Washed-up, falsely emotional Dickie

DICKIE ROBERTS: FORMER CHILD STAR (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

There is nothing, I repeat, nothing in "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star" that you do not see coming for miles and miles. I mean, NOTHING! And the movie, at best pure sentimental mincemeat made out of multiple paper-thin contrivances, has nothing to say, I mean nothing.

That is not to say that I hated "Dickie Roberts," as a matter of fact, it has some laughs but mostly it is lacking bite and inspiration. Dickie Roberts (played by David Spade who has yet to be as funny on screen as he is in standup) is a former child star, once universally loved as a tot with the catchphrase "This is Nuckin Futs." Now he is a 30-year-old-plus valet who is loathed, and he does not make it easier on anyone he knows or loves. When Dickie gets a far too unrealistic callback to audition for a Rob Reiner flick, he is rude and crass to the secretary whom he won't even allow to enter the same elevator he is in. When he is told that he is nothing and is not a "real person" (Rob Reiner's words), Dickie decides to rent a family to live with to discover the joy of opening gifts on Christmas morning. He yearns to be a kid again, or to have the experience as a kid he never had, and instead he falls for the caring, sensitive matriarch (Mary McCormack). Add a few former child stars such as a couple of Bradys and a Willis from "Different Strokes," a few gags like Dickie learning to ride a bike that, pardon the pun, falls flat on its face, a few EXTREMELY forced tugs at the heartstrings, an abysmal song by Christopher Cross, and you got something passing for a motion picture.

As I said, I do not hate "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star." I just hate the fact that not one note of inspiration or creativity seemed to bubble up the cinematic surface to differentiate it from a made-for-TV movie. Not exactly a wasted opportunity, just a waste.

Fast and Furious in Zero Temperature

ATANARJUAT/THE FAST RUNNER (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Original review from Oct. 2002 - on my list of best films of 2000 decade)

Of all the films I've seen in the last couple of years, the decade of 2000 will hold a special place for "Atanarjuat/The Fast Runner," one of the most extraordinary films I've ever seen, both moving, elegiac, humorous, tragic, exciting and often intense. It is unlike most films that even inspire the typical arthouse audience. In short, I was held by its beauty and its intimate story.

The film begins in the icy region of the Arctic Circle in a place called Igloolik. We enter an igloo where people of the Inuit culture (Eskimos to the rest of you) are sitting around in their homemade beds eating. There is a serenity and a calmness existing in this desolate home, complete with oil lamps since they naturally have no electricity. There is also a competitiveness between Oki (Peter-Henry Arnatsiaq), a bitter fool who often laughs with a high-pitched tone, and Atanarjuat (Natar Ungalaaq), the quiet, observant, non-threatening type. They both vie for the romantic charms of Atuat (Sylvia Ivalu), though Atanarjuat has been promised to marry her by the family. Oki could care less since he sees his future with her, and is willing to fight for her love. This involves a scene that had a couple of audience members laughing hysterically, though I failed to see the humor in it. The two men position themselves in fighting stance, sans clothing, by striking with one punch and then waiting for the opponent to strike back. Oki loses, but that does not stop him from seeking vengeance.

What develops in "The Fast Runner" are myriad incidents that develop slowly and lead to a number of tragedies. Essentially, this as a Shakespearean play in the Arctic Circle with all the requisite jealousies, hate and violence involving the traditional theme of love. But there is more to "The Fast Runner" than tragedy and heartbreak. Director Zacharias Kunuk (who is from Igloolik) has shot the film with a digital video camera so that every shot, every scene, has an authentic immediacy that rivals any Hollywood melodrama or thriller that aims for the same. We never get the feeling that we are watching actors (many of them are in fact professional actors) so that the story enters the realm of documentary. In fact, I could have sworn I was watching a latter-day "Nanook of the North" judging from the opening sequence. Of course, the region itself is indeed real, showing a vastness in its horizontal plane that brings an existential nature to the story and the characters. These are not CGI effects at work here - everything you see on screen is indeed real. And you can really feel the cold and the ice in ways that the Coen Brothers could only dream of in "Fargo."

