Amen to a dismal Armageddon

THE FINAL CONFLICT (1981)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

In the early 1980's, we started receiving cable TV channels such as Cinemax and HBO (Home Box Office as it once was called). I recalled reading our cable guide of upcoming theatrical releases headed to one of those channels. I saw the ad for "Omen III: The Final Conflict" with a close-up of a smiling Damien Thorn as played by Sam Neill (seen above). It freaked me out and I knew it just might be too intense for this viewer. I did not see it till much later and let's say the scare factor was solely depicted in that ad. The movie is insanely dumb, almost as bad as "Damien: Omen II" which had only one good scene (young Damien being tested of historical war dates). Sam Neill never comes across as threatening and the story goes from inspired to bombastically stupid within the first interminable hour.

Damien Thorn is now the Ambassador to Great Britain, just like his father in the original film. He gets the job by throwing just a little pressure on the President of the U.S. (Mason Adams, who could've used more scenes) though Damien realizes he might have to relinquish control of Thorn Industries. "Oh, don't worry about that," says the President though little else is mentioned about Thorn Industries. The rest of the film focuses on seven priests each armed with the daggers of Meggido, ready to assassinate Damien the Antichrist. However, despite a couple of moments of vague suspense like the elongated fox hunt sequence where two priests try to trap Damien with a dead fox that brings the hounds together, the movie has few payoffs even with such sequences, especially the opening involving the former Ambassador who offs himself with the help of...oh, why bother saying it. Also, the plot involves a constellation that signals the Second Coming so Damien wants every child born between certain hours on March 24th to be killed. This all leads to a silly anticlimax where Damien looks for Jesus: "Come on out Nazarene!" Wow, how devilish of him considering this could lead to Armageddon. Sadly, no.

None of the killings, of which include killing babies offscreen thankfully, merit much in the way of shock or the most rudimentary thrills. It all feels very neutered, very safe, nothing of which I would expect from an "Omen" flick. Sam Neill is far too bland (though I like his speech to a congregation on the hills, sort of a sick joke on the Sermon on the Mount) and the whole film lacks urgency, danger or any degree of involvement. It is all so hopelessly boring and blah and disconnected, including the priests who look like bargain basement scavengers (Rossano Brazzi is a solid choice to play a priest but he's given nothing to do). In the original "Omen," you had Gregory Peck as the determined father who sought to destroy the Antichrist despite his own doubts - you rooted for him. There is no one to root for in this movie.

 You might get a little chill from one scene involving a future disciple to Damien (who becomes some sort of detective!) who dutifully does the Antichrist's bidding. A few little chills sprinkled in infrequent doses is hardly worth the effort. Amen.

Stallone goes to head-to-head with Terrorist Hauer

NIGHTHAWKS (1981)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Nighthawks" is an incredibly over-the-top though occasionally diverting movie that could've used tighter pacing for a cop thriller - put it this way, "The French Connection" and "The Taking of Pelham One, Two, Three" are far tighter and better paced. This film is exciting in spades but too often, the build-up is not quite there to sustain some incredible looking stunts.

"Nighthawks" has a chilling villain at its core, an international terrorist a la Carlos the Jackal named Heymar Reinhardt, alias Wulfgar (Rutger Hauer who sends chills to the bone). In an early scene, he bombs a London department store. Children are killed during the bombing and this irks some of his associates in the terrorist world.  

Enter Sylvester Stallone and Billy Dee Williams as New York undercover cops who become part of a team to thwart Wulfgar, who has moved to New York and changed his appearance through the divine art of plastic surgery. Stallone and Williams are briefed on Wulfgar's personality, his expensive taste and his need to live with women and run around in nightclubs. For some odd reason, Wulfgar keeps an arsenal of explosives in his girlfriend's apartment...could he not hide them somewhere else like a locker at Penn Station? The point is for these two supercops to think like him and this process is fascinating yet never explored in much depth. All we know is Stallone doesn't want innocent people killed.

"Nighthawks" unfolds with a more or less a steady rate of suspenseful scenes but Wulfgar is too enigmatic to understand - he is a terrorist who kills without much provocation (ditto his partner in crime played by Persis Khambata who is even more underwritten). At first Wulfgar bombs a few banks in New York at night and calls the media to glorify his position, but to what end? When he holds UN delegates in a Roosevelt Island cable car, he predictably kills one of them but his purpose is more sadistic than political. Of course, we root for the cops to nail him yet this could easily have been an extended episode of either "Dragnet" or "Adam-12" only with a lot more grit.

