Ho, Ho, Hoffmeister's Christmas Story

THE CHRISTMAS CONSULTANT (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I have no recollection of the last time I saw something that starred David Hasselhoff that I liked. The TV series of "Knight Rider" seems like ages ago and I suppose I enjoyed it as a pre-teen ("Baywatch" never entered my radar). So it is rather odd to state that a new Lifetime Christmas TV movie called "The Christmas Consultant" (which stars Hasselhoff in the titular role) is not a snoozer and not a fruitcake train wreck. It is harmless and sweet enough to watch, just once mind you. Do not make this film a perennial Christmas selection where there are a few others more worthy, but you will still not waste your time either by seeing it once.

A family crisis has ensued in the Fletcher household when everyone is too busy to plan a proper Christmas party. Maya Fletcher (Caroline Rhea), an intensely busy businesswoman forever clinging to her cell phone, has to invite an important client to her party, a Russian perfume magnate, who wants nothing more than to experience an "AMERICAN CHRISTMAS!" He gets to say that line at least a half dozen times. The Fletcher family also has a few relatives on their way. So what will Maya do since her husband expects her to do all the work, her young son would rather be throwing snowballs, her youngest daughter looks like a third cousin of Winona Ryder's character from "Beetlejuice" who would rather play a fantasy world with her dolls, and her eldest daughter who has her eyes on a cute guy.

Enter the Christmas Consultant himself, Owen (David Hasselhoff), who will save the day. He is hired by Maya and her husband to essentially do what this family ought to be able to do - put up Christmas decorations in and outside the house; select a tree; cook; bake; make eggnog; sing Christmas carols, and bring joy to the world. Something like that.

Hasselhoff makes this all tolerable with his quick comic timing and precise double-takes. He also has a final scene that is quite moving. Clearly "Christmas Consultant" is obvious from the word go, but it is never cloying, irritating or ickily sentimental. It is a pleasant film to watch with pleasant enough faces and some good cheer. You can have it on the telly during Christmas and not feel that your egg nog got sour while watching it. There is something to be said for that.

I WANT...THE RING!

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (2001)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I read portions of the epic book of J.R.R. Tolkien's hugely popular epic fantasy. There is no doubt that it is the epic fantasy of all time because the characters and themes of this grandly surreal world has filtered through our pop culture radar ever since the books were first published. Many films have tried to capture the magic of Tolkien's world. For example, Tolkien's books are the models of fantasy for George Lucas's own "Star Wars" trilogy. I love stories about goblins, ogres, fire-breathing dragons, unicorns, etc. "Lord of the Rings" is an often breathtaking film adaptation but it is curiously overdone and remote, and I can't say that is true of "Star Wars," as unfair a comparison as it may be.

Tolkien's world, known as Middle-Earth, is entirely imaginary and comprised of creatures and sounds and sights entirely not out of our own world. There are the Hobbits, the good-natured, good-hearted, fondly talkative, hairy-footed, pointy-eared people who are about as tall as dwarves. They can live for years and years, as they do chatting it up, smoking herbs and eating merrily in their private world of Shire. The hobbit of pure heart in this story is Frodo Baggins (a perfectly well-cast Elijah Wood), who embarks on an adventure to bring a powerful ring, known as the One Ring, to the fires of Mount Doom and destroy it once and for all time. Easier said than done. Is Frodo up to the challenge?

There are wizards in this world as well. There is the good wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellen) and an evil wizard named Saruman (Christopher Lee) who wants the ring, as most of the characters do. There are storms of faceless horsemen riding in stallions and stampeding through Middle-Earth looking for Frodo. It is Gandalf who tells Frodo to carry the ring, rather than Frodo's uncle Bilbo Baggins (Ian Holm) who might be a tad greedy. After all, this Ring can make men and women do strange things - you need will power to use the Ring wisely. Not unlike the Force.

