God needs six screenwriters?

OH, GOD!: BOOK TWO (1980)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

One of the charms of the original "Oh, God!" was its sincerity. It helped that the late and very sincere John Denver was the supermarket manager in the original who sincerely believed that he saw and spoke to God. He is in disbelief over it but he starts to believe, and so do we. That charm is diminished a little bit in "Oh, God!: Book II" but it is not totally withdrawn. I just found this sequel perhaps a little too cutesy for its own good.

Louanne plays Tracy Richards, an 11-year-old girl whom God invites to the lounge room at a Chinese restaurant to talk business. Tracy is a little mystified (and who wouldn't be when the invitation is in a fortune cookie) and, sure enough, God (George Burns) is there. He tells Tracy that He has a little job for her - to remind people that God still exists. Tracy has to come up with a slogan and, after much hard work, comes up with "Think God." She has to spread the word like a modern-day apostle. She prepares banners at school, spray-paints the words at churches, restaurants and everywhere else. Of course, she does her job too well since she is suspended from school and is recommended for treatment at a mental institution! (If this movie were made today, it would've expanded the whole separation of church and state controversy). Naturally, Tracy's parents (David Birney, Suzanne Pleshette) are outraged yet feel obligated to conform to the doctors and the school officials' requests.

"Oh, God!: Book II" is serviceable entertainment but it is oddly too reverential. The wonderful thing about the original "Oh, God!" is that it never took itself too seriously. This movie pokes a little fun at first, but then it starts to veer away from any comical charms in its premise and starts to treat the material a little too matter-of-factly. We do not need so many scenes of Tracy undergoing cat scans or being interviewed by a psychiatrist. We want to see more scenes of George Burns's God helping Tracy with her math homework, taking her for a ride in a motorcycle, explaining why evil has to exist, and so on. " Oh, God! Book II" is not an excruciating sequel but it is extraordinarily bland (even blander was the snore-inducing "Oh, God! You Devil!"). There are a few laughs, a few smiles, and a silly courtroom climax that is merely a retread of the original. This is a harmless family film, but even God would agree that the filmmakers should have had more faith in their story. Most pressing question: Why does God need six screenwriters?

You flunk with this project

MY SCIENCE PROJECT (1985)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I recall going to my neighborhood theater in Queens, New York back in good old 1985 to see "Back to the Future." As I was perusing through the hallway theater at other movies playing, I noticed they were showing "My Science Project." The scene I took a gander at featured some kids dressed as the stormtroopers from "Star Wars." I always wondered what that scene was about. Sixteen years later, I finally watched the actual film for the first time. I wish I had not bothered finding out.

A teenage car mechanic (John Stockwell) is failing his science class. His wild hippie teacher (Dennis Hopper) warns him that he better get his grade up or he will fail him for the semester. The kid goes on a date with a four-eyed blonde nerd (Danielle von Zerneck) to a missile base where he discovers a crystal sphere. He decides that this is his science project since the sphere looks, well, cool and it emits a phosphorescent glow! With the help of his Fonzie-like best friend (a very young Fisher Stevens) and his date, they inadvertently unleash a time-travel force from this sphere where dinosaurs, gladiators, the Vietcong and other figures from the past run rampant inside the local high school!

This is not a bad plot to speak of, just rottenly executed. The characters are unappealing and uncharismatic - Stockwell as the lead exhibits no personality whatsoever. The jokes are juvenile and putrid at best (Stevens humming the "Mission: Impossible" theme is the best the writers can do). The romance between Stockwell and von Zerneck is a joke in itself (at least von Zerneck fared better as Richie Valens' girlfriend in "La Bamba" two years later). The special-effects are bland and forgettable (laser blasts are better handled in "Star Wars"). The T-Rex has precious little screen time. Only Dennis Hopper saves the day as the hippie teacher - his last scene is hysterical as he is dressed in the same garb from "Easy Rider" and ecstatically mentions revisiting Woodstock! And as for my memory of those stormtroopers? Well, all I can say is that George Lucas should sue.

