You flunk with this project

MY SCIENCE PROJECT (1985)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I recall going to my neighborhood theater in Queens, New York back in good old 1985 to see "Back to the Future." As I was perusing through the hallway theater at other movies playing, I noticed they were showing "My Science Project." The scene I took a gander at featured some kids dressed as the stormtroopers from "Star Wars." I always wondered what that scene was about. Sixteen years later, I finally watched the actual film for the first time. I wish I had not bothered finding out.

A teenage car mechanic (John Stockwell) is failing his science class. His wild hippie teacher (Dennis Hopper) warns him that he better get his grade up or he will fail him for the semester. The kid goes on a date with a four-eyed blonde nerd (Danielle von Zerneck) to a missile base where he discovers a crystal sphere. He decides that this is his science project since the sphere looks, well, cool and it emits a phosphorescent glow! With the help of his Fonzie-like best friend (a very young Fisher Stevens) and his date, they inadvertently unleash a time-travel force from this sphere where dinosaurs, gladiators, the Vietcong and other figures from the past run rampant inside the local high school!

This is not a bad plot to speak of, just rottenly executed. The characters are unappealing and uncharismatic - Stockwell as the lead exhibits no personality whatsoever. The jokes are juvenile and putrid at best (Stevens humming the "Mission: Impossible" theme is the best the writers can do). The romance between Stockwell and von Zerneck is a joke in itself (at least von Zerneck fared better as Richie Valens' girlfriend in "La Bamba" two years later). The special-effects are bland and forgettable (laser blasts are better handled in "Star Wars"). The T-Rex has precious little screen time. Only Dennis Hopper saves the day as the hippie teacher - his last scene is hysterical as he is dressed in the same garb from "Easy Rider" and ecstatically mentions revisiting Woodstock! And as for my memory of those stormtroopers? Well, all I can say is that George Lucas should sue.