Shelleys' swim in Russell's stinky swamp

GOTHIC (1986)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Ken Russell's "Gothic" is one of the crudest, most excessively overwrought, unimaginably worst films ever made - a travesty of the memory of Percy Shelley, Mary Shelley, Lord Byron and anyone else involved in that hallucinatory evening back in the summer of the early 1800's. Yes, the film purports to be about that evening but I am sure it was a lot classier and civilized than Russell's version of it.

Not to say that it was not a sexual, druggy romp for all involved, as I am sure it was, but this often looks like wild outtakes from "Woodstock" crossed with "Caligula." Natasha Richardson is the tranquil Mary Shelley, Julian Sands is the laudanum addict Percy Shelley, and Gabriel Byrne is the laughably miscast, brutish, devilish Lord Byron, in exile at the Villa Diodati where all the hanky-panky takes place. Also on hand is the highly loony Dr. Polidori (Timothy Spall) and Mary's stepsister (Miriam Cyr), who all indulge in debauchery (free love as Percy calls it) and hallucinatory fever dreams where reality and fiction sort of cross over. There are snakes (a typical Russell visual), corpses, stillborn babies, hands puncturing nails, abortions and lots of sex. The question is that in all of Russell's mishmash of fiery, bloody images, when did Mary creatively think of her idea for "Frankenstein" or Polidori think of his "Vampyre" story? The film only shows the hallucinations but precious little time is invested in any of the characters. They are vapid, one-dimensional cartoons in Russell's universe, and the fact that these literate minds read horror stories to each other during a brutal thunderstorm is only barely hinted at. It's all fire and brimstone played to the hilt, and likely to bore anyone to tears who is not interested in a Heavy Metal music video with Thomas Dolby's overused electronic score groping for our attention.

"Gothic" has the stylish look of a rock video but none of the atmosphere or subtlety of a Universal horror flick. It sputters, spits itself out in stylistic strokes and tries to thrill us with nightmarish overkill, but it ultimately fails to enlighten. I admired some of Russell's other visionary trips but "Gothic" is strictly subterranean junk.

Schwarzenegger's vanity production

LAST ACTION HERO (1993)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally viewed in 1993 - why did I see this in a theater?)

Overbudgeted, useless, unimaginative and crude to the nth degree. The description is so apt for "The Last Action Hero," a truly moronic piece of garbage that stinks and spews vomit. Yes, it is that awful. Released in 1993, the film was doomed to be a fiasco. But not even action director John McTiernan can make any sense of the horribly boring story he has to direct. When the formidable and once exciting director of "Die Hard" can't even keep the audience awake, you know you are watching a vanity production of the worst kind.

The premise is promising. Arnold Schwarzenegger is the action movie hero, Jack Slater, whom a young kid named Danny (Austin O'Brien) loves. Danny has seen the Jack Slater flicks numerous times, and can't wait to see the new installment, unoriginally titled "Jack Slater IV." Danny's only friend is Nick (Robert Prosky), a ticket usher who gives the boy the opportunity to see a sneak preview of the latest Jack Slater flick, thanks to a "magic ticket." All fine and dandy, until at some point, Danny is magically inserted into the adventure in "Purple Rose of Cairo"-style. We learn in the movie world that obscenities cannot be uttered, that all phone numbers start with the prefix "555," and that teenage girls can deliver kung-fu kicks with style. We also see glimpses of Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct" mode and Robert Patrick from "Terminator 2," not to mention an animated feline and "48 HRS.'s" own Frank McRae as a similarly loud lieutenant. Eventually, the plot requires Danny to take Jack Slater into the real world, which is of course so different from the movies. And wait until Jack discovers he is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger!

The postmodern concept is terrific in hindsight, particularly in focusing on the tired shenanigans of your average police action thriller. Director McTiernan and screenwriter Shane Black unwisely choose not to exploit the concept for what it is worth. The attempt is to deconstruct the cliches of the action movie genre, but "Last Action Hero" has no sense of fun in doing this. Gags are thrown at you, left and right, but mostly we are saddled with explosions galore and endless fight scenes with no pacing or style. It is as if the director was tired of the genre and showed how tired he was by making every scene as flat as possible.

Worse still, the movie does not make enough of a distinction between reality and fantasy. And when we learn that the magic ticket can bring any character out of a movie into the real world, it does not exploit its own clever conceit. We get the chess-playing Death from Bergman's "The Seventh Seal" leaving for the real world, which is not as funny as it sounds since it arrives as nothing less than a deus ex machina. How about those Universal Monsters, a dinosaur, Travis Bickle, or even the Terminator? No, "Last Action Hero" doesn't go the extra mile - it assumes its clever premise is enough.

