You wouldn't like me when I yawn

THE INCREDIBLE HULK (2008)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Why on earth did Edward Norton make a boring Hulk movie? Why do moviegoers hate Ang Lee's "Hulk" so much? Why even bother with essentially reimagining or remaking, or whatever you want to call it these days, the 2003 box-office bust that was "Hulk"? These questions plagued me while watching "The Incredible Hulk," which is a mediocre and completely flat, superficial superhero movie that tries to do too much and accomplishes too little.

Edward Norton initially makes a convincingly scrawny Bruce Banner, living in Brazil and working at a soda factory. He has maintained communication with a genetic scientist who may know how to cure Bruce's Green Giant anger problem. Unfortunately, a drop of Bruce's blood that accidentally falls into an open soda bottle is all that is needed to raise awareness from the government and the sour, unemotional General Ross (William Hurt). The military arrives armed and ready to shoot Bruce Banner, though there is a new foe, a Marine named Emil Blonsky (Tim Roth), who is interested in acquiring a sample of that genetic Hulk pool. Most plaguing question: if General Ross only wants to capture the Hulk and use him as a weapon, how is killing Bruce Banner going make that possible? The answer may be that the General will use Blonsky as his new guinea pig, though the script never quite makes that clear. Nevertheless, Betty Ross (the pallid Liv Tyler) is waiting in the wings for Bruce to show up, despite being lovey-dovey with a new beau. How can anyone compete with the Green Giant? Oh, well, he has one deficiency - he can't get too excited and have sex.

The origin plot of the Incredible Hulk since its inception in the late 60's never made a lot of sense - what is the point of using a genetically-engineered Hulk as a secret weapon when his animal instincts cause him to destroy everything in his path? Does that not defeat the purpose, General Ross? Yes, I am asking you, Mr. Ross. Of course, that would not matter if the film was entertaining and thrilling. Face it: the sight of an enormous Hulk wrecking havoc is always fun to watch. And the scenes where Hulk destroys a few vehicles on a college campus is exciting and nifty...and just as dispiriting. The lack of spirit can be attributed to director Louis Letterier ("Transporter") and star Edward Norton who seem to go through the motions. Numerous action-filled moments of Hulk throwing a car or a tank in the air or causing the ground beneath him to break become monotonous. So does Edward Norton, who never quite infuses Bruce Banner or the Hulk with any personality or any depth to his anger issues. Norton never becomes convincingly angry either, and how can Edward Norton of "American History X" never come across as convincingly angry? It just seems like a disservice to have a weakling still come across as a tall green-skinned weakling with muscles - there is no real sense of transformation or urgency. The theme seems to be this: Hulk loves to smash.

A big mistake is the casting of Tim Roth, who comes across as evil, mean and most certainly angry, though it is such a one-dimensional character that it is hard to care whether he lives or dies - he is just a mean prick from the beginning. Perhaps Tim Roth should've played Bruce Banner - he might have come closer to tapping into that inner rage that is the Hulk in all of us. Eric Bana came close but the late Bill Bixby fully accomplished that goal. This is where a good screenplay is needed, folks. The cast of characters are limp and underwritten. William Hurt delivers no zeal or emotion as the angry General Ross. Compare Hurt's take to Sam Elliott's in the 2003 Hulk and you see a world of difference. Ditto for Liv Tyler who is uncharismatic and lifeless that I can't believe this is the same actress from "Lord of the Rings" or even "Heavy." And she scores a -15 on any chemistry with Norton. Check out Jennifer Connelly from, once again, the 2003 Hulk for a more well-rounded character.

This "Hulk" film is a dull disaster with an unconvincing love story, non-threatening villains, lots of amped-up explosions, and a lead character who hardly seems to be the same person that becomes the Hulk. For a fully developed and humanistic take on a raging Hulk and a complex Bruce Banner who wishes for the beast to be expunged, check out the TV series or the 2003 Hulk. This droning Hulk of a movie is for the birds.

