Anything harder than Triple X?

8MM (1999)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Director Joel Schumacher must rate as one of my personal guilty pleasures in the movies. He is the creator of such diverse works such as "Batman Forever," "St. Elmo's Fire," "Flatliners" and the execrable "Batman and Forever." Add the much maligned and thoroughly trashed "8mm" to the list - an often thrilling excursion into the unknown, in this case, the world of snuff films.

Nicolas Cage stars as Tom Welles, a private detective working in cahoots with the Missing Persons Bureau. One day, he is asked by a rich widow (Myra Carter) to investigate a possible snuff film found in her late husband's safe. If it is real, she wants to know, and to determine the identity of young half-naked girl  who was supposedly killed by a man in a mask, known as the Machine.

This investigation takes Tom to the porno underworld of L.A., shown to be grungy and filled with neon-green lights. He meets a porno shop clerk with rock music aspirations, Max (Joaquin Phoenix) who may have connections to this depraved world. And depraved it is, as Schumacher goes out of his way to show how snuff or porno films are morally wrong. It is a typically Hollywood-ish moralistic statement, as benign as anything that would have been made in late 60's or early 70's.

"8mm" has moments of tension and there is a general feeling of something unnerving waiting to happen. My problem with the film is that when Tom gets so sucked into this world that he thinks of killing those who are responsible for the girl's death (since the 8mm film is a snuff, after all), it quickly becomes as exploitative and cheap as the very subject that it is criticizing. Plus, Tom's descent into Schumacher's Hell is not as enveloping as one might imagine, and many of Tom's actions seem too over-the-top to truly believe. He becomes a killer after being seduced by the devil ("the devil changes you," quips Max at one point) but such a man would have fallen apart in far more dangerous ways, I think, than the screenplay by Andrew Kevin Walker ("Seven") allows.

The strength in "8mm" is Nicolas Cage's occasionally restrained performance and the first half of the film has an eerie, odorous feel to it, thanks to the decadently colored art direction and cinematography, complete with lots of dark green colors and silhouettes. Another plus is the comic relief supplied by Joaquin Phoenix; the incredibly Satanic porn director (Peter Stormare); and the toughness of James Gandolfini (star of HBO's "The Sopranos") as a low-rent producer. I also like the last shot of Machine, revealed to be anything less than monstrous.

"8mm" is serious stuff, and some of it is campy but it also contains an existential motif that is unfortunately eschewed for action cliches and happy endings. All I can say is that it took real guts for someone in Hollywood to associate themselves with the so-called urban legend of snuff films.

An exciting, humanistic Caped Crusader tale

BATMAN: MASK OF THE PHANTASM (1993)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I always appreciated the old Max Fleischer Superman cartoons from back in the day - they were fast, colorful and hugely entertaining. They also afforded the viewer (back in the 1940's) the opportunity to see Superman flying and performing daring feats against the enemies. Those cartoons, some which lasted no more than 10 minutes, didn't allow much time for character development. "Batman: Mask of the Phantasm" has the Art Deco style of Max Fleischer and it is colorful and buckets of fun to watch, but it also affords the viewer the time to invest in its characters.

The Bruce Wayne character of this animated film looks a lot like Clark Kent, but that is only a minor flaw. Batman (with the menacing white eyes in his mask, voiced by Kevin Conroy) has been blamed for the deaths of a few goodfellas in Gotham City. It is not Batman who is killing them, it is some figure in a cape and a skull mask known as the Phantasm (calling itself the Grim Reaper who approaches his victims in an emerging fog bank), who is doing away with some 1940's-type gangsters. There is also Bruce's old flame to contend with, a certain Andrea Beaumont (voiced by Dana Delaney), who is back in Gotham for rather cryptic reasons. Andrea's father owed money to a few gangsters and his disappearance thickens the plot. Added to the Caped Crusader's personal demons (and a load of flashbacks to his origins and his once romantic relationship with Andrea) is the return of the mean Joker (a kooky voice and kookier laugh by Mark Hamill!) who knows Batman could never kill.

"Batman: Mask of the Phantasm" is beautifully, structurally animated in its sonic sweep of Gotham City and its various characters (the finale is a scorcher in terms of sound, picture and detail) and it is all anchored by sharp pacing and editing and even sharper dialogue (some of it drips with the irony of the best of 1940's noir). Plus, there is a welcome insight into the dichotomy of Bruce Wayne and Batman. The film makes this duality come alive in ways that Tim Burton's own Batman films or the sequels that followed never quite mustered. You actually care about both Bruce (who hopes to eradicate his crime-fighting skills) and the Dark Knight himself and that makes this 76-minute film sing. "Batman" also works as a love story between Bruce and Andrea, and it ends with a slight note of despair. Still, no worries, kids will love this film as well as adults. Aside from Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight interpretations, "Batman: Mask of the Phantasm" is a strong contender for one of the best Batman flicks ever. 

