Vampire Bella breaks the Volturi

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 2 (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

If Part 1 of "Breaking Dawn" had less of the Rio sex scenes between Edward and Bella and been combined with the intermittently lethal charms of Part 2, I might have thought differently of this last chapter in the "Twilight" saga. As it stands, the word is intermittent. "Breaking Dawn: Part 2" is a solid no-brainer sequel - its got all the goods of previous sequels - but the emotional core is missing.

Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) is now officially the new vampire of Forks, Washington. She had turned to save herself, and to raise her newborn daughter, Renesmee (named after the Lochness Monster and played by copious CGI and Mackenzie Foy) who matures so quickly that Pampers and milk bottles serve little purpose. Naturally, little Nessie is no ordinary child - she is mortal and is half human, half vampire (a first for this series and a plot point that could have used more depth). Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) is the father, looking more and more bored with each scene. A rift exists between the Cullens with their new forbidden offspring and the Volturi Council, the elite vampire group who, I guess, decide on all the ethics, laws and mores of being a vampire (immortal children are forbidden). Michael Sheen gleefully returns as Aro, the leader who has his minions tear apart vampires limb by limb, specifically starting with a decapitation (the kind of thing that a PG-13 rating would not allow twenty years ago - remember the R-rated "Speed"?) Let us not exclude Taylor Lautner as Jacob, the werewolf who has imprinted Renesmee and has to protect her.

Directed by Bill Condon, who took care of Part 1's romp-in-the-hay crossed with bloody birth complexities, "Breaking Dawn Part 2" is fast-paced and has an indelible snowy climax with the Volturi, the werewolves and the Cullen vampires. Kristen Stewart is a dynamic presence as always, though Pattison could have used an infusion of sodium pentothal. Lautner, who seems to be having a whale of a time, and Sheen rise above the soap-opera theatrics and the movie's theme of eternal love with much-needed biting humor. My main issue is the movie is too matter-of-fact about its characters; they turn up, they wax on about trouble brewing in paradise and it is all done with precious little conviction or urgency, or at least not half as urgent as "New Moon" or "Eclipse." Another issue is that Renesmee is just an innocent mute child - imagine what could have been conveyed about her own emotional stake of being raised in a glass house in the middle of the woods with emaciated vampires! "Breaking Dawn: Part 2" is an enjoyable flick overall, but not exactly the most biting chapter in the saga.

Sexual tension in a French villa

SWIMMING POOL (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally viewed in 2003)

In a summer season glutted with terminators, pirates, comic-book adaptations and fluffy chicks with kung-fu capabilities, it is always a welcome respite to see something truly unique. "Swimming Pool" is not an original film per se but its dreamlike power and gripping sense of sensuality surely rates this as one of the most mysterious films of the year.

Charlotte Rampling plays the old spinster role, that of a crime fiction novelist named Sarah Morton who's become indifferent to her popular detective novels. She has a meeting with her publisher (Charles Dance) about pursuing other topics of interest, perhaps something more germane to her personal side. He suggests staying in his French villa on the countryside as a place of solitude. Sarah flies out to France and becomes enamored with the beautiful weather and vistas. She lives in an area not far from Marquis De Sade's castle in ruins, and even gets to meet a sexy, younger bartender, Franck (Jean-Marie Lamour), who works at the local restaurant. But something threatens Sarah's peace in the form of a loose, sexual creature named Julie (Ludivine Sagnier), who is the publisher's daughter. Suddenly peace and tranquility have given way to Julie's nightly sexual exploits. The pool by the villa is used as a playground of emerging sexuality by Julie, who is often seen topless and swimming in the nude. All this causes great confusion and a sense of inspiration in Sarah whom you feel has been rejuvenated by this sexually carnivorous female.

