Rambo-style on steroids

COMMANDO (1985)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Arnold Schwarzenegger had an arsenal of action flicks during the 1980's but none have been nearly as comical or as exciting as "Commando." It is so over-the-top and so testosteronian that it'll give you a minor headache, but it is still damn enjoyable.. Schwarzenegger is John Matrix, a retired commando living with his young daughter (a very young Alyssa Milano) in the mountainous region of California. Apparently, someone is offing John's fellow peers and his own boss (James Olson) reminds him that his life is in danger (interesting bit of dialogue indicates that it could be Arabs or some other terrorist organization). It turns out that John's former soldier from his own elite, Bennett (Vernon Wells), along with a Latin American ex-dictator who wants his job back, hire John to kill the resident dictator. If John does not comply, his precious daughter will be killed. What do you think a musclebound Schwarzenegger will do?

For implausibilities and a complete lack of logic, "Commando" pretty much takes the cake. When John drives a pick-up truck down rolling hills, he will not get much more than a little cut on his forehead. When he exits a plane from the landing gear, he falls a good thirty to forty feet onto a wet marsh (By the way, flight attendants are truly serious about passengers sitting in their seats during takeoff)! Mall security is not very good at apprehending a hulk like John! It is easy for John to tear out a phone booth or swing across an entire mall with ticker tape! Crashing into a telephone pole will not send you flying through the air, regardless of whether you're wearing a seatbelt or not! But what really is amazing is not so much that John single-handedly kills over one hundred armed soldiers with machine guns, bazookas and machetes, but that he barely eats or takes a piss for the almost 72 hour search for his little girl! And almost every action film during this time period (including "Red Heat") has a scene where someone is thrown through a door into a room where a couple is having sex!

"Commando" is superior to "Rambo" only because it is more fun with more intense action. Schwarzenegger makes an appealing hero, or superhero considering the stunts (like jumping from a two-story villa and landing with your two feet in place, without tipping over). The villains are appropriately menacing, though one wishes there was more of Bill Duke as an icy Green Beret or Vernon Wells as a mean soldier with potentially homosexual tendencies. Alyssa Milano is fine, but it is Rae Dawn Chong as a flight attendant who inadvertently gets involved who elevates the proceedings with her wry humor and commentary on the action ("You guys eat too much red meat!"). In order to prove her worth, she even gets to fire a bazooka.

"Commando" is not Arnie's best but it is so silly and implausible that it kind of raises its own status as one of the more engaging action pictures of the 1980's. I'd rate it higher than "Raw Deal" or "Predator" or even "Red Heat."

This film will cause blindness

COLOR OF NIGHT (1994)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Just before the firestorm of "Pulp Fiction" in the fall of 1994, Bruce Willis's career was considered kaput. He appeared in disposable, mediocre fare like "Striking Distance" and as an angel dressed in a bunny suit in "North." "Color of Night" is another dreadful Willis flick that almost put the nail in the coffin in his career.

Willis stars as a psychologist named Dr. Bill Capa, who has just quit the business after witnessing the suicidal death of one of his patients. In a lurid opening sequence, the good doctor's patient (Kathleen Wilhoilte) jumps out of his office window from a high rise building. Dr. Capa decides to call it quits after that horrible incident, especially when he becomes psychosomatically blind to the color red (which often resembles a dark gray color). A friend of Capa's (Scott Bakula) invites him to take a breather in California and see some of his own group of patients. Before you know it, Capa's psychiatric buddy is murdered and now everyone in the group is a suspect. Then we are treated to a sensuous, stunning woman named Rose (Jane March), who runs into Capa's car accidentally. Capa starts having a hot affair with Rose. Meanwhile, Lt. Martinez (Ruben Blades) is investigating Bakula's murder and asking Capa to obtain information from each member of the group. Then we are treated to more murders, more sex scenes, car chases, more and more sex scenes (including full frontal male and female nudity) and a number of lingering implausibilities, including a rare case of someone with psychic abilities (though this is no fantasy or horror film).