There is also a chase scene in the film that is as thrilling and scary as any I have seen in recent memory. After a brutal murder in a tent, Atanarjuat, also known as the Fast Runner, flees from the tent as he is chased by the killers. But he is not running on sidewalks in some city - he is running naked and barefoot on ice floes! We feel for the guy, and sense his growing desperation of trying to evade the killers. After a while, the chase goes on and we see that Atanarjuat's feet are wounded leaving traces of blood in his footsteps across the snow. It is harrowing stuff, well-shot and choreographed.

"The Fast Runner" begins very much like a documentary, showing how the Inuit people live. It certainly doesn't look like an easy, comfortable life. They are always wearing heavy fur coats, they are seen chiseling away at the ice structures they make for their igloos, they are seen trying to fish, and there are the strenuous hunting attempts with a pack of wolves on a sled, and so on. A way of life is shown in the first hour or so to establish their living conditions and culture. Some people might get bored with this extended prologue but it is neccessary to establish a mood for what is to come. And the film's themes of murder, love, compassion, forgiveness, and betrayal are as universal as any story - it shows that these people's fears, desires and relationships are not unlike those of similar cultures. The only difference is having to contend with below zero temperatures.

"The Fast Runner" is long, thrilling, fatalistic, extraordinarily moving and exhilarating - it is an epic drama done with attention to detail and character. This is not a fast-paced melodrama with heightened emotions. Instead, it assumes a leisurely pace that matches the setting and the mood. At 170 minutes, "The Fast Runner" has enough guts, drama, action (and, yes, some sex) to make any Hollywood hack director envious. On par with Andrei Tarkovsky's "Andrei Rublev" and Federico Fellini's "8 1/2," it is like visiting another world we have not seen before with universal themes and human emotions everyone can relate to.

Stuntman Mike has such Twisted Nerve

DEATH PROOF (2007)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Quentin Tarantino's "Death Proof" was initially the second half of the "Grindhouse" film that flopped at the box-office, clocking in at 90 minutes - the other half was Robert Rodriguez's zombie funhouse "Planet Terror." Both films were screened separately in extended cuts at Cannes Film Festival, and then they debuted on DVD. "Death Proof" is very exciting filmmaking with Mr. Tarantino at the top of his game, delivering one socko punch after another in his own pulpy, grindhouse world. It is original in its execution and energy, and owes more than a bit to the cheap, exploitation car chase films of the 60's and 70's.

Kurt Russell is Stuntman Mike, a mysterious stuntman who has appeared in countless flicks that few people have heard of. He frequents a bar run by none other than Quentin Tarantino himself. Stuntman Mike eats his food voraciously, drinks club soda until he is ready for his one alcoholic beverage, and stalks and kills women with his black stunt car, a death proof automobile with a skull emblazoned on the hood. Women such as DJ legend Jungle Julia (Sydney Poitier, daughter of the legendary actor) frequent the bar, not knowing the danger headed their way.

In the second half of the film, after a truly horrific car crash, Stuntman Mike is on the move, pursuing different women. One is a celebrity hairdresser (Rosario Dawson); two stuntwomen (Zoe Bell, playing herself, and Tracie Thoms, from TV's "Cold Case") who speak adoringly of the cult classic "Vanishing Point," and an actress (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) who loves John Hughes movies. Their conversations range from womanizing, cheating boyfriends, to falling in ditches to drive-in movies. Yep, this is a Tarantino flick with the customary self-reflexive attitudes and pop culture chatter. And then comes roaring in that death proof car, resulting in some hair-raising car chases that will give you goosebumps.

"Death Proof" is sheer pornographic exploitation, at least on a visual level, except that it is also a riff of sorts on those famous drive-in and grindhouse movies of yesteryear. Uncannily, Tarantino has gone all Zelig on us, showing what a movie like this would've looked like in a grindhouse theatre. There are those nasty glitches, dust prints, missing reels, and unintended jump cuts (I remember seeing piss poor prints of "A Clockwork Orange" and "Enter the Dragon" back in the day that appeared to have been run through one too many projectors). The film starts off looking like a 1970's exploitation picture with some slightly grainy colors and with its opening titles - you literally feel like you are going back in time. Then the second half of the film swings into gear and looks more like a polished Tarantino film. We see a black-and- white sequence at a convenience store that segues into brighter, more refined colors, and less abrupt grindhouse gimmickry. Once again, Tarantino toys with us and plays with our expectations.