It would be wise, as is often the case, not to dwell further into the twists and turns in "Swimming Pool." Suffice to say, they are of a subtle nature, merely appearing to us without calling too much attention. The director, Francois Ozon ("Under the Sun"), likes to toy with the viewer, immersing us in the atmosphere and the art direction and the performances before slyly shocking us with surprises. "Swimming Pool" begins as a woman's personal odyssey in coming to grips with her writing talent, until we learn that it has more up its sleeve. I will say that Ozon may have been possibly been inspired by two films, "Bitter Moon" and "Tristana." In the case with "Bitter Moon," Polanski's claustrophobic, sleazy drama, there is a scene where a writer (Peter Coyote) is impotent and sitting in his wheelchair. He observes two sexy people dancing before they segue to the bedroom. There is a similar shot in "Swimming Pool" where Sarah sits in a chair as Julie dances with Franck to a pop tune, and we watch Sarah become transfixed yet still unable to join in the fun (though she eventually starts dancing). Another scene has Sarah standing from the balcony of the house exposing her breasts to the caretaker. There is a similar scene in Luis Bunuel's "Tristana" where Catherine Deneuve exposes her breasts to a young man. These possible nods of inspiration help "Swimming Pool" with its toying sense of sensuality and sexuality.

"Swimming Pool" is a haunting mood piece with a finale that is ripe for endless discussion. The film's sensual, sexual overtones and its lingering rhythms are so titillating and unobtrusive that you will be swept away. Sagnie's Julie and Rampling's Sarah are two characters whom you will likely not forget by year's end. They bring such a shimmering, mysterious quality to sex and sensuality that it makes you wish Hollywood was just as imaginative.

Bitchy, quarrelsome New Jersey slackers

CLERKS II (2006)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
(Originally reviewed in 2006)

Say what you will but I've been impatiently waiting for the return of Randal Graves and Dante Hicks as much as the return of the Jedi or a fully-realized version of "Lord of the Rings." Randal and Dante are, of course, the clerks from Kevin Smith's directorial debut film, "Clerks" from 1994. The movie was not a major success but it later became a cult favorite and it helped advance the career of the New Jersey Maestro of bitchy, quarrelsome slackers. Now here's "Clerks II" (originally titled "The Passion of the Clerks") and I am proud to say that this movie is hilarious from first frame to last. It is Kevin Smith's funniest and most irresistibly un-PC work to date and, for once, it is a sequel that actually delivers!

As the movie opens, Dante (Brian O'Halloran, a former UPS delivery driver by the way prior to "Clerks") is on his way to work at the Quik Stop in good old Leonardo, NJ when he finds it burning literally to the ground. What will Dante and his obnoxious best friend Randal (Jeff Anderson) do now? And how come there is no reference to RST Video? Never mind. Dante and Randal end up working at Mooby's, a hamburger joint that appears to have few patrons. The duo wear ridiculous purple uniforms, work with a spunky manager, Becky (Rosario Dawson) and a dorky employee, Elias (Trevor Ferhman) who can't wait for a live-action "Transformers" movie. Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) are back peddling for dope outside Mooby's despite just finishing their six months rehab stint - their 12-step program is evident since they hold a miniature version of the "Holy" Bible.

Meanwhile, Dante is working on his last day at Mooby's since he's off to Florida to marry his fiance (Jennifer Schwalbach) and run a car wash (how very Dantesque!) Randal is understandably peeved and does everything to wreck Dante's new life, including bringing in a gay donkey show that is to be seen to be believed! Becky is also a little peeved since she likes Dante and has a little surprise for him. Everything that can go wrong for Dante, though, does go wrong.

"Clerks II" has lots of laughs to spare and some truly biting, even incendiary dialogue. There are Randal's riffs on racism (and ignorance of one particularly offensive term), Lord of the Rings versus Star Wars, sexism, and his affection (in a heterosexual way) for Dante whom he gives the most constructive advice he can. There is Dante and Becky dancing to the "ABC" song by the Jackson Five, the dorky Elias's nightmarishly funny account of his girlfriend's reasons why they can't have sex until they are 21 (complete with Wendy Carlos's "Shining" score to boot), Jay performing a "Silence of the Lambs" tribute which he begins by applying chapstick to his lips, and the already notorious, Joel Siegel-bashing gay donkey show that is nowhere near as tasteless as anything in "Van Wilder." There are many other howlers throughout but I wouldn't dream of giving them away.