Along this perilous journey, Frodo is accompanied by three Hobbit friends, Sam (Sean Astin), Mercy (Dominic Monaghan) and Pippin (Billy Boyd). Of course, Hobbits can only do so much damage in actual combat. Also along for the ride are the members of the Fellowship, which include Boromir (Sean Bean), the dwarf Gimli (John Rhys-Davies), Legolas (Orlando Bloom), an archery elf expert, and the mysterious, aloof Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen). Together their journey lasts through several different lands of beauty, endless caves, cascading waterfalls, a battle with a tree troll, a flaming duel with a vicious dragon known as Balrog, and so on. There are also more characters who pop up including the serene queen of elves Lady Galadriel (Cate Blanchett), the serene, dreamy elf Arwen (Liv Tyler), and more and more creatures such as Orcs and the ring wraiths, known as Nazgul, who gallop around in stallions that shriek. These silhouetted Black Riders are as fearsome as the Headless Horseman.

Director Peter Jackson ("Heavenly Creatures") does a massively complicated job of bringing all these characters and vistas together in a film that tops the three-hour mark. There is so much to take in and cherish in "Lord of the Rings" that it is no wonder it will take two more movies to bring closure to all the incidents and events. It is like a gloriously illustrated picture book come to life. Jackson and his band of set designers and special-effects artists spare no expense in creating this fictional world.

But if I am afforded the luxury of reviewing this film, I can honestly say that "Lord of the Rings" is deeply imaginative but, at its core, somehow uninvolving. Jackson affords his actors the luxury of close-ups and there are so many in the film that there is nothing left to look at. You can only see Wood's beatific and worried Frodo face with wide blue eyes so often before it becomes repetitive. McKellen is a force-of-nature on film so I was not displeased with seeing his face so closely, but what of any close-up shots of Christopher Lee, the dueling wizard? More scenes where we see the interior of Bilbo Baggins's house were needed. These shots work because they are shown as master shots for the most part. Why we can't ever see a hobbit standing next to any of the taller characters for more than three seconds is beyond me. A hobbit has those hairy feet and pointy-ears, and I do not recall a single shot where we would see a hobbit walking through a given space showing his whole body. This may have been done to evoke how small the hobbits were but there are ways of conveying stature and size without all those random close-ups.

Jackson never quite shows the grandeur, the mysticism of Middle-Earth. He too often cuts away from expansive long-shots to extreme, tight close-ups. When the camera swoops up and down in territories and castles, we notice them fleetingly but never long enough to feel like we are in them. It's as if Jackson felt that audiences might get bored at any given moment so he had to keep cutting away and show us an action scene and bring the Dolby noise level higher and higher.

The action scenes are also a disappointment. Just as in the original "Harry Potter" and any action film post-"Gladiator," everything is shot so tight that the fighting remains a series of blurry shots, nothing more. Jackson could have looked at those amazing fight scenes in Errol Flynn's "Adventures of Robin Hood" where we would always see the action in full shots and where the close-ups would occur when necessary. Here, everything is shot so tightly that unless you listen to the sound effects, it is never clear who is winning or losing in any of the countless sword fights (and no, I was not sitting too close to the screen). So all the sound and fury swallows up the screen in extremely fast edits that lose our focus as to what is occurring. The more intimate, quiet moments are beautifully done, as in the exquisite moment where Arwen tries to save Frodo from dying, but more often than not, they do not involve us. It is all magical to be sure but a fantasy epic often prides itself on engaging the viewer from moment to moment by seeing the fantastical settings as a backdrop for the characters.

I do urge people to see "Lord of the Rings" but I feel that it could have been so much more. Peter Jackson is a frenetic director to be sure but he needs to dial down the heat a bit. Tolkien fans may not care much but I prefer more intimacy in this epic than confounding action scenes. I like the characters, the situations, the landscapes (as brief as they may be), the varied color lighting schemes, and the dialogue. It is just too cramped and overheated to qualify as anything more than a grand, slightly undernourished epic.

Dead, Crystallized High-Schoolers

ZOMBIE HIGH (1987)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Good/bad movies are as infrequent as great films. The last really good bad movie I've seen was "Werewolf," an unintentionally hilarious werewolf movie that stinks of wolfsbane, but at least it was fun and not dispiriting. "Zombie High" is the newest addition to my own canon of good/bad flicks - it is so idiotic and so funny that you can't dismiss it.