Stallone and Williams (sporting a Superman shirt) are well-cast yet their characters are severely underwritten. Stallone has a girlfriend who works in the fashion district (Lindsay Wagner in a blink-and-you-will-miss role) - either beef up her role or cut it out, one of the most thankless woman roles of the 80's (and I am not including those sex-starved Fort Lauderdale-type comedies). Still, the film deliver its action quota though, at times, it feels as if it needed more lubrication in its motor to keep it running (the cable car footage goes on way past the tolerable meter). The ending is a nail-biter and a keeper and Hauer is memorably chilling. The movie just needed more pizzazz.

There is more than meets the camera eye

LAKE MUNGO (2008)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Lake Mungo" is not a straight horror film nor is it in the found footage category. It is more of a domestic drama of grief over the loss of a young woman, someone who may or may not be lurking in the homestead as a ghost.

Ghost stories always enthrall me but this one is on some other level - it is about the humanity of a family that is trying to work its way through a grave loss. The young woman is Alice Palmer (Talia Zucker), a sixteen-year-old who has a boyfriend and several friends and loves to hang out and have fun. Nothing unusual about that until she is found dead in a lake, an apparent drowning. Her parents, June Palmer (Rosie Traynor) and Russell Palmer (David Pledger) try to move on yet Alice's brother, Mathew (Martin Sharpe) who loves photography, begins setting up video cameras in the house at night. When reviewing the footage, it is clear that Alice appears in fuzzy form, sometimes in a mirror reflection or walking around in shadow form from one room to the other. The parents consult a local, sympathetic psychic named Ray Kemeny (who initially records conversations with people under hypnosis) and they set up a seance that is recorded by Mathew. It turns out, thanks to Mathew, that this whole scenario with Alice's ghost is a hoax, or is she lurking in areas of the house we least suspected?

"Lake Mungo" is a straight-laced mockumentary yet it is so exceedingly well acted that I believed this family really was enduring an unimaginable ordeal. Both Rosie Traynor and David Pledger make this all believable, including Mathew who's unsure of how to deal with his sister's death. We understand his need to continue making us believe she exists in spirit. Even Steve Jodrell as Ray Kemeny is a bit skeptical yet he grows fond of the family - he is also uniquely credible as the psychic.

"Lake Mungo" unfolds with a few revelations that I did not anticipate, and a bone-chilling scene that is completely unforgettable. Shot in Australia, the film has stunning shots of the desertscapes at sundown and some amazing time-lapse photography of the night skies (Sure, we have seen that before but the Australian skies are something to behold). The interiors of the house are welcoming yet eerie, even after we discover the hoax which may not be fully manufactured. It is a film about seeing the unbelievable and then finding that there is more than meets the camera eye. "Lake Mungo" is a treasure worth visiting. 

The Force is Strong yet Lumpy With this one

ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY (2016)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Something strange happens in the first third of "Rogue One" that normally doesn't happen in a "Star Wars" film, a curious lack of engagement. The characters are a crossbreed of different nationalities and genders and they are exciting characters only after we get through some expanded exposition. It is too much exposition (reminding one of the heavy load of exposition in "The Phantom Menace") though once the film picks up its motor and engages, it is a thrill-happy, justifiably entertaining popcorn picture but it is still no "Force Awakens."  

Something is afoot in the Star Wars universe beyond characterization - there is no scroll (and no 20th Century Fox fanfare or logo but you knew that when Disney bought the rights years back). And, for whatever reason, a young Jyn Erso holds a Stormtrooper doll!!! Say what? That has got to be a new, relatively askew detail for "Star Wars" in general. Leaving that aside, Jyn is the daughter of Imperial weapons researcher, Galen Erso (Mads Mikkelsen, magnificent in "Casino Royale"), who is reluctantly commissioned to complete a destructive new weapon (you know what that is since this prequel directly precedes the events of the original 1977 "Star Wars"). Jyn escapes, mom is killed, and we flash forward to several years later when Jyn (Felicity Jones), now working in an Imperial work camp, is rescued by the Rebels and agrees to work for them on a mission to obtain the Imperial plans for  the "planet-killing" Death Star. No surprise that Jyn's father is actually working on completing the Death Star, and wait till her motley crew finds out who she is related to. What is fascinating about Jyn is that she is not loyal to either side technically, but allows herself to help the Rebels nonetheless - think of her as a Han Solo only less witty yet just as bad-ass. 

