Jamie Lee Curtis can't survive another sequel

HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (2002)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia     
(Originally reviewed in August 9th, 2002)

It is one of my guilty pleasures to view the "Halloween" films, having seen all seven sequels to John Carpenter's original classic. I have not liked any of them, except for the chilling Rick Rosenthal sequel Number 2 and "H20." As all diehard devotees of the "Halloween" franchise can recall, the chilling 1981 sequel was set in a hospital where poor Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) was running from the Shape, Michael Myers to the rest of you. It was one of the few sequels that had the distinction of continuing the story from the same night where the original had left off. Now, Rick Rosenthal has reunited with Miss Curtis and the Shape for one more sequel. Is it a thrill? A delight? Not so. This latest sequel is not bloody bad, just more of the same, and with no attention paid to the most rudimentary character details that "H20" had.

Laurie Strode does return briefly for a fairly intense opening sequence featuring good old Mikey with the William Shatner face mask. After the first five minutes, the movie goes downhill. Apparently some show called "Dangertainment" will broadcast the comings and goings inside Mr. Myers' childhood home live on the Internet. The lead producer of the show (Busta Rhymes) loves kung-fu movies and is eager to scare the living daylights out of everybody, including the five or six (I lost count) high-school students invited to shoot their experiences inside the dreaded house with a digital camera. Before you can say "Blair Witch Project," there are numerous stabbings, decapitations, and oh just too many decapitations, and gallons of blood. There are the typical "Scream" one-liners uttered by emaciated, generic teenagers who should know better by now than to utter "Who's there?" Yes, there are the requisite sexual innuendos and make-out scenes, and before you know it, Michael Myers' white mask looms out of the shadows before someone gets hacked to death. I think I forgot to mention that Tyra Banks appears in this as well.

I am not sure what attracted me to seeing the latest offering from the Moustapha Akkad series except sheer curiosity (that and the brief appearance by Jamie Lee Curtis). Perhaps it is hope that this series can rise above the mediocrity and try something truly unique and really invoke the supernatural. Or maybe the thought that Michael Myers should simply retire. One decapitation is enough for me.

A whiz-bang superhero team

THE AVENGERS (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 All you need to know about superheroes is that they have special powers that enables them to perform extraordinary abilities. I wish I could say that when you see one superhero movie, you have seen them all. Not quite the case with the Marvel superheroes on hand here. From Captain America to Hulk to Thor to Iron Man, this is the sweet desert of an epic movie many fans have been waiting for. It is that, and more.

The gung-ho, patriotic Captain America (Chris Evans) has been frozen in ice for 50 years and is thawed out to help form the superhero team, the Avengers initiative, thanks to the persuasive Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Nick recruits other members, with the help of the formidable martial-arts expert and superspy Black Widow (Scarlett Johannson), such as the reluctant Iron Man aka billionaire hotshot, Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.), and the semi-reluctant Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) who is always angry but hasn't turned into the Hulk for about a year. The mighty Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is missing but not for long - he is searching for his adopted brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston), a dangerous god from Asgard who wishes possession of the Tessaract, a glowing, impenetrable cube that allows the gods to travel from one dimension to the next. Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) is also on hand with his trusty bow and explosive-tipped arrows, but he ought to watch out for Loki's powerful scepter.

"The Avengers" gives us all the banter one might hope from these superheroes whose egos and personalities clash when they are in the same room. Thor fights Captain America and Iron Man while trying to capture Loki. Hulk and Thor also have their moment with giant green fists against a mighty hammer. When the Avengers are not fighting, they argue and try to one-up each other. Tony tries to get Bruce angry because he is "a big fan of the other guy." Tony also can't stand the "old man," that man being Captain America and his colorful outfit. Only Black Widow and Hawkeye seem to get along - they have a past history of being involved in minor political debacles, far removed from anything like gods, green-skinned monsters and alien ships.

The grand finale involving the aforementioned alien ships and alien beasties wearing visors and helmets felt a little off - who are these CGI-created hooligans from space? It felt a little like a hackneyed video-game in 3-D with all of these alien creatures falling into place a little too neatly. The focus on the story should have stuck with Loki, who manipulates others to do his destructive bidding early on. Could he not have done the same thing with our superheroes and turn them against each other? Still, despite various explosions of buildings and streets ripped apart like shredded paper (the comics featured just as much destruction), I cared about the superheroes enough to get through the calamity of it all. It is seemingly "Transformers"-type calamity, but with a lot more heart and more than one and a half dimensions. Michael Bay isn't half the director that newcomer film director Joss Whedon is.