Kurt Russell plays his role to the hilt, with all the macho swagger one would find in a sociopath who loves his car a little too much. Stuntman Mike's idea of charming the ladies is by pretending to sneeze. He also tries to charm them by making mention of TV shows he has performed stunts in like "The Virginian" - the girls have no idea what he is talking about. And Russell delivers a killer line of dialogue when asked about his scary-looking car: " It is my mom's car." Obviously Tarantino has modeled Russell's stuntman on Snake Plissken from "Escape From New York" as the ultimate badass with a badass scar to boot.

All the actors deliver their lines with gusto, as one would expect in a Tarantino film. Rose McGowan, who has been in her share of ultraviolent flicks, shows poise and a cuteness we rarely see in her work. Rosario Dawson is as always pure dynamite on screen, including the physical presence of Zoe Bell (who gets to perform a few nasty stunts) and the perky shenanigans of Tracie Thoms. Sydney Poitier exudes a breathless sexiness that comes close to Pam Grier's own sex appeal, and former "CSI: NY" actress Vanessa Ferlito performs one of the few striking lap dances I have seen in the movies since Rebecca Romjin's in "Femme Fatale." With respect to Ferlito's other talents, she is wickedly funny as well. The women in this movie seem alive and full of spontaneity - Tarantino certainly knows how to direct them.

References to other Tarantino films come a mile a minute. There is a reference to Big Kahuna Burger, the return of Texas Ranger Earl McGraw (Michael Parks) who offers his forensic wisdom on the stuntman, the famous Bernard Herrman instrumental "Twisted Nerve" (also used in "Kill Bill") that is used as a cell phone ring tone, the selection of songs from "Pulp Fiction" that appear briefly on a jukebox, and so on.

"Death Proof" is a wickedly entertaining, full throttle mishmash of everything you love and hate about the low-budget exploitation pics of the 70's. Though it could be seen as a slasher movie, it doesn't neatly fit into that category (there are very few deaths for a movie of this type). It is a purely adrenalized pop entertainment for Tarantino and it is not meant to be as character-based as "Jackie Brown" or even his "Kill Bill" volumes. It is more of a car chase movie where pop culture and relationships are discussed, large cup sizes of sodas are consumed, women's feet are repeatedly shown in extreme close-up, followed by a couple of car chases, a lap dance set to the music of the Coasters, with additional music by T. Rex thrown in for good measure. That's my kind of movie.

Race for the exits!

RACE FOR THE YANKEE ZEPHYR (1981)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

For an old-fashioned and eccentric adventure movie, "Race for the Yankee Zephyr" may excite some thrill-seekers but it is an underwhelming and trivial film. It bears the clout for a reasonable action picture with a fine cast and director, and it shortchanges everything that could make it work.

Set in New Zealand, drunk deer hunter Gilbert Carson (Donald Pleasance) inadvertently finds an old World War II DC-3 plane (known as the Yankee Zephyr) rise from the surface of a nearby lake. Helicopter pilot Barney (Ken Wahl - harboring no accent at all) is along for the ride in this precious discovery, although both are unaware that 50 million in cargo is inside the plane. Lesley Ann Warren is Gilbert's daughter, who doesn't have a trace of a New Zealand accent either. Some villains, headed by George Peppard in a delicious performance as a ruthless businessman, are very interested in that grand fortune. How do they find out that the Yankee Zephyr has been discovered in New Zealand? A simple phone call from a local merchant is all that is needed.

"Race for the Yankee Zephyr" has the distinction of having beautiful scenic shots of New Zealand (love the little cabin in the woods that Wahl and Warren frolic in) but little else to distinguish it from any made-for-TV action picture or series ("Tales of the Gold Monkey" is more fun than this picture). Wahl looks disinterested and Lesley Ann Warren looks like she wandered in for the chance to visit New Zealand. Only Donald Pleasance (most of his dialogue is unintelligible) and George Peppard give it a lift above the norm. A boat chase offers mild excitement but somehow director David Hemmings doesn't bring any level of excitement or wonder to anything else in the film. Stick with Indiana Jones or Harry Steele over this stale and indifferent adventure tale.