The cast does as well as one can expect. I think we all know what to expect from Brian O'Halloran and Jeff Anderson, not to mention the always riotous Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith. The performance of note is Rosario Dawson as the charming, sexy, humorous and breathless Becky - a no-nonsense woman who doesn't believe in marriage. Every time she appears on screen, she burns it with her naturalism.

"Clerks II" is vintage Kevin Smith, exuding laughs with some deep, honest truths in equal measure. Obviously Smith made this film as a corrective to "Jersey Girl," but it also shows that his comic timing and milking almost any situation for laughs to be in ultra top form. I am glad to see Dante and Randal back (the short-lived animated series and "J & S Strike Back" were not enough for me), and kudos to Smith for not keeping his promise that Jay and Silent Bob wouldn't return. They all have and deliver a major comic bang, and an unexpectedly touching coda. Forget "Superman Returns," "Clerks II" is a super sequel.

The customer is sometimes wrong!

CLERKS. (1994)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
(First viewed in 1994)

"Do you know what the real tragedy of all this is? I am not even supposed to be here today!" - Dante

That one line sums up Dante's life in a nutshell (well-played by Brian O'Halloran). He is a Quick Stop convenience store clerk in Leonardo, N.J. with no real ambition in life except to serve customers and whine all day long. If only he could see how farfetched that life is since he obviously possesses some potential and is generally a smart guy. It only takes his best friend, Randal (Jeff Anderson), and Dante's girlfriend, Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti), to make him see the light.

I am of course describing the incredibly funny debut of director Kevin Smith, known as "Clerks," a hilarious, obscene and unpredictable comedy that is something of a classic in its genre. The fact that it was independent shows where real talent for writing lies - from people like Kevin Smith, Quentin Tarantino, David O'Russell, among others. They all got their start in low-budget features and Smith's debut may be the most impressive of all since I have yet to see a film of his that rivals "Clerks" for sheer audacity and sharp humor.

The film begins at Dante's home where he is woken by his boss and told to show up for work. It's his day off and he has a hockey game in the afternoon but there is not much of a choice - Dante has a problem saying no to people. He shows up at the convenience store, opens it, discovers gum in the shutter locks, and begins his day selling various items to customers. The customers who come to the store are certainly a colorful bunch. One is a guidance counselor who peruses each and every egg in the cartons. Another complains that the video store next door is closed. There is an older man who needs to read porno magazines in the bathroom. And so on. Randal is the next-door video store clerk who shows up late and berates and curses his customers. He is the fearless leader of his domain, abusing his power as a clerk as an excuse to spit on and shout at people. Randal hardly spends much time in his store, and always walks in to Dante's store and makes his life miserable.

Dante: "You hate people!"

Randal: "But I love gatherings. Isn't that ironic?"

There are too many good scenes, almost all are side-splittingly funny and truthful. Randal is a jerk, but also an understanding and sensible jerk - he knows his life as a clerk is not much and that doesn't stop him from offending each and every customer. My favorite moment is when a customer asks about the quality of a couple of videos. Randal doesn't pay attention, makes no eye contact and points out to her that her "cunning attempt to trick him" is futile. It's funny and pointed humor, offering real-life clerks an opportunity to hear the things they would love to say.

Every scene with Dante is also brilliant, including a long scene where his girlfriend, Veronica, confesses to have had oral sex with about 37 guys. Dante's nauseousness sets in, questioning how she could not have slept with the guys like a decent person. His own manhood is tested and for the rest of the film, he whines about her oral abilities, though Veronica is a very sweet person who brings him lasagna to work.

And how can one forget the introduction of the drug dealer duo, Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith), both who find smoking weed and getting laid is all that life has to offer.