Not a ghost of a chance

GHOST IN THE MACHINE (1993)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Original review from 2003

Back in the day when the Internet was known as the Information Superhighway and nobody knew what an email was, a little film called "Ghost in the Machine" was released in theatres. It focused on the dangers of the Internet, particularly when somebody can have access to anything like bank account numbers, address books, shopping lists, etc. Well, those ideas are at the surface of "Ghost in the Machine," a ludicrous, snail-paced slasher movie that tries to pass itself off as relevant and timely. Not a ghost of a chance.

The opening scenes give the impression that we are about to see an average slasher picture. A young man, who works in an Ohio computer store, steals address books from clients and begins murdering every one of the occupants at these addresses. The latest client is Terry Monroe (Karen Allen), who mistakenly leaves her address book in the store (I suppose the killer will only kill forgetful people who leave their address books in the store? Just a guess). The young man races in his car in the rainy night to give back the book to Terry and presumably kill her. There is a tragic accident where the killer's car careens into a cemetery, and he gives one of those devilish laughs that signifies he was expecting this to happen. He is taken to the hospital for an MRI when an electrical storm causes a malfunction in the circuits. This supercharged electrical storm metamorphoses the killer into a human computer signal where he can access anyone's computer and kill them. His last target is Terry and her wanna-be rapper son.

The only problem with this conceit is that the killer is not just a computer signal beaming down from a satellite or a tech company. He can also travel through electrical wires and zap you through your washer machine, toaster oven, microwave, hair dryer (!), radio, and so on (much like the killer in "Shocker.") In other words, the movie seems to be saying that no electrical appliances are safe in your own home, and for goodness sakes', seal those electrical outlets! Perhaps the message is that we are so dependent on our appliances that we should consider cooking our food at a campfire and speak to people on the street instead of calling them and/or emailing them. After all, a killer could be loose and increase our electric bill.

This movie was a downward trajectory for Karen Allen, who has none of the spit, fire or polish of her more accomplished roles - she is as indifferent as the rest of the cast is. As for the killer, the actor has a certain creepiness but since the writers have given no real apparent motive except the desire to kill anyone within his reach (especially Terry's friends), there is nothing to cling to - he is just a one-dimensional inhuman killer. Delete this ghost of a movie.

Enchanting, surreal mindbender inside Laura Palmer

TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME (1992)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Original review from 1996)

My taste is in the minority but I consider "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me" to be David Lynch's weirdest and most humanistic film since "Eraserhead." Back in 1992, the film was reviled for disgracing all devoted "Twin Peaks" fans because of its strained logic and omission of some major characters from the show. The movie was booed rather than ballyhooed at the Cannes Film Festival, and was panned by most American critics resulting in poor box-office. "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me" certainly does not have much in common with the cult TV series but most people I think have missed the point. The story is about Laura Palmer and what she endured in her final days before being murdered. Laura is the most full-bodied and complex portrait of a high-school student I've seen since Timothy Hutton's complex teen character in "Ordinary People."

I'll admit the film does start off badly. Chris Isaak stars as an FBI agent who is arresting teens in a school bus in Fargo! He is called by his superior (David Lynch) to investigate the murder of Teresa Banks (Pamela Gidley) in a town as exceptionally creepy as Twin Peaks. Isaak brings along a nervous doctor (Kiefer Sutherland, who is always twitching) to help perform the autopsy. Unexpected clues and goings-on occur and when you have Harry Dean Stanton as a trailer park manager, you know nothing is quite normal. Enter Kyle MacLachlan as Agent Cooper who is sent there to investigate the mysterious disappearance of Isaak.

The film finally picks up speed as we enter the second act, set "One Year Later" in Twin Peaks, detailing the final week in the life of Laura Palmer (beautifully played by Sheryl Lee). She is one of the most popular, sexiest students at Twin Peaks High School but appearances always conceal the truth. Apparently, she is a cokehead, has several boyfriends and attends late-night sex clubs in the Canadian border. Her home life is not much better than her lifestyle. Laura's mother, Sarah Palmer (Grace Zabriskie) is bordering towards insanity, and her father, Leland Palmer (Ray Wise), is abusive and strict towards her resulting in one heck of a dysfunctional family. Laura's only sign of normalcy is her devoted best friend, Donna Hayward (Moira Kelly), who is trying to come to terms with Laura's decadent side.

