JAWS in a whirling tornado

SHARKNADO (2013)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Sharknado" is a disaster, but that should be no surprise. The best bad films are those that possess unintentional humor or give themselves a lift by taking themselves seriously despite all the silly shenanigans and still manage to entertain us. "Sharknado" is not the newest entry in the good-bad movies list - it is simply a snoozer and a bad film overall.

Ian Ziering is appropriately named Fin, who runs a waterfront beach bar where John Heard (his character lives in Beverly Hills) is a recurring customer who is consistently drunk and flirts with a waitress, who has her eye on Ziering and not the creepy grandpa (never thought I would call John Heard a creepy grandpa character). Sharks arrive on the beach and start chomping away at surfers and swimmers. The sharks can also fling themselves on land, break through doors and cause massive damage from the sky! Huh? Well, you see, there are several tornados that carries these sharks to land, all this due to a freaky hurricane. It is the kind of hurricane that can splash water on certain characters causing them to get wet in one shot, and completely dry in the next shot. Of course, nobody dies in this movie from the hurricane - it is the sharks that kill! Those carnivores even attack people in their own houses!

There is one terrifically absurd scene that would be at home in a parody of this movie. Ziering sees a shark falling from the sky. He takes out a chainsaw and as the great white makes impact with his chainsaw, he is supposedly eaten by the shark. Everyone thinks he is dead, including his ex-wife (very thanklessly played by Tara Reid). Suddenly, the chainsaw cuts through the shark's belly and out comes Ziering and, if you can believe it, a survivor whom we thought was dead earlier.

"Sharknado" is unfortunately not absurd enough nor does it push the limits of camp - it assumes its campy idea is enough. There is some awkward pacing and frantic cuts that suggest something is happening, when in fact nothing is really happening (cue the endless scenes inside a car with windows that show no background whatsoever except for "hot windows," as if they were driving in the sky). The movie is a listless bore and a chore to sit through, so let's hope the sequel amps up the absurdity beyond containing a funny title.