Technology will save the Motor City

ROBOCOP (1987)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Revisiting "Robocop," the ultraviolent 1987 action flick by Paul Verhoeven, is a lot like revisiting a nightmare of a satire that may have lost some of its oomph in its near thirty year inception. In 2014, "Robocop" is hardly as ultraviolent as it once was, and its satiric targets may not strike as sharply as they once did. As a techno action thriller, "Robocop" delivers the goods but it lacks any tangible emotional surface.

Peter Weller is Murphy, a Detroit cop of the future who has been transferred to the worst section of the Motor City. His detective partner, Anne Lewis (Nancy Allen), can handle herself better than any cop in the precinct. Trouble brews all over town when cops are killed, gangs dominate the streets and trash and rob everyone - in short, it is anarchy. A corporation by the name of OCP (Omni Consumer Products) wants to fight crime by using advanced robots with strategic commands in their memory banks. Murphy dies in a run-in with bank robbers and narcotics dealers (the leader is played by the frighteningly intense Kurtwood Smith), but Murphy's brain survives long enough to become part of an experiment. Enter Bob Morton (Miguel Ferrer), an ambitious OCP executive, who wants a new kind of robot cop - one that has a human brain (although why all human memories have to be erased is questionable - why not just forgo a human brain for an electronic one? But then we wouldn't have a movie). Now Murphy is Robocop, his human face intact but largely consisting of a metal endoskeleton. His instincts slowly become human. And detective Lewis recognizes who the robocop actually is.

"Robocop" does the job of a techno action thriller efficiently, and there is a level of witty satire with regards to TV commercials of the future. Even better is the introduction of the ED-209 prototype robot where a test run goes horribly wrong. The movie doesn't quite cling long enough on Murphy before he becomes Robocop. We see flashes of his past home life but they are infrequent flashes. To Peter Weller's credit, he makes us care for this walking metal contraption with an electronic voice - his body language and his facial reactions elicit a lot of sympathy (compare them to Robert Burke's monotone look in "Robocop 3" and you'll see the difference).

"Robocop" is enjoyably dirty, messy fun (one of the criminals' vehicles hits a toxic waste barrel that can still shock by today's standards). Nothing can beat watching Miguel Ferrer trouncing his OCP rivals, or partying with hookers and ingesting lines of coke. I wish there was more Murphy backstory but why carp when you got Dan O'Herlihy as an "Old Man" CEO? 

Lizards! Why did it have to be lizards?

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I have not seen the 1950's version of "Journey to the Center of the Earth" with James Mason in eons. "Journey 2: The Mysterious Island" is not a sequel to that film - it is a sequel to the 2008 remake starring Brendan Fraser. Although the latter is unseen by me, I can safely say that "Journey 2" is a goofy, wholly unbelievable fantasy adventure that is perfect family viewing.

Josh Hutcherson is Sean, a young "Vernian" high-school student (Vernian as in a Jules Verne addict - who knew?) who in the opening scene of the movie is chased by cops after he has broken into a satellite facility. All this trouble just to boost a coded message from his grandfather (Michael Caine) who is in the "Mysterious Island" - the grandfather sends encrypted messages by use of a ham radio! I am glad to see such ancient technology finds it way in 21st century movies. Sean discovers his grandfather's whereabouts and gets his stepdad (Dwayne Johnson) to fly with him out to Palau where they get a pilot aching for money (Luis Guzman) and his reluctant daughter (Vanessa Hudgens) to continue a hazardous journey to that island. Only problem is there is an intense hurricane on route in the Pacific. Nevertheless, after arriving in this fantasy island, we see giant lizards, elephants in Lilliputian size, giant bees, giant butterflies, Captain Nemo's Nautilus buried deep in the water, electric eels, volcanoes that spew golden nuggets, etc. This is the kind of silliness where two people can take a deep breath underwater long enough to enter the Nautilus while evading an electric eel and turn the power on! I could be wrong but I think they hold their breath longer than Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps.