What is especially invigorating about "Twin Peaks" is its unpredictable narrative that confusingly leaps all over the place. At one point, there's a flashback showing David Bowie as some lost FBI agent who knows something about the strange forces at bay in Twin Peaks. Then there are Laura's surrealistic, haunting nightmares (or actual figments of an otherworldly presence) which include a red-suited dwarf (Michael Anderson) commenting on formica tables; young boys wearing strange white masks with Pinocchio noses; angels in waiting; framed pictures of doorways leading somewhere, and so on. The movie feels like a never-ending nightmare, and it is to Lynch's credit that he doesn't suffuse it with tongue-in-cheek humor or deliberate winks to the audience as if it was all a joke - "Wild at Heart" is a minor example of the latter. This is a dark fable about self-revelation, incest, murderous impulses and depravity in small-town America - a far more vivid journey than the overrated shenanigans of "Blue Velvet."

The casting is impeccable. Sheryl Lee exhibits layers of sincerity, lustfulness, heartbreak and denial with breathtaking vigor - her Laura Palmer is a tortured soul in need of nurturing. Ray Wise scarily depicts a seething madman in Leland yet seems normal enough to pass as an average dad. Wise and Lee's scenes are intense and dramatic to witness in the most twisted father-daughter relationship ever seen. Moira Kelly is not especially convincing as Laura's best friend and remains the poorest casting choice (Lara Flynn Boyle was better). MacLachlan mostly has a sharp cameo as Agent Cooper and floats in and out of the story, and there's the fast-talking Miguel Ferrer as a competitive agent. A character sorely missed from the show is the alluring Audrey Horne but you can't have everything.

David Lynch's direction is exceptional with his trademark shadowy angles bringing forth a foreboding sense of gloom, and moody photography courtesy of Ron Garcia. Two standout sequences are a strobe-lit club party, and a harrowing encounter with the One-Armed Man (Al Strobel) during a traffic jam. The nightmare sequences are weird and abstract beyond belief, and will give you goose bumps for days not to mention Angelo Badalamenti's eerie score.

"Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me" is far from greatness, but it is more philosophical and less enchanting than "Wild at Heart." Laura Palmer's descent into drugs, decadence and madness is thrillingly realized by Lynch, and he creates the most unforgettable character since Henry in "Eraserhead."

Beverly Hills Cop 4 - Axel is back!

BACK WHERE HE DOESN'T BELONG

By Jerry Saravia

In July of 2013, news was announced that Eddie Murphy would return as Detroit detective Axel Foley in the on/off again project, "Beverly Hills Cop 4." Never mind the fact that Murphy was already back as Axel in the now shelved 2013 TV pilot titled "Beverly Hills Cop" where Axel's son, Aaron Foley (Brandon T. Jackson), tries to escape his father's shadow by enlisting in the Beverly Hills police department. Shelved? Cancelled? Yes, Virginia, there is no "real" Santa Claus. Twenty years ago, networks would have been set ablaze to have Eddie Murphy in a television show (how often do you see Eddie on television, period)! I mean, it is Eddie Murphy, who is not quite the superstar he was back in the 80's and mid-to-late 90's. Reportedly, Paramount Pictures had their heads set in a dizzy mode when watching the pilot due to Murphy's "scene-stealing turn" as the tough-talking Detroit detective. Well, of course, this is the role that made Eddie a superstar and it is his most popular film role ever - it defines everything that mainstream audiences love about Eddie Murphy. 

Brandon T. Jackson and Eddie Murphy in the TV pilot for Beverly Hills Cop

What I don't get is why the pilot was shot and edited and NBC executives marveled at Murphy's performance, and yet abruptly cancelled any plans for more TV episodes? Unless, of course, Murphy's performance is the only aspect of the show that they marveled at (director Barry Sonnenfeld helmed the pilot). At any rate, Josh Applebaum and Andre Nemec - the screenwriting duo behind "Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol" - are writing the script for the fourth film. Will Axel's son still be in the script? Will Eddie just hang out in Beverly Hills again with old buddies Billy Rosewood (Judge Reinhold) and Taggart (John Ashton)? Me thinks so although a little backstory on the potty-mouthed Detroit detective might be nice since, after three movies, we know very little about him. Will Theresa Randle, last seen as Axel's first major squeeze in the entire series ("Beverly Hills Cop III" to be precise), be back? Will she be the mother of Axel's son, if in fact he makes an appearance? Don't count on an appearance by Axel's boss, Inspector Todd (Gil Hill - an actual former Detroit detective) since he was gunned down in the third film - unless they ignore the third film completely which would be okay by me. I don't mind seeing a new sequel with Axel Foley but will modern audiences cater to it since it has been twenty years since the third film, which fizzled at the box-office?  

