No charm in this stinky snake tale

CURSE II: THE BITE (1989)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

A young couple (J. Eddie Peck, Jill Schoelen) travel through 100 miles of snakes in the desert road. Along the way, they meet gas station attendants with shotguns and snake-like mutated dogs, Jamie Farr as a Brooklyn traveling salesman/doctor, and some rattlesnake that cries like a baby and eventually bites the hand of Schoelen's boyfriend. Of course, this sounds like a throwback to those atomic monster pics from the 1950's, though not nearly as thrilling and far more yucky.

"Curse II: The Bite" is an in-name only sequel that shares no resemblance to the yuckier 1987 horror flick, "The Curse" (which had precious little to do with its literary inspiration, H.P. Lovecraft). This movie is a heck of a lot better than that horrifically misguided 1987 flick yet what we have in store folks is certainly much ado about nothing. A snake bite leads the tall J. Eddie to have a bandaged hand for most of the movie's running time but rather than showing how it affects him physically and emotionally, he just looks merely constipated throughout. In one scene, he punches dearest Jill Schoelen in the face at a New Mexico bar - one can assume it is because he is jealous that she is dancing with another guy which J. Eddie presumably allows. This snake is protruding through Peck's hand and it has a life of its own but, aside from the bar scene, all that snake wants to do is kill everyone it comes in contact with, or does it? It kills one cop, and lets an irate sheriff with a bandaged nose (Bo Svenson, of all people) off the hook by merely whacking him in the head! It kills a nurse by thrusting itself in her mouth, but it lets Jamie Farr go since he faints. What kind of snake is this?

Jill Schoelen in Curse II: The Bite

Jamie Farr comes off best in this movie as the pseudo-doctor who is trying to locate the couple thru CB radio after realizing he gave J. Eddie the wrong antidote. J. Eddie Peck is a pleasing presence but he grows more unlikable as the movie progresses (I guess a few living snakes in your body, courtesy of creature effects guru Screaming Mad George, can lead to a rotten mood). For example, J. Eddie promises he would never hit Jill, then smacks her, then makes love to her in a dark barn with shafts of light peering through (one of the least erotic lovemaking scenes in film history). The underrated Jill Schoelen is always a pleasant diversion and she not only gets to play guitar and sing a song, but she also shows she is nobody's property (of course, she does succumb to her Snake Eyes pal after he massages her, um, lower extremities).

"Curse II: The Bite" is not the worst of its kind but it is resolutely cheesy horror that never quite establishes the menace that needs to be destroyed. Once the movie spirals into an absurd contrivance with some religious folk and an insanely overlong climax, it is easy to tune out from this mess. For Jill Schoelen fans, it is worthwhile getting through its story lulls and slow pacing because her presence shines so brightly. As for the rest of you, there is nothing charming about this stinky snake tale.