Stallone and Arnie deliver the goods

ESCAPE PLAN (2013)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Back in the 1980's, the pairing of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone in a movie would have been exciting news - they were both brawny superstars of various action flicks. Sadly, in 2013, nobody gave a damn. Granted, both of them have appeared in "The Expendables" films but "Escape Plan" gives them both full-bodied leads. "Escape Plan" is also one of the best films to ever come out of either actor in a long time, an exciting, lean, thoroughly enjoyable and, dare I say, original action picture dependent on smarts, not explosions and copious CGI.

Ray Breslin (Stallone) is a master at breaking out of maximum security prisons, only he is no criminal. Ray co-owns a security firm that tests the reliability of supposedly impenetrable prisons, and proves how easily someone may escape from them (He has also written a book on how he does it). Breslin studies the ins and outs of a prison, the prison guard shifts, and unseen weaknesses with the engineering of the facility. Breslin is offered a job by the CIA to penetrate a top secret prison that exists in a place that nobody knows...nor can Breslin be tracked by his associates. When he discovers why the prison is not easy to locate, it is a shocker, at least to me, and it gives the movie a shot of adrenaline and manic urgency. Meanwhile, Ray finds an ally in his efforts to break out, a high-profile prisoner named Rottmayer (Schwarzenegger), and both feign animosity resulting in fistfights that lands both of them in solitary confinement (their actual jails have glass walls). To top it all off, the vicious warden (James Caviezel, in an atypically villainous role) wants to keep Breslin (code named "Portos") in prison forever.

Part of the fun of "Escape Plan" is watching Breslin deconstruct the prison's design in his mind. When in solitary confinement, he discovers that the intense floodlights that fill the cell can be used to burn off the steel rivets of the aluminum floors thanks to, well, MacGyver would love what Breslin uses. His observance of the armed guards and their stringent shifts, where they stand in relation to the cells, all helps Breslin figure out his escape. Only problem is where the prison is located, and I would not dream of giving that away.

Stallone's wayward career of more misses than hits is not a reason to scoff at this often ridiculed actor. I saw more nuance in his recent "Bullet to the Head" and "Rocky Balboa" than almost anything else he has done a generation ago. His deep gravelly voice demonstrates a man who has been toiling around for a while, and he is far more magnetic on screen than he has been. Ditto Schwarzenegger who has always shown ample humor and personality in droves - I favor Arnie overall but he has a compatibility with Stallone that works wonders on screen. Why this union did not happen sooner is hard to fathom (I am leaving out their few shared scenes in "The Expendables" since explosions and generic fistfights rule the day in those pictures).

For pure excitement and for some clever banter and crisp dialogue between Stallone and Schwarzenegger, "Escape Plan" is a dazzling junk-food movie treat. The extra on this supernova action-movie pairing of two titans is Vincent D'Onofrio as the co-owner of the security firm - he has a few cards up his sleeve, which is tainted with sanitizer (I'll never understand the fascination with that substance). 50 Cent, Sam Neill, Amy Ryan and Vinnie Jones make small impressions but they do not add up to much. For me, watching Stallone and Schwarzenegger plot and discuss strategies kept me riveted. That and the usual explosive ending with the attached one-liners. What else would you expect from these guys?

The Elaine Benes Story, sort of

ENOUGH SAID (2013)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

If "Enough Said" had been retitled the "Elaine Benes Story," I would not think differently of the film. Elaine Benes is undoubtedly Julia Louis-Dreyfus's most famous role from the TV sitcom, "Seinfeld." The surprise is seeing Julia Louis-Dreyfus show far more nuance than ever before, proving there are good roles for women in films after all, few they may be.

A masseuse by trade, Eva (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) is a single mom raising a smart, thoughtful daughter who is ready to go to college. Eva has her friends, including Sarah (Toni Collette), who has issues with her Hispanic maid, and Will (Ben Falcone) who seems to question every phrase uttered by Sarah. When Eva meets the gregarious Albert (James Gandolfini) at a party (he works at a cultural museum of TV history), he also questions every phrase uttered by Eva after they start dating. The difference is that Albert has ample charm and a big heart, despite being divorced with a teenager who is also going away to college. At the party, Eva also meets a self-absorbed poet (Catherine Keener) who happens to know Joni Mitchell and hardly anybody else. Eva agrees to massage Marianne and, in a strange coincidence, discovers that Marianne was married to Albert - the clue has to do with Albert's need to remove onions from guacamole (which are essential to its divine taste, but never mind). So Eva has a dilemma since she chooses not to reveal to Marianne that she knows her ex, and does not reveal to Albert that she knows his ex.

