Bruce Lee by way of Ed Wood

GAME OF DEATH (1978)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

In 1978, word leaked out that 100 minutes of footage existed from an uncompleted Bruce Lee film. Fans were excited. So were the studios, including producer Raymond Chow and his Golden Harvest company. And so Lee's final film, "Game of Death," was released in 1978. Talk about false advertising. Not only were 100 minutes of footage not shown, but Bruce Lee barely appears in the film at all. There are frequent cutaways to Lee from his legendary work in his first three kung-fu films, but they are so awkwardly pasted together that it comes across more as a joke on the audience. Meanwhile, we have Bruce Lee doubles to make up for transitional scenes until the finale. And the anticipated footage of Lee is just short of 10 minutes of fight footage.

The story begins with Billy Lo (played by both Ti Chung Kim and Biao Yuen), a martial-arts fighter who is also an international film star, not unlike Lee. He is something of a whiny, depressed individual with an American singer as a girlfriend (Colleen Camp). For some reason, Lo confides his personal problems to a dry-witted journalist (Gig Young). Anyways, a mob circuit headed by Dr. Land (Dean Jagger) want to invest in Lo's future and get a cut of the profits in return. Lo refuses, and is later supposedly assassinated on the set of his newest film (foreshadowing echoes of Lee's own son, Brandon Lee, killed on the set of "The Crow"). Lo is presumed dead yet he survives the assassination, and wants revenge and intends to kill all the members and minions of the Mafia's outfit.They include Mr. Wyatt Earp himself, Hugh O'Brian, and Mel Novak as Stick who has a way with a toothpick. This is the same kind of plot that pervaded most of the Bruce Lee rip-offs and pseudo-biographies (including Bruce Li, remember him?) of the 1970's, and it hardly feels inspired or surprising.

After witnessing interminable action scenes and fistfights and motorcycles imploding and exploding, we finally get the real Bruce Lee in a yellow tracking suit dueling a nunchaku expert, a Japanese fighter and, lastly, engaging in hand-to-hand combat in an incredible showdown with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar! These scenes have the electricity and flair of Bruce Lee at his best. Then we get one final action scene with Hugh O'Brian that again uses a Lee double! Initially, "Game of Death" was a story written by Bruce Lee about a kung-fu fighter who would enter a pagoda and fight three different opponents on three levels with unique styles of their own. Footage was shot before Lee had to cancel production and shoot "Enter the Dragon." The problem is simple: where is all that great footage? (Check out "Bruce Lee: A Warrior's Journey" for a different cut of the footage.) How come we only see 10 minutes of it? According to the late director Robert Clouse ("Enter the Dragon"), the footage was not so great. Anything is better than what Clouse shot, which is nothing more than a by-the-numbers underworld thriller at best with slipshod action and threadbare characters.

"Game of Death" looks and feels like a production helmed by Ed Wood (who is known for using Lugosi doubles in "Plan Nine From Outer Space"). It is inert and terminally boring, amazing considering the late Robert Clouse was known for fast-paced action (look at "Enter the Dragon" and "Golden Needles" for proof). The villains are non-perilous, the hero is adrift in La-La Land, the story has no thrust and the action has no consequence. Excepting the brief Bruce Lee footage and John Barry's exciting, James Bond-like film score, "Game of Death" thrashes the memory of the legendary Bruce Lee.

JAWS in a whirling tornado

SHARKNADO (2013)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Sharknado" is a disaster, but that should be no surprise. The best bad films are those that possess unintentional humor or give themselves a lift by taking themselves seriously despite all the silly shenanigans and still manage to entertain us. "Sharknado" is not the newest entry in the good-bad movies list - it is simply a snoozer and a bad film overall.

Ian Ziering is appropriately named Fin, who runs a waterfront beach bar where John Heard (his character lives in Beverly Hills) is a recurring customer who is consistently drunk and flirts with a waitress, who has her eye on Ziering and not the creepy grandpa (never thought I would call John Heard a creepy grandpa character). Sharks arrive on the beach and start chomping away at surfers and swimmers. The sharks can also fling themselves on land, break through doors and cause massive damage from the sky! Huh? Well, you see, there are several tornados that carries these sharks to land, all this due to a freaky hurricane. It is the kind of hurricane that can splash water on certain characters causing them to get wet in one shot, and completely dry in the next shot. Of course, nobody dies in this movie from the hurricane - it is the sharks that kill! Those carnivores even attack people in their own houses!

