Usual Risky Business that breaks the heart

THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN (1982)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Of all the early teenybopper sex comedies that consumed the early 1980's, "The Last American Virgin" is probably one of the funniest...and one of the saddest. Not even the highly acclaimed "Risky Business" ever got this downright dirty and gritty...that is to say, to end all the fun and games with a downbeat ending. Yep, it is downbeat yet somewhat hopeful - I'll get back to that later.

Three supremely horny teenagers, Gary (Lawrence Monoson), heavyset David (Joe Rubbo) and the smooth and charming Rick (Steve Antin), are on a sexual conquest. This movie is set in the pre-AIDS era so that means these teens have unprotected sex and the worst thing that happens to them is contracting crabs! Gary is more interested in finding love as he sets his eyes on Karen (Diane Franklin), an ingenue whom he cannot stop gazing upon. Naturally, the toxic charmer Rick also has his eyes on her, presumably to deflower her and nothing more. Gary can't stop gazing and hopes to achieve intimacy.

Written and directed by Boaz Davidson (who also helmed the Israeli-set "Lemon Popsicle" of which this film is a remake of), "The Last American Virgin" may seem shocking in today's climate because of its frank nudity and explicit sexual situations - these kids are not in the same vein as "American Pie's" teens or what has followed later. I still venture to think that teenagers of any era are preoccupied with things other than sex, but that is just me. When these kids have sex, even the heavyset kid has fun, no holds barred. A lovely Spanish teacher who orders pizza (Gary works at a pizza joint) has a romp in the hay with two of the teens. The trio even get themselves a red-headed prostitute, but it is Gary whose thoughts are elsewhere. Nevertheless, before the film dives into serious territory involving abortion, there is fun to be had. The teenagers measure their penile size, dance and party hard to Devo's "Whip it" (played twice in the film) and other hits by the Police and the Gleaming Spires, lure girls to Gary's house for sex by promising cocaine (which is actually Sweet and Low) and merrily get drunk on Jack Daniels. The movie has a kick to it, you can almost dance to the film as if it was a live concert.

Among Diane Franklin fans and fans of the film, "Last American Virgin's" ending has caused a bit of a stir and a lot of consternation. I will not reveal the ending yet, suffice to say, it involves a love lost between two characters that is shocking and suitably realistic. I can say that the male teenager who faces a heartbreaking disappointment may learn from it in the future - he is only a teenager who will slowly mature. Despite the seriousness of it all, the movie has a pulse and it is helped by engaging actors and comical situations (awkwardly asking the pharmacist for medication to cure crabs, running into your crush "accidentally," peering into bathroom holes at naked girls, etc.). When the film is over, you'll remember Lawrence Monoson's gaze and gaping mouth and Diane Franklin's ever so sweet and soulful self. The movie is no groundbreaker in the "Porky's" mold or the other inferior copycats that followed, but it is far more entertaining than most other Palm Beach spring breakers. And there is that ending.  

Canine Shocker

FRANKENWEENIE (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Tim Burton's "Frankenweenie" is a return to the director's roots in the bizarre world of freaks and monsters using fantastic, unbelievable stop-motion animation. I will not say it is a complete success - it is no "Nightmare Before Christmas" or "Corpse Bride" - but it is suitably fine entertainment and freakish enough to warrant a mild recommendation.

Based on Tim Burton's own short film from the 80's that was rejected by Disney (now Disney bares its name on it), "Frankenweenie" takes place in a black-and-white suburbia where young Victor Frankenstein (voiced by Charlie Tahan) loves his dog, Sparky, and often casts the canine in short films he makes (no doubt a hint of Tim Burton's own youth at work here). One tragic day, Sparky runs down a street and is hit by a car. Victor can't let go until he gets the idea through his stern, open-minded science teacher (voiced by Martin Landau) to use electricity to bring back Sparky. If it can work with a frog, then maybe that dog will be back barking soon enough. It is a fun concept, perfect for Burton to craft humor out of the macabre. Except, this time, the humor is barely there.

Almost all the characters are far too macabre, even by Burton's standards. The strange girl with wide eyes and a cat who dreams and poops (each of the poops foretells her classmates' futures) looks ready to kill with a cleaver. Some of the other kids who are working on science projects either look like Boris Karloff's children or Hitler's minions (why they all have thick European accents is beyond me unless this is an homage to all the wild, thick accents we hear in James Whale's classic "The Bride of Frankenstein"). The Igor-inspired nutcase who brings back his dead goldfish is a wacky and wonderful character but then we hear Winona Ryder voicing the girl-next-door who looks suspiciously like the Goth girl she played in "Beetlejuice." I can only take so much of a soft-spoken Winona.