Some viewers may scoff and poo-poo this sophisticated and sly romantic comedy, mainly because it deals with people who have jobs, drive hybrid cars, have money to send their daughters off to college and are mostly concerned with having a significant other. This is an L.A story about the middle class though I think it is not intended to be a liberal film from La-La Land. "Enough Said" is a sweet film with a sweet roster of actors, and in no great hurry to tell its simple story. It is about love for others, despite creating complications that could hinder relationships.  Eva is the one who creates the unneeded complications but without them, the movie would not work as well. In a subtle way that slowly reveals itself in short strokes of brilliance thanks to Dreyfus's performance and the humanistic and witty script by writer-director Nicole Holofcener, we discover that Eva may be a little unhappy and uncertain of a life where she lives alone. It threatens her existence, especially her daughter leaving for the East Coast and we see why she warms up to her daughter's best friend. Without spelling it out in exclamation marks, Eva also needs Albert for his kindness and his humor - they are a perfect fit as a couple despite her remarks about his weight.

Between Gandolfini's change-of-pace role as a man as huggable as a teddy bear (shame it is one of his last two roles before his passing) and Dreyfus's wily demeanor, "Enough Said" is an understated emotional experience. I'd give Dreyfus a big hug and an Oscar alone for the cliched airport scene where her daughter departs - Dreyfus brings such warmth and pathos to it, including the other actors, that it feels new again. "Enough Said" is not a movie enamored with itself. It is a movie enamored with being enamored. Nuff said.

Keep Your Eyes Wide Shut

EYE SEE YOU aka D-TOX (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Sylvester Stallone has had his ups and downs in his career but "Eye See You" (originally titled "D-TOX") is a cringe-inducing, slapdash affair that looks like it was cobbled together out of other superior serial-killer movies. It is generic and fairly inconsequential.

Stallone is FBI agent Jake Malloy, who is on the hunt for a serial killer who targets cops. The latest victim is Malloy's partner, killed brutally with a drill to the eyes (hmmm, the title of the film is becoming clearer). Next victim is Malloy's wife who is killed the same way and strung up in their living room. As a result of two tragedies, Malloy becomes an alcoholic and is eventually recruited to a rehab clinic that looks like an impenetrable prison in the middle of a bad winter in Wyoming! All cops who have battled their inner demons go to this clinic but something is askew in this place - the killer might also be there and that means he is a cop!

The set-up for a slightly different take on the FBI-chasing-clever-serial-killers plot is actually well-handled in the first half-hour. Always watchable Robert Patrick appears as a brash, uncouth SWAT officer who laughs at other cops' misfortunes and past traumas, and he makes the movie come alive in brief spurts. There is also Polly Walker as the psychiatrist/nurse who shows a sympathetic eye for these beaten-down cops. Most of the actors that appear are favorites of mine, especially Robert Prosky, Sean Patrick Flanery, Charles S. Dutton, and they all shine when they appear, adding a little chrome to this clunky vehicle. Stallone also fares well, exuding a little more nuance than in the overrated "Cop Land."

What could have been a fairly psychological thriller ends up looking like the snowy climax of John Carpenter's "The Thing." The characters run up and down the halls of this most unsettling clinic, and run outside in the snow and warn each other and yell at each other. Lots of yelling but not much suspense. Once we discover who the killer is and that the movie is another mediocre template for the inevitable, "Eye See You" loses much in the way of potency or any vested interest in Malloy's inner demons. The only demon exposed is Hollywood mediocrity.

I am lost in this timewarp

TIMECOP (1994)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

An average Jean Claude Van Damme picture doesn't make it his best, it just means it is average. I have seen Van Damme in other action pictures, some reasonable and some are forgettable, but this "Timecop" is far too diluted from the usual Van Damme picture and has no ambition to fulfill its neat premise. I am not sure we should question time-travel logic but this movie has far too many inconsistencies and tumbles over itself one too many times.

Van Damme is Max Walker, a timecop, literally a cop who travels through time to prevent greedy people from his future (the year 2004) from tampering with the past. Max is saddled with a greedy partner of his, Atwood (Jason Schombing), who travels to the 1920's to make stock deals that he knows will go through the roof in the future. Atwood meets his comeuppance rather quickly. The corporatist Senator McComb (Ron Silver, disarmingly evil) oversees a commission to regulate time-travel after an opening sequence shows someone else from the future stealing gold bullion from Confederates to buy arms in the future! You follow? Let's just say that McComb has designs on his future where the 10% get to control everything and the other 90% can go to Mexico and live more comfortably. You know, I never saw "Timecop" in 1994 but I would say that McComb definitely had a good idea of the future of America in 2014 - his only flaw is that actually the richest 1% own everything, not 10. Did he not see 1987's "Wall Street"?