"Color of Night" is the first film by director Richard Rush since his highly regarded "The Stunt Man," a film I do not place on any pedestal. In any case, it would be wise to watch "The Stunt Man" instead of this noirish, farcical hodgepodge of cliches and stupidity with an ending right out of a slasher flick (the nail gun bit was put to better use in "Lethal Weapon 2"). The pacing and the performances are at such a high pitch that you may wonder why this was not made into a comedy. Good actors like Lance Henriksen, Brad Dourif and Lesley Anne-Warren are given ample opportunity to overact shamelessly and pronounce the most ridiculously awful dialogue I have heard in many moons. I will say that the sex scenes are sultry and Jane March and Bruce Willis are convincing as a sexy couple (the version I viewed was ten minutes longer than the original due to censored sexual acts). On the other hand, most soft-core porno has convincing sexy couples as well.

The ABC's of honest real-lationships

XX/XY (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"There's no room for honesty in a healthy relationship."

"XX/XY" is one kind of film that switches gears and becomes something else. Though this is a conceit I do not mind, the first half is indicative of a more soulful, more piercing portrait of relationships than the other half.

Coles Burroughs (Mark Ruffalo) is a filmmaking major at Sarah Lawrence College who has eye out for Sam (Maya Stange), another student. Coles notices her at a subway station and stares. They end up at the same party where he asks if he can go back to her room. Sam agrees, as long as her roomate pal, Thea (Kathleen Robertson), can accompany them. This is a menage a trois situation, more or less. Coles goes along with it, but Sam apologizes for their frank manners. At least they had fun, but Coles is more intrigued by Sam than by Thea. So it seems Coles wants only Sam, but then he has a one-night stand. Then Coles fools around with Thea in front of Sam. Finally, the relationships are terminated for many years. Ah but then, by the hand of divine intervention, Coles runs into Sam. Coles is now working on commercials and has a fiancee. Sam is smitten all over again and still talks to Thea, who co-owns a restaurant. A heated romance is in the works.

"XX/XY" begins like a drama of a menage a trois but ends with the conventional niceties of an average romantic comedy-drama. What is intriguing is the relationship between Coles, Sam and Thea, particularly when we get clues as to Thea's emotional response to this relationship. We also see Coles' inability to cling to Sam without fooling around with others, including Thea. This is where the filmmakers lose their initial focus on a triad, as opposed to Coles and Sam as lovers. It is clear that Coles is no good for her - he is too immature - and that Sam deserves a man who can love her without seeking love everywhere. By flashing forward, we see Coles is no different and is still unable to cling, though he denies it.

The most fascinating character in the film is Coles' fiancee, Claire (Petra Wright), who is not depicted as a one-dimensional caricature but as a real adult woman who understands him better than anyone else. She knows that he still loves Sam and is willing to forego their relationship for his own admittance and honesty. The fact that Coles can't admit to anything is what makes the ending melancholic and frustrating.

Mark Ruffalo gives all the right dimensions to Coles, just like he did as the immature brother in "You Can Count On Me." He is the kind of character who is tough to like or even appreciate, nor do we understand his motivations. We sense he loves Sam but we are never really sure - Ruffalo hits on ambiguous notes with ease. He feels like a person out of real life.

The two characters who never quite come to life are Sam and Thea. Maya Stange and Kathleen Robertson seems to float in a vacuum of indifference, as if nothing ever mattered to them in the first place. They do not vibrate with any passion or hidden dimensions like Ruffalo does with his character.

"XX/XY" is often intriguing but never wholly satisfying. Relationships can be treated with indifference but the feeling I got was that indifference is all there is to a relationship. I got the feeling by the end that Coles was beginning to see it another way.

Blood runs thicker than romance

GINGER SNAPS BACK: THE BEGINNING (2004)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Full of growling werewolf sounds and blood-stained fury, "Ginger Snaps Back" is the prequel to the first two solid "Ginger Snaps" films that took on a puberty version of lycanthropy with black humor and two distinctly unforgettable actresses. Rather than going further with modern-day trials and tribulations of high-school female teen empowerment, this prequel is set during in the Canadian wilderness during the 19th century. I have a deep affection for tales that take place in the middle of nowhere and this horror tale is ripe for such a setting. Unfortunately, the filmmakers pile on too much gore and too little substance, forgoing any real humor that added immeasurably to the first two entries.