"Journey 2" is bright, breezy fun, a sort of junior-league adventure movie for those who find "Jurassic Park" too intense. Do not expect a literal translation of Jules Verne's own novel which had a completely different story and subtext. In fact, this movie exists outside of it, in reference and code and homage only. Aside from the Nautilus, there is no Nemo to be found except his grave, and monsters and bees used as carriers are nowhere to be found in Verne's text (nor are the Polynesian jokes and Dwayne's vibrating nipples). This is shamelessly goofy fun for the Nickelodeon set, and it might inspire young impressionable kids to read Jules Verne. That is a plus nowadays.

Technology that is loyal to puppies

ROBOCOP 3 (1993)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Paul Verhoeven's original, dazzling "Robocop" was a superviolent action marvel of a movie, perhaps one of the earliest antecedents of Christopher Nolan's own "Dark Knight" trilogy two and a half decades later. It was entertaining, tough as nails and had a satirical view of the future. The 1990 sequel was a disaster, sacrificing humor and any level of satire for far more graphic violence and little of what made Robocop tick. Fred Dekker takes on the directing reigns for number three, and the results are mixed, dour and diluted at best.

The near-bankrupt city of Detroit is about to become Delta City, which means revamping old neighborhoods and forcing people to evacuate to camps. A resistance group has formed and wants to fight back against the New Rehabs, an elite police unit created by OCP (Omni Consumer Products). There is some business here about a lost child (who is a whiz with hacking into computers and robots) who loses his parents during the liquidation of citizens. Robocop (now played by Robert Burke) develops emotions and deliberately fights back against the OCP (who created him in the first place) by joining the resistance!

There is some untapped potential here, especially with dramatizing how corporations can own everything and assume all citizens will do their bidding. In fact, some of this quite prescient in 2014. Alas, the idea is prescient but the execution is ill-defined. The filmmakers never spend much time with the resistance group (how can you curtail CCH Pounder's character, easily the most interesting character in the entire movie?) and spend even less time with Robocop, particularly his emotions that come to the surface (for newbies, he was once a cop named Murphy). Nancy Allen, reprising her role as Murphys' cop partner for the third time, is in it for a paycheck when she exits rather early in the proceedings. Mostly we get scenes of a Japanese businessman (Mako) who may or may not be evil - he sends ninja androids to counter any opposition and they both eventually go mano-a-mano with Robocop. One of these ninja androids smokes! Little color or variety is allowed for the resistance group - when we see them at work preparing to fight the cops, it isn't long before an action scene develops that comes out of nowhere. The filmmakers never take a moment to invest in this motley crew.

"Robocop 3" is busy with many characters and subplots (Rip Torn comes off best as a OCP President) but it never develops them into a coherent screenplay and logic is thrown out the window early on. Co-written by Dekker and Dark Knight comic-book writer Frank Miller (his contributions are clearly truncated), the PG-13 sensibility is to draw a younger crowd to the chrome metal hero. Only problem is he, and the rest of the characters, are reduced to scrap metal parts in search of a movie.

The Real Fantastic Four

THE INCREDIBLES (2004)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 2004)

Maybe it is really high praise but "The Incredibles" is the best superhero movie I've seen in a while, a high-octane, comically dazzling, jazzy, relentlessly funny, grab-the-arms-of-your-seat type adventure. As pure entertainment, it sets a whole new standard to any comic-book or animated movie I've seen. It is so damn good that I could have sat down for another viewing.

Craig T. Nelson is the voice behind Bob Parr, the patriarch of an amazing family, who works a monotonous job at an insurance agency (he gives his rejected clients tips on how not to be rejected in the future). Bob was not always so bored with his work, he used to be a superhero known as Mr. Incredible. The problem is that Mr. Incredible faced one too many lawsuits from saving people who did not want to be saved. Therefore, Bob and his family had to constantly relocate thanks to a superhero relocation program. Bob's wife is Helen, also known as Elastigirl (voiced by Holly Hunter), who hopes Bob can make something of his life beyond superheroic duties. They have three children, the kind that would give parents nightmares. There is Dash (voiced by Spencer Fox), the fast-as-the-speed-of-light runner in the family who loves to play pranks with his teenage sister, Violet (voiced by Sarah Vowell). Violet's specialty is that she can turn invisible except for her clothes. There is also the newborn baby who has trouble mimicking her mother's eating habits (oh, yes, he has superhuman abilities but they are best left undiscussed here).