Robert Downey, Jr. makes the most of the arrogant Tony Stark; Mark Ruffalo is an able Bruce Banner and impressive Hulk (the scene-stealer for sure); Jeremy Renner makes me root for his Hawkeye with his laser stare and archery skills; Scarlett Johannson (an actress I less than admire) gives us a whipsmart woman as Black Widow in this epic boys' tale, and Chris Evans is still the admirably old-fashioned Cap Man ("There is only one God, m'aam"). Tom Hiddleston is still the lecherous, Iago-type villain - displaying a tinge of regret about his estranged relationship with his hammer-loving brother. Two repartee scenes involving Loki and Tony Stark are about as engaging as one might expect. There is also a brief set of scenes involving Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg, who last appeared in "Thor"), the right-hand man to Nick Fury who wants his old Captain America trading cards to be signed by the man himself. It is moments like this, peppered throughout the film, that give it some soul, shape and dimension.

"The Avengers" is not the best superhero movie of all time (nor is it as grandly wondrous or enthralling as "Thor" or "Captain America") but it is a smart, snappy, rousing, occasionally lighthearted, furiously paced blockbuster film, giving comic-book fans and fans of these actors in particular a little bit of everything. These superegotistical heroes are not cardboard automatons - the actors give them humanity and individual personalities. And then they kick ass in the grand Marvel way.

Molly Ringwald's road to nowhere

P.K. AND THE KID (1987 - filmed in 1982)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia 

(originally written in 2002) 

Molly Ringwald had that special something that Shirley Temple had: she could make teenage boys develop a crush on her. From Ringwald's lead roles in "Sixteen Candles" and "Pretty in Pink," she became the face of teenage adoration in the John Hughes universe. I was one of those teenage boys back in 1986, even ogling at Life and Time magazines that featured her pretty freckled face gracing the cover. Ringwald then moved on from her teenage mode to mindless B movies that never did much for her career. But Ringwald was also the star of "B" and "C" movies prior to "Sixteen Candles." One of them was the exceptionally abysmal "P.K. and the Kid," a movie that makes TV movies look visually inventive by comparison.

P.K is played by Molly Ringwald, a teenage girl who faces one sexual assault after another from her mean stepfather (Alex Rocco). He beats her senseless but P.K.'s mom (Fionnula Flanagan) ignores the abuse. P.K. is so fed up she runs away, and stepdaddy is now after her. She flees inside someone's truck. Lo and behold, the driver is Kid Kane (Paul Le Mat), a professional wrestler who is on his way to Reno for a big match. He is willing to help P.K. though the reasons are not clear except that somebody should look after a teenage runaway. They drive off on the road, laughing, making jokes, etc. Most of this resembles a cheaply made TV movie. Stepdad often materializes out of nowhere and always finds P.K. P.K. and Kid manage to elude him further. There is not one shot that shows Stepdaddy is on to them, so how does he know their whereabouts from one state to the next if we never see him following them? There are wrestling matches and fistfights along the way in restaurants, bars, and fish markets. P.K. stays in the motel room while Kid Kane tries to woo a hotel clerk (or a waitress, I forget). This stupidity plays on and on, and it includes an unintentionally hilarious scene where Stepdad delivers a jab at poor Esther Rolle, a friend of Kid's!

Along with "Caligula," "P.K. and the Kid" is the only film I've ever stopped halfway through while watching it. It was a recent videotape I had bought cheaply and viewed, mostly because of my interest in good old Molly. I decided to fast-forward to the conventional, excruciating climax where Kid has his wrestling match. It is all about as exciting as waiting for a tree branch to fall on your head while reading a book (even Stallone's sweaty artificiality was more exciting in "Over the Top"). In fact, there are some good Ringwald movies, and some great Paul Le Mat films. For God's sakes, go to your local video store and rent them, but do not watch this time-waster or you'll be sorry you lost $1.50!

Rip off the 1%

TOWER HEIST (2011)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Tower Heist" should have been a rip-roaring action comedy with a great comic cast that would have upped the tomfoolery and absurdity to new heights. As it is, it is only fitfully funny and a bit underwhelming and undernourished but it still packs the occasional wallop.