Two sisters named Ginger and Brigette (Katharine Isabelle, Emily Perkins who virtually reprise their roles almost identically to their present-day counterparts) arrive at some trading outpost where there are immiment threats of werewolves in the foggy woods. The stock characters of this trading outpost and the surrounding woods (misogynistic priest, misogynistic soldier, a caring Native American armed to the teeth with knives, a shaman, a cynical doctor, and the caring commanding officer whose own son is turning into a werewolf) are thinly veiled at best, leaving little more than cardboard cutouts of real flesh-and-blood people. Most of the characters harass and are physically violent to the sisters, especially after Ginger gets bitten by a werewolf. The film thrives on the physical punishment they face particularly from the holier-than-thou priest, who has got to be the meanest priest I've seen in the movies in quite some time. Buckets of blood seem to be poured onto these girls, and Perkins' Brigitte (hint of being virginal) faces more punches and slaps and is thrown around like a Raggedy Ann doll. At least Ginger seems to have a romantic moment with the Native American until their mouths get bloodied. Blood runs thicker than romance in this movie.

"Ginger Snaps Back" would have benefitted from focusing on the sisters' survival in the woods and being welcomed by the Native Americans, plus seeking deeper meaning and depth with the commanding officer (the most interesting of the trading outpost lot). The film is beautifully made with striking shots of the Canadian wilderness and, as a werewolf tale, it is certainly set up to be a classic tale of lycanthropy and sisterly bondage. Isabelle and Perkins have the chemistry and the adoration for each other that has been built up nicely since the original film. They are just simply stuck in an interminably tedious frontier western that has little up its sleeve beyond anachronistic dialogue, bloody violence and a bittersweet ending.  

You always say the perfect thing

SINGLES (1992)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
(originally reviewed in 1992)

Of Cameron Crowe's few films in his career as director, I count "Singles" as my absolute favorite, a sincere, hilarious, slightly satirical take on twentysomethings in Seattle, the land of good Starbucks coffee and endlessly rainy days.

We have Bridget Fonda as a cafe waitress with architectural ambitions who has a lunkheaded musician boyfriend (Matt Dillon) - he does not pay her as much mind as he should. They both live in a singles apartment complex, though not in the same apartment. The other tenants include Campbell Scott as the inventor of a new transportation system and Sheila Kelley as a desperate, shrill-voiced woman who seeks a date through a video service that specifically outlines her traits and sexual specialties (Tim Burton shows up here as a director who insists on designing her next video).

The delight in "Singles" is that the screenplay allows room for the characters to breathe and roam free based on their desires and emotions. Crowe has not written a plot to bring his characters together - he mostly devises ironic title cards like chapter stops for a series of events in his characters' lives. There is no dumb, recycled plot here, as in the similar but inconsequential "The Night We Never Met," to bring the film momentum. Sometimes there are breaks in time and space and other times, his characters speak right into the camera. It can be a disorienting device but Crowe uses it expertly to draw us closer to these people. My favorite moment was hearing Scott's story about his mother's advice to stay single when he was eight, and how he once mispronounced sperm as spam when he was a kid.

The funniest, truest moments are supplied by Bridget Fonda (a terrific comedienne), who can't figure out why her boyfriend won't pay attention to her and why her breasts are too small for him - Fonda has the spark and wit that was crucially missing from her performance in "Bodies, Rest and Motion." I enjoyed a scene where she flirts with the possibility of calling her boyfriend who has not called her when he should have. She decides that throwing a piece of paper in her trash can mean calling him or not calling him (and then she forgets what it initially meant).

Exceptionally winning are Matt Dillon as the rock singer who devises funny, disorganized lyrics on Fonda's answering machine; Campbell Scott as the straight, serious-minded guy who doesn't call his girlfriend a whole week after their first date to be different; and Kyra Sedgwick as the most sympathetic character (an environmentalist) who compliments Scott on his honesty - "You always say the perfect thing."

"Singles" is a wild, boisterous, smart, refreshingly simple and supremely entertaining take on the day-to-day basis in which twenty-year-olds live on their fears, their hopes, their agendas, their worries. Along with a great soundtrack with music by Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Smashing Pumpkins, this has got to be one of the best of the Generation X pictures of the 90's.

What is irony? I am Audi 5000!