Life Without this Movie

LIFE WITHOUT DICK (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Life Without this Movie, an apropos title. This stench known as "Life Without Dick" is without a doubt the most unfunny, least comical and the least of all comedies or black comedies of all time. Let me clarify further: I have no idea what was attempted here, but it also fails at being about nothing.

Sarah Jessica Parker is Colleen Gibson, who in the opening scene kills her allegedly cheating boyfriend named Dick (Johnny Knoxville) by shooting him in their own house. Seems like Dick, a private dick that is, was going away somewhere with his three pieces of luggage. Harry Connick freaking Junior plays an alleged hitman working for his Irish boss with a Scottish accent, Jared O'Reilly (played rather witlessly yet mildly entertainingly by Craig Ferguson). Alleged meaning Connick has never done a hit. His first hit is supposed to be Colleen's private dick yet, lo and behold, he is already dead thanks to snappy shooter Colleen. Oooh, the irony of it all. And no Parker Brothers board game will be awarded to anyone who can't guess what Sarah Jess ends up doing.

This movie went straight to DVD in 2002, and no wonder because it is not exactly an undiscovered gem. "Life Without Dick" is meant to be a crossbreed of black comedy in the Tarantino vein crossed with a cutesy, overlit romantic comedy. That it fails as both is no surprise - the surprise is that writer-director Bix Skahill can't elicit much in the way of laughs or anything mildly blackly comical. And to top it all off, Connick Freaking Junior is not an actor - a hell of a singer, possibly better than Bing Crosby, but actor, no! Considering Connick sings in this movie, it made me wish he only played a singer in a cameo and nothing more (Crosby by all accounts was a far superior actor than Connick). Sarah Jessica Parker gives one a migraine after a while with her shrill delivery of lines like, "I want to do hits for youuuuuu!" This actress can be anything but dull but in this movie...one can snooze at her alleged histrionic performance.

Alleged hit man, alleged acting, alleged writing, alleged comedy. Basically, "Life Without Dick" is an alleged movie.

Web-Crawler slinging alien goo

SPIDER-MAN 3 (2007)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Spider-Man 3" is the least of the series and possibly the strangest entry in the web-slinging saga by far. Though it has the all the hallmarks of the series, including the web-slinger swinging around the city, more dramatic relationships and high-octane action scenes, there is a fundamental creepiness that sets in. "Spider-Man 3" is not as high-spirited or as comical as the other films - a darkness is immersed in this sequel that makes it less of a rehash and more of an adult fairy-tale. I consider that a plus, but it does make for diminishing returns the third time around.

Fairy-tale suits the Spider-Man series because it is after all a growing love affair between hapless Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) and ambitious, talented actress Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst) in a world populated by freaks with strange powers (this film is probably the closest Raimi has come to making a Tim Burton movie minus the grotesqueries). Peter is riding high on the popularity of his alter-ego, the masked crime-fighting web slinger, Spider-Man, and is scoring high grades in college. Mary Jane is in a Broadway musical singing Irving Berlin's "They Say It's Wonderful." Everything seems great until we learn that Mary Jane is fired after getting negative reviews and resorts to being a singing waitress! Peter has to contend with his best friend, Harry Osborn (James Franco), who bears a vehement grudge on Peter after learning that Pete is Spider-Man and killed Harry's father. There is also an ambitious photographer, Eddie Brock (Topher Grace), who wants a salaried position at the Daily Bugle with his photos of Spider-Man (none more amazing than what Peter could take). There's also an escaped convict (Thomas Haden Church) who runs into a particle accelerator and turns into Sandman, a shape-shifting sand monster; alien goo from outer space that finds itself attached to Spidey's suit and turns Brock into some demonic villain with monstrous fangs called Venom; Peter's lab partner, Gwen Stacy (Bryce Dallas Howard), who is saved in a crane accident by Spidey, and my spidey-sense is tingling and telling me the plot is on overload for a 2 hour and 19 minute film.