The motley crew who accompany Jyn on this Rebel Mission are Rebel Intelligence officer Captain Cassian Andor (Diego Luna) who thinks nothing of shooting an informant (a new wrinkle for Star Wars); a pilot with Imperial connections who turns to the good side, Bodhi Rook (Riz Ahmed); a blind warrior named Chirrut Îmwe (Donnie Yen) who can knock down three or four Stormtroopers with ease, and a mercenary named Baze Malbus (Jiang Wen) who seemed to have been hatched from a Kurosawa movie. There is also a new, tall droid named K-2S0 who is full of wisecracks and actually knows how to use a blaster! Imagine if C3P0 could've done that or, on the other hand, don't! (Apologies to reminding prequel trilogy haters of odd disturbances in the Force such as Yoda with a lightsaber).

The charismatic Forest Whitaker appears and disappears too soon as Saw Gerrera (he has a breathing apparatus), leader of the rebel allied militia known as the Partisans. Saw helped Jyn escape when she was young and then abandoned her. Great colorful character but why not include him in the central conflict. Aside from Felicity's Jyn, he is the most interesting of this whole bunch. The other characters, all warriors and Rebel fighters, do not stir the imagination - they are more rugged than colorful, more fighting machine and less individualistic.

"Rogue One: A Star Wars Story" has a lumpy start yet it succeeds as an exciting, involving adventure story. The laser-battle action scenes do not disappoint but, then again, when do they ever? You've got a powerful yet far too small reappearance by Darth Vader and an insidiously evil Imperial Director Krennic (Ben Mendelsohn) with a spanking white suit and cape. The return of Grand Moff Tarkin and Princess Leia are fine, though the CGI can leave a lot to be desired (The return of two ugly Cantina pilots from the first "Star Wars" is actually hysterical). Ultimately Felicity Jones is the best thing in the movie and holds one's interest with her ambivalence and her whip smart abilities. "Rogue One" serves her right, front and center. The rest is loosely focused baggage.

You are the victim of boredom in this 3-D snoozefest

AMITYVILLE 3-D (1983)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I will say the "unrelated" sequel in the endless "Amityville" series has a nifty start. Tony Roberts and Candy Clark are trying to debunk the horrors of that infamous Long Island house with the creepy attic windows. They pretend to be parents of a dead child ghost and participate in a seance. A blue orb appears but the whole thing is a hoax. Roberts is a reporter who goes after urban legends, and Candy Clark is a photographer and that is about as nifty as "Amityville 3-D" gets.

This alleged haunted house movie is not gimmicky horror fun, not even at the level of a William Castle picture. As a matter of fact, there aren't too many manifestations of hauntings at all, save for a hot water faucet that is impossible to turn off; a bottomless well in the basement where an evil creature resides; a bee followed by a host of bees that kill a realtor, and not much else. The movie can't even follow its own rules, especially when the manifestations occur beyond the surroundings of the house. Roberts needs a cool drink of water as an elevator descends at alarming speeds while he hangs on to the railing as if he was in some Warner Brothers cartoon. Oh, and there is a doozy involving Candy Clark who is almost frostbitten by frigid temperatures at that house and then loses control of her car in special-effects that look as hokey as anything in "Exorcist II." There is also a boating accident that is merely alluded to - we don't see the accident so who knows how it happened or why other than the house made it happen?

For some good laughs, it is a treat to see early performances in their careers by Meg Ryan and Lori Laughlin, but what on earth possessed Tony Roberts and Tess Harper to appear in this godawful mess involving flying frisbees, flying skeletons and sheer ineptitude? "Amityville 3-D" has apathetic reactions to almost everything, thus nobody cares about the characters (especially Candy Clark's fate) or the nonexistent story. Did the skeptical Roberts character even once question what is happening in this dreaded house that he buys? Apathy is the name of the game - all too common in 1980's rotten horror movie sequels.

Right on track

THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE (1974)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Sometimes it is enough to have a simple set-up for a thriller. A hijacked subway train. Three armed men, followed by an ex-motorman. Hostage negotiations and one million dollars ransom discussed with a colorful NYC Transit Authority lieutenant with a spanking yellow tie. The hijackers and the hostages are all of different ethnicities (see that millennials, this was always the case pre-Twitter era especially in 1970's pictures set in New York). What you got here is Joseph Sargent's incredibly exciting, humorous and explosive "The Taking of Pelham One Two Three," a textbook example on how to engineer an efficient thriller with a splendid cast.

Walter Matthau takes the reins convincingly as the lieutenant who unknowingly assumes that Japanese men from the Tokyo transit authority don't speak English! Of course they do, the first step in seeing how stereotypes are seemingly set up and then avoided. Robert Shaw is persuasively efficient as the calculating British-accented leader of the armed robbers who gives the Mayor less than an hour to come with up a million dollars. Only the Mayor is sick with a bad cold and looks like a young Ed Koch, and the ex-motorman has a bad cold too (Yep, typical of an overcrowded New York City). Between the ransom demands, we see the fiery tension in the Command Center over a subway car that remains stagnant while Shaw makes his demands with few concessions. Time is of a factor and the movie's clockwork pacing identifies that beautifully.