Ben Stiller is Josh Kovacs, the manager of a residential New York City skyscraper. He plays chess with a wealthy businessman, Arthur Shaw (Alan Alda), who is the owner of a penthouse at the top of this skyscraper. Josh does an admirable job overall with his staff and the patient doorman, Lester (Stephen Henderson), who is hoping to retire within a year. Casey Affleck is Charlie, the concierge who mistakes a Korean woman for Japanese. Michael Pena is Enrique, the newly hired elevator operator. Matthew Broderick is a resident who is about to be evicted. Typical day in the Big Apple.
That is until Shaw is arrested for a Ponzi scheme that involves taking pension funds from the tower's employees. Trouble is that Josh asked Shaw to invest in everyone's pension funds. This leads to a scene where Lester nearly commits suicide by walking over a subway platform (fairly true to life in light of our current economic meltdown). Shaw will get out of jail soon and not pay a penny that is owed to the tower's employees. After Josh, Enrique and Charlie are fired by the General Manager, Josh hatches a plan - rob Shaw's penthouse and get the money hidden in a safe inside a wall. Only trouble is the safe is not where the gold is.

All this planning needs an experienced criminal, which leads to Slide (Eddie Murphy), a thief who can steal anything except he has no clue how to crack open a safe. This leads to Odessa (Gabourey Sidibe from "Precious"), a maid working at the tower whose family is in the locksmith business. How convenient.

Everything leads to an absurd climax that would seem improbable in an "Ocean's Eleven" flick. Let's say it involves dangling a car once owned by Steve McQueen over the side of the tower to...you gotta see it. It is so improbable and cartoonish that you can't help but laugh at it (people suffering from acrophobia, beware).

"Tower Heist" is mildly funny but it is occasionally infused with a profane comic engine by Eddie Murphy in a role he used to play in his sleep. Murphy has fun with the role of Slide, exposing the ridiculous assertion that he can only be remembered by critics for playing a "48 HRS." hoodlum. Murphy is bigger than the film, more talented than almost any other comedian in the past twenty years and his lightning-paced, alert manner in which he rattles off one line after another is pitch perfect. But once he disappears from the screen for long stretches, the movie loses a bit of momentum and purpose. Most nagging thought: why does the film let Josh off the hook when dealing with his employees whom he screwed over with the pension fund faux pas? Yes, Alan Alda plays his most deviously charming and evil role in years but the plot makes it clear that if it had not been for Josh, none of this might have happened.

Ben Stiller is at his most restrained here giving a more nuanced performance than normal. I would have loved more scenes between him and Murphy and Tea Leoni as an FBI agent (both Leoni and Stiller were in the fantastic "Flirting With Disaster"). The movie is still fun but it is not grand, dynamic or engaging fun with comic fireworks. It is more like a Christmas tree celebration at Rockefeller Center with sparklers.

Anybody up for Jello? It is killer.

THE BLOB (1988)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Chuck Russell's "Blob" remake is faster, funnier and more animated than the blander-than-thou 1958 original. This is still a 50's B movie transposed to the 1980's era but it has more brains and heart than one might expect. 

Kevin Dillon has the McQueen role as Brian, except he is more of juvenile delinquent in frequent trouble with the police (McQueen's character was no trouble at all). He also has a deep interest in his motorcycle and is trying to cross a gap in a local wooden bridge nearby. And he fails.  Shawnee Smith is Meg who doesn't play his girlfriend but she and  Brian become partners in fighting the gooey slime that, once again, crashes onto Earth from outer space. The circumstances involving the blob are not the same as the original's film plot, and I will leave it at that.

There is more gore and far more murders by the blob in this remake. The movie also has an upbeat charm as well in that it is never mean-spirited or too bloodily nauseating. One scene involving a kitchen sink is often considered something of a classic gore sequence. A movie theater sequence, where an anonymous slasher film is shown, has more visceral thrills than the scene from the original. 

My one bone of contention is the stunt casting of people like Bill Moseley and Jack Nance who appear on screen for no more than a few seconds. Couldn't co-writer Frank Darabont have given them more to do?

With Dillon and Shawnee Smith as the unlikely pair who have no time to talk about the blob in a diner where Candy Clark is the waitress, the movie is swift, sharp, innocuous (by 2000 standards) and coiled like a whippersnapper. Director Russell, who did an expert job on "Nightmare on Elm Street 3," keeps the momentum going and the thrills and chills are fast and loose.  I wouldn't call it scary but it is a fun roller-coaster ride.