There is one terrifically absurd scene that would be at home in a parody of this movie. Ziering sees a shark falling from the sky. He takes out a chainsaw and as the great white makes impact with his chainsaw, he is supposedly eaten by the shark. Everyone thinks he is dead, including his ex-wife (very thanklessly played by Tara Reid). Suddenly, the chainsaw cuts through the shark's belly and out comes Ziering and, if you can believe it, a survivor whom we thought was dead earlier.

"Sharknado" is unfortunately not absurd enough nor does it push the limits of camp - it assumes its campy idea is enough. There is some awkward pacing and frantic cuts that suggest something is happening, when in fact nothing is really happening (cue the endless scenes inside a car with windows that show no background whatsoever except for "hot windows," as if they were driving in the sky). The movie is a listless bore and a chore to sit through, so let's hope the sequel amps up the absurdity beyond containing a funny title. 

McClane and Zeus in dismal sequel

DIE HARD: WITH A VENGEANCE (1995)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Original review from 1995, updated)

The first few moments of "Die Hard: With a Vengeance" set a pulsating mood. We hear "Summer in the City" in the soundtrack as we see glimpses of the hustle and bustle of New York City before a loud explosion rocks the city streets. And it is not long before Bruce Willis's third incarnation as John McClane is recruited to battle a new terrorist. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is a lifeless affair.

McClane chases a terrorist who plays a game of Simon Says - he has explosives at numerous locations in Manhattan and it is up to McClane to solve a riddle before the next explosion. Samuel L. Jackson is a junk shop clerk named Zeus who is inadvertently taken for a ride by McClane and, alas, what we have is yet another variation on the buddy-buddy movie genre. So expect the traditional quips, some tiresome racist tirades, lots of explosions, lots of gunfire and, I am afraid, not much else.

I admired the first two "Die Hard" films but this third entry (aimlessly directed by John McTiernan who helmed the original) exudes none of the bravura wit of the previous films, and even less of McClane's human side. And get a load of the villain! Jeremy Irons is Simon Gruber, the terrorist who is mad as hell that his brother was formerly killed by McClane (Yes, Hans Gruber from the original film). But it turns out that Simon, like all pre-9/11 terrorists, is not interested in revenge but in money, specifically the gold at the Federal Reserve Bank! How audacious! How incendiary! Since Simon's reasons are never clear as to why he wants gold or why he even drags McClane into this whole mess, we are left with one extremely convoluted and unnecessary sequel.

There are some pluses. Willis is still a commanding presence as is Sam Jackson, though their banter grows old. I like the addition of McClane's boss (mentioned in passing in the original film). There is a hair-raising Central Park chase scene and a claustrophobic, nailbitingly suspenseful elevator scene. But there are far too many lapses in logic and credibility (is it possible to fall fifty feet from a bride onto a ship, on your head no less, without getting killed?) And the measuring water jugs just about made me laugh at the insane stupidity of it all, not to mention a truly inane and protracted climax (reshot after a dismal preview). This (hopefully) last "Die Hard" should be the final nail on the coffin for this series.

Blow up the dam!

FORCE 10 FROM NAVARONE (1978)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Let's make something sparklingly clear: "Force 10 From Navarone" has absolutely nothing to do with "The Guns of Navarone." Its link to the original is merely tenuous, limited to a brief prologue where two of the main characters are shown to have appeared in the original when in fact, they didn't. They would be Robert Shaw and Edward Fox, but that is another story. As a fast-moving, escapist WWII adventure, "Force 10" is fun and preposterous.

Robert Shaw plays Major Mallory, a man with a game leg who walks around with a cane. Edward Fox is Sgt. Miller, a bomb expert who considers himself a civilian and no longer needed for his explosive efforts. Both have been commissioned by the government to find a Yugoslavian bridge vital to the Nazis and blow it up. This requires blowing up a nearby dam so it can send thousands of gallons of water to topple over the bridge. This is not necessarily Mallory or Miller's only mission - Mallory has to find a terrorist named Captain Leskovar (Franco Nero) and execute him ("Go out there and cope.") These two men will not travel alone - they will be occupied by Force 10, a commando group led by a pre-Indiana Jones Harrison Ford as military officer, Lt. Barnsby.

So "Force 10 From Navarone" has lots of derring do to appeal fans of war movies and grand escapist adventures. There are tense moments inside the bowels of the dam where our heroes have to plant the explosives, parachute from a burning plane, playing dead to the partisans, engage inlots of shootings, knife fights, explosions and endless double crosses. There is Carl Weathers as the tough medic who is a fairly adroit knife thrower. There is also Richard Kiel as a partisan who calls Carl Weathers' character "blackie." There is a Nazi commandant (Michael Byrne, playing the same role he later played in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade") who has never heard of penicillin. And as for the babe factor and partial nudity, we have Barbara Bach as a "good soldier comrade." You get the picture.