Virginia Madsen plays Andrea, the newest student to a formerly all-male prestigious high school named Ettinger High. Her boyfriend, Barry (James Wilder), drops her off at the school despite his feeling that she may seek other male attention. Andrea is quickly introduced to two roomates, one is played by Sherilyn Fenn who is at first unrecognizable since there are no close-ups. The other roomate remains anonymous and is dispatched of too soon to really care.

Meanwhile, the school population is relatively sparse as is the teacher faculty (which is a sure sign of low-budget constraints). Nevertheless, there is the curious teacher, Dr. Philo (Richard Cox), who is trying to coax Andrea into sleeping with him (or does it have something to do with an old photograph that shows a remarkably similar-looking Andrea). To make a long story short and sweet, the high school is not what it seems (though it looks more like a private college). The newly admitted students are drugged in their sleep, taken to the infirmary and subjected to a medical procedure where crystals are placed in their brains. This means they can be controlled by the faculty and become successful yuppies in the future (and I thought it only took studying and good grades to get there). Now why the faculty wants to do this is something of a mystery, considering the faculty has century-old professors who have taken some magical serum that allows them to be immortals. Now they all look like old farts, but Dr. Philo looks like a thirty-something teacher who just happens to be 102 years old! Why they can't give the students the serum instead is also a mystery. There are plot holes here big enough to fit an entire high school!

A curious thing happens midway through "Zombie High": it speeds along quickly after an interminable exposition and delivers a lot of humor. Some students appear and others disappear, and Andrea takes a hell of a long time before she realizes something is cooking at this school. By the time she makes her grim discoveries, she is left with a half-hour of film time before she can destroy all the bottles containing the serum and save herself from being brainwashed into a robotic yuppie, not to mention make a police report! Then it appears Andrea's boyfriend has been brainwashed, but then it turns out that good old Dr. Philo had saved him. The question remains, how do you save a brainwashed student? Ah, it must have something to do with removing the crystal from their brains (although I thought they removed a piece of their brains before depositing the crystal).

Oh, heck, it makes no difference because "Zombie High" is simply too funny to take seriously. This is the kind of movie that features the zombified students dancing as slow as you can imagine (and in unison) but when trouble starts, they can run as if they were at a marathon. It is also the kind of movie where a classical music cassette can soothe the students' nerves (including a former student who is shown to be the President of the U.S.!) but insert some rock n' roll in their brain waves, and they are killed with a resulting puff of smoke exiting their ears! The movie looks and feels like a hysterical sci-fi parody of "The Stepford Wives" but whether it was intended as such remains a mystery.

God hates Kevin Smith's dogmatism!

RED STATE (2011)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Kevin Smith has a career of making incredibly vulgar and often hilarious comedies, especially with those pot-smoking dweebs, Jay and Silent Bob. Although he has crafted one so-so romantic comedy, "Jersey Girl," writer-director Smith has rarely veered from his Garden State comfort zone ("Cop Out" being the one exception, the worst film of his career). "Red State" doesn't resemble a Kevin Smith flick nor does it contain any shred of Smith's personality. It is a crass, graphically violent and occasionally bizarrely funny and scary picture. It doesn't work on the whole, has some stereotypical characterizations, but it is a rapid-fire and dramatic change from Smith's ouevre and it is definitely welcomed.

"Red State" begins with a facsimile of the Westboro Baptist Church, known in the film as the Five Points Trinity Church, protesting a funeral of a gay teenager (the film could've made it more timely by making it a fallen soldier, as the WBC has participated in such events). This protest is led by Abin Cooper (Michael Parks), who believes (in the most earth-shattering and convincing speech in the movie) that God hates gays and punishes those who commit abortion and other perceived immoral acts. The story at first deals with three teenagers (Michael Angarano, Kyle Gallner and Nicholas Braun) who are looking to get laid with some woman in a trailer. It turns out to be female member of the Five Points Trinity Church, Sarah Cooper (Melissa Leo), who drugs the three horny kids and lures them inside a sparsely populated church where Abin Cooper is sermonizing. Trouble and much more ensues, including the introduction of a sheriff (Stephen Root) who has crying fits, and an ATF agent (John Goodman) who is ready to destroy the Five Points Trinity Church.