The truth is this premise was handled with more wit and imagination in "The Purple Rose of Cairo" and Buster Keaton's own "Sherlock, Jr." Those films exploited the idea of reality vs. fiction and used it as a gimmick to tell a real story. "Last Action Hero" wrongly assumes that presenting an idea is enough without exploring it. It is saying something when the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man parading around New York City in the original "Ghostbusters" was both spookily funny and scary at the same time - qualities that would have elevated "The Last Action Hero" but it is too prideful to do so.

So we are further saddled with Anthony Quinn, Charles Dance and Tom Noonan as threadbare villains - the kind you may not find in an Arnie action pic. Austin O'Brien is a nice enough kid but with no distinctive traits outside of an obsession with Jack Slater. Mercedes Ruehl shows up as Danny's mother and has a nice scene with Arnie, but is barely given much to do. There are some curious homages to Laurence Olivier (including featuring Olivier's widow, Joan Plowright) and Hamlet, but nothing musters anything resembling a smile. The movie rings flat and antiseptic in every scene - I got the impression that nobody had any fun making this movie. And there is an inexplicable scene where Danny is threatened by some oily burglar in his own apartment building that leads nowhere.

"The Last Action Hero" was noticeably a troubled production with last minute reshoots at the 11th hour (and extensive script rewrites). It was designed as Arnie's own comment to the industry and to parents that he could make family-friendly pictures (Did anyone really want a family friendly PG-13 Arnie action pic?) It's as if he needed to apologize for making action films that emphasized the action, such as "Predator" or "Commando." From occasional missteps in his career to fun-filled action pics like "True Lies" to being Governor of California, Schwarzenegger has been on shaky ground ever since "The Last Action Hero." I think he should apologize for forcing us to endure it.

Pulpy, cold-blooded fiction

TRUE ROMANCE (1993)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

After admiring "Pulp Fiction" as the classic, revisionist pulp noir story that it was, I looked back at "Reservoir Dogs," which I had initially panned, and found it to be just as profane but also blackly comical and superbly tantalizing. Having said that, I still find "True Romance" to be hackneyed at best, a production written by Tarantino and directed with a bulldozer by Tony Scott. This is yet another example of a parable about crooked, one-dimensional drug dealers, pimps and cops but done with nary the style or witty dialogue that later became a trademark of Tarantino's after "Pulp Fiction."

"True Romance" stars Christian Slater as greasy-haired Clarence, a comic-book, kung-fu aficionado who one day meets a sweet-tempered hooker (played by the fabulous Patricia Arquette). When Clarence falls in love with her (after making love in his comic-book store), he decides to take her away from her Rastafarian-wannabe pimp (played by Gary Oldman), and all ends in a killing spree that leaves these two unlikely lovers on the run. The cops and the mob are now after this "Bonnie and Clyde" twosome now that they inadvertently stole a briefcase of cocaine worth a half-million dollars and killed Oldman's pimp.

"True Romance" is well-directed by Tony Scott ("Top Gun"), but the whole affair rings as hollow, meaningless and stupid. I do not object to four-letter words but Tarantino uses them without the punch and jab of truth as he has shown later on - these lowlifes just merely curse their heads off. The violence is overdone and far too cartoonish with the exception of one harrowing scene - the vicious, bloody beating of Arquette - that is as realistic and titillating as they come. This one scene shows the promise that Tarantino had in mind.

There are some fun character bits by Brad Pitt as a dopehead, Michael Rapaport as an actor who claims to have worked on the set of "T.J. Hooker," and the respectable work of reliable pros like Tom Sizemore and James Gandolfini. The best scene in "True Romance" is between Actor's Studio pros Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken. Hopper plays Clarence's father, an ex-cop, who is about to die at the hands of Walken's mob chieftain. Hopper explains the ancestral lineage of Italian gangsters that goes as far back as the blacks in Africa, and it is such a tense, electrifying scene that it remains a classic of its own in true Tarantino fashion.

"True Romance" has some fine moments, but its overall effect is numbing and cold-blooded to the core. As well-made as it may be, it manages to leave out the humanity that was so central to Tarantino's "Pulp Fiction" and "Jackie Brown." Not a boring film overall but never truly enticing either.

Which way to the nearest exit?

WHICH WAY IS UP? (1977)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I love Richard Pryor when he plays slightly against type, as in "Blue Collar" or even "Jo, Jo Dancer." The problem may be that he can act and play it straight but needs the right material and, frankly, a remake of Lina Wertmuller's "The Seduction of Mimi" is not the best choice.