REALITY BITES (1994)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Reality Bites" begins with the notion that no Generation X-er is safe in the job market because there are no real jobs for them. Winona Ryder plays Lelaina, the class valedictorian who lives with her best friend, Vickie (Janeane Garofalo). Lelaina works for an arrogant, impatient TV host (John Mahoney). Vickie is in charge of folding jeans at the Gap. Along comes the philosophical dude with a goatee, Troy (Ethan Hawke), who moves into their cozy little apartment because he got fired from his last job for eating a Snickers bar with the wrap still intact. He's a typical slacker who lies around the couch all day, quotes lines from "Cool Hand Luke," smokes pot like there is no tomorrow and will, according to Lelaina, "turn this house into a den of slack."

On the basis of a realistic depiction of hopeless, jobless twentysomethings, "Reality Bites" suffers. Firstly, if Lelaina was class valedictorian then how is it that she can't find work outside of using up her father's credit card to get cash at the local convenience store? For example, she is unable to compute simple math problems like adding figures at the local hot dog joint. She also has no idea what the word irony means when she applies for work at a publication house. Can the writer Helen Childress be serious?

What Lelaina seems capable of is shooting video footage of her friends as they answer personal questions about their lives. She literally runs into a top video executive, Michael (Ben Stiller), a brash, naive, uneducated yuppie who sees potential in Lelaina's amateur videos. The video footage is so shoddy that I couldn't see how an executive would ever be interested in the first place but never mind. And (*spoiler warning*) why does she choose Troy over Michael when Troy obviously wants nothing to do with her? Troy's change from a cold-hearted cynic to a warm-hearted, caring person is nothing but hogwash.

Lelaina's character is the least believable character in "Reality Bites" because she doesn't seem real and writer Childress makes her seem unfortunately dumber than she really is. Aside from her character, "Reality Bites" is mostly entertaining and on-target with scene-stealing roles by Janeane Garofalo (who probably became a star based on the terrific "My Sharona" scene) and Ben Stiller as a hipper Tom Cruise type (he also made his directorial debut here as well). It's just that based on the unbelievable ending, the characters of Troy and Lelaina don't quite ring true, though they are engagingly performed by Ethan Hawke and Winona Ryder. "Reality Bites" was poised to become the "American Graffitti" of the twentysomething set of the 1990's. It never quite happened but it is fascinating to watch as a moment in time when Hollywood churned out these Generation X-er comedies by the dozen, hoping to bring in their target audience. They never showed up.

Selene's heart is broken

UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Underworld: Awakening" is the template of an action-horror flick  - it does a bang-job of delivering action but doesn't quite flesh out its characters. It runs 88 minutes long but it actually cuts to the end credits at the 80 minute mark. Up to that point, we have black-leather-spandexed Kate Beckinsale as Selene, the sexy vampire who is searching for her daughter (Indian Isley), a half-vampire, half-lycan who is in danger of either being killed by the Lycans or the human race, who have just discovered that both vampires and Lycans live amongst them.

Unlike the humdrum first two "Underworld" sequels and the fitfully interesting prequel that followed, this fourth chapter is surprisingly enjoyable and good bloody fun for a while. Selene continues to pack heat and do those "Matrix" flips in slow-motion while fending off Lycans, rampaging werewolves to the rest of you. In fact, for the first thirty minutes of the movie, after Selene wakes up from a decade-long cryogenic state, she kills more people than probably the first two "Underworlds" combined. Beckinsale gets to emote a bit when she discovers that her lover, also a crossbreed like her daughter, has also been kept in a frozen solid state at some sort of high-security medical lab. "My heart is not cold. My heart is broken," says Selene. Other than that, it is same old Selene with Beckinsale looking more fetching than ever, and she even sports a trenchcoat for the first time (she steals it from a department store which is suspicuously shot the same way as the original "The Terminator" aping Michael Biehn).

There is some business about Lycans receiving inoculation treatments from their worst nightmare - silver bullets and silver grenades - but it is a fairly slim story and slimmer narrative thrust. The movie is action-heavy with the expected fight sequences between both creatures in a climax that beats anything I've seen in this series thus far. Charles Dance has a short and spectacular part as a vampire elder - he is on equal footing with Bill Nighy's elder vampire from previous entries. Beckinsale and Isley are at the heart of this film (Isley cuts herself again and again and watches her arm heal - a disturbing moment that easily brings up real-life teens who cut themselves to feel no pain) and give it an anchor that the screenplay doesn't provide. "Underworld: Awakening" is the best of the series and my little guilty pleasure, but it feels incomplete and undernourished. I wanted more, something I can't say about the other sequels.