Eddie Murphy and Theresa Randle at the end of Beverly Hills Cop III

Misery loves Henry Jaglom

SOMEONE TO LOVE (1987)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

How interesting can it be to film people's responses to loneliness, loss of love and women's liberation? New York filmmaker Henry Jaglom ("New Year's Day," "Eating") has taken the route of doing just that - filming people's responses to those subjects, and the result is one of the most profound, exciting and personal films of the 1980's.

Henry Jaglom plays a film director named Danny who is shaken and perplexed by his girlfriend, Helen (remarkably played by Andrea Marcovicci) who wants to be left alone, much to Danny's chagrin, when she sleeps. After she brushes her teeth, Danny has to leave so she can sleep in peace. On that note, Danny flies to Santa Monica to see his brother (Michael Emil) who is in the real estate business, and who deplores Danny's profession insisting it isn't work, it is "play." His brother is co-owner of an antique theater that is about to be demolished after having sold it. Danny gets the creative idea to stage and film his old friends and acquaintances in the theater, and so he makes invitations to all who are lonely on Valentine's Day to attend. A surprising number of people show up including his emotional companion Helen, a singer; Dave Frishberg who plays the piano in a beautiful montage sequence; Sally Kellerman as a distraught, popular movie star who all the men flirt with; Kathryn Harrold as an actress who wants to have a family; Steven Bishop who gets to play the guitar; and even the sage Orson Welles, in his last role, as a film director who delivers profound insights on women's liberation, loneliness and filmmaking. And for avid film buffs, Oja Kodar makes a pleasing guest appearance as a Yugoslavian woman who admires Danny for his truth and honesty (Oja was Welles's longtime collaborator and companion and appeared with him in "F for Fake").

"Someone to Love" is an eye-opening pseudo-documentary of relationships and what it means to have a companion, and the benefits and hazards of being lonely. It is the only film from the 80's to deal honestly, and with startling candor, on such issues. The question of Danny's credibility as a filmmaker is brought up at one point when he films Helen while dancing with her and she gets visibly upset. To quote Michael Powell, is all this filmmaking healthy? Is Danny asking questions that are too personal, or does he really want his brother to mingle and meet people at this offbeat party? Could it be that Danny is the only miserable person at this party?

"Someone to Love" has no real ending but it does have a stirring conclusion with Welles smoking a cigar and cracking up as he expounds on what Jaglom may or may not have accomplished in his film. "Your films are very different from mine," says Welles. "You like happy endings because you are a sentimentalist." "Someone to Love" is never sentimental but it is a love letter to all artists (and people) who are miserable, happy or unhappy about life and love, and to those who consider loneliness a virtue. Are women better off without a male companion or a marriage? Are men also plagued by the same questions? These may be questions you ask yourself everyday but rarely are these questions ever explored in a film. "Someone to Love" is a sad, passionate, funny, messy film of great magnitude by a great director. And yes, his films are very different from anyone else's.

Natural Born Weed Killers

SAVAGES (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Savages" is Oliver Stone's return to crime thrillers bathed in noirish amorality a la delicacies borrowed from his underrated "U-Turn" to his masterstroke, the highly controversial "Natural Born Killers" (a movie I've steadily admired). It is the latest in slacker noir porn, relatively meaning weed noir where bloody violence is steeped in the business of selling and smoking weed. Except that Oliver Stone's movie is semi-serious business and not exactly a replica of the horrendous "Pineapple Express." Nope, this is a semi-"Salvador" version of "Pineapple Express" mixed with a comical and often disturbingly chaotic cocktail brew of Stoned Extremes. Is it a great movie? Not quite - it is messy and overindulgent - but it is also exasperatingly alive. In other words, Oliver Stone's demented, wildly demonic self is back.