Naturally, it doesn't take long before Bob Parr is asked to reprise his superhero duties by some secret agency. The trouble is that Bob is overweight and can't fit into his spandex suit. So the Edith Head of superhero costume fitters, Edna Mode (voiced by writer-director Brad Bird), designs a spanking new suit for the hero and off he goes to save the world. Unfortunately, the agency may have an ulterior motive when it is discovered that it is run by Bob's archnemesis, Syndrome (voiced by Jason Lee), wants to destroy Mr. Incredible and uncover his identity. Now that Bob is in trouble, the family will have to band together and save him. Yes, there is more than a passing nod here to The Fantastic Four.

"The Incredibles" is rich in character details and nuances, showing the kind of depth in superheroes you rarely see in this genre. Brad Bird (writer and director of the underappreciated "Iron Giant") is not interested in mere wall-to-wall action, he personifies his superheroes with wit and intelligence in equal spades. Bird also clutters his narrative with plenty of visual gags, bright one-liners and action scenes of real exuberance at every turn (One action scene with floating bikes in a forest is as hair-raising as a similar one in "Return of the Jedi"). This is also the first animated film from Pixar to exclude talking animals or amphibians, focusing in squarely on the humans and it is an outstanding job. Thanks to the voices, these characters seem more alive than any Hollywood film with real humans. What is remarkable is that Bird also focuses on his heroes' vulnerability so that we can see ourselves in Bob's mundane job and his anger (though very few of us are capable of lifting a car over our heads) or Helen's hope that her family can adjust to suburbia without using their superpowers.

Kudos must also go to Bird's attention to the children and their own eccentricities. It is fun seeing Dash and Violet dash around violently in the dining room, or seeing how Violet always covers her face with her long black hair. She also hopes that she'll be noticed by a cute boy in school. It is also fun at seeing how eager Dash is to run at lightning speeds. There is one miraculously funny scene where Dash is shown on a videotape to have possibly placed a tack on his teacher's chair, but the kid is so fast that he disappears from his chair for less than a nanosecond.

At a breakneck speed of 120 minutes, "The Incredibles" is rollicking good fun from start to finish. It is consistently funny and comically charged with a high-wire intensity that is unusual to find in an animated film. It is as exciting and thrilling as any "Star Wars" or "Indiana Jones" flick, and far superior to any Marvel, D.C. or other type of comic-book movie I've seen. I know there is a "Fantastic Four" movie coming in 2005 but it won't come close to the grandeur, humanity, excitement or drollery of "The Incredibles."

Director needs some Clobberin' Time

FANTASTIC FOUR (2005)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
(Originally reviewed in 2006)

When I saw the original "X-Men," I remember thinking that it was a full-blown comic-book come to life with effects galore and amazing, tactile super powers displayed with verve. "Fantastic Four" could've been another example of that - it has effects galore and plenty of amazing super powers displayed with everything money can buy. But it is solely an example of special-effects capabilities without human interest.

We have the introduction of the Fantastic Four team that includes brainy scientist, Dr. Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd), who becomes Elastic Man; his on/off again love interest, Sue Storm (Jessica Alba), who becomes the Invisible Girl; Ben Grimm, Reed's best friend, who metamorphoses into a walking rock formation called the Thing; and finally Sue's brother, Johnny Storm (Chris Evans), who becomes the Human Torch. Their powers are inadvertently obtained by a cosmic ray explosion while on a mission at a space station. Also on board this mission is the arrogant, evil Dr. Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon), who has his DNA fundamentally changed as well, becoming the evil-as-evil-can-be Dr. Doom with an electrical charge all over his body.