Drawing blanks

DRAWING FLIES (1996)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Known as the "lost View Askew" film, "Drawing Flies" is one unusual picture. It starts as a Generation-X picture about lost jobs and welfare checks, and slowly segues into a road movie about a search for the Sasquatch creature in the endless wilderness area of British Columbia.

Jason Lee plays Donner, the leader of the group of Generation X slackers who leads them on to this expedition. At first, these slackers mostly sit around all day in their apartment doing absolutely nothing. Getting high, smoking marihuana and collecting unemployment is about all on their minds. Unfortunately, unemployment checks are suddenly running out, as the system cuts them off. They know not what to do. HINT: How about looking for a job? Instead, these slackers think it is cool to just hope their unemployment is reinstated. They go to a party to score beer and get high, but have to pay for admittance. It is at this point that I lost patience since I have seen so many similar films about the exact same situations. Richard Linklater's "Slacker" said it all, and with far more ingenuity and wit than the first twenty minutes of this film. Yes, even appearances by Kevin Smith as Silent Bob (this is View Askew, after all) and Joey Lauren Adams did not take me out of my doldrums.

Finally, a scene arrives where Donner tells his friends to wake up out of their hopeless funk, and go on a camping trip to some log cabin in British Columbia. Donner convinces them to go, riding in a van and with no cash and only the barest of food rations. There are lots of scenes of campfires, beer kegs, a group of diaper-wearing adults, a lot of cussing, Jason Mewes living up to his reputation as, what else, a stoner, and a few one-liners and not much else, I'm afraid.

Most of "Drawing Flies" is vapid nonsense with no reason for its existence. Shot in grainy 16mm black-and-white, directors Malcolm Ingram and Matt Gissing cannot begin to approximate the engaging repartee of their View Askew god, Kevin Smith. At least, Jason Lee shines occasionally, as he shows Donner slowly losing his sanity, as does Renee Humphrey, and there is some of that desperation and ill will for the search for this "Bigfoot" that made me remember "The Blair Witch Project" (though this film was shot much earlier than "Blair"). Outside of that, there is not much here to draw attention.

Clashin' Ramones

END OF THE CENTURY (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

After seeing "End of the Century," one might be tempted to nickname the Ramones the Clash. It was certainly a clash of personalities as evidenced by their disparate belief systems and constant temper tantrums. Joey Ramone, the lead singer of the band, was a leftist. Johnny Ramone was a staunch Republican ("God Bless George Bush"). Dee Dee Ramone was on higher ground than anyone else, albeit on a heroin high. Tommy Ramone was the drummer who basically ran their publicity machine. And to this day, the Ramones, the arbiters of punk rock, never got the recognition they deserved.

"End of the Century" begins with the ever-changing music culture in the mid-70's as the disco craze continued and the Osmonds ruled the airwaves. Suddenly, an unexpected explosion of rock erupted from Queens, NY in 1974. This explosion was a band called the Ramones, formed by four musicians from poor neighborhoods wearing matching blue jeans and leather jackets. Their two-minute songs ranged in subjects from, well, rock and roll to sniffing glue to teenage isolation. They were the official begetters of punk rock - a louder, in-your-face form of rock and roll. As seen in some original concert footage from the CBGB's (a dank New York club), they were indeed loud and would often argue on stage about what song to perform. The Ramones were beloved in New York City, England and abroad, and produced 18 studio and live albums (they inspired a movement that included the Clash and the Sex Pistols). The problem was that they failed to create a sensation in America, though they created a mass sensation elsewhere. I remember my years at Jamaica High School where one girl, one girl mind you, spoke highly of the Ramones (and included her appreciation of them in the senior yearbook) - she was vilified for being a fan (not many at Jamaica High School in the late 80's were fans of punk rock).

"End of the Century" features revealing interviews with the band and the different members that came and went in later years. There are tales of the growing animosity and discomfort that developed when Johnny Ramone stole Joey's girlfriend and married her - they stayed as bandmates but the tension was always there (one song they performed, "The KKK Took My Baby Away," even deals with their love triangle). There are also revealing tidbits about CBGB's, the friction with producer Phil Spector holding the band at gunpoint, the cult film "Rock and Roll High School" that prominently featured their music, Dee Dee going solo and producing a truly moronic though energetic rap video, the notion that Joey was never able to talk about the band in press interviews (Johnny was the spokesman), their inspirations such as MC5 and New York Dolls, and much more. Diehard Ramones fans (and rock fans in general) will find plenty of insight into the punk rock scene.