Back to the creepy factor. Sam Raimi and Ivan Raimi have concocted a script that veers into something more unseemly than what you might find in a Spider-Man comic, almost as I said earlier into a dark fairy- tale land. The film nudges us with some sense of dread, something forbidden. The alien goo, or symbiote, is a clue in that it doesn't allow for Peter Parker to flower as an adult - it instead brings on an aggressiveness, a necessity to kill his enemies without provocation and it gives him a black Spidey suit. It also makes Peter more of a sexual creature, a ladies' man with a pseudo-Goth look (the joke is that it draws more disapproving looks from female onlookers than anything else). But it also proves to make him distant from Mary Jane, as if a commitment to marriage suddenly eludes him. Hard to say if Peter Parker ever had a romp in the hay with Mary Jane between the end of Part 2 and the beginning of Part 3, but one gets the impression he might be a virginal web-slinger, drawing more attention to his police scanner and catching the bad guys than redhead Mary Jane's needs and wants. This makes for a more intellectual and implied connection between Mary Jane and Peter, and that is disappointing because they had something more solid and emotional in the second film. Nevertheless, there is a connection and it is imbued with a little more maturity - Peter has no doubts about their relationship but Mary Jane does, especially after Spidey shares his famous MJ kiss with Gwen Stacy!

Part of the problem is the introduction of Gwen Stacy - she is saved by Spidey and clearly is attracted to him and Peter! She is also Eddie Brock's girlfriend, but these two characters could've used more nourishment. Bryce Dallas Howard is such a flirt with Peter that you wish her character was given more to do in providing some added tension between Peter and Mary Jane (her character meant a lot to Peter in the comics, considering her demise). Instead we get saddled with Sandman's own past history with Peter's Uncle Ben (in yet another reprise by Cliff Robertson) and we learn a terrible secret that seems vaguely contrived. The original running time of this film was over two and a half hours and that was probably more fitting for all the plotlines and characters on display here.

Of the three villains, the only one that really jumps at you is James Franco's New Goblin character. He is fierce and unrelenting and he has a history with Mary Jane and Peter Parker. That makes for an emotional crescendo in the finale that is devastating and sincere (his sly wink at Peter at one point is eerie). This character clearly supersedes Thomas Haden Church, who doesn't really get a chance to do much with his character (CGI does it all) but Church's last scene is stunning and pinpoints a deeper theme in this film - all villains in the Spidey universe are flawed and acknowledge their mistakes yet can't help themselves. They made a choice, as does Spider-Man and everyone else in these movies, and they are going to have to live with it.

Deep, melancholic stuff in this "Spider-Man 3." A good picture overall, despite it being overstuffed, and possibly better than the critics claimed. It's not as surprisingly inventive as the original film or as colorful as the second film, but it is richly layered and you can't say Raimi didn't give it his best shot. It is more of an adult fairy-tale crossed with comic-book theatrics, romantic yearnings and guilt-ridden characters.

Spidey sense tingles with excitement

SPIDER-MAN 2 (2004)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 2004)

"Spider-Man 2" is as close to the spirit of the comic-books than the original. It has all the trials and tribulations that Peter Parker endured while being the crime-fighting, wall-crawling hero, Spider-Man. Let's face it: working two part-time jobs, attending college and fighting crime is quite a workout for any young man, no matter how ambitious. This sequel is busy with character details and large-scale action. It has more story and bigger obstacles to confront but it isn't as surprising as the original.

Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) is shown right at the start to be consumed with problems. He works part-time at a pizzeria but never seems to deliver it on time, even when he changes into Spider-Man (a minute later means free pizza for anyone). He also works part-time for sturdy, no-nonsense J. Jonah Jameson (J.K. Simmons) but is in danger of losing that job because he can't get any good pics of Spidey. Peter is also failing science classes and failing to acknowledge his love for Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst), who is about to get married to an astronaut. His best friend, Harry Osborn (James Franco), questions Peter's loyalty when all Pete photographs is the web-crawler, the same person that killed his father. And to compound the weight on Peter's shoulders, his Aunt May (Rosemary Harris) may lose her house for failure to pay the mortgage! Oh, did I forget to mention that our friendly neighborhood arachnid has trouble spinning his web and keeps falling from enormous heights?

"Spider-Man 2" also has a new, threatening villain, namely Dr. Octavius (Alfred Molina), a truly ambitious scientist. He has a new scientific discovery: combining fusion with nuclei to generate an energy source similar to the sun. This energy source will help keep electrical bills down. To control the source, Octavius uses four mechanical tentacles fused to his skin, generated by a transmitter which allows him to maneuver them. I am still not clear why four tentacles are needed, but scientific questions should not logically be asked of any comic-book movie. An accident overrides the system, causing the transmitter to short out and leaving the tentacles to do what they wish. Octavius becomes a monster on six legs (known as Doctor Octopus), tormenting most of New York City and robbing banks to fund the ultimate fusion reactor. But how can Spidey fight him if he has chosen to relinquish his crime-fighting duties?