"Red State" may have the roots of a torture porn (I prefer torture play) slasher flick but it has Christian monsters who have subverted the Bible to suit their place on Earth and in Heaven. There are no hooded boogeymen armed with machetes or any Rube Goldberg contraptions of the "Saw" variety here - this is a militant church who hold firmly to their beliefs. Excepting Parks' monumental speech, the film doesn't provide much insight or depth into this group. Nor does it get too deep with the young victims or their horny desires from using social networking sites that leads them to this dangerous hellhole - that could make an interesting film. Every character and situation is practically one-note or two notes at best. Satire, no matter how topical, should be elevated with something other than cliches and some obvious preachiness. 

"Red State" does move quickly at 88 minutes and is energetically and tightly shot by director Kevin Smith and his capable cinematographer, David Klein. Smith knows how to engineer thrills and scares, even if a few of them are telegraphed. But "Red State's" impactful ending (as clever and out-of-the-blue as it may be) doesn't leave enough of an impact - the film skewers the Westboro Baptist Church and their homophobic messages that are filtered from God yet abandons its own ambitions by settling for endless gunfire and a massacre that almost rivals the events of Waco, or at least Ruby Ridge. The movie is blood-soaked chaos and essentially a horror movie with a slightly higher pedigree than "Hostel." What makes the movie sing is Michael Parks playing one of the scariest preachers since Burt Lancaster's own Elmer Gantry. Parks terrifies us and does it with a subtle sleight-of-hand that perhaps Kevin Smith can't even appreciate.

(Interview with Andre Ovredal): Trollhunter director

INTERVIEW WITH ANDRE ØVREDAL:

Cracking a new wrinkle with trolls and Norway 

By Jerry Saravia

Andre Ovredal, director of Trollhunter

An element missing from modern-day horror films is the element of surprise, of reinvigorating a genre where the assumed target audience has seen it all. Trollhunter could be seen as yet another mockumentary crossed with found footage-type of film but it is decidedly far more than that. In fact, though it has horror elements, it is more of a cinematic blending of Indiana Jones with a helping of "Jurassic Park," a dash of "Men in Black" mixed with social satire and an original setting - the desolate countryside of Norway. It is also dealing with the folklore of actual giant trolls who are infected with rabies and are eating livestock throughout the region. A trollhunter named Hans (played by Otto Jespersen, a comedian) seeks to find these trolls and his every step is documented by a documentary film crew.

The film is directed by Andre Ovredal, who helmed a 90-minute film in 2000 called "Future Murder." "Trollhunter" has gained him an international cult reputation, so much so that producer/writer/director Chris Columbus has bought the remake rights and is reportedly prepping Ovredal to direct an adaptation of the Julie Kenner novel, "Carpe Demon: Adventures of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom." I had the good fortune to correspond with director Ovredal on the folkloric origins of "Trollhunter," the news of a remake and potential sequel, his pre-"Trollhunter" work, and a dash of social commentary regarding Norway's proposed power lines.

1.) What was the inspiration behind "Trollhunter"? I could see references in the film to Steven Spielberg's work and "Men in Black," though the satire seems to be specifically of Norwegian origin.

Andre Ovredal: Well, I think the most important influence was Man Bites Dog. Of course Blair Witch is an influence on the entire genre. And yes, MiB, Jurassic Park, even Ghostbusters in its inventive, fun use of low-tech equipment.

2.) Not being educated on the mythical beings known as trolls, one thing I can't figure out is why do bright lights turn the trolls into stone? Is that based on myth and/or folklore?

A.O.: Yes, it´s based on the myth that daylight will make trolls turn to stone of explode. This I think is a common myth around the world for many creatures, don´t have to look further than vampires, really. So in the movie, Hans has to balance his light sources to match daylight. It´s all explained by the veterinarian .

Otto Jespersen as Hans, the Trollhunter

3.) In reference to a plot point 2/3 into "Trollhunter," I read in an article about how the government was proposing power lines all around the beautiful fields of Norway. What is the reason behind it and have they succeeded or has the proposal been turned down?