"Which Way is Up?" stars Pryor as Leroy Jones, an incompetent California orange-picker who inadvertently stands up for the little guy - a labor union (Unions were often the subject of films in the 1970's like "F.I.S.T" and "Norma Rae"). Pretty soon Leroy is forced out of town, away from his family, unemployed, until he finds work as a contract painter. He's also smitten with Vanetta (Lonette McKee), who asks him to not make love with anyone except her. Before you know it, Leroy has climbed up the corporate ladder as a foreman. He also has to juggle two lives, one with Vanetta from the city (whom he does marry), and one with his wife from his hometown (Margaret Avery). Before long, the movie's plot gets frenzied when his wife has a baby with the local Reverend, and Vanetta has a baby as well whom Leroy raises (the movie makes it clear that years have passed since he raises the child, and the story completely ignores his hometown wife). Oh, and there's the matter of Sister Sarah, corporate guys in limos waving their shiny, sparkling rings, and Pryor's old pal and co-writer for his stand-ups, Paul Mooney, in a very brief role.

I admire the intentions in "Which Way is Up?" and I do admire Pryor's acting, especially playing three different roles (his role as Rufus Jones, Leroy's father, is hilarious even if it smacks of minstrel stereotyping). The fault lies with the fact that not much of this film is funny - director Michael Schultz uneasily blends comedy with drama punched up with some form of social injustice. But is it ultimately a film about corrupt unions, infidelity, religious hypocrisy, or a showcase for Pryor's comic talents? Hard to say since it doesn't fully accomplish any of its goals due to strained humor and often lackluster direction. I suppose the key to it is that when Leroy used to be a hero for the little guy, he has sold out to "the Man."

Still, the film kept me somewhat involved since I only wanted to see how this mess would end. "Which Way is Up?" is not a spectacularly bad film but it is uneven, uncertain and only contains one or two good chuckles. Forget up or down, which way is it to the nearest exit?

A family man's trip to nowhere

WORLD TRAVELER (2001)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

It is possible that one can watch "World Traveler" and assume it is yet another aimless road movie. It also stars an aimless actor, Billy Crudup, the kind of shining star who wanders from movie to movie without any real definite purpose. Maybe it is his looks, as someone suggests in this film, or maybe he is the kind of soul you want to reach out to. "World Traveler" is certainly aimless and a tad indifferent but it also has the fundamentally conservative view that if one escapes from society, one will suffer and have no choice but to return.

Crudup plays Cal, a married New York City architect with a young son who is celebrating his third birthday. He has a lovely wife, a good job and is living in a great city. So what is Cal's problem? Why does he split with a sports bag and a Volvo stationwagon and head for the road to nowhere? Or is he going nowhere? His first stop is at a diner where a waitress (Karen Allen) tells him that she had five husbands ("they are a temporary state of mind"). Cal acquires a job at a construction site and bonds with Carl (Cleavant Derricks), a married man who's never had any real friends. The trouble is that Cal is an alcoholic and forces the AA member Carl to drink. Before you know it, Cal is on the road again. He picks up a young hitchhiker whom he deserts at an airport. He also sees a former buddy from high school (James LeGros) whom he distances himself from. But then there is Dulcie (Julianne Moore), a drunk found sleeping at a bar. The police are ready to pick her up but Cal does the right thing - he brings her back to his motel room. He wants to help her find her son in Oregon. He wants to do one thing right, and then we realize that he needs to find himself at some point. When he sees his father (David Keith), who had deserted him at the age of 12, it is clear that Cal sees how wrongheaded and foolish he has been.

Writer-director Bart Freundlich ("The Myth of Fingerprints") attempts to show that Cal is only going through a mid-life crisis and will eventually wake up from his state of mind. Freundlich gives us subtle clues into Cal's character, showing his neurosis and his alcoholism, not to mention sleeping with every woman he meets and then leaving them high and dry. We get the sense that Cal has learned about desertion through his own father, and twice we hear the line: "I wanted a better life." But this is hardly illuminating news. I would understand that a man marries because the other partner asks him to, particularly if she is pregnant, but is that enough reason to assume there is a better life than the one Cal has? Since we get no hint of why Cal wanted to leave in the first place, we are left wandering and wondering with him every step of the way. When he sees his father, the motivation becomes clearer yet I am not sure it is anything but a cop-out. Freundlich may be uninterested in really exploring why Cal left his family (It could be that the director himself is married and has a baby. Asking why one should leave a family can be a scary thought). The little glimpses we get are not enough to flesh out the character. Just what is this better life, or does he have it already? I'll leave you to figure that one out.

"World Traveler" is an aimless, fascinating journey but it lacks the conviction of its initial premise. It seems a little too safe and soft, rather than hard-around-the-edges (as one would expect with the intense Crudup). The cast is superb, and lovely Julianne Moore shows frailty and weakness better than any actress or actor could. I also liked Karen Allen's abbreviated part, a spicy role that could have benefitted from more screen time. James LeGros is funny and obnoxious as always, stealing the movie briefly from Crudup. I just felt shortchanged by the film, wishing it had the courage to really explore Cal's mind.