"Spider-Man 2" is not an action spectacle, certainly not as hair-raising or as fast-paced as the original. Rather director Sam Raimi and novelist Michael Chabon attempt to fashion the human characteristics and foibles of Peter Parker. Very wise move. There are many welcome scenes where Peter merely talks to his aunt (who has some idea of why people need heroes), Mary Jane, Dr. Octavius, Harry, his seething pal, and so on. There are some witty exchanges between Parker and his landlord who insists that Pete pay his overdue rent. But something is missing, perhaps some aura or level of surprise. The movie starts in fits and spurts, like a broken engine. There is a blandness in the direction when Raimi aims for those endless close-ups of Maguire's cherubic, sincere face. The movie feels inert at times, hardly as invigorating in the dialogue scenes as it is in the high-powered action scenes.

There are moments to savor, though. An intense fight sequence aboard a speeding train where Spidey fights Doc Ock results in a truly hair-raising, heart-stopping moment where Spidey...well, I wouldn't dream of giving that away. Doc Ock's T-Rex-like rampage where he climbs on buildings and swings those tentacles with enormous force are true marvels of special-effects (though I could have lived with less cars thrown against the screen). And Peter and Mary Jane's relationship unveils new angles - can he ever admit to her the truth of why they can't be together? And what about Harry Osborn's own strong dislike of Peter's devotion to Spidey? Honesty is one of the virtues that this movie insists upon - it builds character for a superhero.

Don't get me wrong: "Spider-Man 2" is entertaining in its own way and more character-driven than we have any right to expect (Molina makes an inspired Doc Ock). My Spidey-sense just tells me that it could have been so much more.

Web-Crawler does what he does

SPIDER-MAN (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 2002)

The Spider-Man comics were always my favorite comics in my childhood. The reason was because it dealt with a superhero who was more nerdy than Clark Kent, and less adept socially, even with dearest Mary Jane Watson. The fact that he lived with his aunt and uncle, practiced web-shooting at night, and paraded around New York City fighting crime only to return to his bedroom is what made it click with me on a personal level. I have been waiting for many years for a real movie about good old Spidey, and finally it has come. So how is it? "Spider-Man" is one of the best superhero movies since the original "Superman" with Christopher Reeve. Yes, it is loud and frenetic but so were the comics, and it never loses sight of its human dimension.

The central human dimension is in the character of Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), the socially inept high-school senior who is always bullied and tormented by his peers. He has a special fascination with arachnids and with his next-door neighbor, Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst), a red-haired beauty with sunny smiles who slowly becomes attracted to Peter. One day, on a class trip to a lab, Peter is bitten by a radioactive spider. He gets pale and collapses once he gets home to his Uncle and Aunt Parker (both played by Cliff Robertson and Rosemary Harris). The next day, he notices he has rippling muscles, an ability to scale walls and jump from one rooftop to another, and to shoot spider-web from his skin. Naturally, he keeps these superhuman abilities secret, and hopes that they may increase his chances with Mary Jane. Of course, she is interested in Harry Osborn (James Franco), son of the troubled tycoon Norman Osborn (Willem Dafoe).

While Peter discovers his powers and obtains them accidentally, Norman Osborn is about to lose his corporation and subjects himself to dangerous green vapors that split his identity. Hence, the Green Goblin is born, a maniacal sociopath intent on exploding half of New York City with his gizmos and bombs. Outside of losing a corporation he created, I was never clear why Norman was so willing to destroy everything in his path. Now that Spider-Man is known in the news for his heroics, Spidey has to fight the Green Goblin and stop his menace to society.

I cannot resist discussing this film in light of September 11th but in a strange manner, "Spider-Man" is almost a heroic nod to that horrible tragedy in New York, establishing the hero who must save New York from a terrorist, and what else could Green Goblin be? A thrilling sequence where Spider-Man tries to save a cable car full of children and Mary Jane at the same time is followed by New Yorkers on a bridge chanting and raving to the Green Goblin, literally saying, "We are all New Yorkers and will stick together. You fight one of us, you fight all of us!" Well, it is not verbatim but you get the idea. I have a feeling this scene was shot post-September 11th. And there is the last shot of good old Spidey swinging through New York past a prominently displayed American flag. The "Superman" movies focused on these patriotic images because they dealt with a superhero of the world, not just of a metropolitan city. Spider-Man has always been a New York hero, but enough digressions.