"Force 10 From Navarone" is never really believable, has some anachronistic dialogue and doesn't come close to the scope, wit or punch of "The Guns of Navarone" (despite being written by the same author, Alistair MacLean). Still, it has some explosive moments of action, a game cast (it is fun seeing Harrison Ford share scenes with Carl Weathers and the late Robert Shaw), superb landscape photography and enough thrills to compensate for a somewhat threadbare plot. I enjoyed the movie when I was a kid and I still enjoy it now. Now go out there, rent the movie, and cope.

A whodunit documentary

CAPTURING THE FRIEDMANS (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Imagine America back in the 1980's. For some reason, child abuse, both sexual and physical, was the hysteria of its time (and to some degree, it still is). Imagine the allegations that a science teacher may have sexually abused his young students in the basement of his house. Imagine that his son helped him. And then imagine how a town would react to the case, no doubt helped by the media's gaze. That is the subject at the heart of "Capturing the Friedmans," one of the most powerful documentaries I've seen since Terry Zwigoff's "Crumb." It is disturbing subject matter but it is so compelling, so fascinating, you'll want to see it twice.

The town is the affluent Great Neck, located on Long Island, New York. The case began in 1987 when a science teacher, Arnold Friedman, was busted by the FBI for having child pornography magazines. An FBI agent disguised himself as a mailman and busted him one hour later after delivering the magazine. But the FBI also found photos of a computer class, and the names of young students that attended the class. Right away, the FBI concluded that Arnold, due to possession of child porn, was a pedophile. The police and the FBI interviewed every one of the students and got their testimony, admitting they were indeed raped by Arnold. However, it is learned that one of Arnold's sons, Jesse, may have done the majority of sexual abuse. The media devours the story, showing Arnold and Jesse to be the culprit of these crimes against underage children. Still, there was no physical evidence to convict them, only the testimony.

"Capturing the Friedmans" tells the sad story of this case from many interview subjects. Jesse, shown in prison, insists he's innocent, saying he was forced to plead guilty by his lawyer. Arnold is mostly seen in video footage taken by his oldest son, David (who is one of New York's best-known clowns), revealing very little. Arnold's wife, Elaine, loves her husband but is forever changed by the allegations, feeling betrayed of her love and trust for him. In fact, she suffers verbal abuse from the angry David (seen wearing underwear on his head the day of his father's arrest), who is miffed that his mother is not more supportive of her husband. There is also the youngest child, Seth (who declined to be interviewed), though he mostly exists in the sidelines. The cops and the defense lawyer are convinced of Arnold and Jesse's guilt, but could the media have played a major influence on their guilt, considering they came from an affluent town where such egregious behavior presumably never happens? Or is it, as journalist Debbie Nathan suggests, a town where such a crime needs a quick scapegoat so that everyone appears more victimized than they really are?

The bulk of "Capturing the Friedmans" focuses on the endless video footage shot by David of his family's reaction to Arnold and Jesse, mostly during their house arrest. There is even a self-imposed reflection by David that may cause people to feel uneasy, especially when he says no one, not even the police, should view the tape. There is one clip of Jesse dancing around the courthouse on the day he is going to jail. Everyone has a way of dealing with despair - Jesse and his brothers have their sense of humor intact, unlike their mother.

Arnold remains a mystery, a professed pedophile who claims he never harmed any boy in Great Neck. Still, how could child pornography have convicted this man in the eyes of the FBI and police? Just because you like child porn doesn't mean you are a pedophile (although the allusion is still there). And even if he is one, it doesn't mean he harmed the boys in his class. We do hear accounts from those who claimed to have been molested, and others who claimed that no abuse ever took place. And Arnold remains elusive for details, using humor and detachedness to get through the mess. His wife is no help and all David can do is ask, "You didn't do it, did you Dad?"

"Capturing the Friedmans" finally captures the most tragic part of this story, the destruction of a family based on bias and false allegations. After the film is over, you are still not sure what is the truth and what is hearsay. To some, this may prove frustrating. To others, it will prove to be indelibly fascinating.

Final Elm Street sequel? Not by a long shot

FREDDY'S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE (1991)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare" is a guilty pleasure for me considering how many people hate it. It's silly, stupid and more self-parodic than it should have been, but it has a looseness and a fast pace that distinguishes it from most horror fare.