At a little over two hours, "End of the Century" does a cohesive, compelling job of detailing the band's disillusionment with their status (forced to play at clubs rather than arenas through most of their career), the individual personalities of the bandmates, and the music culture that changed with each decade yet they kept their integrity, including their outfits. Compared to most rock documentaries, "End of the Century" has a melancholy tone that considers what might have been since the revolutionary Ramones never reached the mass audience they sought (the fates of some of the band members is just as sad) . The film wants you to feel sore about their lack of mass appeal, and one can't help but wonder why some forms of music, like rap, took off and others hardly raised an eyebrow. Maybe the Ramones were too punk for any generation, too angry. Perhaps a band that was upfront and confrontational was more than any American audience could stand for.

I am a teacher! So sue me!

TEACHERS (1984)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

American cinema during the 1980's was not any sort of breakthrough era. Still, even with many films that failed to captivate, something was always being said that seemed to speak from the heart. That is the case with the intrinsically watchable and flawed "Teachers," a satire of the education system with enough memorable scenes and performances to warrant a special viewing.

Nick Nolte, in of his best roles, plays the perfect Nolte blowhard - a teacher with hangovers. Yep, the first words out of his mouth in the morning may as well be, "Awwwww, sh@#!" Anyway, this time, he is a teacher named Alex Jurel. He convinces dates he is a licensed pilot, save for that "Teacher of the Year" plaque (Who keeps such a thing on their kitchen counter?) A typical Monday morning involves more than any teacher could bear (and, yes, even more than the shenanigans at "High School High"). A student bites a teacher. A teacher throws ink at another teacher. The principal is unaware and clueless. A gym teacher has sex with a student (how utterly prescient!) A narc sticks out like a sore thumb. A stern teacher has a class where he never interacts with the students, merely mimeographs his lesson plans. A mental patient pretends to be a substitute. Oh, and Alex teaches his students about how to fix a window with the proper tools. To top it all off, a lawsuit has been filed against the school for graduating an illiterate student. Yes, a typical Monday morning.

As for the lawsuit, Vice Principal Roger Rubell (Judd Hirsch) assures the school superindentent (Lee Grant) that the teachers will claim they had no knowledge of the student's illiteracy despite the student's passing grades. But there is a slight problem - Alex was once a visionary and thought he could make a difference in students' lives. He feels obligated to help a troubled illiterate, Eddie (Ralph Macchio), and this can spell doom for the lawsuit.

I think we can see where "Teachers" is headed. Despite a silly subplot involving a lawyer (Jobeth Williams), a former student of Alex's who falls for him, most of "Teachers" is entertaining and inspiring. As directed by Arthur Hiller, it has enough subtlety and simple, stable camera set-ups to really drive forward the satire. Sometimes, it can get a little heavy-handed but never preachy.

Nolte has never given a bad performance and brings an honesty to the role that eclipses every other actor in the movie. Macchio is not completely credible as a Fonz-like hooligan but he is watchable. Same with the brazen antics of Crispin Glover as another troubled student who plays pranks on every teacher, including stealing their desks! Judd Hirsch lends credibility and unmistakable pathos as a school official who has to play by the rules, and hopes everyone does likewise. Jobeth Williams is not always convincing as the prosecuting lawyer, and her final scene is ridiculous and will leave you chuckling for all the wrong reasons. Major heaps of praise, though, go to Morgan Freeman as the defense lawyer who handles the depositions (before he played a teacher himself in "Lean on Me"), Allen Garfield as the nervous, caffeinated teacher, the late Royal Dano as the inexpressive teacher who suffers a horrible fate, and the priceless Steven Hill as an attorney.

"Teachers" is occasionally melodramatic but never too exaggerated for maximum effect. It teeters between seriousness and comedy and not always smoothly, but it has vitality and strength. The movie leaves you inspired in the hopes that a teacher can make a difference after all.