"Spider-Man" has lots of goodies in store for the audience. I really sensed (a spidey sense?) that Peter Parker, as played by the perfectly cast Tobey Maguire, enjoyed his newly discovered powers and has fun with them as if he was a kid who got a brand new toy. Maguire shows the feckless and determined charisma of Peter Parker and how he shapes himself into being strong and devoted to saving others, not to mention his love for Mary Jane. If there is one problem with the character, it is when he dons the red and blue costume. Spider-Man can't possibly show emotion behind that mask. We hear him talk and we imagine he is horrified during many horrifying sequences where the people of New York are put in harm's way, but there is little sense of individua lity. He swings through the streets with such lightning speed that it may well be a video game or an animated cartoon. If nothing else, this has always concerned me about a big-screen adaptation because we all know what Spider-Man can do, so how do you show him in action if it doesn't necessarily look plausible? Maguire is at his best without the costume, sharing his complete sincerity and love for everyone else he meets (he is so sincere that he makes Tom Cruise blush).

We begin to understand how Mary Jane takes a liking to Peter as well, and how can she not? Kirsten Dunst is breezy and sweet as Mary Jane, exuding all the giggles and loving smiles one expects from the character. I would have loved if there was more of her character's home life (she lives with parents who are always shouting at each other) but it is a genuine pleasure seeing her onscreen (she has certainly matured since "Interview With a Vampire" - an actress I never thought could tackle Mary Jane but she delivers here).

Willem Dafoe is as menacing and sorrowful as he can be in the best tradition of Jekyll and Hyde as Green Goblin. The mask is also fearsome to look at, and could easily give the Joker a run for his money. His cackle and brooding mannerisms are really something to behold. I also loved a mirror sequence where Norman switches from Green Goblin to his normal self, aiming to stop himself from doing more harm.

"Spider-Man" is not as good as "Superman" if only because it is not as richly layered or as complex with its human characters (compare how many scenes there are of newspaper editor J. Jonah Jameson to Perry White, and you will get a rough idea). However, this Spidey is superior and more fun than "Batman" or "X-Men" and is consistenly entertaining and expertly staged and acted. Director Sam Raimi is having lots of fun here, as he did with another comic-book type character, Darkman. All I can say is that I am glad Spidey finally made it to the big screen.

Wolf Man's got nards and a rubber mask!

THE MONSTER SQUAD (1987)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Fred Dekker's "The Monster Squad" has become something of a cult favorite for former 80's teens and perhaps today's audience though I can't say for sure. So is "The Goonies," though that Richard Donner movie was a box-office hit which "Monster Squad" was not. Dekker's film is not even half as fun as "Goonies" and that is a problem for an alleged kiddie flick - "Monster Squad" is an uneven, unmemorable, insufferably bland picture that can't make up its mind of what it wants to be. "The Goonies" was hardly the most memorable movie experience but it knew what it was.

So there is some business about an ancient, powerful amulet that Dracula (Duncan Regher) wants to get his hands on. This amulet is a force of "concentrated good" and it creates a balance of good and evil when it isn't powerless, which it is one day out of every century. The amulet also opens a portal by which Van Helsing had hoped to send Dracula and his gang of Universal Monsters into Limbo in the opening sequence. Dracula wants to shroud the world in darkness. Kids from the Monster Squad, that is experts on Universal Monster Movies, find Van Helsing's diary which will allow them to open the portal and get rid of the Monsters who are haunting their idyllic suburbia. Only problem is that the diary is written in German, and only a conveniently located German neighbor (Leonard Cimino) can translate it. But it would help if the incantations are read by a virginal female in a church. Atheists could have a field day with this.

Right off the bat from the first reel, something feels off in "The Monster Squad." There is no real sense of urgency or danger and the kids are a mixed bag at best, though Michael Faustino as "Monster stole my twinkie" Eugene or the late Brent Chalem as Fat Kid stand out. The old reliable Universal Monsters are also a shade disappointing. The Wolf Man (Jonathan Gries) has nothing more than a hardly emotive rubber mask, The Gill Man looks more threatening than the beloved creature from the Black Lagoon but he's not on screen much, and Regher's Dracula is no better than the ridiculous interpretations from low-budget stinkers of the 1970's like "Dracula vs. Frankenstein." Tom Noonan brings some sympathy to Frankenstein's Monster that is enough to make one wish he were the star of the show. Gill Man could've been afforded a little sympathy when the creature, in the 1954 flick, never wanted to harm the female lead. Here, Gill Man doesn't have many scruples.

"The Monster Squad" is all over the map with a slim story and slimmer motivations for its characters, especially a generic Dracula (since when did the good Count ever want to shroud the world in darkness?). In many ways, this is my kind of comical creature feature flick as I adore the Universal Monsters but Dekker is lost in a haze of throwing everything but the kitchen sink (he helmed the far more upbeat and terrifically paced "Night of the Creeps"). No magic and no real sense of fun make for a dull Creature Feature.