Two marijuana users and business partners, battle-scarred Navy Seal Chon (Taylor Kitsch) and pacifist Ben (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), are harvesting marihuana in Laguna Beach, California and their plants have THC levels that are as high as 33%. They are the best of friends and they share the same woman, O (Blake Lively). The story begins like a "Jules and Jim" variant except that chopped heads and protruding eyeballs are around the corner. Elena (Salma Hayek) is the reluctant Mamasita of the Mexican drug cartel and she wants a piece of the weed pie (frankly, no one else in the world has THC levels that are so damn high). When video is sent of a massacre that would be at home in Peckinpah country, the boys get nervous and are unwilling to cooperate with this criminal syndicate. But then the eternally stoned O is kidnapped and things get hairy when a conniving DEA agent (John Travolta), a terrifying and slimy psycho named Lado (Benicio Del Toro, in a role reversal from his "Traffic" role) who is itching to kill and rape, and other unpleasant characters enter the picture. And to make everything as topical as possible, there are references to Afghanistan (where Cho got all the weed from), BP oil spill, legalization of marijuana (when in creation will that happen?) and much more.

Everyone in "Savages" becomes a savage and cannot be trusted, including Ben and Chon whom we are supposed to root for, somewhat. The sweet-as-a-headache girl O even becomes tainted. Oliver Stone's point (taken from a script he co-wrote with Shane Salerno and the book's author, Don Winslow) is that our world is so chaotic and lacking in any defining moral shape that greed rules all, and backstabbing (literally and figuratively) is this country's cross to bear. If you are too sensitive, you will be killed. If you can screw the next person, by all means do it but you might end up in a bodybag. Perhaps that is why "Savages" was not exactly a major box-office success - no morality and no one to root for. Exactly.

"Savages" is not exactly different from any numerous films and TV-movies that have covered the war on drugs and cliched Mexican drug lords and cartels and their negotiations of business dealings, etc. The film, though, distinguishes itself from the norm by cranking out one delicious performance after another from a great supporting cast. Salma Hayek sports graceful notes with her love for her daughter and for her growing need to nurture the unfortunately needy O; Benicio Del Toro is the loco villain who thinks nothing of shooting someone in the kneecaps or raping his wife, despite supposedly loving and needing a family (his character could've used more backstory); John Travolta simmers on screen as a crooked DEA agent who tries to work both sides with sincerity, and is losing his wife to cancer; the suave Demian Bichir as the high-ranking member of the cartel; Emile Hirsch as a savvy, alert computer expert; and Sandra Eccheveria as Elena's daughter who wants nothing to do with the family.

Taylor Kitsch defines steely, rough exterior even when having sex with O ("Wargasm," she says) - he looks hardbitten and has the look of early Clint Eastwood. The fault in casting is Aaron Taylor-Johnson as the sweet, environmentally-friendly Ben (who also has sex with O) - his character's shift to violence is hardly credible. A more stirring actor would have been appropriate, maybe even Shia LaBeouf (Did I just say that? Yes, I did). Blake Lively appears more stoned victim throughout the film, like a symbol of love than a full-bodied character.

Still, "Savages" has high energy in spurts, terrific suspense and Oliver Stone keeps up the momentum. There is sex (women wear their bras while being penetrated), drugs, lots of weed smoking, graphic violence and many Tarantinian moments for sure (what happens to one specific character will remind many of the savage violence from "Reservoir Dogs"). Salma Hayek wears the same hairdo as Louise Brooks and, of course, Uma Thurman (from  "Pulp Fiction"). Travolta gives a wickedly comical performance that has a subtle nod to his Vincent Vega from "Pulp Fiction." This is Stone having fun with a big-scale crime epic, throwing everything from grainy images to black-and-white back to color, an assortment of canny tunes and some gorgeous desert scenes. The ending has a nice twist that makes sense with all that precedes it (it will not end the way you expect it). And Stone gives his film a mild dose of "Salvadorian" reality crossed with the Tarantino razzle-dazzle (and a nod, I gather, to Brian De Palma as well). "Savages" is odd, a bit heartless and cold at times, but never less than an adrenaline-stoked, feverish rush that only Stone can manage. After feeling a bit mixed about the otherwise solid "W." and the halfway decent "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps," it is refreshing to see the man engaged in a little tomfoolery.