Director Kevin Smith employs a proper visual cue of stabilizing his camera, occasionally going in for a close-up shot and then cutting to a long-shot. Every scene is practically a long-take so that we take the time to invest in Randal and Dante's running monologues about irksome customers, the merits of "Return of the Jedi," ex-girlfriends, funerals, and so on. It's a technique that works and doesn't call attention to itself. The irreverence of "Clerks" shines through like a bright diamond and Smith's ear for dialogue becomes clear. This style of direction helps during the wild, unbelievably crude twist in the film that is as shockingly profane as anything Smith has done since.

"Clerks" has been hailed as a rarity for low-budget pictures for its extreme low-budget - roughly 27,000 dollars. This of course does not add to the advertising and marketing campaign, not to mention a re-recorded soundtrack. It has also been one of the few films to have reversed its initial rating of an NC-17 to an R for raw language. Yes, it is raw but also hysterical, deep and truthful. We are not talking about an onslaught of potty-mouthed words with no rhyme or reason - Smith is too good a writer to let it sink to toilet humor. Some have professed to finding "Clerks" raw and offensive. This may be true but it is a one-of-a-kind comedy that speaks the truth of its characters more so than most movies of its ilk. It's not just about vilification.

Drop the hero and give this movie a zero

COOL AS ICE (1991)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Cool as Ice" is not a movie, heck, it is not even "something." It is an MTV video that somebody forgot to edit down to 3 minutes. 3 minutes of this movie is too much pain, but an hour and a half is deadly. It is spine-tingling pain, and not the good kind.

Vanilla Ice was once a popular 1990's white rapper whose cameo in "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II" caused a ruckus. His rap songs were electrical Muzak samplings which liberally borrowed, I mean stole, notes from superior songs by David Bowie and Queen. He also got his sole leading role in this monotonous cartoon romance called "Cool as Ice." The movie tanked and movie roles were not forthcoming, and sales for Vanilla Ice's album sales also dropped for a while. Nobody told this fraud that he was hardly an authentic rapper but few cared enough since he had an audience.

I am hardly discussing this so-called movie because there is not much to say. Ice sings "Ice, Baby, Ice" and has the hots for a high-school honors student, Kathy (Kristin Minter) who occasionally rides a horse. The girl's parents (including an unintentionally funny Michael Gross) are in a witness protection program. There are two corrupt cops who are so clumsy that they flash their headlights outside windows while holding Kathy's impressionable brother for ransom. There is also Kathy's drunk boyfriend who disapproves of rappers wearing colorful outfits that Eminem would never be caught wearing. A female fan of this rapper's wretched music writes down her number as "555" because in some part of the United States, some phone numbers are only three digits. Ice gets some greatly idiotic lines like, "Drop the zero and get with the hero." I would prefer drop the hero and gives this movie and its pale star a zero. 

Spirited, joyous, vibrant soccer romance

BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM (2003)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally viewed in May, 2003)

I do not go to the movies to feel good or, likewise, feel bad. I go to the movies to simply watch, listen and, possibly, learn. Not all movies should have to teach since there is always the tendency of being didactic. Not all movies should sentimentalize to the point of manipulating the audience, especially when it comes to clouds of darkness that aim to present the vilest of inhuman actions without an ounce of humanity. Oh, but I digress. "Bend it Like Beckham" is not educational or intellectual, but it is one of the most rousing entertainments of the year, as spirited and joyous as "Monsoon Wedding" was a year earlier.

The comparison to "Monsoon Wedding" is noteworthy in that it deals with the sanctity of rituals and values in a family surrounded by modernist ideals. In this case, we have the teenage "Jess" (Parminder Nagra) who lives in London with her Sikh family. She loves to play soccer with her male pals and keeps a poster of her favorite British soccer player, David Beckham, in her room. One day, she is seen vigorously playing soccer by Juliette (Keira Knightley), who offers her a chance to play in a semi-pro, all-girls team. The strict Irish coach (Jonatha Rhys Meyers) agrees seeing that Jess is quite a natural on the field - they may have a chance to play in Germany. The only problem is that Jess's parents are not fond of her athletic abilities - they forbid her from playing and insist she get married and go to college (though the mother is not crazy about her travelling abroad). Juliette and the coach insist that Jess keep playing in the team, which means Jess has to keep all this a secret.