A.O.: There were tons of demonstrations and lots of political mayhem, but I believe they are moving forward with it – I think it´s simply that the current power delivery to especially Bergen on the west coast is not sufficient or properly maintained anymore, and it needs a big update. I think it´s quite ridiculous to not find some other way, though, despite expenses. That nature is one of Norway´s greatest legacies to the world, and it should be protected at all cost.

4.) Your first film was a 92-minute film called "Future Murder." I understand that it was your graduation film at the Brooks Institute in Santa Barbara, CA. How was the film received by fellow students or faculty? Did you get to show it at a festival?

A.O.: Yes, that´s right! I co-wrote and co-directed it with my fellow classmate Norman Lesperance and it was shown at the 1997 Santa Barbara International Film Festival, had VHS/DVD distribution in the US, Canada, Australia and Scandinavia. I think/hope it was well-received. But it was a student film – lots of mistakes to be made, lots of things to learn. But I am proud of the film´s core idea and lots of what we did on it, especially the suspense scenes. It was made for 40,000 dollars on 16mm.

 

5.) I read that your approach to directing actors is: "I allowed the actors the freedom to say whatever they wanted - as long as they didn't say what was in the script." Is this a technique you wish to continue pursuing or is what worked best within the mockumentary framework of "Trollhunter"?

A.O.: It worked best within the framework of Troll Hunter´s mockumentary style, it was needed to create unpredictability in the direction. Sometimes I really had to stand back and not direct at all. Generally I will always give the actors as much freedom as I can, including changing the lines, as long as it does not impact the story too much.
 
I just recently shot a short film based on Alice Glaser´s 1961 sci-fi story called “The Tunnel Ahead” and there we adhered very closely to the script I had written. And that short film is the polar opposite of Troll Hunter – very controlled style.

6.) I see that you are working on a new project called "Enormous" [a monster apocalyptic comic published by Image]. Tell us what the approach to that film will be - mockumentary style or straight storytelling?

A.O.: Straight forward, but with a high energy, Cloverfield/The Raid/Act of Valor kind of vibe.

7.) Lastly, I hear an American remake of "Trollhunter" is in the works with writer-director Chris Columbus. Anything you can share about it? And are you planning a sequel to the original?

A.O.: They are still working on that. Not much I really know or can say, but from brief conversations with them, it sounds all positive – [regarding sequel] still working on getting that made, maybe in 2013---?

Best,
André

Washed-up, falsely emotional Dickie

DICKIE ROBERTS: FORMER CHILD STAR (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

There is nothing, I repeat, nothing in "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star" that you do not see coming for miles and miles. I mean, NOTHING! And the movie, at best pure sentimental mincemeat made out of multiple paper-thin contrivances, has nothing to say, I mean nothing.

That is not to say that I hated "Dickie Roberts," as a matter of fact, it has some laughs but mostly it is lacking bite and inspiration. Dickie Roberts (played by David Spade who has yet to be as funny on screen as he is in standup) is a former child star, once universally loved as a tot with the catchphrase "This is Nuckin Futs." Now he is a 30-year-old-plus valet who is loathed, and he does not make it easier on anyone he knows or loves. When Dickie gets a far too unrealistic callback to audition for a Rob Reiner flick, he is rude and crass to the secretary whom he won't even allow to enter the same elevator he is in. When he is told that he is nothing and is not a "real person" (Rob Reiner's words), Dickie decides to rent a family to live with to discover the joy of opening gifts on Christmas morning. He yearns to be a kid again, or to have the experience as a kid he never had, and instead he falls for the caring, sensitive matriarch (Mary McCormack). Add a few former child stars such as a couple of Bradys and a Willis from "Different Strokes," a few gags like Dickie learning to ride a bike that, pardon the pun, falls flat on its face, a few EXTREMELY forced tugs at the heartstrings, an abysmal song by Christopher Cross, and you got something passing for a motion picture.

As I said, I do not hate "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star." I just hate the fact that not one note of inspiration or creativity seemed to bubble up the cinematic surface to differentiate it from a made-for-TV movie. Not exactly a wasted opportunity, just a waste.