"Frankenweenie" is hardly unmemorable and fitfully entertaining but I would've loved more of Burton's humorous touches. There are some wicked and imaginative sequences strewn throughout (including the inspired idea of having all the kids bring back their dead pets to life) but why does everyone look so emaciated and droopy, that is judging from their faces alone? Aside from the lively pooch (the best character in the movie), the characters themselves need a jolt of electricity as well.

Close Encounters of the Historical Kind

BILL AND TED's EXCELLENT ADVENTURE (1989)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

When I first saw "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" on VHS in 1990, I didn't get it. The humor seemed slapdash and infantile, Bill and Ted were simply dumb, and the situations were lacking in any real zest or invention. After all, this was a time-travel comedy and it was not funny or even remotely comical given the premise. Times change and when I saw the movie again after twenty-plus years, I surprised myself in that I found it consistently funny and spirited. This does not mean I have a discovered a comic gem but it is far better than I thought. Maybe I just had a bad day when I first saw.

Alex Winter is Bill and Keanu Reeves is Ted, and they are the members of a band (Wyld Stallyns) that could benefit from the talents of Eddie Van Halen (and they should learn to play instruments since all they do is play air guitar). Bill and Ted are high-school seniors who are failing History class and unless they pass with an A+, they will flunk. All these two want to do is party, rock out to music and hang out at the Circle K convenient store. Suddenly, a Doctor Who-like phone booth materializes out of thin air and we are introduced to Rufus (George Carlin), a cool dude from the future. Rufus insists that the dim-witted pair travel through time in the phone booth time machine, snatch actual historical people thru the ages and bring them to the present. Bill and Ted bring along Abraham Lincoln, Beethoven, Billy the Kid, Socrates (referred to as So Crates) Joan of Arc and others so they can make their oral history final exam stand out and earn their A+.

Amazingly, I found myself laughing throughout at the sheer silliness of it. How can you hate a movie where Ted waves at Napoleon who is busy firing cannons? How can you hate a movie when Joan of Arc does an aerobics class at a mall, or Beethoven uses a synthesizer and composes electrifying music? How can you hate a movie when Bill and Ted find two bodacious babes from the past and one of them is played by Diane Franklin? The special-effects are zany, Reeves and Winter make for a cheerful pair of thoughtless dudes and it is always nice to see Bernie Casey who plays the history teacher. True, more time could have been spent with the historical icons, giving the actors more to do than the one-dimensional characteristics they portray. The one bit that falters a little involves Napoleon, who is taken to the mall to eat ice cream! This war general should be hopping mad and developing strategies to start his own little war.

The movie has a sweet, simple innocence to it and, oddly, ends with Bill and Ted developing a hint of intelligence (they also decide to learn to play instruments). It is a harmless, pleasurable way to spend 90 minutes with these guys, minus any hardcore gross gags or too many sexual connotations of any kind (the 1991 sequel is just as spirited). The movie gets off on the simple silliness of it all and all you want to do after it is over is to shout, in the words of Abraham Lincoln, "Party on dudes!"

'I don't want any trouble'

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE (2005)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 2005 - one of the best films of the 2000 decade)

In this jaded day and age, it is discomforting to know that audiences are not susceptible to morality plays about violence. Nope, audiences want violence to be devoid of morality, to be placed in a cartoonish context where people die and nobody gives a damn. That would be 2005's "Sin City," a relentless assault on the senses with gratuitous, sting-less violence. Leave it to David Cronenberg to helm a meditative, spellbindingly intense, slow-moving character study of violence in these trying times.

Viggo Mortensen is Tom Stall, a beloved figure in a small Indiana town. He runs a diner with two dutiful employees, and he's married to Edie (Maria Bello) and has two kids. It is the perfect idyllic existence, living a simple, placid life - you almost think that he was born and raised in this town. One night while closing up the diner, two strangers demand a cup of coffee from Tom. He refuses and a gunfight ensues that is about as abrupt and lightning-paced as you can imagine - you've seen this scene many times but not with such unbridled energy. Tom and his co-workers survive the ordeal, leaving the two strangers dead. He is hailed as a hero in town and in the media. This event catches the attention of Carl Fogaty (Ed Harris), a Philadelphia mobster who is convinced that Tom is Joey Cusack, a former killer. Tom tries to convince Carl and his henchmen that he is not Joey but they can't be fooled. Even Tom's wife begins to doubt her husband's innocence. After all, how can a diner owner defend himself with such skill when he's never handled a gun?