"Timecop" faces far too many contrivances in its narrative which jumps around a little too frenetically. It wants to be a love story between Max and his wife (Mia Sara - defining thanklessness) who face an uncertain future - both Van Damme and Sara are about as convincing a couple as C3P0 and Lisa Simpson, if they ever got it on. Then there is the introduction of Gloria Reuben as Max's new partner that almost develops into a buddy-buddy action picture but then becomes a case of betrayal. Then we get Van Damme in some of the most elongated fight scenes I've ever seen, mostly edited with a sledgehammer. It is not enough to deliver a kick in a master shot, it has to be seen in close-up as well, and it just got on my nerves to see such herky-jerky fighting. The rain-soaked finale has endless fight scenes as well. We expect Van Damme to kick and punch his enemies but it grows weary after a while.

"Timecop" also lost me with its time-travel technology (thanks to Roger Ebert who brought this up in his review) - McComb and his minions use a gadget that allows them to materialize from a wormhole of sorts to another like plasma. The timecops use a rocket car that takes much longer to travel than the gadget. Huh? Overall, the movie has a fascinating premise - a government-funded Time Enforcement Commission to battle greedy evildoers from changing the past - but it is actually a Van Damme martial-arts picture where he has to save his wife from killers. In other words, average.

James Whale's real-life monsters were not his creations

GODS AND MONSTERS (1998)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 1998)

I know very little about the late James Whale except that he was a fine director and he was very open about his homosexuality. His films also reflected his way of life, and his need for companionship. These ideas about Whale come through in the well-acted if disjointed "Gods and Monsters," a fictional story of Whale's last days before mysteriously dying in a swimming pool in 1967.

The exceptional Ian McKellen plays the silver-haired, colorfully attired James Whale, living in luxury at his house with his harsh housekeeper (played by an unrecognizable Lynn Redgrave). He's a forgotten movie director who revels in the glorious Hollywood days of the past, and is immersed in painting and in the painful memories of serving in the war. One day, a new gardener named Clayton (Brendan Fraser) begins working on Whale's lawn, and Whale immediately becomes transfixed by his physique. He offers his pool as a welcome respite from work and asks Clayton to pose for his drawings. Clayton is a dim-witted but kind man who is a little slow to understand Whale's advances and intentions, even when asked to remove his shirt.

"Gods and Monsters" is a smooth piece of entertainment, yet it is unimaginatively directed by writer-director Bill Condon. Whale's nightmares are filmed in Gothic blue tones that undermine any sense of real drama or tension in his own life. There are the silhouetted figures against a night sky (shades of Whale's own Frankenstein pictures) that say little if anything about the man.  The rest of the picture is too stilted and dry; moments that require some sense of movement are too inert. I admire restraint but Condon could have framed certain scenes in more interesting ways. The dinner party is especially awkward, where Whale reunites with his old-time friends, Boris Karloff and Elsa Lanchester. The actors who portray these horror legends are convincing, yet we barely see enough of them.

Though the filmmaking lacks pizzaz, the performances do not. Ian McKellen is a remarkable actor and brings such an uncommon blend of sensitivity, wryness, wit, and nobility to James Whale, thereby evoking the man's own personal demons. He also brings a delicacy to the man (his looks, gestures, etc.) that makes us want to watch his every move. At the very least, Condon had the good sense to feature this titanic actor in nearly every scene. Brendan Fraser can't compete with McKellen, but he does bring something to Clayton that makes us sympathize with him. Still, it is difficult to believe Fraser as a dumb, hulking man who doesn't catch on to Whale's charms and subtleties. And Clayton's brief relationship with a waitress (thanklessly played by Lolita Davidovich) drags the narrative and becomes unnecessary in context.

Lynn Redgrave is nutty and uproarious as the housekeeper - a servant to Whale for almost twenty years. She sees through Whale and resents his routine advances towards young males. Her reactions to a nearly nude male reporter in one scene is hilarious to watch, and I liked her comments about "Bride of Frankenstein": "Your film is not my cup of tea".

"Gods and Monsters" wants to be a celebration of life and art. This theme, however, doesn't resonate with the richness or importance of the similar "Love and Death on Long Island" or "Ed Wood." What one does take away from this movie is McKellen's delicately sublime, incredibly understated portrayal of the emotionally ailing James Whale. He shows us that his own monsters were not his creations.