Hail to the King of the Dead

EVIL DEAD, 2013 A.D. (A Look at the Teaser/Trailer)

By Jerry Saravia

I am not inviting this girl to a birthday party

 When I first heard of a remake of "The Evil Dead," the quintessential Sam Raimi horror flick from 1983 (depending which year you saw the film in theaters), I simply shook my head. Why on earth is Raimi and Bruce Campbell, on board as producer, making a remake to a low-budget shocker that got approval from horror novelist Stephen King back in the day? So a teaser trailer became public and, not to sound repetitive, I thought to myself - I will watch the teaser but not comment on it. After all, I sound like a broken record that got smashed by an elephant's foot who just saw the latest "Blob" remake by Rob Zombie that never was, especially after commenting on my displeasure of a new "Superman" origin flick, a new "Carrie," and so on. Horror remakes have become so complacent that it makes me sick - anyone here clamoring for a so-called sequel to "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" in 3-D when Tobe Hooper already did his own sequel in 1986?

Bruce Campbell as Ash

So I watched this teaser with dread. I must say, I was surprised. This "Evil Dead" redux is hardcore all the way, very intense and in-your-face. Restraint is hardly in the "Evil Dead" lexicon - this is purely violent and grotesque, as it should be. The images look terrifying (one evil spirit seems to cut open its own tongue). It has got the trademarks of the "Evil Dead" franchise, but there is no clearly no Ash. In fact, the human characters appear rather blah overall. That is the single ingredient missing from the teaser - an actor of Bruce Campbell's stature. Bruce made the franchise - his Ash character was a larger-than-life character who was initially afraid of the evil spirits until he decided to lose his fear and paranoia, strap on a chainsaw to his amputated hand, and fight to the death! Name another actor who is as goofy, sensitive, charming, romantic and convincingly heroic as the unlikely hero played by Bruce Campbell. The series eventually metamorphosized into a Three Stooges stunt, but that stunt was balanced with goofy gore and an unseen menace in the woods that threatened to crush anything in its path. And Campbell made it all tolerable with his Mount Rushmore face made of granite that seemed to be too big for the silver screen. That is part of the franchises's charm and inspiration.

Jane Levy

I love the concept of "Evil Dead" and its sequels, and I do look forward to this remake (Remake review). Raimi and Campbell might have some surprises in store that we are not privy to yet. It looks sickening, intense and graphic, but it is lacking in any tangible humanity (an actress named Jane Levy, from TV's "Suburgatory," is in the cast but she is someone I know nothing about). The director is an Uruguayan (my home country) named Fede Alvarez who caused a shockwave with his fantastic "Panic Attack!" footage that got linked to a Kanye West blog (which means if this film is a success, he can thank Kanye for leading the way). I'll give "Evil Dead" a shot but I sure do miss Bruce Campbell. Word is that "Evil Dead 4" might become a reality until after this remake is unleashed in theaters. Can we cross Ash's fingers from his amputated hand?

Fleshtones can't save Zombies

I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE (1987)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Considered to be a midnight cult movie for some time, "I Was a Teenage Zombie" is hardly a decent zombie 80's spoof but it is hardly the worst of its kind. Looks like the kind of movie where a bunch of people drank a few beers, got some funding and made a movie without regards to technical proficiency or adequate story or acting. I suppose you know what you are in for from the opening credits with the title tune by one of the greatest, if not the greatest, garage band of all time, the Fleshtones (or maybe just one of the greatest bands period). Or maybe with such a cool title tune, I expected more.

Some high school kids, who spend very little time in school, try to buy weed from one drug dealer to no avail. Then they confront another drug dealer named Mussolini (Steve McCoy) whom they do buy weed from, which turns out to be bland weed. Now THAT is not good! Eventually, Mussolini is whacked in the head with a baseball bat by the teens who throw him into the river. Trouble is the river is contaminated with radiation, turning Mussolini into a raging, green-skinned zombie. And is there a teenage zombie? Oh, yes, one of the teenagers is killed by Mussolini whose body is whisked away and thrown into the river to do battle with...you get the picture.

Neither as spookily funny or as skin-crawlingly scary as 1985's "The Return of the Living Dead," which is pretty much the goofiest zombie movie spoof ever made, "I Was a Teenage Zombie" is subpar on every level but it does contain a sweet love story that could've used more exposure. There are some choice gore moments including splitting a sexed-up girl apart during sex and a decapitation that further involves splitting a brain in half. There is also an inspired line of dialogue about atheism. The actors look like stock teen stereotypes, though the best performance is by Steve McCoy who goes over-the-top which you need to do in a spoof of this kind. It is a Troma-like production though Troma has done better pictures than this.

Footnote: The film's director,  John Elias Michalakis, disappeared from the film business and became a monk. "I Was a Teenage Zombie" is his sole directorial effort. Maybe now he can do a sequel called "I Was a Zombie Monk."