"A History of Violence" is not merely a mystery that is solved before the end credits - it is about the roots of violence and how it can affect a family. In this case, it is cyclical. Tom's bravery emits something rare in his son Jack (Ashton Holmes), a high-school teenager who is frequently bullied in school. Jack never resorted to violence until one day, he punches and kicks two hateful bullies. Ironically, the bullies sue him for broken noses. Would Jack have ever reacted in such a way had it not been for his father's own actions?

Tom is not a superhero either or your typical Everyman. This media event has sparked something in him, perhaps a latent propensity for violence. He is consumed by this event, so much that it impairs his judgment, his concentration, his marriage, etc. Is Tom really Joey or are the mobsters confusing him for somebody that resembles Tom? Or maybe the mobsters consider him prime material for a hired killer?

"A History of Violence" is unusual fare for director David Cronenberg, especially when he's normally concerned with flesh and bodily fluids. Then I remembered that Cronenberg has occasionally wandered from his primary obsessions with film as disparate as "M. Butterfly" and "The Dead Zone." "A History of Violence" is remarkably restrained filmmaking with a beautifully modulated performance by Viggo Mortensen. It is this restraint that puts a hold on you and keeps you in suspense for most of the film. Once the mystery is solved of Tom's possible identity, you think the film is over. And then it ventures into an unforgettable climax that revolves around the most domestic of all settings: the family dinner table. I'll not say more than that but the film leaves you astonished and breathless.

Back to Mortensen, he gives the performance of his life. I first noticed Viggo Mortensen in 1991's "The Indian Runner" where he played a psychotic soldier who was prone to violence. Mortensen's Tom Stall is a fitting counterpart to the soldier he played in "Indian Runner," though more muted but never less than an emotional powerhouse. You want to believe Tom is an innocent man being tallied for crimes he may never have committed. And when the truth is discovered, you still believe in Tom as an Everyman who wants to reset his life in the state of normalcy he had. It is a stirring, provocative, humanistic performance.

Kudos must also go to Ed Harris as the most restrained of all mobsters I've seen on film, Maria Bello (a normally unimpressive actress) lending more insight than usual to the traditional wife role, William Hurt in a villainous role that has more bite than the villain he played in "Trial By Jury" and finally, Ashton Holmes as Jack, Tom's son, who questions his own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to using aggression.

"A History of Violence" is based on a graphic novel by John Wagner and Vince Locke, and the movie has comic-book-style violence only in the sense of how stylized it appears to be, when in fact it is far more physical and realistic. But we realize that is the point: to keep us on edge about Tom's identity. His idyllic existence has been threatened, and what would any normal man do to protect his family from the threat? How does one protect themselves and survive if not through violence or some form of aggression? Audiences may not be interested in the antihero but Cronenberg and Mortensen have brought him back with pungent style and dramatic weight. I will not easily forget Tom Stall and nor should you.

Einsteins of the 1980's

REAL GENIUS (1985)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
(Originally viewed in 1985)

The 1980's is relatively known for having dead teenagers in slasher films or dumb teenagers in ski resorts or fraternity parties, sometimes exposing their sexual organs through bathroom walls. But there were also films where we had smart teenagers, especially "Risky Business," "WarGames," John Hughes pictures, "The Manhattan Project," and of course "Real Genius." "Real Genius" is not made up of any genius comedy writers but it is exceedingly funny, sweet-tempered and generally great fun. Even a party scene in a pool isn't played up with slow-motion shots of women's butts or bouncing breasts. This movie has a genteel innocence to it and that makes it special and rewarding.

15-year-old Mitch Taylor (Gabriel Jarret) has been accepted into Pacific Tech, a university full of math-science whiz kids. Mitch has been selected to work on a laser beam project with a slacker genius named Chris Knight (Val Kilmer), who believes that pranks and general laziness can help offset tension from vigorous class studies. William Atherton is the arrogant Professor Jerry Hathaway who hopes that Mitch and Chris can help develop a powerful new high-energy laser. The purpose of this laser is unknown to the students - the good professor has been hired by the CIA to develop a laser that can be used as a weapon. Meanwhile, we get pranks galore in the dormitories such as hallway floors of ice, liquid nitrogen used to make quarters for vending machines, a car placed inside a room (still can't figure out how they managed that one), an explosive apple, lasers leading to a pool party, etc.

"Real Genius" is written by Neal Israel and Pat Proft (both helmed the occasionally smile-inducing "Bachelor Party") who have crafted delirious and outrageous subject matter and play it with a relaxed and laid-back tone. There is no obstructive camerawork either - the movie simply observes these geniuses and lets us marvel at their eccentricities. Mitch is possibly the most normal student yet he is occasionally the brunt of all jokes as in his recorded phone call to his mother that is played in the speakers at the cafeteria (oh, that would be humiliating). Michelle Mayrink is the nervous insomniac who can't even catch up with her own thoughts. Most intriguing is Jon Gries as a former genius student, the smartest of all time, who lives in a closet! I would have loved to learn more about him but at 108 minutes, there is only so much you can reveal. Deborah Foreman fans will love seeing her as someone whom Chris flirts with - her dialogue alone is priceless.