Some of this is sort of fun. I enjoy seeing Johnny Boy using his powers when skiing (and making himself a jacuzzi atop a snowy peak) or trying to stop a heat-seeking missile; Reed Richards extending his fingers through a crevice or grabbing toilet paper from an adjoining room while sitting in the john; and the Thing lifting a fire truck that is hanging from a bridge. In terms of effects and wondrous new ways for Invisible Girl to develop a force shield or undressing so she can walk around invisible, this movie has ample to offer (and, yes, we get to hear the famous lines like "It's Clobberin' Time" or "Flame On!"). In terms of a credible story or three-dimensional characters, the movie stops short and focuses on one chaotic situation after another. We get shards of humanity about the Thing losing his fiancee because of his affinity for giant pebbles, and there is a substandard love story between Richards and Sue Storm. But Dr. Doom is so inherently evil that we never understand his motives - does he want to be the supervillain Dr. Doom because Richards has whisked away the woman Doom wanted to marry, namely Sue Storm? It seems Doom's biggest concern overall is that his interview on Larry King Live is abruptly cancelled. Hardly characteristic of a Marvel supervillain.

There is energy and bounce to the action scenes but "Fantastic Four" assumes that it is enough to see the fantastic super powers on display and nothing more. The similar "The Incredibles" already did it with more humanity and character interest a year earlier. After seeing Marvel Comics' cinematic adaptations like "Hulk" and the Spider-Man movies that set a whole new standard of character first, action second (isn't that why we like comic-books?), "Fantastic Four" falls very, very short. The Thing should've clobbered the director for lack of character development.

Shangri-La adventure deserves entombment

THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (2008)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

There is something peculiar about Brendan Fraser. In some movies, like the underrated "Blast From the Past," he is nothing short of stupendous and full of an inspired manic energy. In "The Mummy" series, he is so boring and insipid, words I've used far too many times, that it is a shock anyone considered casting him. Heck, Fraser looks the part of a 40's stock leading man with an oversized head and has got the goods to deliver a wickedly inspired performance, but he never cuts loose. Not once, not in the entire "Mummy" series. And this latest snoozefest, "Tomb of the Dragon Emperor," has about as much to do with mummies as Indiana Jones has to do with cockroaches.

Fraser is the Rick O'Connell character, an Egyptologist who spends his days fishing, bored out of his numbskull because he so glories the days of shooting mummies and experiencing high adventure. And his wife, Evelyn (now played by a less spirited Maria Bello, replacing Rachel Weisz), is yearning for those days as well, especially after writing two bestselling books. And they live with a butler in a mansion right out of Bruce Wayne country. Yawn. But their son, Alex (Luke Ford), is spirited and has high adventure on his mind. The plot has to do with an accidentally revived 4,000 year-old Chinese emperor (Jet Li) who can command all the elements to start an avalanche but has a little problem fighting Yetis (a furry pack of giant Abonimable Snowmans that look about as real as the werewolf in "Van Helsing"). Rick and Evelyn decide to help their son fight the evil emperor and the entire Terracotta army, which takes them to Shangri-La. Also in accompaniment is an immortal Chinese woman and her mother, but the less said about them, the better.

I wish I enjoyed this movie but, alas, like the previous "Mummy" films, there is no sense of jeopardy, wit, adventure or anything on the level of awe. Fraser has seen these special-effected skeleton armies and mummified remains come to life so often, it seems he is yawning just looking at them (this is dully reflected in his dialogue to boot). Same with Maria Bello. They could care less and the urgency is lost. Jet Li is mostly animated in this film, which means anyone could've played this role, and Michelle Yeoh as a sorceress somehow maintains a straight face but her one shared moment with Li is short-shrifted for more CGI, less humanity. To make things worse, the movie is frantically cut from so many angles, particularly during the action scenes, that all sense of spatial continuity is lost (seriously, how many different angles does an explosion need to be seen from?) This "Mummy" film deserves entombment.