This time, pizza-faced, maniacal Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) is back in Springwood, Ohio, looking for some fresh blood after killing off all the Elm Street kids and being sent back to his mother's womb by the formidable Alice in "Elm Street 5." The main plot is about a kid suffering from amnesia (Shon Greenblatt) who comes to believe that Freddy is his father. How he came to that realization, I am not sure! Enter a teen psychiatrist/counselor (the sullen Lisa Zane), who is the only one that listens to this seemingly creepy kid. She follows him to Springwood to find that the town has turned into a loony bin where parents are all left without any children or teenagers to care for (Freddy wiped them all out). Eventually, this psychiatrist discovers that she is Freddy's daughter, and he uses her to get to the kids at a youth shelter. Only a fellow psychiatrist and dream expert (Yaphet Kotto, who should have dominated the film beyond giving a few baseball bat hits to Freddy's body) can help her with her traumatic emotions.

"Freddy's Dead" is more funny than scary and there are too many half-hearted attempts at humor (watch for the cumbersome cameos by Tom Arnold and Roseanne Barr), and there are mostly bloodless performances by a largely emaciated cast. However, despite its rushed, washed-out look and lack of real production values, it is always watchable. There are also subtle themes of incest, child abuse, neglect, and adoption which is intriguing, to say the least, for a film of this type. A few nightmare sequences truly deliver the chills, such as a hearing aid on one teen or the marijuana haze that leads to a video game beat down! The 3-D finale is well-done, as we are taken on a thrilling trip through Freddy's twisted brain but the extra dimension is a bit unnecessary.

As for surprise cameos, be sure to look out for a drooling Alice Cooper as Freddy's father, and Johnny Depp in a hilarious drug commercial! Worthwhile time-filler overall (Freddy is reduced to a weather-beaten comedian and the film does have the stamp of one too may trips down the same well) and never less than fun. Still, beware Freddy fans, hardly scary!

The story of my life, again

DIE HARD 2 (1990)

Reviewed By Jerry Saravia

The subtitle for "Die Hard 2" is Die Harder. Thankfully that was omitted but it wouldn't have mattered. "Die Hard 2" is an exciting, nail-bitingly suspenseful action flick that is as good as, if not better, than the claustrophobic original.

Bruce Willis is back as John McClane, seen in the opening scene at Dulles Airport where he gets a parking ticket and his car towed away. It is the beginning of a bad day for McClane, the police detective who foiled a terrorist plot at Nakatomi Plaza in the original film. This time, some nasty, murderous mercenaries are taking control of Dulles flights thanks to Colonel Stuart (William Sadler). Stuart's objective is to allow a Fidel Castro-type drug lord, Esperanza (Franco Nero), to land safely at Dulles without intervention. McClane catches wind of these mercenaries up to some dirty business, and it begins with a fight scene that involves not only luggage and a ten-speed bicycle but also a spray can! Naturally, when McClane fails to foil the terrorist plot, nobody believes one word he says. This includes the airport chief of police, hilariously played by Dennis Franz, who thinks McClane is making it up as he goes. The leader of the air-traffic control tower (Fred Dalton Thompson) has his doubts but then there is a disturbing plane crash, caused by the terrorists, that is about as horrific as plane crashes get, at least back in 1990.

For action scenes, there are slow-motion gunfights, a chase scene involving snow mobiles, a fiery exit from a plane by ejector seat, and a fistfight on a plane wing. As directed by Renny Harlin, there are also some gory bits of violence, including clever uses of a propeller and an icicle. Some of this may seem relatively tame today but back in 1990, an audience I saw this with found it a tad too violent for its own sake. If you recall, the summer of 1990 was full of ultraviolent action pictures like "Total Recall" and "Another 48HRS."

"Die Hard 2" is a highly improbable action-thriller with a few too many neat coincidences and contrivances. And watching John McClane running around an airport using underground tunnels in freezing temperatures may produce unintentional chuckles. And yet this movie is spectacularly entertaining, concentrating more on dialogue to further its narrative than on various large-action set pieces of which this film has blessedly few. Bruce Willis makes for an invigorating John McClane and William Sadler is an appropriately cold-blooded villain. There is a nicely extended cameo by Bonnie Bedelia, reprising her role as McClane's wife who is aboard a flight that may be in danger. There are also some precious digs at the press, including another reprisal by William Atherton as the reporter who hopes to get a Pulitzer. Like I said, it is fun but you won't believe a moment of it.