The coup de grace, though, is Val Kilmer as Chris, who gives his role and the movie a major dose of adrenaline - he is a high-wire, electrified presence who just wants to have fun and party with all the babes. Kilmer is intoxicating to watch and one wonders why he didn't get the chance to do more comedies. Kilmer also grounds his character in a reality base - "We have to get even with Kent (a nerd adversary). It is a moral imperative."

"Real Genius" also has the hallmarks of other Smart Teenager Movies - it assumes that adults are dolts and that the kids, with their vast knowledge of computers, math and science, will take over. Study hard kids, but also have fun while doing it. Not a bad message. 

Uncool Dumb and Dumberer

BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD DO AMERICA (1996)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 1997)

They represent the ostensibly gross, stupid, stoned and horny teenagers of America. They are Beavis and Butt-head, the popular animated duo from MTV (created and voiced by director Mike Judge) whose only form of vocabulary is "Huh, huh, huh, huh. That was cool." A half-hour of these two nitwits is one thing, but a full hour-and-a-half!

Now, I did watch a couple of episodes of their MTV show during 1994 when they were quite popular. Their act was mildly funny, but it was also an accurate portrait of the dumb and dumber set of teens in the 1990's. They were nihilistic to the max! They rarely went to school and they didn't care about anything or anyone except...watching TV, particularly music videos.

This movie has the duo looking for their stolen television set. They get on a "DreamAmerica" bus, and are inadvertently branded as hitmen by the media. The FBI is pursuing them trying to retrieve a stolen device hidden in Beavis's shorts! All the naive Beavis and Butt-head want to do is score by bedding down with a tough chick named Dallas (voiced by Demi Moore).

"Beavis and Butt-head Do America" is repetitious and boring warranting only a few mild chuckles. The PG-13 rating defuses a lot of the jokes, and the movie suffers from too many bland gags and not enough social commentary on today's teens. The best scene is towards the end where Beavis overdoses on caffeine pills and coffee and literally goes berserk as he becomes "Cornhoolio." I also like the scenes with B & B trying to score with Dallas. It is also a pleasure to hear Robert Stack's voice as the FBI Agent Fleming, but even he gets monotonous. Beyond that folks, there's not much more. Hearing and listening to Beavis and Butthead's limited vocabulary for an inordinate amount of time is not what I would call good comedy or good satire. Wayne and Garth rule, if you ask me.

Hairy but not hair-raising

TEEN WOLF (1985)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Teen Wolf" is innocuous teen fare, nothing special and nothing earth-shattering. I first saw this film back in 1985 when Michael J. Fox was the new breakout star with TV's "Family Ties" on the air and the glorious "Back to the Future." As time has wore on, we can be honest here, it became clear that "Teen Wolf" was not a good movie but it does have a few laughs and more than a few lulls that make it safe as a TV movie, not as a theatrical release.

The plot reads like a made-for-TV movie. Scott Howard (Michael J. Fox) is an insecure high-school teenager who plays with a losing basketball team. One day, he notices a long hair on his chest. Something else happens - his eyes glow threateningly and his voice deepens when he insists on buying alcohol despite being underage. When Scott feels pressure to make a basket at a game, his eyes glow again and presto, basketball makes it through the hoop! Of course, at one game, he transforms into a werewolf and shows the players how to shoot hoops. Guess what happens? Scott's Teen Wolf becomes a star and his team wins every game. He ignores his best friend, Boof (Susan Ursitti), in favor of a pretty blonde named Pamela (Lorie Grifin) who wouldn't give him the time of day otherwise. Scott also gets to be in a play - argh, this gets dumb and dumber as it goes along.

Aside from the anomaly of a PG-rated movie showing teens smoking marihuana, most of "Teen Wolf" floats by thanks to Michael J. Fox whose easygoing charm raises this mediocrity a couple of notches. Kudos must also go to James Hampton as Scott's father, who knows a thing or two about werewolves - his few quiet scenes with Scott are marvelous to behold. But the movie shares the old tired cliches about learning to be yourself, respect who you are and others will respect thee. The movie would've been more fun, possibly dirty fun, had it focused on pride and arrogance by showing how far Scott could take his wolf routine (it is implied that as the wolf, he has sex with Pamela). Apparently, not far enough.