You look like Gumby

RED HEAT (1988)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Red Heat" is an occasionally strangely funny and largely overdone "48 HRS." clone - a strictly action-oriented buddy-buddy comedy, back when that was common. It is a loud, overtly misogynistic and ugly picture where the villains are meaner than thou and the heroes are not much better. It is tempting to call it a noir action pic but the ugliness takes over and nearly negates the entire film. There are enough moments of pizazz and gunfire to satisfy action fans but overall it is too mean-spirited for my tastes.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Russian cop, Ivan Danko, who is searching for a drug criminal, Viktor 'Rosta' (Ed O'Ross) from Georgia, Russia who has migrated to the United States, specifically Chicago. James Belushi is Ivan's cop partner, Ridzic, an obnoxious airhead of a detective who is subjected to a lot of ridicule from his police department and his boss (Peter Boyle, who enlivens every scene he is in). Their purpose: track down the Georgian drug dealer and extradite him to Russia. Easier said than done.

"Red Heat" is chock full of fairly grisly violence and sometimes it is dialed up to 111. When Ivan or Ridzic shoot one of the villains, they repeatedly open fire until someone just wants to say, "They are dead, guys! Two shots to the chest is enough!" (if memory serves during my 1988 screening). Women are treated as whores or play whores, and some of them die (Gina Gershon plays an unlucky girlfriend of Viktor). One androgynous male villain dresses up as a female nurse and how he is killed is more gratuitous than one can imagine. Not proof enough of misogyny? Consider the conversation that Ridzic has with his former brother-in-law over Ridzic's unseen sister not receiving alimony payments - it is enough to make most women blush. Do not get me wrong - I am not politically correct but this action picture has little regard for women in general. Most Schwarzenegger action flicks exist in a man's world.

"Red Heat" is serviceable action fare by director Walter Hill (who also helmed the incredible "48 HRS."). It is a well-made film sprinkled with touches of humor and Belushi is fun to watch, especially when busting criminals. Schwarzenegger holds his own with authority and poise and has a presence virtually unmatched in most other action pics of the 1980's (check out his first scene where he is only wearing a loincloth and fights in the snow). But the movie makes me feel indifferent and the ending is too abrupt and a pale echo of "48 HRS." climactic finish. Alternately haunting and moody and uneven (it has enough merits for me to keep my DVD copy), "Red Heat" is essential viewing fare for Schwarzenegger completists but you may want to take a shower after it is over.

Rambo-style on steroids

COMMANDO (1985)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Arnold Schwarzenegger had an arsenal of action flicks during the 1980's but none have been nearly as comical or as exciting as "Commando." It is so over-the-top and so testosteronian that it'll give you a minor headache, but it is still damn enjoyable.. Schwarzenegger is John Matrix, a retired commando living with his young daughter (a very young Alyssa Milano) in the mountainous region of California. Apparently, someone is offing John's fellow peers and his own boss (James Olson) reminds him that his life is in danger (interesting bit of dialogue indicates that it could be Arabs or some other terrorist organization). It turns out that John's former soldier from his own elite, Bennett (Vernon Wells), along with a Latin American ex-dictator who wants his job back, hire John to kill the resident dictator. If John does not comply, his precious daughter will be killed. What do you think a musclebound Schwarzenegger will do?

For implausibilities and a complete lack of logic, "Commando" pretty much takes the cake. When John drives a pick-up truck down rolling hills, he will not get much more than a little cut on his forehead. When he exits a plane from the landing gear, he falls a good thirty to forty feet onto a wet marsh (By the way, flight attendants are truly serious about passengers sitting in their seats during takeoff)! Mall security is not very good at apprehending a hulk like John! It is easy for John to tear out a phone booth or swing across an entire mall with ticker tape! Crashing into a telephone pole will not send you flying through the air, regardless of whether you're wearing a seatbelt or not! But what really is amazing is not so much that John single-handedly kills over one hundred armed soldiers with machine guns, bazookas and machetes, but that he barely eats or takes a piss for the almost 72 hour search for his little girl! And almost every action film during this time period (including "Red Heat") has a scene where someone is thrown through a door into a room where a couple is having sex!

"Commando" is superior to "Rambo" only because it is more fun with more intense action. Schwarzenegger makes an appealing hero, or superhero considering the stunts (like jumping from a two-story villa and landing with your two feet in place, without tipping over). The villains are appropriately menacing, though one wishes there was more of Bill Duke as an icy Green Beret or Vernon Wells as a mean soldier with potentially homosexual tendencies. Alyssa Milano is fine, but it is Rae Dawn Chong as a flight attendant who inadvertently gets involved who elevates the proceedings with her wry humor and commentary on the action ("You guys eat too much red meat!"). In order to prove her worth, she even gets to fire a bazooka.

"Commando" is not Arnie's best but it is so silly and implausible that it kind of raises its own status as one of the more engaging action pictures of the 1980's. I'd rate it higher than "Raw Deal" or "Predator" or even "Red Heat."