Fast and Furious in Zero Temperature

ATANARJUAT/THE FAST RUNNER (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Original review from Oct. 2002 - on my list of best films of 2000 decade)

Of all the films I've seen in the last couple of years, the decade of 2000 will hold a special place for "Atanarjuat/The Fast Runner," one of the most extraordinary films I've ever seen, both moving, elegiac, humorous, tragic, exciting and often intense. It is unlike most films that even inspire the typical arthouse audience. In short, I was held by its beauty and its intimate story.

The film begins in the icy region of the Arctic Circle in a place called Igloolik. We enter an igloo where people of the Inuit culture (Eskimos to the rest of you) are sitting around in their homemade beds eating. There is a serenity and a calmness existing in this desolate home, complete with oil lamps since they naturally have no electricity. There is also a competitiveness between Oki (Peter-Henry Arnatsiaq), a bitter fool who often laughs with a high-pitched tone, and Atanarjuat (Natar Ungalaaq), the quiet, observant, non-threatening type. They both vie for the romantic charms of Atuat (Sylvia Ivalu), though Atanarjuat has been promised to marry her by the family. Oki could care less since he sees his future with her, and is willing to fight for her love. This involves a scene that had a couple of audience members laughing hysterically, though I failed to see the humor in it. The two men position themselves in fighting stance, sans clothing, by striking with one punch and then waiting for the opponent to strike back. Oki loses, but that does not stop him from seeking vengeance.

What develops in "The Fast Runner" are myriad incidents that develop slowly and lead to a number of tragedies. Essentially, this as a Shakespearean play in the Arctic Circle with all the requisite jealousies, hate and violence involving the traditional theme of love. But there is more to "The Fast Runner" than tragedy and heartbreak. Director Zacharias Kunuk (who is from Igloolik) has shot the film with a digital video camera so that every shot, every scene, has an authentic immediacy that rivals any Hollywood melodrama or thriller that aims for the same. We never get the feeling that we are watching actors (many of them are in fact professional actors) so that the story enters the realm of documentary. In fact, I could have sworn I was watching a latter-day "Nanook of the North" judging from the opening sequence. Of course, the region itself is indeed real, showing a vastness in its horizontal plane that brings an existential nature to the story and the characters. These are not CGI effects at work here - everything you see on screen is indeed real. And you can really feel the cold and the ice in ways that the Coen Brothers could only dream of in "Fargo."

There is also a chase scene in the film that is as thrilling and scary as any I have seen in recent memory. After a brutal murder in a tent, Atanarjuat, also known as the Fast Runner, flees from the tent as he is chased by the killers. But he is not running on sidewalks in some city - he is running naked and barefoot on ice floes! We feel for the guy, and sense his growing desperation of trying to evade the killers. After a while, the chase goes on and we see that Atanarjuat's feet are wounded leaving traces of blood in his footsteps across the snow. It is harrowing stuff, well-shot and choreographed.

"The Fast Runner" begins very much like a documentary, showing how the Inuit people live. It certainly doesn't look like an easy, comfortable life. They are always wearing heavy fur coats, they are seen chiseling away at the ice structures they make for their igloos, they are seen trying to fish, and there are the strenuous hunting attempts with a pack of wolves on a sled, and so on. A way of life is shown in the first hour or so to establish their living conditions and culture. Some people might get bored with this extended prologue but it is neccessary to establish a mood for what is to come. And the film's themes of murder, love, compassion, forgiveness, and betrayal are as universal as any story - it shows that these people's fears, desires and relationships are not unlike those of similar cultures. The only difference is having to contend with below zero temperatures.

"The Fast Runner" is long, thrilling, fatalistic, extraordinarily moving and exhilarating - it is an epic drama done with attention to detail and character. This is not a fast-paced melodrama with heightened emotions. Instead, it assumes a leisurely pace that matches the setting and the mood. At 170 minutes, "The Fast Runner" has enough guts, drama, action (and, yes, some sex) to make any Hollywood hack director envious. On par with Andrei Tarkovsky's "Andrei Rublev" and Federico Fellini's "8 1/2," it is like visiting another world we have not seen before with universal themes and human emotions everyone can relate to.