Sargent directs with flair and a typically gritty style for that era, also keeping the humanity intact between the passengers that include screaming kids, an old man who can't fathom the purpose of stealing a subway car, a cocky young guy who served in Vietnam, an undercover cop, and a hooker who argues over her worth per hour. They could have been fodder with no characterization yet we care about them and hope they survive even if we don't intimately know them (the final half hour of the film with an accelerating runaway car will leave you on the edge of your seat. Think red lights!) The robbers with color-coded names have distinguishing personalities especially Shaw who has equal contempt for humanity and imprecise timing. Hector Elizondo is the odious robber with an itchy trigger finger who has contempt for Shaw's control. Martin Balsam, an exemplary actor of nuance, is the fired motorman who is not too sure about this tricky situation. Matthau has no contempt for anyone, simply a guy doing his job of saving New York City. We feel for the city and for the subway system. "The Taking of Pelham One Two Three" is fantastic, sharply timed entertainment with occasional blasts of humor.

Running from the law with belly laughs

THE WRONG GUY (1997)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

It is an amazing endeavor to find a lost treasure. Sometimes there is a movie that has either been forgotten or left out to sea with no appeal of rediscovery. "The Wrong Guy" is such a movie - a hilarious Canadian comedy by the hapless, silly-minded Dave Foley of "Kids in the Hall" and "Newsradio" fame. When you consider the studio either had faith in it or not and that it went direct-to-DVD a mere five years after it was filmed, you'd rightfully expect a disaster. Most comedies of the late 90's into the 2000 and 2010 era have been of the gross-out variety, packed with fecal or other bodily fluid gags. Not this movie. I also have not laughed so consistently at a movie comedy from this era in quite some time so to discover "The Wrong Guy," thanks to my wife who bought a copy of the film and laughed along with me, is tantamount to a miracle. A miracle of laughs and proof that Dave Foley is a comic treasure.

Dave Foley is the perfect hapless, naive dummy in a slew of predicaments. He is Nelson Hibbert, who says hello to every employee at an office building, reminding himself and everyone it is a big day. Nelson expects a promotion as president of am unnamed company, and is passed over because as the boss who is exiting reminds him, "You married my other daughter, who is a great disappointment to me!" Nelson is so upset he has a crying fit and confronts the boss who he discovers is murdered. Nelson has another crying fit, grabs the bloody knife and takes off. Right from the start, "The Wrong Guy" could easily fall apart with either too much black humor and not enough whimsy, or too much whimsy laced with too little black humor. The surprise is that "The Wrong Guy" actually aims for belly laughs laced with a cartoonish, wacky tone. This works in favor of Dave Foley who so perfectly encapsulates naivete and fallibility with honest-to-goodness charm that nobody else could've been an improvement. He's got the expert comic timing and the body language of a wiggly clown with no common sense.

There are so many terrific comic set pieces that I laugh at myself just thinking about them. The frequency of silliness is admirable, whether it is Nelson trying to avoid police by pretending he has an extensive nosebleed or wearing a towel over his head, or how he is ready to hotwire a jeep that has keys in the ignition. His habit of running from side to side down a road shows off a certain Buster Keaton tomfoolery, not to mention jumping onto an open train car and landing on the other side of the tracks! Adding to the tomfoolery is Colm Feore as a clever hitman who is the real killer of Nelson's boss, and he sidesteps the police easily but never seems to catch up with Nelson whom he believes is an FBI agent! There is also Jennifer Tilly who suffers from narcolepsy and falls in love with Nelson rather quickly but, hey, this is a 96 minute comedy. Also worth noting is the hilarious shenanigans of Detective Arlen (David Anthony Higgins), who finds that an FBI expense account allows him to frequent Broadway shows and get Asian blonde escorts rather than using the resources to catch the killer.
 
I laughed so much at "The Wrong Guy" that I even surprised myself at how often I was doubled over with laughter. As co-written by "The Simpsons" writer Jay Kogen and Dave Foley not to mention David Anthony Higgins, the film mixes homages to Hitchcock's thrillers of mistaken identity with a wink, especially "North by Northwest" and "Sabotage." In fact, this film is a huge improvement over Mel Brooks' own occasionally funny Hitchcockian homage spoof, "High Anxiety," in that it stays true to the hapless nature of its central character (I am sure I spotted a few "The Fugitive" nods as well). You can't help but root for Foley's Nelson. "The Wrong Guy" is exceptional comedy gold.