing to kill for it. Its monetary worth and why these people crave it are questions never answered and possibly never asked by the filmmakers of this completely nonsensical thriller. It may as well be a comedy.

Frank Whaley, always diverting no matter what he's doing, is the naive American named Archer visiting Russia and eager to see the "real Russia." This includes going to some punk rock club, getting mugged, having sex with a Russian prostitute who steals the icon in the opening sequence, getting beaten by Mafia goons and getting shot in the hand by a criminal businessman (Roman Polanski, doing a reprise of his "Chinatown" character). Oh, and the terminally stupid Archer is wanted for murder all over town! The Russian girl's friend wants Whaley's precious sneakers. So much for that "real Russia." And on, and on, and on, to the point that I just gave up and admired the overcast Russian skies and was fascinated by the run-down areas of Moscow. I also enjoyed watching Natalya Negoda as the Girl who has one trick up her sleeve that you can see miles ahead. A final, infernal (a dual meaning there) twist will make you wonder if you are supposed to be stupefied or to laugh, or to do both. 

I could say you've been warned but in the spirit of the former Soviet Union and glasnost, I'd rather take it to another level: it is a DEFCON 4 warning.