Sick and out-of-control kids

SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER & UNCUT (1999)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Originally reviewed in 1999)

I am not sure what I expected from this feature-length version of the cult animated series but certainly not the high-voltage blast of laughs I got from this "redneck mountain town." South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut is a spry surprise: a delightful, profane and inventive film guaranteed to offend, upset and, most significantly, incite laughter from many audience members.

Our good old cardboard cut-out buddies, Cartman, Kyle, Stan and Kenny are back - this time, they are giddy trying to get in to see an R-rated film called "Asses of Fire," which stars two movie stars, Terrance and Phillip. Naturally, they can't get in so they bribe a homeless man into buying them tickets. After seeing the profane film, the South Park kids litter their mouths with four-letter words and objectionable phrases galore. Their parents are outraged and insist on causing a media stir by claiming that the movie is dangerous, and all this results in a war with Canada and a face-to-face encounter with Satan and Saddam Hussein!

"South Park" does not shy away from delivering on its promise as indicated by the title. The movie is bigger (there's a deliciously hellish Inferno sequence), longer (a bit too long even at eighty minutes), and uncut (and proud of it, too). There is enough here to draw ire from all social groups concerned with demeaning values, deteriorated morals and bad taste in the cinema offerings of today. In a sense, the creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone comment on such issues by making a movie about them (apparently, they fought long and hard with the MPAA over maintaining an R rating for this movie). This is a great, postmodernist hook for "South Park," and it is possible that the series could be enlivened greatly with such inventiveness.

There are many good jokes concerning Winona Ryder, Bill Gates, the Baldwins, the Internet and the litter of adult websites, electric-shock V-chips, abortion, Satan and Hussein's romp in the hay, the question of censorship, parental responsibility versus the media's towards the young, etc. Is this a comedy or a political film? Both, and it was smart and timely for the creators to invest such interest in today's post-Littleton, Colorado issues. Name one other recent film with this much political commentary.

"South Park" runs out of steam after a while partly due to the numerous song-and-dance numbers (some are funnier than others). The characters are still quite engaging (the mortal Kenny is still my favorite) and the situations are clever and involving (the attempt to save the movie stars from possible execution is hilarious). I may draw some ire for saying this but "South Park" should be seen by kids under 18. It is important and addresses many issues with wit and obscenities galore. It is a film of the times, it is about us, and it is about how we live now. Whoever thought a cartoon could have this much potential?

Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?

HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE (1996)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Sitting through "Hellraiser: Bloodline" is not a chore and a half like the last two sequels but it may still cause your ass to shift a little. "Bloodline" is actually better than I expected, and believe me when I say that my expectations were low, but it is also a confounding mess, tinkered with during post-production to such an extent that director Kevin Yagher used the pseudonym that draws pause before any movie, Alan Smithee.

The opening scenes are set in Space Station Minos...excuse me? Are we talking Pinhead in space? Yes, and in the future no less, 2127 to be precise. On board the station is Paul Merchant (Bruce Ramsay) who has a robot that holds the iconic Lament Configuration puzzle box that once opened, well, the Cenobites from Hell appear and like the use of chains piercing human flesh. The robot explodes when Pinhead (Doug Bradley) appears, and when guards enter the station and apprehend Paul, Paul tells his story through flashbacks to the 1700's about a French toymaker (also played by Ramsay) who first created the puzzle box. The box is sold to an aristocrat and is used for evil purposes that involve chains piercing flesh, well, what did you expect? A peasant girl's dead body is used to resurrect the spirit of a Cenobite named Angelique and, along with her lover (Adam Scott, his film debut), they try to stop descendants of the toymaker (the bloodline) from closing the path to Hell by means of another Lament Configuration! Pinhead also wants to turn Earth into some sort of hellscape, or something. I guess he wants to see all of humanity suffer with fatal piercings.

After a while, the movie never has a firm hand with its narrative. I never understood Angelique's motives or even Pinhead's. Bruce Ramsay fares better in 1700 period decor than in modern day or futuristic settings - playing three related characters, he expresses the same doleful reaction for each. Bradley's Pinhead is the stuff of nightmares and his cryptic lines ("Do I look like someone who cares about what God thinks?") can curdle the blood but this Cenobite is more thrilling to watch when he isn't on screen so much. It is, however, amusing to hear him say that Hell is far less amusing nowadays.

"Hellraiser: Bloodline" is watchable and a huge improvement over the last two sequels, but it is largely unremarkable. Only Mickey as the lascivious Duc de L'Isle, the aristocrat from the 1700's, brings much needed passion as an evil man who might enjoy his black magic a little too much. It is precisely that passion that could have ignited "Hellraiser: Bloodline" into something other than routine business as usual.