Nothing that transpires in "Bend it Like Beckham" is particularly original - this is formula filmmaking without much room for compromise. The difference is that the movie is infectious with pure joy from one frame to the next. All the actors, including the refreshingly appealing Parminder Nagra, are as vibrant and alive as one can hope. Though I am no fan of uplifting sports movies, the final soccer climax is truly uplifting. All this is due to the humanity displayed by the entire cast - never have I seen such exuberance or flair by characters who remain true to their actions. Jess will play soccer regardless of what anyone else thinks. Jess's parents will go out of their way to convince her not to play. Jess's sister persists in marrying the man she wants, despite that her in-laws-to-be think they have witnessed Jess kissing a girl. As co-written and directed by Gurinder Chadha, "Bend it Like Beckham" respects the attitudes and values of its characters without trying to sitcomify (if such a word could exist) or reduce their behaviors to one-dimensional status. Even Juliette's mother (played with delicious wit by Juliet Stevenson) could be a cartoonish rendition but her tears and surprise at the possibility that Juliette could be a lesbian feels truthful and comical - what a nice combination.

"Bend it Like Beckham" rocks with excitement and pure laughs. The final scene at an airport is handled with refreshing restraint without succumbing to sentiment. Yes, it is like a high-octane, predictable teenage comedy but its cross-cultural references and change in values and ideals raise it a notch above the "American Pie" school. A comical pleasurable delight, a lollapalooza, a real blast of cool air, "Bend it Like Beckham" is pure entertainment.

White Man's Laundry?

FALLING DOWN (1993)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally written in 1993)

Rush Limbaugh said back in 1993 that "Falling Down" was a falsity; an unrealistic depiction of the deterioration of the American Dream. I normally would not agree with Limbaugh (who was funnier and sharper in those days) but he did nail this overwrought movie down to its paranoid essence.

Michael Douglas plays a four-eyed unemployed worker for a defense contractor named William "D-FENS" Foster, who has a short haircut that seems to have stepped out of a 1950's classroom. He loses his temper in traffic, abandons his car, is armed with a shotgun and a bazooka, and walks all over the city of L.A. He is desperate to confront the very issues that bother him such as Korean convenience store owners, gays in army surplus stores, homeless people, construction crews working on repairing streets that need no repairing, trespassing on Latino gang turf, and insisting on getting breakfast at a fast-food joint. "He has a propensity for violence," says William's ex-wife (played by Barbara Hershey). William also has a propensity for walking literally hundreds of miles around L.A. without breaking a sweat - he is the Terminator who needs an attitude adjustment.

"Falling Down" is a satirical attempt to deconstruct a society that has changed from the "good old days" - a white man's paranoia tale of the withering American Dream with more right-winged fervor than even Limbaugh himself has (it is odd how this blowhard himself is no fan of this movie). The problem is that Michael Douglas gives a cartoonish performance of a wacko with no real ideology - he is simply mad as hell and is armed to the teeth. The fast-food joint sequence goes on too long (William decides he will have lunch after all after being told that breakfast hours are over), as well as the army surplus store sequence with the Nazified owner (Frederic Forrest). I never understood the point of this odyssey where the exasperated William creates more havoc than what already exists in La-La Land. The movie is so unrealistic and unintentionally funny that its rather disturbing subliminal messages about society don't register ("White Man's Laundry" signs flash on screen occasionally so that we can empathize with this crude antihero?) This movie is about an angry loon with no dimension or cunning insight into his neurosis. "Falling Down" falls before it really even starts.