Fleshtones can't save Zombies

I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE (1987)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Considered to be a midnight cult movie for some time, "I Was a Teenage Zombie" is hardly a decent zombie 80's spoof but it is hardly the worst of its kind. Looks like the kind of movie where a bunch of people drank a few beers, got some funding and made a movie without regards to technical proficiency or adequate story or acting. I suppose you know what you are in for from the opening credits with the title tune by one of the greatest, if not the greatest, garage band of all time, the Fleshtones (or maybe just one of the greatest bands period). Or maybe with such a cool title tune, I expected more.

Some high school kids, who spend very little time in school, try to buy weed from one drug dealer to no avail. Then they confront another drug dealer named Mussolini (Steve McCoy) whom they do buy weed from, which turns out to be bland weed. Now THAT is not good! Eventually, Mussolini is whacked in the head with a baseball bat by the teens who throw him into the river. Trouble is the river is contaminated with radiation, turning Mussolini into a raging, green-skinned zombie. And is there a teenage zombie? Oh, yes, one of the teenagers is killed by Mussolini whose body is whisked away and thrown into the river to do battle with...you get the picture.

Neither as spookily funny or as skin-crawlingly scary as 1985's "The Return of the Living Dead," which is pretty much the goofiest zombie movie spoof ever made, "I Was a Teenage Zombie" is subpar on every level but it does contain a sweet love story that could've used more exposure. There are some choice gore moments including splitting a sexed-up girl apart during sex and a decapitation that further involves splitting a brain in half. There is also an inspired line of dialogue about atheism. The actors look like stock teen stereotypes, though the best performance is by Steve McCoy who goes over-the-top which you need to do in a spoof of this kind. It is a Troma-like production though Troma has done better pictures than this.

Footnote: The film's director,  John Elias Michalakis, disappeared from the film business and became a monk. "I Was a Teenage Zombie" is his sole directorial effort. Maybe now he can do a sequel called "I Was a Zombie Monk."